Somebody Up There Likes Me (2013)

A deeply ironical title for a deeply ironical film. I don't even know how to properly surmise this deadpan comedy that jumps around 35 years in the lives of its main characters (while never seeming to age). There's a part of me that admires this film and a part of me that abhors it, but like other indies by Bob Byington, they tend to get under your skin and stay there, for better or worse. 

3½ suitcases out of 5

Registered Sex Offender (2008)

AKA: RSO

Framed as a mockumentary, a young man recently released on parole for an undisclosed sex crime tries to reintegrate with society in light of how he is now perceived, attempting to find a job and patch things up with his girlfriend (the beautiful Kristen Tucker, pictured above). It doesn't quite live up to its potential, but it offers nuance to a usually maligned topic of conversation.

3 bad days out of 5

The Pout-Pout Fish (2026)

An ocean pout, cursed with a hard glower and greeted every day by other creatures telling him to "cheer up," learns to avoid oceankind, until one day his home is destroyed and he teams up with a hyperactive young seadragon to search for a mythical shimmering fish that will help grant their wishes. I wasn't expecting much from this, though I appreciated the concept of someone being judged for the way they look, but it devolves into the same, usual, mindless, colorful fare for kiddies, lacking in any charm or identity of its own. When did children's movies start feeling so condescending? Or was it always like this?

1 Bull Shark out of 5

Smurfs (2025)

The little blue shits are back.

It doesn't feel good that I am once again nutting a Smurfs movie in 2025, but this is actually the fourth film (and second reboot) after the previous attempt went off the rails in 2017. Going back to basics, the little blue perverts exist blissfully unaware in Smurf Village, where their name dictates their entire personality and they are seemingly tethered to their fates from birth (this could be a good premise for a horror movie). Cue in: No Name Smurf, who is looking for his life's purpose, amongst the backdrop of a bright magical world.

The biggest draw of this one seems to be the dubious casting of Rihanna as Smurfette, which explains why this also happens to be a musical. I found the portal hopping kept my attention, even if it didn't lead anywhere worthwhile.

What's funny is that I used to be a big fan of the Smurfs as a kid, but I have no memory of why. Turns out I was just partial to the color blue.

1 Snooterpoot out of 5

Note: Another little-known fact about the Smurfs is that they all gang-bang Smurfette every single night. And she likes it. (Her nickname is Bonnie Blue.)

The Life of Chuck (2024)

Mike Flanagan continues his successful collaborative effort with Stephen King in this spellbinding esoteric mystery revolving around a dude named Chuck.

Truth be told, the less said the better. Go into it blind as I did. It had a profound effect on me, even as I discovered how it all pieced together early in Act III.

This one won't be for the Materialists.

Proves that there are still great King adaptations to come.

4½ multitudes out of 5

Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning (2025)

29 years after he started the M:I franchise, Tom Cruise returns one last time to end it. And it couldn't come any sooner, as he's traded in his boyish good looks for someone closer resembling Buddy Hackett. Still, at 62, he's performing insane stunts and doing things that I could never do at any age, so you can't really knock it. Maybe there's something to that Scientology shit, after all.

Picking up shortly after the events of Dead Reckoning, The Entity is still an active threat (if somewhat an abstract construct) while the world is again at the precipice of succumbing to global devastation. It's exposition-heavy at times, and heavy-handed at others, but I mostly find it fascinating due to its finality. The improbable part is that they managed to tie up so many loose story strands from throughout the series in a satisfying way while weaving together all of the films. (Meanwhile, my impossible mission was trying not to piss myself for three hours.) It's a welcome return to form that succeeds in ending the series on a high note. Tom's mission, should he choose to accept it, is not to fuck it up by making another one.

3½ MacGuffins out of 5

Note: Huge shout-out goes to Ving Rhames, who has appeared in every single one of these films alongside Cruise, but never quite seems to get his due.

Candy Cane Lane (2023)

In order to win a $10,000 prize for best Christmas house display, a desperate family man buys a magical set of decorations based on "The Twelve Days of Christmas." I like the idea of the entities from that song coming to life and trying to kill you, but I would have enjoyed this so much more as a horror film. Imagine some bare chested maids-a-milking and some lords-a-leaping through people. Anyway, as a family movie, I thought it was a decent enough effort. Went on way too long though; I felt like it would have ended on a much better note a good half hour earlier. The kids will probably have fun with this one.

2½ Matrix houses out of 5

Civil War (2024)

Director Alex Garland presents us with a dystopian vision of the not-too-distant future. The United States has broken into factions resulting from an increasingly authoritarian government and the secessionist groups that have emerged in its wake. We follow a team of war journalists making the dangerous journey from battle-ravaged New York to Washington, D.C. in order to interview the despotic commander-in-chief. It's all rather predictable in a way, but incredibly compelling, as it offers an even more realistic version of The Purge (and Zombieland) than we've seen depicted on screen before.

Will likely be divisive to folks, but that's probably the point.

3½ photographs to die for out of 5

THE FOUNDER [2016]

You ever care how fast-food empire McDonald's got it start?
Me neither.  However director John Lee Hancock's The Founder does help make it somewhat interesting.
It follows businessman Ray Kroc as he takes the McDonalds brother's idea of fast-food and turns it into a towering franchise.
Micheal Keaton's dominating portrayal of Kroc is what makes the film, as the rest is a little lacking in intrigue.  Sadly the rest of the cast of characters are shamefully underwritten but thankfully actors like John Carroll Lynch, Nick Offerman & B.J. Novak have just enough acting chops to give their characters a bit of flavor.  It's not a great film, a little TV-movie-ish in fact but it's got enough going for it to at least give it a chance.

3 milkshakes without the milk out of 5

GROOVE [2000]

Writer/director Greg Harrison's debut Groove is a fast-paced love letter to the underground rave culture that exploded around the turn of the century.
Set on a single night at an illegal Bay Area rave, we follow a collection of separate participants, all of whom are running on different agendas, different drugs and most definitely different wavelengths.
At times it's funny, entertaining, touching and even wicked engaging but it never really gets too deep or explores the darker side of the subculture, making it all seem like one big ol' party of excellent euphoria.  The lighting and camera-work is incredibly impressive, considering the tight budget and a crew that are almost all new to the craft of film-making.
If you're looking to see these kids face the consequences of their reckless actions then you're in the wrong place...this is played for fun and fun only.

3 well-informed, successful drug-users out of 5

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 [2015]

Director Genndy Tartakovsky returns to direct the poorly rushed and inevitable sequel to the 2012 hit Hotel Transylvania.
This time around, Drac is afraid his grandson might not be the monster he wants him to be and crazy animated hijinks ensue as he and his creepy crawly buddies try to remedy this.
With it's lack of wit and focus on more silly childish gags, it seems the film isn't even trying to equal it's predecessor and is comfortable focusing only on keeping the attention of the younger crowd.  There's a few clever gags but it's mostly just fast-paced zaniness leading nowhere resulting in even lesser of a bite than the first film barely mustered up.

2½  road trips out of 5

ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL [2015]

Director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon's teen drama, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, is one the most pleasant unexpected surprises of the year.
High-schooler Greg is an awkward movie-loving outsider, afraid of intimate social interaction, that has his outlook on life changed when he accidentally befriends Rachel, a classmate recently diagnosed with leukemia.
It's too easy to compare it to The Fault in Our Stars but the film (and the Jesse Andrews novel it's based on) is completely different in tone, mood and themes.  There's no love story to be found but a coming-of-age story about friendship, finding one's purpose and the stark pain of reality.  There's moments of gut-busting hilarity to compliment the mature heartbreak.  It's rare that each character, major & minor, chew up each scene they're in but that's the case here.  They're all interesting and entertaining to come familiar with.  The photography is both beautiful and startlingly creative with it's dizzying camerawork and snippets of stop-action animation.

4 Big Ships out of 5

SMASHED [2012]

Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Aaron Paul play a couple who's marriage is put to the test when she decides to sober up, while he continues his reckless drunken lifestyle in director James Ponsoldt's drama Smashed.
What could have been a heavy-handed drama about the nightmares of alcoholism turns out to be actually mild-mannered, thoughtful and at times oddly humorous, while still taking it's subject matter fairly serious.  It handles it's bruised emotions and complexities with great care and that's where it shines.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead delivers one of the finest performances I've seen in a long, long time that never gets too dramatic nor does it slip up when the well-placed humor is inserted.

3½ places not to urinate out of 5

22 JUMP STREET [2014]

Rarely is a sequel much better than it's original but Phil Lord & Chris Miller manage to pull it off with the overly goofy 22 Jump Street.
Like the original, it knows it's a Hollywood treadmill film and that's where it succeeds in a lot of it's humor, particularly Nick Offerman's side-splittingly hilarious meta-speeches.  However it's Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum's wonderful comedic chemistry that makes the film as funny and playful as it is.  This ain't high art or quality film-making, in fact it's probably the furthest thing from it but the film-makers and stars set out to have a good time with the hopes that you will too.

3½ Dumbass Americans out of 5

THE LEGO MOVIE [2014]

From director/writers Phil Lord & Christopher Miller (the guys behind Clone High, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and the 21 Jumpstreet films), The Lego Movie seems like it would be one big commercial to sell more toys.
However with Lord & Miller's background one can expect a high-energy, colorfully told story with plenty of tongue-in-cheek moments of snappy dialogue and sight gags all wrapped in a big well-placed heart.
At times it's just a bit too schmalzty and simplistic to really be as smart as some of it's CGI animated counterparts but it's got enough flair to never lose it's enjoyability.
...and let's face it, folks, didn't we all want to see Batman for the douchey ass that he really is?

3 weird cat things out of 5

IN A WORLD... [2013]

Writer/director/star Lake Bell asks what would a world be like if a woman did the voiceover work for movie trailers in In A World....
It's a comedic satire of the Hollywood-ized industry but never thinks it's smarter than it really is, like many of these films try to do and in doing so remains realistically grounded with a sense of charm and reserved wit.   Movie buffs will find a lot of humorous lines scattered throughout the film but nothing particularly laugh out loud which is all right if you don't go in expecting much.  Each actor inhabits their character with passion and charm which makes each and every one of them quite watchable.
Easily digestible without a bitter after-taste makes for a pleasant but forgettable watch.

3 sandwich bars out of 5

THE KINGS OF SUMMER [2013]

Jordan Vogt-Roberts' feature length theatrical debut is the quirky coming of age dramedy The Kings Of Summer.
It's the story of three teenage boys who decide to build a house in the middle of the woods to live in, in order to escape the rules under their parent's roofs.  At times it seems to go overboard with the forced quirkiness but it provides enough laughs and likable characters to be highly enjoyable.  There's some beautiful photography, great music and a strong cast that makes this light-hearted drama well worth seeking out.

4 big wontons out of 5

WE'RE THE MILLERS [2013]

Dodgeball writer/director Rawson Marshall Thurber brings us We're The Millers, a surprisingly enjoyable and mildly offensive comedy/road movie.
Jason Sudeikis & Jennifer Aniston are at the top of their game here, Emma Roberts is kind of boring but necessary while it's Son Of Rambow's Will Poulter that steals the entire show as the clueless, awkward kid.  There really isn't much of a story here and what little there is, it's a bit of an uneven mess but we're here for the laughs and it delivers.  By the end of the film I found how much I enjoyed each of the characters and wanted to see it inevitably all work out.

3 wincing spider bites out of 5

21 JUMP STREET [2012]

Clone High creators Phil Lord & Chris Miller bring the 80's TV melodrama 21 Jump Street to the big screen and warp it into a raunchy comedy starring Jonah Hill & Channing Tatum. 

The film manages to satire both the original TV series and '80's nostalgia, while packing in a Lethal Weapon-esque punch.  Hill & Tatum are surprisingly quite good but something doesn't quite sit right as a whole.   The laughs are a little short for extended periods of time and some of the more interesting & potentially comedic character conflicts are never fully developed.  

It's not as bad as it sounds on paper but never reaches the heights it could have.  

2½ Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers out of 5