The Pout-Pout Fish (2026)

An ocean pout, cursed with a hard glower and greeted every day by other creatures telling him to "cheer up," learns to avoid oceankind, until one day his home is destroyed and he teams up with a hyperactive young seadragon to search for a mythical shimmering fish that will help grant their wishes. I wasn't expecting much from this, though I appreciated the concept of someone being judged for the way they look, but it devolves into the same, usual, mindless, colorful fare for kiddies, lacking in any charm or identity of its own. When did children's movies start feeling so condescending? Or was it always like this?

1 Bull Shark out of 5

GOAT (2026)

In an anthropomorphic world of animals, a goat wants to be the 'greatest of all time' at basketball. And that's the end of any originality this film has to offer. Stylistically, the animation is bright, colorful and very appealing to the eyes, but the subject matter is trite and uninspired. Another dull and forgettable sports underdog comedy. Easily impressionable kids will dig it, I suppose.

½ a cloaca out of 5

Hoppers (2026)

Pixar's latest opus is a conservation sci-fi comedy about an activist attempting to rescue her childhood forest glade from being torn down and renovated into a freeway. To accomplish this, she utilizes an advanced technology to "hop" her consciousness into that of a robotic beaver and round up the woodland creatures in an effort to save their sanctuary. Like most movies of this nature, it's cute and cuddly and ultimately harmless, but its charm is irresistible.

3 paws of the king out of 5

Mars (2024)

The Whitest Kids U' Know was a sketch comedy troupe formed in 2001 until the death of founding member Trevor Moore in 2021. Prior to his untimely passing, he had completed work on what would become their final project together, an animated film reuniting the entire WKUK crew about a man with a seemingly ideal life who signs up for a voyage to Mars in order to escape his increasingly mundane existence. It's full of highly irreverent humor that probably won't appeal much to non-fans, but it is nice to get a bit of a bookend to their career.

2½ doll lickers out of 5

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026)

What is it about Nintendo and Mario that continues to capture the imagination? Is it the colors, the character models, the music, or the simplistic but polished game design that keeps reinventing itself across every new generation?

Having recently revisited the first movie, I realized it didn't hold up as well as my initial viewing. It's a lot of bright colors and nostalgic music that feeds on memories of childhood. Similarly, this sequel crams in as much fan service as possible to the point where it feels like ADHD personified. It's the movie equivalent of a theme park ride that is as good as whatever happy memory you bring to it. Nothing compares to your own personal video game journeys.

2½ Star Fox crossovers out of 5

Project Hail Mary (2026)

A man wakes up all alone on a spacecraft with no memory of who he is or how he got there. All the onboard crew is dead, he's floating adrift in space, and the stars are apparently dying. The trailers spoil what's to come, but I won't do that here. This is a voyage of wonder and discovery you must take alone.

Powerhouse directing duo Lord and Miller spin a yarn as old as time, Ryan Gosling remains effortlessly effusive, and while most of the science flies over my head, it's emotionally intelligent to boot. A safe bet for best of the year.

4½ fist bumps out of 5

Undertone (2026)

Touted as "the scariest movie you'll ever hear," this atmospheric horror film about a podcaster investigating a series of mysterious audio recordings is incredibly effective at getting under your skin. Not unlike Paranormal Activity, it gets a lot of mileage out of its lo-fi and claustrophobic setup, just at that level of eeriness where you don't trust what's filling out the empty edges of the frame. Sounds scare me, and as someone who experiences the auditory hallucinatory hell of tinnitus, hyperacusis and misophonia (the unholy trinity) on a daily basis, the sound design had me dialed up, locked in and my paranoia run rampant. It's a simplistic concept that taps into a primal fear response, and I mean this in the best possible way, but I don't wish to experience it again.

3½ backwards messages out of 5

Hunting Matthew Nichols (2024)

It's pretty bold not to show the money shot in a mockumentary found footage film. Following in the footsteps of Blair Witch (and more recently, Shelby Oaks), it follows a character in investigation of a missing persons. In this case, Tara is tracking down her baby brother, who disappeared over 20 years ago. As always, characters are doing things that are highly unadvisable and all you can do is witness the train wreck. There will be unanswered questions and many similarities to other films of this kind. We've seen all these tricks before.

1½ totem skull thingies out of 5

Forbidden Fruits (2026)

A trio of Gen Z witches—Apple, Cherry and Fig—work at a mall and recruit new girl Pumpkin to their coven, who must prove herself as she challenges their strict dynamics. This is an extraordinarily ill-conceived and badly executed "horror" comedy, if you can even call it that. Confusing and difficult to follow, though I'm still not sure if that was the intent, it seems to cater to modern pop culture and teen slang, so I'm sure it'll appeal to some little corner of fandom.

½ a pickle out of 5

Cold Storage (2026)

A highly infectious parasitic fungus comes down from space and is contained in an underground cold storage facility where it slowly continues to spread and wreak more havoc. It looks like a generic horror comedy on the outside, though it contains slightly more substance than your usual fodder. While it starts out fully engrossing, it quickly goes downhill from there. I didn't find the chemistry between the leads very believable, and Liam Neeson is mostly wasted here. It does go full Troma at a certain point, but I was over it by then.

2 treads out of 5

Heel (2025)

AKA: Good Boy

A family takes in a wayward youth and attempts to subjugate and reform him against his will, keeping him chained up in their cellar to break him of his rude habits. What's fun is how casually the concept is introduced and how quickly they all become acclimated to their situation. It's one of those films where you think you know what you're going to get, but it still manages to surprise you.

3 chloroforms out of 5

Why Don't You Just Die! (2018)

AKA: Папа, сдохни

Matvei is a young man sent to kill his girlfriend's father, but the father gains the upper hand. That's just the first 10 minutes. There's lots of stylistic devices being employed in this black splatter comedy. It does get a bit repetitive at a certain point in its singular purpose, but it doesn't outstay its welcome either.

3 handcuffs out of 5

They Will Kill You (2026)

An ex-convict poses as a maid to infiltrate a lavish hotel, searching for her sister who has gone missing, but finding much more than she bargained for. The trailers play it coy and don't reveal its hand, but it's a bonkers, ultra gory, hyper-stylistic cross between Tarantino and Raimi. It plays out a little like Ready or Not: The Lost Levels, and Zazie Beetz's barefoot warrior is highly formidable. Russian director Kirill Sokolov is someone to keep an eye out for.

3 fuck floors out of 5

Ready or Not 2: Here I Come (2026)

Picking up immediately after the events of the first film (a bold move after 7 years, but Samara Weaving remains ageless), a new syndicate is after Grace, looking to settle the score with a fresh game of H&S. Poor timing for Grace to meet up with her estranged kid sister/emergency contact Faith. It's more of the same mindless blood and guts, but it's fun if you're in a playful mood.

3 washing machines out of 5

Ready or Not (2019)

As part of her initiation into the family, a new bride is unwittingly forced to participate in a ritualistic game of "hide and seek" in a bloody free-for-all brawl to the death at her in-law's palatial estate. There's not much more to it. It's a fun action-horror comedy; just a 'turn-your-brains-off' kind of venture.

3 dumbwaiters out of 5