Deep Dark (2015)

A struggling artist moves into a rundown old apartment where he strikes a Faustian bargain with a talking hole in the wall that grants him inspiration. But, of course, with prosperity comes complications when love threatens to come between a boy and his hole. This is one of my favorite weird indie films that no one has ever heard of. It's a brilliant black comedy about the price of success.

3½ mobiles out of 5

Decay (2015)

After an intruder accidentally dies on his property, a lonely, disturbed man decides to take care of her remains as both her body and his sanity slowly decompose. This is Swiss Army Man if played totally straight and completely depressing. It's a dark and tragic character study (think Norman Bates meets Herbert West) featuring a very grim scenario that was purportedly based on actual events. [Yes, it was me.] It's a very slow movie, but moving in a way.

3½ OCD rituals out of 5

The Forest Hills (2023)

A hairy dude suffering from all sorts of issues (both real and imagined) is convinced he's turning into a wolf and believes another may be hunting him.

The version I saw (the "Festival Cut") featured additional footage of Shelley Duvall, which ended up being her final role after a 20-year absence from film. It's nice to see some familiar faces that have been missing from the screens for years, but also sad to see this assortment of C-listers cobbled together in an incomprehensible plot filmed on a shoestring budget. What saves the film from being a total disgrace is a harrowing performance from Chiko Mendez.

½ an unpleasant diagnosis out of 5

Sleepwalker (2026)

After her daughter dies in a car accident and leaves her husband in a coma, a mother racked with guilt is haunted by episodes of somnambulism and waking visions of her daughter. It's an interesting idea, but awful execution. The twist ending either saves it or makes it worse, depending on your interpretation.

I chose to watch this film solely in honor of the late Hayden Panettiere. R.I.P.

1 finger(s) counted in a dream out of 5

Night Nurse (2026)

I suppose I spoke too soon. A caregiver at an assisted living facility falls for her manipulative dementia patient and helps him run a phone scam targeting other seniors out of their money. I hate movies marketed as "erotic thrillers" that fail to deliver on either part of that promise. I felt outright revulsion watching this, and I don't mean that complimentary. What a heap of shite.

0 sponge baths out of 5

Corporate Retreat (2026)

A girlfriend dragged along on a Gen-Z company getaway immediately regrets her decision after it quickly becomes a team-building exercise for survival.

If you're expecting the heights of the comedy-horror cult classic Severance, you're shit out of luck. It manages to feel boring, exploitative and low-effort. Probably the worst horror to come out of 2026 since Faces of Death. I'm glad to get that shit out of the way for the month (though the night is still young).

0 scoops of eye scream out of 5

Onslaught (2026)

Adria Arjona battles genetically enhanced super soldiers in this throwback to '80s action-horror thrillers. Adam Wingard is at his best when left to his own devices and I enjoyed the weirder elements, but I was bored during most of the setup. All of the fun was in the back half, but then it was over too soon.

2 McGruff bangers out of 5

The Mortuary Assistant (2026)

A newly sober woman working as an understudy for an undertaker takes the creepiest shift at a big empty morgue all alone, and wouldn't you just know it, freaky things start to happen. Are the dead coming back to life, or is she losing her mind, or...you get the idea. I can't exactly comment on the faithfulness of this video game adaptation because I've never played it to begin with, but you get the impression it was better suited to that medium. The premise somewhat reminded me of The Autopsy of Jane Doe, which is the much better film by far.

1 letting strip out of 5

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

I liked it better than the W. S. Anderson films, but that's not saying much. This reboot adapts the origins of the games much more faithfully, but still ends up lacking. It held my attention because I was familiar with the characters and the creature designs and locations looked cool. Other than that, it was forgettable and destined to be ripped apart. Seems like either way, fans are never happy.

2 final forms out of 5

Resident Evil (2026)

A medical transport courier is handed an emergency delivery to Raccoon City, where things are currently going down. This is a video game adaptation done right; a pulse-pounding, unrelenting survival horror adventure as well as an original story that anyone can enjoy separately from the games. With quick-paced action and pared-down characters, this is an even better Evil Dead film than the last Evil Dead, and miles above that Paul W. S. Anderson abomination.

4 indestructible padlocks out of 5

Coyote vs. Acme (2026)

We finally have a worthy successor to Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Why it was suppressed for so long, I'll never know. Wile E. Coyote files a lawsuit against the asshats at ACME Corp. who have been selling him faulty products for ages, and it's been a long time coming. The blending of live-action and animation is seamless and proves the perfect counterpoint for Looney Tunes-style antics.

3½ bird seed subpoenas out of 5

Mutiny (2026)

Whoa... TWO Stats in one year? Slow it down, Stath-Man. What is this, 2008?

And yet, looking at that poster, all I can think is Die Hard and "You sunk my battleship!" Luckily, the entire plot is spelled out for you, but even with an homage as cheeky as that, the film itself seems to lack any fun or sense of humor. This one is dull, slow and plodding, even by Stat standards. It's almost as if A.I. processed all of his filmography and spat out a convincing facsimile missing all of the heart. A Working Man is no longer the worst Statham joint.

½ a knife through the face out of 5

Redux Redux (2025)

A grieving woman travels through parallel universes searching for one where her daughter is still alive, all the while hunting down her killer in each one. It's sci-fi on a budget, which suggests a lot while leaving much to the imagination. While I was never bored by it, I did expect more from this intriguing premise.

2½ fuel cores out of 5

Carolina Caroline (2025)

"I always wonder why birds choose to stay in one place when they can fly anywhere in the world. And then I ask myself the same question."

A young woman falls for a charming grifter who teaches her his ways, as they get off on the adrenaline rush of petty crime, eventually upgrading to armed robbery, on their way to South Carolina to meet the mother she never knew. It's a crime romance that starts out fairly run of the mill and ramps up quickly. I wasn't sure where it was going in the first half, but it won me over by the end.

3 short change scams out of 5

Motor City (2025)

Alan Ritchson, hulking star of television's Reacher, stars in this '70s era bloody action flick almost entirely devoid of dialogue. Like Silent Night, it's carried through by its soundtrack, except this time it's a lot more upbeat and rockin'.

I was very fond of the strong first half, but not quite happy with the direction it takes, whereby it becomes a generic revenge thriller with brooding music and lots of slow-motion shots in the rain. But it earns definite style points.

2½ wedding bullets out of 5