Normal (2025)

An interim sheriff arrives in the snowy town of Normal, Minnesota following the death of the previous sheriff. It's a small town full of idiosyncrasies and secrets, not unlike their neighbors in Fargo, North Dakota. It goes without saying it's a charming, violent action-comedy from the creator of Nobody and the John Wick franchise, that is not at all what it appears to be at first glance.

3 squeaky leather jackets out of 5

Protector (2025)

Milla Jovovich enters her Jason Statham era. She needs a new nickname now. The Mill? Jovie? I'll work on it. After her daughter is kidnapped, an ex-Special Forces soldier infiltrates a trafficking ring, in this Taken-like scenario. It's an ultra-violent action thriller that gets bloody quick, but it's full of weird pacing, slow exposition and poor acting skills. It gets laughably bad at times, but it's the kind of movie you could have a lot of fun with under the right influence.

There is a great, dark reveal at the end that saved it from POS status for me.

2 kill boxes out of 5

Busboys (2026)

This movie is D-U-M dumb. But also funny as hell, in that blatantly politically incorrect way that most comedies don't have the brass to be anymore. David Spade specializes in these white trash Joe Dirt knock-off roles, while Theo Von (more or less playing himself) goes along for the ride as two busboys who travel to Mexico in the hopes of being promoted to waiters. Yeah, it's retarded.

2½ hot plates out of 5

Balls Up (2026)

A couple of marketers develop the Balls Up, a condom designed to cover up the balls as well, and pitch it as the official condom of Brazil in the World Cup, before inciting an international incident that has them on the run. I'm sad that this came from one half of the Farrelly Brothers because it's a poor attempt at recreating the raunchy R-rated comedies of its heyday and it lacks any heart.

Buddy comedies usually build on the chemistry of its actors, but Paul Walter Hauser does most of the heavy lifting here. There's so much talent involved in front of and behind the camera, it's appalling how disastrous this turned out.

1½ minnows swimming upstream out of 5

Outcome (2026)

A grown up child star, obsessed with his public image and increasingly out of touch with the world, embarks on an apology tour to get ahead of a possible scandal. 10 minutes into this movie, I knew it was going to be high-strung and completely exhausting. Director Jonah Hill is clearly trying too hard to stay hip and relevant. Biggest laugh was a throwaway line during the end credits.

1 Google search out of 5

I Swear (2025)

A biographical story about a Scottish lad with a promising future whose life was derailed by Tourette's syndrome, a neurological disorder involving involuntary, compulsive behavior, outbursts of verbal tics and repetitive motor functions. Of all the terrible afflictions this world has to offer, TS is easily the funniest, but it's a nightmarish existence for those trapped in a body that doesn't listen well to directions. The most moving part of this film comes from the acceptance of those around him, and "never having to apologize" for things that are out of your control, although it's obviously harder to defend in practical application with polite company. It involves selfless compassion, understanding and a preternatural amount of patience, which I wouldn't quite believe exists, were it not based on a true story. This movie serves to spread education around the harsh realities of the condition; but as someone with a compulsion to do inappropriate things all the time, it also had me howling.

4 cunts out of 5

Twinless (2025)

Two guys—one straight, one gay—meet at a support group for people who have lost their twin and become fast friends. There are a couple of extra layers to this psychological drama which make it better than your average dark buddy comedy, but to say any more would be giving the game away.

3 malapropisms out of 5

The Drama (2026)

Over drinks, two couples discuss what's the "worst thing" they've ever done, leading to a major revelation and falling out among the soon-to-be-married couple. The whole movie revolves around the severity of this hypothetical scenario, which I found overblown and unable to sustain the tension of its entire runtime. For a film predicated on a 'really bad thing' that took place in the past, it presupposes that people can't change and can never be trusted again. Honestly, I didn't even find it that big of a deal in the first place.

2 pantsings out of 5

You, Me & Tuscany (2026)

After a meet-cute with an Italian at a bar, a woman makes the spontaneous decision to visit Tuscany to honor her late mother's wishes, and somehow ends up passing herself off as his fiancée with his rich family, while also falling for his brother, who also happens to be the only black guy in Italy.

Sometimes I choose to go to the movies in order to escape the heat and for some scenic eye candy. That's all this is. A light bit of escapism from reality.

1½ vineyard sprinklers out of 5

Reminders of Him (2026)

A family drama about a woman returning home after serving 7 years in prison for the death of her boyfriend. She wishes to meet the daughter she never knew, though the guardians are protective of ever letting that happen. Like Colleen Hoover's other adapted works (It Ends with Us, Regretting You), it has a very specific feeling attached to it; almost a bit too gentle, given the gravity of the situation. There are predictable family dynamics and relationships at play, where everything is framed and lit beautifully and everyone is a 10. This is what I like to call a "normal" movie. It's very normie-coded, but that's okay.

2½ pigeons out of 5

The Pout-Pout Fish (2026)

An ocean pout, cursed with a hard glower and greeted every day by other creatures telling him to "cheer up," learns to avoid oceankind, until one day his home is destroyed and he teams up with a hyperactive young seadragon to search for a mythical shimmering fish that will help grant their wishes. I wasn't expecting much from this, though I appreciated the concept of someone being judged for the way they look, but it devolves into the same, usual, mindless, colorful fare for kiddies, lacking in any charm or identity of its own. When did children's movies start feeling so condescending? Or was it always like this?

1 Bull Shark out of 5

GOAT (2026)

In an anthropomorphic world of animals, a goat wants to be the 'greatest of all time' at basketball. And that's the end of any originality this film has to offer. Stylistically, the animation is bright, colorful and very appealing to the eyes, but the subject matter is trite and uninspired. Another dull and forgettable sports underdog comedy. Easily impressionable kids will dig it, I suppose.

½ a cloaca out of 5

Hoppers (2026)

Pixar's latest opus is a conservation sci-fi comedy about an activist attempting to rescue her childhood forest glade from being torn down and renovated into a freeway. To accomplish this, she utilizes an advanced technology to "hop" her consciousness into that of a robotic beaver and round up the woodland creatures in an effort to save their sanctuary. Like most movies of this nature, it's cute and cuddly and ultimately harmless, but its charm is irresistible.

3 paws of the king out of 5

Mars (2024)

The Whitest Kids U' Know was a sketch comedy troupe formed in 2001 until the death of founding member Trevor Moore in 2021. Prior to his untimely passing, he had completed work on what would become their final project together, an animated film reuniting the entire WKUK crew about a man with a seemingly ideal life who signs up for a voyage to Mars in order to escape his increasingly mundane existence. It's full of highly irreverent humor that probably won't appeal much to non-fans, but it is nice to get a bit of a bookend to their career.

2½ doll lickers out of 5

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026)

What is it about Nintendo and Mario that continues to capture the imagination? Is it the colors, the character models, the music, or the simplistic but polished game design that keeps reinventing itself across every new generation?

Having recently revisited the first movie, I realized it didn't hold up as well as my initial viewing. It's a lot of bright colors and nostalgic music that feeds on memories of childhood. Similarly, this sequel crams in as much fan service as possible to the point where it feels like ADHD personified. It's the movie equivalent of a theme park ride that is as good as whatever happy memory you bring to it. Nothing compares to your own personal video game journeys.

2½ Star Fox crossovers out of 5

Project Hail Mary (2026)

A man wakes up all alone on a spacecraft with no memory of who he is or how he got there. All the onboard crew is dead, he's floating adrift in space, and the stars are apparently dying. The trailers spoil what's to come, but I won't do that here. This is a voyage of wonder and discovery you must take alone.

Powerhouse directing duo Lord and Miller spin a yarn as old as time, Ryan Gosling remains effortlessly effusive, and while most of the science flies over my head, it's emotionally intelligent to boot. A safe bet for best of the year.

4½ fist bumps out of 5