The Accountant (2016)

An autistic man (the Hollywood variety, who is both a jacked expert assassin and also Mensa-level genius) works as a forensic accountant for dangerous criminals while moonlighting as an avenger of justice during daylight hours.

It's basically a neurodivergent superhero flick, which translates to a painfully average action thriller. Nothing too memorable you'll recall by the next day.

2½ stimming techniques out of 5

MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES [2016]

TV director Jake Szymanski makes his theatrical debut with the vulgar comedy stylings of Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.
Two party-hardy brothers need to bring dates to their sister's Hawaiian wedding in order to prove to their family that they don't fuck everything up, only to find the girls they bring are a lot more trouble than they can handle.
The silly comedy, rather than being particularly smart or charming, benefits heavily from the chemistry of the hilarious cast with Aubrey Plaza stealing every scene she's in.  Young Canadians will get a kick out of (or shrivel up in horror) seeing beloved youth TV personality Sugar Lyn Beard do stuff they'd never imagine.  It's not the type of comedy that will be remembered for much but while it's on it revels in it's crude hilarity with disgusting enthusiasm.

3 happy happy endings out of 5

DIGGING FOR FIRE [2015]

Director Joe Swanberg stays in his mumblecore comfort zone with the humorous relationship piece Digging for Fire.
A bored husband & wife go their separate ways over the weekend putting their marriage to the test in overly tempting situations of craziness.
Still working with a micro-production budget, Swanberg inches a little closer to the mainstream with a gaggle of more well-known actors, most of which don't really know how to fit in the genre, with the exception of Sam Rockwell & Judith Light.   The director seems a little too comfortable with this type of storytelling, crossing over themes & ideas he's already visited with his previous films.  Not to say it's a bad film because there's all sorts of interesting story progressions as you're trying to figure exactly what the purpose of the film is.  In short, it's a more mature version of Drinking Buddies with a murder mystery fit in for intrigue.

3 dead man's shoes out of 5

PITCH PERFECT 2 [2015]

A capella sensations The Barden Bellas are back in director (and co-star) Elizabeth Banks' Pitch Perfect 2.
This time around The Bellas are far past regionals and are now playing with the big leagues as they aim to win an international competition.  The first film had the benefit of taking everyone by surprise and actually being quite funny, so it only makes sense that they would have to step it up a few notches to keep it's audience.  Sadly they take it down multiple notches with some terrible jokes, forced performances and sloppy pacing.  The whole film feels rushed and even with the actual vocal performances, which were a highlight in the first film, are butchered with a distractingly heavy use of auto-tune.  There's still plenty of funny moments but nothing quite gels together and instead it feels like a Disney channel movie, which will probably please it's most dedicated of younger fans but repel the casual viewer who enjoyed the first film.

2 baby chutes out of 5

CAKE [2014]

Jennifer Aniston delivers the best performance of her career to date in director Daniel Barnz's somber drama, Cake.
It's a dismal story about a wretched bitch of a woman in chronic pain who develops an unhealthy obsession with a distant acquaintance who's recently killed herself.  Covered in facial scars and greasy hair, Aniston is superb in the lead role, as she never overplays it, allows her eyes to do most of the storytelling, while never once resorting to "this is my big tear-jerking Oscar moment" hokum.  Unfortunately, while Aniston does her best to avoid sad drama schmaltz, the script manages to twist itself into that and you probably won't realize it until it's too late.  The direction is a little unsure of itself and the plotline begins to dogpaddle as it realizes it doesn't know if it can carry it's own weight.

3 wind chimes out of 5

LIFE AFTER BETH [2014]

I ♥ Huckabees writer Jeff Baena's directorial debut, Life After Beth is a disjointed zom-rom-com that sputters out a few moments of promise.
Aubrey Plaza is grotesquely playful as Beth, a girl who has no memory of returning from the dead and wonders why her family won't let her lead a normal life.  Dane DeHaan is horribly miscast as her boyfriend that stumbles around while trying to pick up where they left before her "incident" without letting her in on the whole six feet under thing.
While it's nice to see a zombie movie shuffle the whole "epidemic" thing far into the background and instead focus on the character relationships, there's simply nothing imaginative or really funny here, apart from a few good chuckles.   

2 smooth jazz tunes for the recently deceased out of 5

HAPPY CHRISTMAS [2014]

I've been anticipating Happy Christmas since mumblecore regular Joe Swanberg's Drinking Buddies was so damned good. 
Anna Kendrick plays a reckless young woman who moves into her brother's basement after a bad break-up with her latest boyfriend.  Once again Swanberg explores the troubles of alcoholism but never feels like he's shaking his finger at it and instead is simply describing some of it's lesser attributes.  With it's focus on the quieter moments in life and seemingly mundane conversation the film and actors manages to tell more in a mere 30 seconds than most mainstream films can clumsily utter in 30 minutes.
The naturalism, awkwardness and quiet moments of people just getting to know each other through observation isn't for everybody but anybody who doesn't like their storytelling spelt out to them will find something comfortable in this film.

3 burnt pizzas out of 5

DRINKING BUDDIES [2013]

Written & directed by Joe Swanberg, Drinking Buddies is a quiet little mumblecore drama that I found I didn't realize how well done it was until the final 4 minutes.
With the actors completely improvising their dialogue, it's wonderful to see how well it was edited and pieced together to form a slow-burning but seamless pace.   Most drivelling dramas like this would have the characters spilling their emotions out onto the floor as the lame Top 40 song plays, but here we're quite often left guessing what the characters are feeling and makes for a more intriguing story.

4 Reservoir Dogs in Casablanca out of 5

RAPTURE-PALOOZA [2013]

The third of the four apocalyptic comedies 0f 2013 comes wrapped in a wad of shitty toilet paper courtesy of Bill & Ted's creator Chris Matheson and director Paul Middleditch.

Rapture-Palooza is a really stupid concept but has some funny ideas that are so poorly executed you can't help but feel bad for anyone involved.  Anna Kendrick and John Francis Daley look so embarrassed to be in this film, you'd think they signed on having only read the amusing treatment and not the actual script.  

What a pile of crap.  

1 gay musician out of 5

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

To continue dating the girl of his dreams Scott must first defeat her seven evil exes. That’s pretty much all there is to it. There’s some character growth buried under the pop culture/video game mash up clusterfuck that would've been more poignant had I developed any emotional attachment to the surface deep characters, but that didn't happen.
I'm usually a fan of Edgar Wright’s humour, but it threatened to kill every brain cell I had left; after forty minutes it felt like I’d been watching for hours. I was desperate for it to end, but it just kept on going. He deserves credit for the visual flair, transitions, sound effects and for being faithful to the source medium by including speed lines and text, etc, but it's one pilgrim’s journey that I’ll never be taking again.

2½ levels out of 5

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON [2009]

The Golden Compass director Chris Weitz replaces Catherine Hardwicke & her horrendously boring direction for the second instalment of the uber-popular Twilight Saga, New Moon.

The film starts off with a potentially interesting concept but quickly kicks that into the dirt after 10 minutes and finds itself moping around for what seemed like a lifetime.  A breath of life is sloppily forced into the story taking a turn into something far more interesting about one hour into the film.  Michael Sheen is an absolute delight to watch in a small yet vital role which makes me want to see more of him.  I know I'm not a teenage girl and won't find much in this, but bad storytelling & filmmaking is just plain bad and I know for a fact there is far more better films out there for the insecure, broken emo girl looking for quality entertainment.

2 shirtless injuns who cut there silly long hair out of 5

TWILIGHT [2008]

Oh, sweet zombie Jesus.

Director Catherine Hardwicke does a shitty job at adapting Stephanie Meyer's first shitty tween romance/vampire novel, Twilight for the screen.  Robert Pattinson, who I normally like, wanders around like he doesn't give a shit (as it turns out he didn't).  Kristen Stewart who is great at playing insecure, broken characters is absolutely terrible at playing a "strong" protagonist.  Carter Burwell's score distracts like it was written for a 90's TV movie.  The stormy sky backdrop is quite nice and so is Peter Facinelli as a *lol* bleach blonde vampire doctor.

I know I'm not the target audience here but it can't be denied that tweenage girls can do so much better than this shitfest.  

2 smelly girls out of 5

END OF WATCH [2012]

David Ayer (writer of Training Day and The Fast & The Furious) sits in the director's chair for his crime thriller End Of Watch.

No stranger to films about the crime riddled streets of South Central Los Angeles, what Ayer lacks in originality he makes up for it with stark realism.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña give everything they've got for their bold and surprisingly heartfelt performances.  The film's biggest problem is it's pointless use of a "found footage" style of shooting that at times is quite distracting.  Still, it's a pretty solid film that sadly seems to have been quickly forgotten for some reason.

3 knives in the eye out of 5

PITCH PERFECT [2012]

Director Jason Moore makes his feature film debut with the surprisingly funny and sharp-witted Pitch Perfect.

Walking into it I was expecting a silly teen comedy with unlikable characters dwelling in eye-rolling melodrama while riding on the coattails of Glee but I was surprised to find a character-driven comedy filled with some really neat vocal work.  It's comedic timing is spot on with a blend of crude humour and biting dialogue.  A charming, funny film that turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would be.

3½  breakfast clubs out of 5

Up in the Air (2009)

Ryan (Clooney) travels a lot. His job requires that he hop quickly from State to State, sometimes on a daily basis.
Relationships aren’t something he has the time, nor the motivation for.
When he gets dragged out of his comfort zone he has to adapt the only way he knows how.
Your enjoyment of this comedy/drama will hinge solely on your feelings for the three main cast members, because the actual plot is wafer thin. It lacks impact but will pass a two hour gap in your schedule.

3 empty backpacks out of 5

PARANORMAN [2012]

From Chris Butler & Sam Fell (some of the guys who worked on Coraline & Corpse Bride) comes ParaNorman another beautiful looking stop motion animated film made to appeal to little monster in all of us.

With a sick, yet safe, sense of humour, killer dialogue, entertaining voice-work, zany music and extravagantly designed sets, ParaNorman is must-see for the big screen.  It intelligently goes against what we expect from such a film and is surprisingly touching.

Its' been awhile since death has been this much fun.

4 bathroom ghosts out of 5

Rocket Science (2007)

An indie comedy drama with a young stuttering protagonist that gets hand-picked to join the school debate team. Along the way he discovers that life is about more than just being socially alienated. It’s the usual coming of age tale that indie productions are so very good at telling. Had it been a little more uniquely poignant and a little less analogous of the archetype it would have earned a great score.

3 farming subsidies launch cataclysms out of 5

50/50 (2011)

Nice guy Joseph Gordon-Levitt is diagnosed with a rare and deadly tumor with a 50% survival rate in this depressing "comedy"/drama. Goes through the whole process of cancer in a very realistic scenario; the actors here are all very believable, although "comedy relief" Seth Rogan comes off as insensitive most of the time. Still, I found this very uncompromising and moving, so I give it my stamp of approval.

4 Chemotherapy treatments out of 5