In a Nutshell. Mini reviews of movies old and new. No fuss. No spoilers. And often no sleep.

Wednesday 30 November 2016

20 Million Miles to Earth (1957)

A successful but straightforward blend of 50s sci-fi movie and creature feature that's almost as familiar as it is fun. Film-lovers versed in the language of such things will even be able to predict the timing of zooms and cutaways. What helps distinguish it from a hundred others is that it's set in a small fishing village in Southern Sicily, not in America, and, best of all, the creature FX are amazing! Also to its credit it takes cues from the more sophisticated entries in the genres, which means we're given an opportunity to develop a sympathetic bond with the creature, one that ties in with the obligatory philosophically poignant line of closing dialogue. If the script hadn't been cookie cutter elsewhere the film could've been great for more than just visual reasons.
A colourised version exists if you're allergic to B+W; I've not watched it.

3 frightened sheep out of 5

Tuesday 29 November 2016

Zid (2014)

A jilted newspaper crime reporter named Ronnie (Karanvir Sharma) attempts to escape his daily brooding by moving from his home in the city to a rural area. Whilst there his feelings for his ex-lover are eased when he spies and pervs Maya (Mannara), the landlord's daughter, but it's okay because she gets jollies from it, too. Even so, it doesn't prevent him from getting into quite a pickle.
It was the first proper acting gig for both leads; they did okay, all things considered, but the film is clumsy in many other ways as it attempt to explore themes of guilt, obsession and complicity.
One thing that did stand out was the rain scene; far from being the usual carefree, sensual, romantic aside, it's backdrop to a more sinister situation.

2 repurposed bird cages out of 5

Sunday 27 November 2016

Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972)

When a film's title is that amazing it's a pretty safe bet that we're in giallo territory, and, sure enough, we are. But it's not fully in that camp. It's the story of a writer who abuses his wife and desires his niece, but by incorporating elements of Edgar Allan Poe's The Black Cat (1843) it attempts a more layered, sophisticated narrative. Unfortunately, with many subtexts fighting for attention it often feels like the component parts don’t merge together as well as they should've. It's a feeling that's somewhat overturned by the last third, although not completely. In spite of that, the performances from the principals are all great, which is something that gialli can't always claim to have.

3 surprise eyes out of 5

Saturday 26 November 2016

BLOOD FATHER [2016]

Director  Jean-François Richet's violent Mel Gibson thriller, Blood Father, plays like a Liam Neeson thriller, if Neeson weren't afraid to roll around in the dust 'n dirt.
Gibson plays a man, in search of some heavy redemption, who's forced to go back to his dastardly ways when his estranged teenage daughter shows up on his doorstep with some nasty sort of fellas hot on her trail.
Right from the get-go you know where this sort of film is heading but it's the clever little nuances that sets it apart from others of it's kind, like father & daughter just as foul-mouthed and dangerous as the other.  There's some pretty silly eye-rolling moments, plotholes galore and awkward dialogue but that's where Mel Gibson's real life unpredictable ferocity gives it that extra amount of savage B-movie tension.

3 topsy-turvy trailers out of 5

DON'T THINK TWICE [2016]

Comedian Mike Birbiglia writes & directs Don't Think Twice, a surprisingly moving bittersweet coming-of-age drama.
It follows a New York City improv comedy troupe, all closing in to age 40, as they reach the fork in road of make it or break it.
It's a painfully honest portrayal of life outside of comedy and the difficult choices one must make once you've realized you're youthful dreams aren't actually materializing.  It hits some predictable notes but it's the incredibly comfortable cast that keeps the delivery fresh and unexpected.  Everybody involved both in front and behind the camera know their place and it all comes together in a neat little package that is hard not to like.

4 games of Jenga out of 5

Friday 25 November 2016

Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

I see Clash of the Titans (1981) frequently cited as being Ray Harryhausen's masterpiece. Titans is a good film, for sure, but for me there's no contest, Argonauts tops it. If I was able to plot on a graph how my love for stop-motion was established then the highest peak would represent Argonauts.
Don Chaffey's film has a lasting appeal that's almost on par with the fabulous Greek myths that make up its plot. Some of those myths got rewritten, but it's okay because the highly versatile quest structure remains ageless and easily relatable. We're with Jason every step of the way, no matter how ill-advised or dangerous his reactions seem at the time. (Seriously, Jason, WTF?)
He's allowed free will but is nevertheless a pawn of the gods, aided by Hera (Honor Blackman) and hindered by Zeus (Niall MacGinnis). The power of prophecy to initiate action and of belief to sustain it is ever-present.

5 divine strategies out of 5

Wednesday 23 November 2016

El Niño de la Luna (1989)

The story of a twelve-year-old boy named David (Enrique Saldana) and the occult society that appropriates him into their care. David has unusual powers that are used sparingly, not as a quick and lazy plot fix.
It's a slow moving film that casual viewers may struggle with. It'll likely be of most interest to two groups. The first is those who appreciate mysticism and peculiar narratives that don't feel the need to explain their every last detail. The other will be fans of the band Dead Can Dance. DCD provide the score (currently unavailable elsewhere) and band member Lisa Gerrard is one of the primary characters; it's her first acting role and she does great work.
The faults in the story are plain to see, but overall it's an enjoyable journey, and I loved how Dir. Agustí Villaronga chose not to compromise the strangely beautiful aura by hurrying the pace unnecessarily.

4 maternal lights out of 5

Tuesday 22 November 2016

A Scene at the Sea (1991)

Garbage collector Shigeru finds a broken surfboard by the side of the road. He takes it home and thereafter a story develops slowly over a short but magical summer in which simplicity is beauty and the mundane is deadpan hilarious.
Both Shigeru (Claude Maki) and his girlfriend Takako (Hiroko Ôshima) are deaf, so there's not a lot of spoken dialogue, but the silence in no way diminishes the relationship or our understanding of it because the 'voice' of the piece is very much Kitano's and he orchestrates it masterfully; the bond between the couple has a rhythm that can be heard over the sound of wind and waves.
It marked the first of many times that the director had composer Joe Hisaishi provide the score. The music and image are so seamlessly matched emotionally that it's as if the pair had been working together for decades.

4 horizon lines out of 5

Monday 21 November 2016

Barsaat (2005)

aka Barsaat: A Sublime Love Story / A Sublime Love Story: Barsaat

A woeful Bollywood romance that failed to offset its main character's antagonistic traits with enough sympathetic ones, resulting in him not being even marginally interesting. The female lead, the one we're supposed to feel more sorry for, is better represented but still problematic because, even if approached from a different perspective, such as that of a desperate lover, the few things that are relatable are not something to be celebrated. They serve only to diminish the character to the point of ineffectuality.
One good thing that might come from a viewing is recognising that from time to time everyone needs reminding that what they have, if they're lucky enough to have it at all, should never be taken for granted. For many it will be a reminder; for others it may be a first time realisation.

1½ issues resolved out of 5

Saturday 19 November 2016

Without Warning (1980)

A low budget sci-fi/horror that used half of its entire budget to hire Jack Palance and Martin Landau; neither man phoned it in, but both are unlikely to have placed it high up on their CV. It was also Ralph Meeker's last role.
The plot is thin. It's hunting season at the lake, but the wildlife isn't the only thing being taken out - an alien presence is culling the human population.
The actual alien is embarrassing (when it does eventually appear), but his flying, fleshy, yellow pus-filled pancakes are fantastically bad-good.
The best of the rest of the cast is the young woman playing Sandy, namely Tarah Nutter. A quick trip to IMDB proves that it didn't happen, but Tarah probably deserved to have a decent B-Movie career thereafter.

1½ free lumberjack shirts out of 5

Thursday 17 November 2016

The Ninth Configuration (1980)

An abandoned castle is the setting for William Peter Blatty's odd film. Within its walls are a group of Vietnam War-era U.S. soldiers that have been classified as crazy. A new psychiatrist arrives, tasked with finding out if they really are as mad as they appear to be and, if so, to do his best to help them.
The shrink is Stacy Keach and he's amazing in the role, the best I've ever seen him, infinitely more intriguing than many of the colourful patients.
Initially I disliked the film, but the occasional Vonnegut-esque moments kept me seated. Over time I grew more comfortable with the feverish feeling.
A pivotal scene (aprrox 45 mins into the 118 mins vers.) changed everything, thereafter a thematically darker and more theologically complex shadow was cast over all things. I believe a viewer's understanding of the second half will depend greatly on their interpretation of one particular spoken word in said scene, but the differing conclusions that result from it are equally powerful.

3½ second-hand recurrences out of 5

BAD MOMS [2016]

Every now and then Hollywood's dime-a-dozen lazily written raunchy comedies actually manage to belt out a few good laughs.  Jon Lucas & Scott Moore's Bad Moms is one of them...sort of.
It's about three overly stressed-out mothers that decide to brush-off their long list of duties in retaliation against the group of stick-up their asses mothers that rule the PTAs.
There really isn't anything I can say about these type of films that hasn't been said before.  You either take it for the lowbrow flick that it is with it's cheap laughs and calculated heart-warming schmatlz only to brush it off with ease.  Or leave it because clearly there's a list of thousands of better things you could be doing with your life.  I for one enjoyed it for what it was, although I'm obviously not the target audience (even if weird juices are squirting out of my nipples at the moment) but I won't be rushing out to see this ever again.

2½ foreskin hoodies out of 5

GLEN OR GLENDA [1953]

Ed Wood's Glen or Glenda is a highly unusual film that is difficult to stop watching once you start falling down the hallucinatory rabbit hole.
It follows a story about a man who secretly enjoys wearing woman's clothing and another man who undergoes a sex change, all surrounded by a drugged out Bela Lugosi tripping through "narrative" dialogues of mumbo jumbo.
There's an extended dream sequence that gets a little rapey, creepy devils, haunted houses and the obligatory transexual film staple: a buffalo stampede.  It feels like it was intended to be a forward thinking documentary but I guess Wood forgot and headed in fantasy-driven directions that only made sense to him.  The inconsistencies are nothing short of hilarious and make it all the more entertaining for the truckloads of whathtefuckery.

2½ big green dragons that sit on your doorstep out of 5

Tuesday 15 November 2016

BATMAN: RETURN OF THE CAPED CRUSADERS [2016]

Adam West & Burt Ward reprise their olde tyme dynamic duo roles for the hilariously disjointed animated Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders.
Taking us back to the '60's, Batsy & The Boy Wonder must travel to outer-space (and back) to thwart the diabolical plans of the fiendish foursome: The Joker, Penguin, The Riddler & Catwoman.
With it's silliness perfectly intact it's really hard to resist it's bad humor, silly one-liners and outrageous situations.  Fully aware of how ludicrous the series was, this new film bathes in it and makes it all the more fun to jump in to the tub with it (cheeky Aunt Harriet jokes included).  There's nothing here that's going to leave a lasting impression (except maybe that creepy granny voice coming out of the "sexy" Catwoman cartoon) but it's a helluva lot better than the lifeless adaptation of The Killing Joke from earlier this year.

3 Bat-Brass-Knuckles out of 5

A BIGGER SPLASH [2015]

The longer I thought about director  Luca Guadagnino's psycho-drama, A Bigger Splash, I realized I admired it more than what I had initially thought.
A famous rock star, recovering from throat surgery, and her moody boyfriend are taking a much-needed island vacation, but is interrupted by her shit-disturbing ex and his nymphy younger daughter.
Led more by a roller coaster of fragile emotions, rather than a conventional plot, the film requires patience from the viewer but pays off with seductive menace and baffling hilarity.  It cleverly juggles fascinating combinations of interaction between each character and none is more uncomfortably alluring than the next.  Painted over beautifully muted photography and strong performances, A Bigger Splash is a twisted little gem that rewards with wandering afterthoughts and baffled giggles aplenty.

3½ hoarse karaoke sessions out of 5

Lost in La Mancha (2002)

Cervantes' Don Quixote seems like it would be a perfect fit to Terry Gilliam's eccentric style. The director spent a decade trying to make it. He almost succeeded. But a collective of unseen forces decided it simply wasn't meant to be, even though a production that had life-size puppets and man-size giants absolutely deserved the audience it was never destined to have.
Providence, however, gave us La Mancha, a visual record by Keith Fulton and Louis Pepe. It captures the tragedy that befell a production that, truth be told, was on shaky ground from Day 01. It shows Gilliam as both a hopeless idealist and a perfect dreamer, two sides of one coin, eliciting feelings of incredulity and sympathy in a viewer that are often inseparable.
There's no reason to suspect that Gilliam's final product would've been any more or less successful and divisive than his previous works had been, but I for one would love to have seen it come to fruition, nonetheless.

3 false starts (and at least one act of god) out of 5

Monday 14 November 2016

Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971)

A professional rock drummer finds himself in a compromising position after leaving the studio one evening. He's later blackmailed by a mysterious voyeur who wants the musician to know that what he did was not unseen.
In some ways it's a kind of reversal of what the previous two films in the unconnected trilogy did (Bird + Cat), but like its immediate predecessor it has major pacing problems. I was fighting heavy eyelids after just sixty minutes.
The lead actors are mostly apathetic, their friends are perfunctory filler, and the semi-comedic private investigator was like salt in an open wound. The violent giallo kills are the highlight, as usual, but they're few and far between.

2 cushioned silences out of 5

Sunday 13 November 2016

The Cat o' Nine Tails (1971)

Argento's follow-up to The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970) is the second film in what's become known as his Animal Trilogy, even though Nine Tails has no significant animal in it; not even the yellow-eyed cover star. The term refers to the number of possible leads in the investigative part of the story.
There's nothing particularity bad about the film, but nor is there much to get excited about. It's perhaps because the director was still testing the waters, experimenting with levels of violence and plotting. But I suspect it's also in part due to his wishing to appeal to a more international audience.
It might please folks who want a straight thriller with an edge, but anyone wanting a classic Argento experience should look elsewhere.
The music is again by Ennio Morricone; he did all three films in the trilogy.

2 glasses of milk out of 5

Friday 11 November 2016

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970)

The killer in Argento's début applies a similar kind of love and care to the tools of that particular trade as Argento does to his own. And while the result isn't as polished as some of the Italian director's more celebrated later works, his preferred modus operandi is resolutely established; i.e. super-stylish kills with investigative portions of plot advancement in between.
The first violent act occurs in a well-lit gallery, itself framed by the entryway like some kind of grisly artwork. Like the protagonist (Tony Musante), we witness it from afar but close enough to see the knife in action.
The investigation that follows is both a device to get us to the next murder asap and something with real purpose, a means to an end for the witness.
Morricone's score is unusual in places but thoroughly effective, nonetheless.

3 harmonic intensities out of 5

Thursday 10 November 2016

SONG OF THE SOUTH [1946]

 
Disney's live action/animated film Slaves of the Sou...er...Song of the South is inspired by author Joel Chandler Harris' collected Uncle Remus stories.
Set on a plantation in rural Georgia, the framing story revolves around a rich white family who face such white people tragedies as daddy taking a trip, a muddy dress and not getting a puppy.  Each of these problems are solved by the care-free ex-slaves who are perfectly happy to serve no purpose but fix the cracker-asses' tragic dilemmas.
There's some pretty entertaining animated sequences based on the Remus' tales but it's the framing story that pretty much stinks.  Not just because it's offensively racist but it lacks any sort of direction or any realized plotline.  James Baskett does a wonderful job at portraying Uncle Remus with heartfelt depth but he's the only thing worth mentioning beyond the cartoon shorts.

3 tar babies out of 5

DOCTOR STRANGE [2016]

The 60's era Pink Floyd badge that director Scott Derrickson's Doctor Strange wears is swimmingly earned through the mind-bending special effects alone.
The 2nd film in the MCU's Phase 3 (and 14th film all together) follows arrogant neurosurgeon Stephen Strange who discovers an ancient world of mystical arts after a car accident leaves him with irreparable damages to his hands.
Not since Robert Downey Jr's Tony Start has an actor embodied their character with perfection as Benedict Cumberbatch has so gracefully done.  However it's the rest of the actors who are left little to work with behind Strange and the mind-boggling visuals.  The special effects look like Inception, The Matrix & Dark City all dropped acid together and lost all sense of reality, which begs for the IMAX 3D treatment.  Doc Strange isn't the MCU reinvention Marvel seems to think it is but it's still a pretty fun trip to take.

3 interstellar overdrives out of 5

Wednesday 9 November 2016

Jazbaa (2015)

After an exploitative post-baby workout vid shows that she's still hot, Aishwarya gets to do some proper acting. A few years off didn't dull her edge. Both she and Irrfan Khan are the main reason the film works at all; without them it would struggle to remain afloat, bogged down as it is with attempts to be logical despite obvious questions being pushed aside or outright ignored.
It's difficult enough to feel sympathy for selfish protagonists, but destroying the all-important court scenes with awful camerawork and swamping the reality of many other scenes by colour enhancing them to within an inch of their life created an additional barrier that could've been avoided.
If you're already a fan of both Aishwarya and Irrfan then you'll likely get your money's worth, like I did; otherwise, deduct half a point from my score.

3 chilling statistics out of 5

Monday 7 November 2016

The Hand (1981)

An early feature from Oliver Stone, based on author Marc Brandell's novel The Lizard's Tail (1979). I haven't read it. The film stars Michael Caine, struggling with the worst hairstyle of his career. He's a comic book artist married to a crappy, selfish wife (Andrea Marcovicci). The marriage is slowly crumbling.
A freak accident complicates matters further for the artist. It also allows for a psychological edge to creep into the story. It's a good thing, too, because it enables the film to nurture a taut atmosphere, heightened by complementary editing, making it seem like more than just another take on a horror cliché.

3 dangerous reflexes out of 5

Sunday 6 November 2016

OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL [2016]

30 years after Transformers: The Movie, Hasbro finally produces a film that doesn't suck...and it's the prequel to one of the worst movies of 2014.
Director Mike Flanagan's Ouija: Origin of Evil follows a widowed mother & her two daughters who struggle to make ends meet as hosts of phony séances.  It's when the youngest daughter starts getting Aidan Keller creepy that they realize they have actually summoned something with a bit of a grudge.
Like The Conjuring series, Flanagan has a knack for..ahem...conjuring up some pretty creepsome period horror films, dated title cards, reel change signal dots and olde tyme framing & camera trickery.  The build-up is exquisitely timed with some nice jump scares and a surprisingly fleshed-out dramatic pull.  There's absolutely nothing here you haven't seen before but Flanagan does it all with such finesse it really doesn't matter until the watered down finale...but I've almost come to accept there's very few horror films that have a satisfactory conclusion.

3½ vivid descriptions of strangulation out of 5

RED DOG [2011]

Kill Me Three Times director Kriv Stenders brings us Red Dog, a lovable true story about an even more lovable canine.
A legend for his lone travels through Western Australia's Pilbara region in the 70's, Red Dog finds himself adopted by a ragtag group of miner's in a broken down community that needs the love a dog to help bring them together again.
Sappy right?  Well, yeah.  And at times it's pretty far-fetched but it's brought to life with a huge heart that is hard to resist.  It's also pretty funny too but be warned prudish North Americans, it is Trans-Tasman humor which isn't always welcome at the dinner table.  I never forgave Marley & Me for what it inevitably did to my still-broken heart but this one is easier to love because it actually is a good movie unlike the former.

3½ Red Cats out of 5

PEARL HARBOR [2001]

Like Titanic before it, director Michael Bay takes a historical tragedy and turns it into a melodramatic epic romance with his paint-by-numbers World War II drama for dummies, Pearl Harbor.
There's a love triangle filled with plenty of eye-rolling sappiness and somewhere beneath that there's a retelling of the surprise Japanese attack on the Hawaiian U.S. Naval base which ultimately led to the Tokyo Raid.
What we get here is 40 minutes of very horrific warfare and the effective nightmarish aftermath but beyond that is quite frankly embarrassing with nearly 2½ hours of shamefully written upchuck that serves no real purpose to the actual events.  With the exception of the some brilliantly crafted action sequences this film is pretty worthless and an insult to the real events it emulates.

2 hoola shirts out of 5

Saturday 5 November 2016

Death Ship (1980)

A small group of survivors from a sunken cruise ship in the Atlantic think their rich bacon is saved when a ship that's still afloat appears. But the mysterious, rusted, seemingly abandoned vessel is... dun dun duuun... Death Ship!
The out-of-the-frying-pan survivors are a varied bunch, different in age as well as temperament. Perhaps the most notable is George Kennedy, who's his usual dependable self. Kennedy plays a Capt. Moodypants who's approaching retirement but not quite ready to accept what that means for his ego.
My heavy-eyes and insomnia-addled brain didn't cope well with the swaying, seasicky camera movements, but at least there's some justification for them.
At times it's a little like King's Overlook Hotel but on a ship, within which are a few standout scenes that are effectively dramatic.

2½ cold crew out of 5

Thursday 3 November 2016

BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE [2016]

After years of pleas from bothersome fanboys, Alan Moore & Brian Bolland's 1988 graphic novel Batman: The Killing Joke is finally given the animated feature-length treatment.
The Joker does a nasty number on the Gordon family forcing Batsy to hunt him down and inflicting a punishment upon him he sees fit.
I'm probably in the minority here but I never found The Killing Joke book particularly interesting and that follows quite faithfully into the film as well.  Sure there's plenty of disturbingly wicked Joker moments but it's more shock value than anything...especially when you take into consideration the brand new horrid first act tagged on for whatever reason.  It's great to hear Kevin Conroy & Mark Hamill return to their respective roles but even they don't seem all that enthusiastic with what they're given.

2 red hoods out of 5

LITTLE SISTER [2016]

The daddy in director Zach Clark's quirky drama Little Sister isn't really all that big but the film still finds itself going down some dark corridors nonetheless.
A young nun readies to take her final vows but takes a sudden trip back home when her newly disfigured older brother returns from the Iraqi war.
The family is riddled with mild dysfunction, especially Ally Sheedy who seems to be playing it like Allison Reynolds over 20 years later, and she does a wonderful scene-stealing job at it.  By opening the film with a Marilyn Manson quote you know it's not going to be your average dysfunctional family drama and that's fine because there's plenty to laugh at no matter how dark the subject matter might be.  There's a bit much tossed in the background in an attempt to make important statements but thankfully it never gets overly sentimental and that's where it's greatest strength lies.

3 trippy family Hallowen parties out of 5

INSHITE MIRU: 7-KAKAN NO DESU GÊMU [2010]

aka The Incite Mill

Director Hideo Nakata takes a break from creepy long-haired dead Japanese girls with the breezy sci-fi mystery Inshite Miru.
Here we follow ten strangers, trapped in an underground bunker, who all unwillingly partake in a dangerous game of survival for a large sum of money.
It's not particularly original or surprising, in fact it wear it's Agatha Christie influence on it's sleeve, ten little Indians and all.  However it's brisk pacing, atmospheric suspense and wildly entertaining cast make it an easily digestible ride.  Don't expect many twists 'n turns because you'll probably figure it out quicker than you'd like, which is a shame because it takes the fun out of films like these when you're a step or two ahead of them.

3 Guards out of 5

Naina (2005)

An unofficial Hindi language remake of the Pang brothers' renowned Asian horror The Eye (2002). It also poaches ideas from Nakata's Dark Water (2002), Shimizu's Ju-on (2002) and to a lesser extent even Iida's Rasen (1998).
The majority of the story is set in London. I don't understand why. The only benefit derived from the locale was a silver lining scenario: it made the ghosts seem more animated than the boring and lifeless manner in which the city was captured. The scenes set in India prove the point; it's only then that everyone, both in front of the camera and behind it, appear to remember that Hindi cinema has a rich history of stirring emotion that they should at least try and live up to. The India scenes kick the ass of everything that came before.

2½ repeat desires out of 5

Tuesday 1 November 2016

White Men Can't Jump (1992)

There are a few 'sports movie' elements in WMCJ, but it's easy to make allowances for them because the real focus is Snipes and Harrelson, both basketball hustlers who team up in order to increase their earnings. There's a genuine respect for the other's talent, beneath which is a strong rivalry. When not on the court, each man also has a demanding woman to contend with.
The dialogue is excellent, as fast paced and direct as an actual basketball play. It slows a little in the last act (when the 'sports movie' parts are used) but by that stage both characters are so well-defined that it's less of a problem than it would've been had it been placed earlier in the journey.
Besides the duo, Rosie Perez is also excellent. I haven't watched many films with Snipes in, but I'm willing to bet that he didn't ever top his work here.

4 momma jokes out of 5

ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [2015]

It's October 31st, as of this post, so naturally to coincide with consumer whores it's time to start celebrating Christmas tomorrow.  Here at The Nutshell I thought I'd get one day ahead of the whores and wipe my reindeer Nuts all over Todd Nunes' low budget X-mas slasher All Through The House.
Some crazed dude dresses up as Santa, murders people and mutilates their naughty bits with a pair of hedging shears and that's about it.
After a particularly vicious opening scene it all seems to fall into a pit of really really bad, like A Talking Cat?!? bad, only with homicidal Christmas cheer.  It doesn't really offer any real surprises other than a wild card Alice in Wonderland dress tossed in for whatever reason.  No matter how bad it gets there's just something alluringly awful about it that won't allow you to dismiss it as quick as you probably should.

2 wild wheelchair rides out of 5

KILLER LEGENDS [2014]

After stumbling upon Cropsey in his previous film, documentarian Joshua Zeman further explores other frightening urban myths in Killer Legends.
The man with the hook, the baby-sitter slaughterer, the Halloween candy killer and homicidal clowns are all under investigation here.  We get to find out their originations, what inspired them and what was inspired by them, all told with an eerie chill.  So much, that at first it feels like a cheap melodramatic Strange Mysteries reality show until they get into some really unsettling facts that are just plain creepsome.  Quite a bit of it is stuff the season horror buff will already know but it features enough little tidbits of scary info to keep it interesting and entertaining anyway.

3 towns that dreaded sundown out of 5