This is the Tom Green Documentary (2025)

Tom Green takes hold of his narrative by directing his own documentary, tracing his humble roots as a teenager interested in late night comedy to a modest rap career while making skateboarding videos. It's an interesting look into his life as a disruptor and pioneer of bizarre alternative comedy, from a grassroots public access show in Canada, to MTV, movies and beyond. What becomes immediately apparent is that there was always a method to the madness. It's a bit of a vanity show, cherry picking clips that reflect favorably on his career, but at the cost of getting an all-access pass to the behind-the-scenes stories. It sums up a once-in-a-lifetime period of avant-garde and punk rock comedy in the '90s and early aughts that wound up defining a generation, inspiring the likes of Jackass, Tim & Eric and The Eric Andre Show in his wake and innovating the podcast format with his early internet radio shows.

 

3 Slutmobiles out of 5

Toy Story 5 (2026)

The reason this franchise hits so hard is because it's clearly made by people who love film and have a fond remembrance of childhood. Each one has been about embracing and leaving behind the past, and as we get older, so do our memories. The farther away we are from those experiences, the harder it hits.

This one tells the story of how electronic devices are leaving the traditional brick and mortar toys in the dust and forcing kids to grow up too quickly. It's easily the most depressing entry of the series and makes me feel older and more obsolete than ever because it hits on an inevitable truth. It seems like it's on the verge of having something significant to say, but then bails out at the last minute. It's a shame. Can't disparage our technological overlords, I guess...

2½ Lilypads out of 5

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Boy, 2019 feels like a long way behind. This film features the vocal talents of Don Rickles, Carl Reiner, Betty White, Estelle Harris and Carl Weathers, all of whom are no longer with us anymore. It also predates COVID, which feels like simpler times. Film truly is a time capsule. It's important to preserve the past.

Likewise, this franchise understands the value of legacy while continuing to take risks and reinvent itself, branching out in all new directions. This film is about those left behind who must move on from the past in order to find new purpose. It does it in traditional Pixar fashion and succeeds with flying colors.

This would have worked better as the last film in the series, but, you know...

3½ sporks out of 5

Tuner (2025)

A virtuoso piano tuner with sensitive hearing and pitch perfect ability utilizes his specialized skill set to crack safes after he's accidentally recruited by the wrong type of people. It's a very simple premise, but extremely charming in the way it plays out, owing in no small part to the chemistry between the two young leads. It feels like the type of caper film that could have been made in the '70s, no doubt due to Dustin Hoffman's captivating presence in the cast.

3 tuna fish out of 5

Twinless (2025)

Two guys—one straight, one gay—meet at a support group for people who have lost their twin and become fast friends. There are a couple of extra layers to this psychological drama which make it better than your average dark buddy comedy, but to say any more would be giving the game away.

3 malapropisms out of 5

They Will Kill You (2026)

An ex-convict poses as a maid to infiltrate a lavish hotel, searching for her sister who has gone missing, but finding much more than she bargained for. The trailers play it coy and don't reveal its hand, but it's a bonkers, ultra gory, hyper-stylistic cross between Tarantino and Raimi. It plays out a little like Ready or Not: The Lost Levels, and Zazie Beetz's barefoot warrior is highly formidable. Russian director Kirill Sokolov is someone to keep an eye out for.

3 fuck floors out of 5

Train Dreams (2025)

Chronicles the life of one Robert Grainier, an ordinary man without much sense of direction or purpose, who searches for meaning in the absurdity and tragedy that follows him during the early twentieth century. Life is simple but hard, and similarly, I found this film meditative but dull, which is probably an accurate depiction of what life was like back then. The cinematography is beautiful and brings to mind the works of Terrence Malick, as we're treated to long stretches of quiet contemplation. It seems to be about how the world changes and leaves us behind, which is as profound as it is devastating.

3 boots nailed to a tree out of 5

The Thing with Feathers (2025)

A recently widowed father navigates through grief after the sudden passing of his wife, as he contends with a voice in his head and an ominous presence that appears to visit him through his illustrations. It goes without saying that it's depressing as fuck, without much reprieve. It couldn't help but remind me of Tuesday, but way more of a bummer. Benedict Cumberbatch carries the film on his shoulders, but the story is sparse and it never quite manages to take off.

2 sad dads out of 5

Troll 2 (2025)

Troll, except now there's 2 of them. Not to be confused with this Troll 2.

If the first one was Godzilla, then this is Godzilla vs. Kong. That is to say, there's nothing truly original about this. It's a Norwegian film riddled with Hollywood clichés. As always, the slow motion telegraphs emotion and the contrivances are there to wring some forced drama out of the proceedings.

This movie is bad; not in a fun way. It made me long to see The BFG again.

1 silver sword dipped in holy water out of 5

Troll (2022)

Deep in the mountains of Dovre, an ancient troll has awakened from its slumber, while a paleontologist teams up with her estranged father to investigate it in this Norwegian folklore-inspired monster flick, which feels like the local Nordic version of Godzilla. It's mostly the CGI that brings the quality of the production down, but the whole thing just feels so painfully generic, and once you involve the military, these films become significantly less fun. Honestly, Trollhunter is looking much better by comparison.

2 Halls of the Mountain King out of 5

Tron: Ares (2025)

The next step in the evolution of TRON. The effects look better than ever, but it still feels hollow. Tron has never been the deepest franchise; it's all about the visual style and evocation of mood and showing off the best technology of the day. In that way, I appreciate what it's doing here. That being said, this one feels even louder and emptier than the previous film. This time, the hot button issue is AI. It's an inverse of the last film where now it's the MCP that leaves the grid into our world. At times, it reminded me of The Terminator. At the center is yet another Light Cycle sequence, which is the bread and butter of this franchise. It essentially amounts to a glorified tech demo of the times.

1 '80s throwback sequence out of 5

Time Cut (2024)

In 2003, a girl is murdered. 20 years later, her younger sister discovers a time machine at the site of her death, which sends her back to the time of murder, where she tries to intervene and prevent it from happening. A sci-fi twist on the horror genre, reminiscent of 2023's Totally Killer, which depends on a lot of nostalgia from the early aughts. Enjoyable for what it brings to the table.

3 screeching modems out of 5

Totally Killer (2023)

In a fun sci-fi twist on the slasher horror genre, a girl is displaced to 1987 to stop a serial killer and prevent a murder from occurring in present day 2023. I kinda hated all the meta-commentary, but the lead actress is great at playing 'triggered.' I also love that they integrated the Mandela Effect into their time travel rules. I feel like this already has all the makings of a future cult classic.

3 trauma bonds out of 5

Terrified (2017)

AKA: Aterrados

Not to be confused with Terrifier, this creepy Argentine supernatural horror flick offers some effective scares (including one that was stolen for Smile). Honestly, the less said, the better. Go into this one blind, but eyes wide open.

3 cabinets of horrors out of 5

Troma's War (1988)

AKA: 1,000 Ways to Die

A bunch of Tromavillians get in a plane wreck on a deserted island filled with terrorists, where the survivors must band together to fend for their lives. It's a pretty straight action-thriller, with the trademark Troma cheese and gore. I've never really thought much of this film, but it's a nice showcase for cheap '80s practical effects, full of blood, guts and tits (not necessarily in that order).

1½ AIDS brigades out of 5

Note: The R-rated version was hacked to pieces; the unrated adds 15 minutes.

Toxic Tutu (2017)

Mark Torgl, aka Melvin the Mop Boy, star of The Toxic Avenger, headlines his own mockumentary where he resurfaces at a horror-con after disappearing for over 30 years following the making of the movie. Features a lot of aged faces from that 1984 film, mostly captured from amateur convention footage. 

The acting is non-existent, the editing style is insufferably chaotic and it's incomprehensibly hard to follow, but there's tits so there's that. This will only be appealing to diehard fans of the original film, and even that is pushing it.

½ a jar of substance out of 5

The Toxic Avenger (2023)

What fresh hell is this? 14 years ago, I mentioned the long-awaited reboot of The Toxic Avenger. It finally arrives. And it's fucking awful. They turned Toxie from a "hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength" to a 4 foot freak, but that's the least of my problems with it. They ruined everything about it; the gore, the comedy, the romance, sex/nudity, music and violence. Even though it's "unrated," it feels tame and the CGI kills lack that raw, brutal DIY feeling of the original. The humor doesn't hit right, and worst yet, it lacks any sense of danger or controversy. The characters aren't relatable and the villain is way too one-dimensional. It's missing all the charm and fun of the original series. I can't tell you how utterly disappointed I am by the lot of it. 

This isn't for OG Troma fans, and if you think it is, you're just a poser.

1 acid dissolved chain out of 5

Throw Momma from the Train (1987)

Danny DeVito's directorial debut is a pitch black comedy about a nebbish middle-aged man who lives with his overbearing mother and plots her demise when he becomes inspired by Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train and gets a struggling writer (Billy Crystal) to do his dirty work for him, in exchange for doing his ex-wife in. It's a comedy of errors that is frequently funny, and Momma (portrayed by Anne Ramsey) is a hilariously terrifying presence.

3 "The night was...moist" out of 5 

Three Amigos (1986)

Three recently out-of-work silent film actors known for their popular role as a trio of heroic gunfighters are recruited by a desperate Mexican village under attack by a gang of banditos who mistake them for the genuine article.

The real charm of this movie comes out of the chemistry between Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short, who bounce off each other seamlessly as they remain ignorant of what's happening. It was never particularly well regarded, even at the time of its release, but it's a weirdly reassuring Western comedy from a period of film that's fun to revisit from time to time again.

3 singing bushes out of 5

Note: This is a duplicate nut because I'm an idiot and didn't check first.

The Three Stooges (2012)

I grew up as a dedicated Stoogehead, so the recasting was a hard sell for me, but man...this was actually a surprisingly loving effort to try and recreate the feeling of The Three Stooges for the modern era. Will Sasso in particular embodies the spirit of Curly. It's a film that is completely imperfect, but I admire it a lot for what it's trying to do, and the Farrellys were the perfect guys for the job. This kind of slapstick comedy never goes out of style.

3 eye-pokes out of 5