Spirits of the Dead (1968)

aka Histoires Extraordinaires

An anthology film comprised of three works based on the stories of Edgar Allan Poe. The three directors are Roger Vadim, Louis Malle, and Federico Fellini, respectively, with each film lasting for approx 40 minutes.

01. Vadim's Metzengerstein was my favourite. Jane Fonda plays a debauched Countess who dresses like an ancestor of Barbarella (also a Vadim film). A poetic v/o adds extra beauty, while a recurring musical theme generates unease. It's ridiculous but is the only one I'll choose to watch again.

02. Malle's William Wilson is a flashback story that starts out okay but slows to a deathly crawl wherein all impetus is lost. I generally like confessional narratives, but it was too tedious to recommend.

03. Fellini's Toby Dammit is typically arty, employing an unusual colour palette, but has very little discernible Poe. Terence Stamp is fantastic as the troubled actor, working from a script that's pretentious and infuriating. It's five mins of greatness diluted with thirty-five mins of self-indulgence.

3 torments out of 5

The Comic to Screen Collection (Manga Version)

I know it's technically incorrect, but I'm using the term 'manga' to encompass the whole of the Asian comics industry. Asia is HUGE (forty-eight countries!) but most of what's listed below the cut will be of Japanese origin. That's not representative of a bias, it's simply because Japan seems to adapt more of their comics to screen than the other regions do and/or what gets imported to the west favours that situation. Because I'm restricted to needing English subtitles, importing stuff we don't officially get is rarely a viable option.

There are separate listings for live action and animation, but in each case the text has to have been in existence before the film/TV series to qualify.

NOTE: If you want a list of English language films adapted from comics see The Comic to Screen Collection (No Pants Version). It's a superhero-free zone. No Collection exists for superhero films. Enough talk, on with the linkage:

BEFORE I WAKE [2016]

If you're expecting a shit-your-pants fright-fest from Mike Flanagan's Before I Wake then you're in for severe disappointment.  However if it's a tragic supernatural lullaby you're looking for then you've come to the right place.
It's a slow-burning story of a young couple, still grieving over the loss of their son, that adopts a troubled young boy who's dreams and nightmares physically manifest while he sleeps.
It's a pretty ambitious attempt to take the usual "haunted kid" story and twist it around but unfortunately it falls a bit flat.  It's biggest mistake is casting Kate Bosworth in the leading role as she doesn't seem to have the ability to bring anything remotely interesting or anything worth emotionally investing in, while Thomas Jane and Jacob Tremblay give believable organic performances.  There's a few frightening scenes to please fans of Flanagan's previous films but here he focuses tragedy and heart and that's where it nearly succeeds if not for the blundering Bosworth.

3 butterflies out of 5

THE LOFT [2014]

Belgian director Erik Van Looy remakes his 2008 mystery The Loft for American audiences with very mixed results.
5 married men share a downtown loft to discreetly bring their mistresses to but things fall apart when they discover an unknown dead women there and begin suspecting each other.
At it's core, the film could have been a seedy thriller filled with over-the-top twists 'n turns that capture the audience no matter how unbelievable it gets.  Instead it's filled with terrible acting, clunky pacing, lack of suspense and characters so unlikable you're hard up for anything to grasp onto.  In the end we get a despicable albeit beautifully shot Hitchcockian wannabe that's better left forgotten.

2 keys out of 5

HITCHCOCK/TRUFFAUT [2015]

A Letter to Elia director Kent Jones pieces together this audio/visual companion piece to what is probably the most essential book for film-lovers everywhere, Hitchcock/Truffaut.
Director François Truffaut interviewed Alfred Hitchcock over a period of 8 days on the subject of his impact on cinema and then published it as a book in 1966.  This film explores some of the more interesting bits of conversation and the influence it had on many of the modern visually-driven directors of today.  Jones manages to turn the subject matter into something tantalizing to the well-educated film connoisseur as well as clearly giving informative insight into the craft for those who are new to film as a finely tuned art.  Pair this one with De Palma and you have a wonderful evening of master suspense film-makers talking about what they do best.

4 lite entertainers or masterful storytellers out of 5

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)

Columbia's third and final Sinbad movie with Ray Harryhausen as visual effects artist had the highest budget of the trio but is the least enjoyable overall.
The lead role was once again recast, with the softly-spoken Patrick Wayne now taking the helm. Wayne looked the part but was too passive to be believable as a legendary seafaring swordsman. It's perhaps for the best that the lazy script give him very little to do. Jane Seymour has great hair, but her princess role-play is less impressive. In fact, the entire cast give the impression that they're part of an elaborate and badly acted play.
The saving grace is that there's a lot of stop-motion, although the mythical creatures were lessened, replaced mostly with some less exotic prehistoric animals. It's perhaps one for Harryhausen fans only.

2½ cheers for Trog out of 5

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS [2016]

Director Chris Renaud supplies the laughs and heart by the truckloads with the CGI animated comedy The Secret Life of Pets.
Two dogs (one big & one little) end up getting themselves lost in New York City which leads them into all sorts of trouble and adventures all in the span of a single day.
Like most Illumination Entertainment & Dreamworks animated films, it doesn't quite hold the same sort of depth or story subtleties of Pixar's output but it still manages to pack in the jokes, sometimes even better than the reigning CGI animation company.  It doesn't really ask a whole lot of the viewer other than to sit back and enjoy the ride, which is really easy to do considering the lovable characters we get to follow around for the jam-packed 90 minute running time.

3½ sewer-bunnies out of 5

THE SECOND CIVIL WAR [1997]

Director Joe Dante & co. craft together a wonderfully witty political satire with the curiously swept under the carpet comedy The Second Civil War.
An immigration controversy tears the United States of America apart, which eerily reflects exactly what is happening the States right now.
What's played for exaggerated laughs here isn't all that over-blown when you take into the consideration some of the ridiculous words spoken in politics this past year.  Tackling such weighty subjects as immigration, political racism, mass shootings, outsourcing might have been a bit tongue-in-cheek 20 years ago but today it's all too real.  It transforms the film from a goofy spit on the American way of yesterday and into a frighteningly prophetic hilarious mirror reflection of today.

3 orphan cards out of 5

MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES [2016]

TV director Jake Szymanski makes his theatrical debut with the vulgar comedy stylings of Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.
Two party-hardy brothers need to bring dates to their sister's Hawaiian wedding in order to prove to their family that they don't fuck everything up, only to find the girls they bring are a lot more trouble than they can handle.
The silly comedy, rather than being particularly smart or charming, benefits heavily from the chemistry of the hilarious cast with Aubrey Plaza stealing every scene she's in.  Young Canadians will get a kick out of (or shrivel up in horror) seeing beloved youth TV personality Sugar Lyn Beard do stuff they'd never imagine.  It's not the type of comedy that will be remembered for much but while it's on it revels in it's crude hilarity with disgusting enthusiasm.

3 happy happy endings out of 5

The Comic to Screen Collection (No Pants Version)

Well, no spandex pants, that is, because when you say the words "comic book movie" to cinemagoers who've never been inside an independent comic store then they'll likely think of Hollywood celebs as costumed superheroes doing impossible things, but there's a lot of non-superhero comics that have been given the film or TV treatment and so this Collection celebrates them.

A lot of what's listed below the cut aren't as colourful or as mega-budget as their spandex-filled counterparts, but in many cases they feature characters that are equally as memorable, albeit for a different reason: because they have relatable feelings and foibles that we can better empathise with.

NOTE: Selection doesn't include films adapted from Manga, Manhua, etc. I gave them their own dedicated post: Comic to Screen Collection (Manga Version).

GODZILLA [1998]

I don't know how he pulled it off but director Roland Emmerich managed to make a Godzilla film dreadfully boring.

After years of pressuring, Toho studios finally agreed to allow Hollywood to take their beloved franchise and turn it into something resembling Godzilla in name only.
To the average movie goer who's never seen a Godzilla film, they're simply about a giant lizard that destroys cities and that's exactly what you get here.  There's no subtext, depth or thematic subtleties floating around here and "big lizard destroys New York" is about all you get in this shallow excuse for a good time.  It's a big, loud and unforgivably soulless shitfest that was clearly a money-hungry attempt to ride on the tails of Jurassic Park.

1 mutant earthworm out of 5

MIRROR MIRROR [2012]

Director Tarsem Singh delivers yet another visually stunning feast for the eyes with his strange adaptation of the Snow White story, Mirror Mirror.
Here we have Snow enlisting the aid of seven tiny rebels to fight against the power-hungry queen and a savage beast that dwells deep within the forest that surrounds the poverty-stricken kingdom.
Singh is no stranger to astonishingly beautiful set-pieces and intricate costume designs but sadly he never seems to shy away from wafer-thin scripts and laughable melodrama.  Fortunately, as a first for Singh, he's inserted some humor into his storytelling and, although, funny, it almost always feels out of place from the rest of the film.  Nothing seems to comfortably fall into place with each other and ends up making for a very uneven mess.  As imaginative and original as it all is, you can't help but feel that everyone involved were all working on a different film.

2½ stilts out of 5

IMPERIUM [2016]

Nearly a decade after his wonderful short film, Haber, director Daniel Ragussis finally makes his feature length debut with the tense crime thriller, Imperium.
Daniel Radcliffe continues to solidify his staying power as a FBI agent going undercover to infiltrate a radical group of white-supremacist's plans of a violent attack.
It's a fascinating reminder that there's plenty of homegrown terrorism spawned from the white-folk around the corner of Mayberry Street.  It still treads over familiar territory with it's "undercover officer loses his self" story but the more subtle humanizing moments and it's very impressive acting from the entire cast makes for a very engrossing, if not extremely unsettling watch.

3½ racist BBQ's out of 5

Chicago (2002)

It's necessary to step outside of your comfort zone from time to time, which accounts for my viewing of Chicago. I'm no stranger to musicals, but it was categorically the first time I've ever sat through the entirety of a film that featured Richard Gere. Happily, it wasn't the rags to riches story I feared it might be. In fact, it was far removed from any of the safe-route assumptions that I held in advance, so kudos to it for that.
Stage-struck dreamer Roxie (Zellweger) frequently uses her imagination to escape the reality she finds herself in, whereas Velma (Zeta-Jones) uses her established reputation to influence her own reality as best she can; in both cases it's the best acting from either lady that I've ever seen.
I've no urge to rewatch it but nor do I regret giving it my time. The songs are vibrant and timely, and the dialogue occasionally clever and sharp edged.

3 stocking fillers out of 5

Phantasm II (1988)

With production backed by Universal this time, Phantasm II trumps the original in not only scope but linear storytelling. Compromises with the studio resulted in the recasting of main character Mike (now James Le Gros) and a less illusory nature, which somewhat hampered the first Phantasm. The unlikely action heroes Mike & Reggie scour the countryside for the elusive Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) as he leaves a veritable wasteland of abandoned towns in his wake. With a higher budget they were able to pull off impressively disturbing creature and gore effects. Despite this, there are still signs of amateurish cinematography, such as focusing and editing problems. But most fans will dismiss these minor issues in favor of this satisfying adventure. 

3½ gold spheres out of 5

Big Ass Spider! (2013)

A-la Sharknado, BAS! is an incredulously bad B-movie which continually pokes fun at not only itself but the "everyman" action film. The lovable and looking-for-love lead (Greg Grunberg) is (what else?) a blue collar exterminator. When a giant (ass) spider invades Los Angeles, he somehow has the know-how to stop it. Besides some sticky webs, there are no practical SFX. Even after you lower your expectations, the CG is still difficult to stomach. Some actors are obviously only there to pick up a paycheck, (I'm looking at you Patrick Bauchau) while others (Ray Wise, Clare Kramer, Lin Shaye) actually 'get' the material and show commitment to their archetypal characters. There's fun to be had, but the concept wore a tad thin towards the end. 

2 shots in the butt out of 5

Dark Was the Night (2014)

Kevin Durand plays a sheriff in a sleepy rural town, tormented by mistakes made in the past. When an unknown creature begins picking off the local animal life, he has to keep the town's trust by subduing the threat. I've seen this song and dance before, but that doesn't mean it's a poor film. Sure it's derivative, but the characters are complex enough and the acting is above-average for the genre. Durand, who mumbles many of his lines, naturally gives off an air of mystery, but the character's background is what really draws your attention. The film does take itself too seriously; to the point of being bleak. The monster hunt is a slow one as you only catch glimpses of it at first. The plan for the creature to go full-monty in all its less than flattering CG glory was a poor choice in the end. Everything up to that point equaled a solid film. 

2½ peckers out of 5

SWISS ARMY MAN [2016]

Writer/directors Dan Kwan & Daniel Scheinert produce the most beautifully bizarre film of the year with the wilderness buddy drama Swiss Army Man.
A suicidal man stranded on a desert island discovers a body washed ashore, that develops the power of speech (and flatulence) which helps him see his problems with a great deal more clarity.
With such a simple story, it's astonishing just how much is going on here that at times is hilarious, tragic, heart-wrenching, hopeful and "fuckin' crazy".  With each of it's main stars fully committed to the outlandish scenarios they're given to play in, the film is graced with a bizarre dreamy realism that acts as if it were Charlie Kaufman directing his own version of Weekend at Bernie's.  When all is said and done, the film has all sorts of functions and purpose but you're oddly unsure yet ultimately satisfied with what you collected from it.

4 bus rides out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS [2016]

Earth to Echo director Dave Green takes over duties for Out of the Shadows, the TMNT sequel to the 2012 live-action comic book adaptation.
This time around the heroes in a half-shell must save the world from a dangerous being from another dimension known only as Krang.
It doesn't really improve or weaken in quality from the first film but instead it finds more fun in the exact same vein as a mindless Saturday morning cartoon, with the hyper-active brains of indigestible sugar cereal.  Based on how much gleeful idiocy you're willing to accept will determine on how much enjoyment you'll get out of this tasty trash.  Really, it's strictly for the kiddies or anyone who just has to see Krang, Bebop & Rocksteady finally make it into a TMNT film.

2 garbage trucks out of 5

HOLIDAYS [2016]

A gaggle of genre directors (including Kevin Smith & Nicholas McCarthy) band together to create Holidays, a pretty tedious horror anthology that is more huge miss than minor hit.
Nobody seems to have brought their A-game to this mess of a film and it hurts the enjoyment of it quite a bit.  There's a few moments of interest, mostly Nicholas McCarthy's hilariously offensive Easter segment but you're better off avoiding this uninspired amateurish shit-fest at nearly all costs.

1 Jesus Bunny out of 5

HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE [2016]

Kiwi director Taika Waititi's delightfully hilarious wilderness comedy Hunt for the Wilderpeople is the type of film where once you start grinning you just don't stop until it's long over.
It's a simple story about an orphaned troublemaker and his foster uncle go into hiding in the New Zealand bush as they find themselves at the center of a national manhunt.
It's a pretty low-key little film but it manages to be consistently funny, surprisingly touching and all around good for the soul with it's tale of two lost souls teaching each other a thing or two about themselves.  There might be plenty of kiwi in-jokes but it stands with enough honest sincerity, belly  chuckling warmth and universally funny moments it can be enjoyed from all over the world.

4 haikus out of 5

FINDING DORY [2016]

13 years after the wonderfully crafted Finding Nemo, Disney, Pixar & director Andrew Stanton make a much-anticipated return to their underwater world with Finding Dory.
The lovable blue tang fish with a short-term memory sets out to find her long lost parents leading her to a dizzying adventure in a Californian aquatic park where she meets all sorts of weird and wonderful characters.
I entered into the film a little cautious, thinking it couldn't stand up to the original that didn't really need a sequel but after an awkward first 15 minutes, I found myself at ease and constantly laughing at the story unfolding before me.  It manages to pack in a profoundly emotional punch, some hilarious moments for all ages and enough warmth to forgive any of it's very minor short-comings.

4 septopus out of 5

TRIPLE 9 [2016]

Director John Hillcoat gathers together a pretty stellar cast for his violent heist thriller Triple 9.
The Atlanta Russian mob hires a group of dirty cops to pull off a near impossible job and then hatches a ploy to trick them into killing each other to avoid any loose ends.
Hillcoat's obsession with struggling to find order amidst a world of violence is at it's most apparent here with it's intricate plot that's filled with multiple twists 'n turns.  However, it's missing it's beating heart and the lack of character development is where it hurts the film most.  Thanks to it's clever plotting, powerful cast and intense action sequences Triple 9 is pretty god-damned entertaining but one can't help but feel there's a heavily extended director's cut that could easily fix it's glaring flaws.

3 nines out of 5

THE SHALLOWS [2016]

Director Jaume Collet-Serra momentarily steps away from Liam Neeson to direct Blake Lively in the beautifully shot survival thriller The Shallows.
Lively does a fine job at holding her own as a young woman stranded on a rock just off the Mexican shores after a violent shark attack.
Normally films that take place in a single setting tend to carry a smug look on it's face as if it were breaking new ground but The Shallows is only interested in nail-biting tension and melodramatic ferocity to keep the viewer's attention.  There's not an awful lot of smarts being tossed around the ridiculous narrative, nor is there anything new and exciting but that's where it finds it's highest admiration.  It simply sets out to entertain, breaking the viewer out of their own mundane lives for a brisk 90 minutes.

2½ surfboard seagulls out of 5

PARKLAND [2013]

Journalist Peter Landesman made his directorial debut with the dramatically effective, yet ultimately pointless, historical drama Parkland.
Set in the three days that immediately followed JFK's assassination, we follow an ensemble of ordinary folks who aren't well remembered names that played a big part in the events, such as the doctors, reporters, policeman, secret service men and relatives of the larger than life names.
It offers a unique perspective on the controversial subject matter but it runs off into too many directions to really allow the viewer to become emotionally attached to any of the characters being explored.  There's some excellent performances from the long list of who's who of indie-films, particularly the always wonderful Paul Giamatti, James Badge Dale and Jacki Weaver.  With an extra 45 minutes (yes, that much) I think it could have been a great film but instead it's nothing but a valiant but uncompelling effort.

3 of the world's most famous rolls of 8mm films out of 5

CITY OF GOD: 10 YEARS LATER [2013]

In 2002, directors Fernando Meirelles & Kátia Lund's unsettling Brazilian crime drama City of God took the world by storm as it rubbed shoulders with the likes of The Lord of the Rings, Mystic River and other critically acclaimed films of it's time.  Film-makers Cavi Borges & Luciano Vidigal takes us back to the actor's lives and show how their lifestyles developed in the decade since the award-winning film in 10 Years Later.
Like Slumdog Millionaire, it took the actors out of their poverty-stricken lives, tossed them into the spotlight of nice hotel rooms, limo rides, mingling with the stars and after awards season was done they were tossed right back into the slums.   It's no secret that some of the actors, like Alice Braga, made a name for themselves afterwards but others were not so lucky and were forced to live the same lives as their onscreen personas.  As a fan of the film it's an interesting watch, however if you're not familiar, you'll more than likely be lost as to who and why you're watching.

3 long-lost memories out of 5

Battletruck (1982)

aka Warlords of the 21st Century

Two excellent titles for one average movie. I feel that Battletruck suits the film better, seeing as how there's an actual armoured truck in it. The vehicle thunders along post-WW III roads in a typical Mad Max clone-movie setting.
To be fair, the production does carve out an identity of its own, it's just not a very exciting one and the bad rock music that accompanies the action scenes ruins any chance they ever had of being dramatic.
The hero rides into the story (literally, he's on a motorcycle), saves a girl in trouble and things progress slowly thereafter. Some of the cast try their best, some even succeed, but it's unlikely it'll net many new fans for the genre.

2½ horse-drawn cars out of 5

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST [1975]

Easily one of the best films of all time, director Miloš Forman's adaptation of Ken Kesey's counterculture novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest deserves all the endless accolades it receives.
A free-spirited hoodlum pleads insanity in order to serve his sentence in the mental hospital rather than endure hard labor on the prison farm.
A microscopic study of the deinstitutionalization of it's time and many of the questionable institutional processes that went through, the tale also reflects the madness of society and what might be the best way to find control within it.  A clash of cultural and behavioral beliefs make for some of the best character moments from stars Jack Nicholson and Louise Fletcher, who I believe are at their absolute best here.   Graced with humor, thoughtfulness and wonderful performances all around, Cuckoo's Nest is an off-kilter melodrama that despite being over 40 years old, still makes some great points that are as significant as they were yesterday.

5 day-trips without the day-passes out of 5

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS [2016]

Director James Bobin spits out the colorful fantasy adventure Alice Through the Looking Glass, the sequel no one asked for to Tim Burton's live-action Disney remake of Alice in Wonderland.
Completely ignoring any thematic reasons as to why a looking glass was a part of the story in the first place, the story follows Captain Alice (?) as she steals a time-traveling object from Time in order to save a dying Mad Hatter.
I didn't think they could suck the soul out of the story anymore than they did with the first film but this one does a mighty fine job of it, while trying to hide the fact behind beautiful imagery with loads of Disney money piled on top of it.  Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway & Helena Bonham Carter might have been the highlights of the original but here they seem bored, embarrassed and almost as if their minds are wandering elsewhere.  It's the kind of shit that easily passes through the body and falls into the toilet to be forgotten within moments after wiping your ass of this slop.

1 Hatter family member out of 5

HELL OR HIGH WATER [2016]

Starred Up director David Mackenzie cleverly strips down the tragically violent folk ballad in his Western heist lo-fi thriller Hell or High Water.
Dissecting the rich from the poor and the fatuity of American gun control, the tale follows two born loser brothers that hatch up a clever plan to pay back the thieving bank they are heavily in debt to.
It questions tormented destiny, what is your life worth sacrificing for, the love of family and can you ever escape what you're born into.  Heavy handed themes are afoot but rather than beating the viewer over the head with them, it subtly places them in random actions, surprising flashes of humor and bits of "meaningless" dialogue as we grow closer to the mesmerizing characters.  Aided by some kick-ass music from Townes Van Zandt, Gillian Welch, Scott H. Biram, Nick Cave & Warren Ellis and more, it helps making for a stylized thoughtful romp that is both quiet and intense.

4 enemies of everyone out of 5

Blair Witch (2016)

The successful duo of Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett (You're Next, The Guest) take a stab at breathing new life into the Blair Witch mythos. Unfortunately not much is added except a relative (James Allen McCune) searching for Heather (from the first film) and a few more nights in the woods. It could almost be misconstrued as a remake. One aspect improved upon is the camerawork. POV cameras strapped to the characters' heads help keep the action in view. By the time the film quits jerking off and the real action starts, much of the runtime has passed. Fortunately the remaining scenes are worth the wait. There are a bevy of annoying jump scares, but effective and startling sound design in the final act wash them away. It is certainly an uneven film, and while it may not be as memorable as the original, it certainly trumps it with a more engaging conclusion.

2½ corners to stand in out of 5

The Grudge (2004)

In an effort to distill the same horrific imagery, Takashi Shimizu directs this remake of his own film. Besides the script (written by Stephen Susco), which incorporates an American family deathly affected by residual hauntings in their Japanese home, there is obvious effort to keep the production close to the original. Susco streamlines the source material by excising extraneous chapters. Instead closely following the family and delving deeper into the home's initial tragedies. Shimizu continues to be just as inventive in creating modern scenes of suspense as he was in the Ju-On series. The Grudge benefits from a larger budget with improved SFX, an exclusively built set and stronger actors (such as Grace Zabriskie, Bill Pullman, and Ryo Ishibashi). Some may argue this is a watered-down version, but for a nationwide theatrical release this is a fantastic representation of the story. 

3½ balcony swan dives out 5

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

Ti West takes the helm of writer/director for the second installment of gross-out humor in CF2. Less than 10 minutes in it's pretty obvious something has gone awry. Reported BTS disputes with producers leaves West's vision on the cutting room floor and what's left is quite frankly embarrassing. After a decent opening linking the story to the original, it quickly goes downhill. The film suffers hard from lingering too long on the pathetic high school characters before the blood really hits the fan. While there's plenty of repulsive moments throughout the latter half, there isn't one scene I would classify as memorable. A series of amateurish animated sequences explaining the pathway of infection is the cherry on top of the shit sundae. It's no wonder West wished his name removed from the film. 

1½ amputations out of 5

Bandidas (2006)

A comedy western (comestern?) that looks as beautiful as its two leading ladies do in all their finery, but where it really matters it proves to be little more than clichés and cleavage. There's even a clever horse.
The pair are opposites in almost every way, including socially and intellectually, which gives rise to much bickering and standoffish tendencies. But once they decide to work together the film gets slightly better.
A little more faith in both actresses' proven abilities could have gone a long way in making the duo more believable and memorable.
It's an afternoon time-waster that's inoffensive and easily digestible.

2 respective areas of expertise out of 5

Ju-on: The Curse 2 (2000)

If you've watched the first Ju-on: The Curse (2000) film then you can safely skip past 30+ minutes of the second because it's the same as two stories that were shown previously. I don't just mean it's similar - it's identical, the exact same footage! I admit my memory is bad, but it isn't that bad.
The parts that are new aren't really worth the time of anyone who's not already deeply invested in the Ju-on happenings, and despite being more linear than usual, and therefore easier to follow on first viewing, it'll likely feel too incomplete to a newcomer. Dir. Takashi Shimizu's ability to find or generate unease and creepiness in commonplace locations without relying on canted camera angles, etc, is the best that it has to offer.

2 catty phone calls out of 5

Ulver: The Norwegian National Opera (2010)

If you know Ulver then you'll know to expect the unexpected. That's exactly what their live concert film presents a viewer with from the outset. Captured at The Norwegian National Opera on 31/07/10, it begins like some kind of bizarre performance art with the music as accompaniment.
The band members eventually appear in front of a projected screen that displays imagery with a power all of its own, being frequently religious, warring and sexually explicit in nature. It's also occasionally horrific and even somewhat questionable. I unwisely watched it before settling down to sleep.
As a live entity they're impressive, which is something you might not expect from a band that until the previous year had worked solely in the studio since their formation in 1993. And while the full oeuvre of the wolves may not get an airing, their experimental/ambient side certainly does.

4 hallways of always out of 5

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah (1995)

The twenty-second film in the series was also the last in the Heisei era. Godzilla appears but is changed in appearance (more than just the usual suit mod). The level of potential destruction the creature carries is also changed, upped from being the immediate area to a radius even more terrifying.
The film effectively brings the series full circle, having the actions taken by protagonists in 1954 be relevant to those in 1994. Interestingly, it also makes use of something much older to bring something new to the table.
Destoroyah is an insectoid behemoth. If you've been paying attention to the Heisei era kaijū thus far you'll have noticed that they all transform into something more menacing. Destoroyah doesn't outdo Biolante for levels of sheer awe, but is certainly one of the most aggressive of the series.

3½ hot properties out of 5

A Blade in the Dark (1983)

Initially planned as a TV mini-series with a death every 30 minutes, A Blade in the Dark is everything a giallo should be: sexy, bloody, mysterious and shocking. While working on a horror movie score in a secluded villa, Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti) begins to uncover a series of murders perpetrated under his very nose. The psycho sexual clues are very sparse as the plot moves at a snail's pace. The film best utilizes each character's potential to be the killer. It's a bare bones affair, so with a limited cast it never becomes convoluted. The tortuous deaths should appease the fans of sleaze, but will turn off most others. At its best it's a compelling thriller, but it shits the bed in the final act with a contrived conclusion. 

3 bloody tennis balls out of 5

Mas Negro Que La Noche (2014)

aka Darker Than the Night

This Mexican/Spanish production is the remake of a 1975 film of the same name. After inheriting her aunt's massive estate, Greta (Zuria Vega) and her friends, a group of hipster 20-something freeloaders move into the sprawling abode. I know nothing of the original, but this version has high production values as the sets, music and lighting are all impressive. The story is nothing new to the haunted house genre as paranormal happenings quickly become the norm. While it doesn't excel in scaring anybody with its abbreviated moments of horror, there is a reasonable build-up till everything goes batshit crazy. The most standout role belongs to the caretaker, the timeless Evangelina (Margarita Sanz). She obviously knows the house's secrets, but happily leads everyone down a descent into madness. Unfortunately this is no more than a soap opera (or novella) and even as that it's nothing special.

2 Mexican Horror Stories out of 5

The Fear 2: Halloween Night (1999)

aka The Fear: Resurrection

Using the same strange wooden man from the first Fear, the writer attempts something very similar but with slightly better results. For low budget, straight-to-dvd standards, the film is actually watchable. The story is mildly interesting as a man haunted by his bloodline performs a ritual with his friends on Halloween. But the creepy mannequin Morty is still entirely pointless and looks ridiculous in his wooden underpants. With stiff acting and a massive, unexplored plot hole in the opening scene, The Fear's sequel is the same turd but with better lighting. And something this shitty should be kept in the dark. 

½ toilet drownings out of 5

Force of Five (2009)

aka Power Kids

FoF is either the MOST violent children's movie I've ever been exposed to or it's an adult actioner that has children inappropriately in the lead roles. The truth is I really don't know who it's supposed to be targeting.

What I am confident in saying is that it's unlikely you'll ever see anything like it made in the west! It's a Thai martial arts production that resembled a violent Hong Kong flick one minute and a safe Aussie soap opera the next.

The acting, flat direction and heavy-handed emotion really weaken it. The better-filmed fight scenes are why it exists. The final conflict in particular. It's a showcase for the kids, they draw strength from their convictions and use it to fuel their elbows and fists, and it's jaw-on-the-floor amazing!

Adult actor Johnny Nguyen gets his face on the cover of my version, but young Sasisa Jindamanee deserves to be there; she's the real star.

2½ wall-runs out of 5

The Walking Dead (1936)

A group of well-dressed, behind closed doors villains need a patsy to divert attention from their deeds. Enter John Ellman (Karloff), a man with a criminal record, fresh from prison, keen to put his past behind him and in need of a job.
He references a few horror classics but Michael Curtiz, director of Casablanca (1942), delivers something a lot more sophisticated than the creaky B+W horror movie I was expecting. It owes a significant debt to James Whale, but unlike so many of Whale's imitators it doesn't simply emphasise the crazy, it keeps the lab scene mostly dignified and is all the better for it.
The Ellman character works because of Karloff's ability to effectively play the tragic victim, to generate pathos with just a glance from his unforgettable eyes, sometimes mere seconds after he's chilled you with a steely glare.

3½ mental strappings out of 5

Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994)

The twenty-first film has a stupid name but please don't hold that against it. Personally, I loved it, and if you like your special effects built by hand in the real world then the space scenes will maybe make your day, too.
Spiky rocks hurtle towards Earth, crash landing on a mostly uninhabited island in the Pacific. Godzilla is laying low. Space Godzilla is building up!
Oh, mankind. If you can't kill something then you try to control it. Haven't you learned yet that hubris often leads to retribution with sharp teeth?
The story gives us two evils and allows us to decide if we're going to side with the lesser of them. If your sympathies are up to the task, I believe that's the way to go in order to get the most from the film.
The script has a few problems, but I don't understand the negative response of some fans. For his part, Dir. Yamashita delivered the goods in style.

3½ energy fields out of 5

Con Air (1997)

I’m not exaggerating my opinion when I say that Con Air is a revelation. I dug it when I saw it in theatres, and I LOVE it now. The inmates are a wonderfully strong and quirky crew of personalities, which is good because they have to shoulder the majority of the screen-time. Cage is incredibly subdued, but he makes it work with the slightest little hints of Cage-yness bubbling up around the seams. There’s some great visual symbolism on display and Buscemi steals the show as a breathing piece of philosophical social commentary. Like NEVER’s Kyosui, the flamboyantly gay character isn’t degraded for who he is and is relied upon the same as the others. I can’t say that it’s enjoyable cheese, because I genuinely believe it’s a well-made action movie with something to say. 

It’s quality.

4 Bruised, yet Bona Fide, Birthday Bunnies out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

The Cosmic Man (1959)

It begins in the usual manner, with a blip on a radar being observed by someone in a small room, followed by the military and scientists all trying to figure out how to get into the alien ship. But it then continues to be familiar, borrowing liberally from the plot of the much better The Day the Earth Stood Still, which came out eight years before. It does an okay job with it, to be fair.
The visitor is kind of creepy, even if his motivations are somewhat vague. And the slow but short (just 72 mins) script has some interesting content, such as tantalising the audience of the day with crazy scientist talk about anti-gravity.

2½ manifold purposes out of 5

Kindergarten Cop (1990)

"It’s a strange town, that way. Especially with new arrivals.

...

Well, I think a lot of people that come to small towns are trying to get away from something...or they’re hiding something."

That nugget refers to the set-up given away by the title of the film, so please don't get your undies in a twist over it being a spoiler. It also basically explains why this movie was chosen over all others with elementary schools in them to be a significant visual reference for Midwich Elementary in the first Silent Hill game. How does it fare outside of that? It's pretty rote and predictable, but it is fun to see Arnold get away with things that any of the rest of us would get fired for instantaneously. It doesn't have a modicum of the charm and heart of Jingle All the Way, but it was hand-picked by the ultimate benefactor, for good and ill.

1½ "Non-existent" Bathroom Trips out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness (2013)

A documentary by Mami Sunada that transports us into the heart of Japan's Studio Ghibli, showing the animators at work and spending a great deal of time with its most famous face, Hayao Miyazaki, a spry seventy-two-year-old.
It's more a film for fans of the animation process than it is for folks who simply enjoy the films themselves. It moves at a slow, peaceful pace; purposely in tune with the studio atmosphere, perhaps? But it did make me wonder how candid it really was. The cynic in me nurtured a feeling that it merely skimmed the surface of the process, not delving too deep out of respect and reverence. If it is 100% representative of reality then it's a refreshing and beautiful environment in which to be. Ushiko, the studio cat, would surely agree.
Have you ever wondered, debated or even argued with friends about how 'Ghibli' should be pronounced? The film gives the definitive answer.

3½ daily rituals out of 5

THE INVITATION [2015]

Director Karyn Kusama hasn't made a good film in over 15 years, so the deeply upsetting The Invitation is a welcome surprise to her filmography.
After a disquieting event on their way to a dinner party, a young couple beings wondering if the social gathering they are attending is far more threatening than it initially appears to be.
Considering this film is from the director of Jennifer's Body and the writers of the recent Clash of the Titans and Æon Flux films, I was happily surprised to find this was a well-crafted and highly effective mature tale that leaves a lasting impression.  Right from the get-go it sparks an unpleasantly awkward tension that only digs deeper and deeper into the psyche until it's bloody great finale.  It never really brings anything new to the table but it's still a well-made thriller that delivers enough mystery to please.

3½ red lanterns out of 5

POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING [2016]

Musical-comedy trio The Lonely Island return to the big-screen with the impressively funny mockumentary Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping.
In the silly spirit of This Is Spinal Tap, we follow the rise & fall of an idiot modern day pop-star who doesn't realize his real claim to fame was with the other two members from his acclaimed boy-band roots.
The comedy is a smooth mix of clever, dumb, vulgar, immature and satirical but always manages to feel quite natural in it's hilariously artificial execution.  You might need some knowledge of the modern pop music business and the social media hoo-ha that surrounds it to get many of the satirical jokes but there's plenty of universal laughs to be had too.

3 lupus attacks on Seal out of 5

The Driftless Area (2015)

In this quirky and understated crime drama, people on the fringe of not only society but reality itself are involved in a relatively simple story. The bare bones plot is slathered in BS filler in the form of reoccurring discussions on the metaphysical nature of the future and predetermined fate. In his feature-length directorial debut, Zachary Sluser achieves an intriguing tone. There is an obvious passion behind the performances but nary a raised voice. Even when shit gets heavy, there's still a calmness to the action. Anton Yelchin and John Hawkes are particularly anemic. There are times when it's difficult to decipher where each character stands; in life or in death, but I believe it adds to the whimsical mystery of the film.

3 lucky rocks out of 5