Disclosure Day (2026)

I have to take a moment to appreciate that it's 2026 and we're getting a new original Spielberg sci-fi epic with possibly one of the last original scores by John Williams. These days feel numbered. Spielberg has been obsessed with extraterrestrials his entire career. It feels like he's completing a cycle here that began nearly 50 years ago with Close Encounters of the Third Kind. In many ways, he's been working towards this film his entire life. The scale is smaller and more intimate, but the implications are timeless. We've all grown so cynical in this day and age, yet I admire how he makes magic and wonder seem possible again in the world, even if it only exists on the silver screen.

3½ cardinals out of 5

Scary Movie (2026)

Reboots are all the rage these days. Just as Scream called out the idea of the requel (both a reboot and legacy sequel), this "rebootiquel" aims its sights at cancel culture and poking fun at Gen Z. The Wayans are back, restoring their own particular brand of R-rated humor to the franchise. It casts a wide net, but their target is far too broad. Despite the plethora of modern and niche horror references and meta, self-referential humor, it doesn't feel as though it will age as well as the first two. It's funny, but never quite as funny as it should be. It's filthy, but not quite as filthy as it could be. And yet, when the humor hits, it hits HARD. I never wanted it to end. It's comforting to see the old gang and that early naughts humor back again, even if it's just a shadow of its former glory.

2-and-a-half-gay shit out of 5

Stop! That! Train! (2026)

What if a bunch of drag queens made Airplane!? Answer: It would've sucked balls. A runaway train is headed directly towards the eye of a "Stormaganza" and the conductor is taken out of commission, so it's up to the Glamazonian stewardesses and the President of the United States (RuPaul) to get them back on track. I'm a sucker for anything that follows in the broad footsteps of ZAZ, even when it's diluted by modern day sensibilities and wokeness, but this is such lazy, ill-conceived, low-hanging fruit. To turn a spoof of disaster flicks into something this disastrous takes a special kind of talent all its own. The result is something that feels far too safe and "inclusive" rather than poking fun at everyone equally. This feels like the absolute antithesis to Scary Movie.

½ a hot flashback out of 5

I Am Not an Easy Man (2018)

AKA: Je ne suis pas un homme facile

Okay, so I saw it. 

A chauvinist man bumps his head and winds up in a parallel universe where gender roles have been reversed and women are the dominant sex. Unlike the American remake where everything is an exaggerated stereotype, here the differences are more subtle, and it has fun with the premise rather than being overtly preachy. Some of these distinctions feel cultural, such as women being topless and sporting body hair, which seems rather European in nature. 

The reason this movie doesn't work is because if you were to reverse the gender roles back, it becomes a rather trite story that doesn't hold up to scrutiny. A lot of these outdated clichés went out in the '90s. However, it's not as one-sided as the remake makes it out to be, and it at least falls back on a clever ending. What I learned here is what a big difference 8 years can make.

2 pectoral landing strips out of 5

Ladies First (2026)

A misogynist hits his head and wakes up in a misandrist's world dominated by women, effectively inverting their positions. Once you get the joke that every single gender role is reversed, the plot doesn't get any deeper than that. What doesn't make any sense is that the men are all feminized and the women are endowed with masculine qualities, which contradicts the very message it's trying to put across, so I'm not sure what this film is trying to say. The endless moralizing on screen comes off condescending, exhausting and insufferable. And without any of the male empowerment roles that are afforded to women, the men here are all portrayed as either weak or evil, with no in-between. It might be considered problematic if the whole thing wasn't so fuckin' stupid. 

Remake of the French film, I Am Not an Easy Man, which I have no plans to see.

0 testicle bras out of 5

The Breadwinner (2026)

I'm not sure where the hell Nate Bargatze came from, but the world really likes telling us he's all of a sudden somehow the highest grossing stand-up comedian in America. Marketed as a clean comic to broaden his fanbase, he comes across as a likeable everyman, in a milquetoast kind of way. This is a very old fashioned kind of family comedy (à la Mr. Mom) where the father has to step up and take on the role of house husband after his wife is offered a huge business opportunity. It's completely generic, inoffensive and full of product placement to remind you he's being sponsored by all the big brands.

1½ bubbles of consent out of 5

Tuner (2025)

A virtuoso piano tuner with sensitive hearing and pitch perfect ability utilizes his specialized skill set to crack safes after he's accidentally recruited by the wrong type of people. It's a very simple premise, but extremely charming in the way it plays out, owing in no small part to the chemistry between the two young leads. It feels like the type of caper film that could have been made in the '70s, no doubt due to Dustin Hoffman's captivating presence in the cast.

3 tuna fish out of 5

In the Grey (2026)

Guy Ritchie movies bore me silly. It's a lot of bravado and bluster wrapped up in a glossy package of pretty actors posing like models. They mainly seem to exist as an excuse to employ Henry Cavill. This one is a formulaic heist thriller that amounts to roughly an hour and a half of setup for 15 minutes of payoff. 

½ a Faraday cage out of 5

The Furious (2025)

AKA: Huo zhe yan (火遮眼)

A mute father teams up with a journalist to take on a corrupt criminal empire after his daughter gets kidnapped. The laziest way to garner sympathy from an audience is to put a young, innocent life in danger, so I can't quite explain why this movie feels fresh. Like The Raid before it, it takes enormous swings with brutal martial arts, stylish choreography and nonstop pulse-pounding action from start to finish. It's the kind of movie where you walk out sporting an erection because of how much adrenaline is coursing through your body.

3½ bloody pulps out of 5

The Punisher: One Last Kill (2026)

Frank Castle wrestles with demons of his past and forced to go on a violent spree set to some heavy metal needle drops in this one-shot, standalone, hour-long Marvel Television Special Presentation. Mostly satisfying, after sitting through the lackluster second season of Daredevil: Born Again. Jon Bernthal is compelling to watch as the PTSD-addled veteran with nothing left to lose. Funny that he also co-wrote and starred in a thematically similar one-off episode of The Bear that unfolds in much the same gritty, guerilla-style fashion (which makes it especially bizarre that they were both released within a week of each other). It's a very simple story and I appreciated that it wasn't moralistic or preachy in any way, although it does make me feel about as empty as Frank Castle. It neither moves the needle nor overstays its welcome, but mostly functions as a bridge to The Punisher's appearance in the MCU.

3 headshots out of 5

Masters of the Universe (2026)

I should preface this nut by stating that I don't have a very strong connection to the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe franchise. As with G.I. Joe and Transformers, it was a cartoon designed to sell a toy line. I never really found the premise too deep. Aside from owning a single He-Man action figure as a kid, I have no nostalgic ties to the character or the canon, which makes me the perfect guinea pig to test out the new direction of this latest reimagining.

Young Prince Adam is, by all accounts, a pussy (not unlike Cringer). When the evil Skeletor threatens Eternia, his royal parents send him to Earth (not unlike Kal-El) along with the Sword of Power, which he promptly loses. 15 years later, he tracks it down and returns to claim his birthright. So far, so good, right?

This movie is frustrating because of how much it does right. Visually, it looks amazing. The scale is epic, rich and powerful. The action scenes are dynamic and exciting. The soundtrack is fucking rocking, courtesy of Brian May from Queen (lots of nods to Highlander). However, tonally, it's weird and all over the fucking place. Everything is treated as a joke. Adam never really changes; even when harnessing the power of Grayskull, he's still the same loser except with half the wardrobe. Teela is the one to show him the ropes and assumes the position of power over him and her father, the drunken and disgraced Man-At-Arms. Skeletor looks way better than his 1987 representation yet still feels hugely underdeveloped. Evil-Lyn is hot and that's about the extent of her role.

What I can't forgive is the neutered characterization of Adam (as a modern day he-man in touch with his emotions), even as it attempts to address and criticize toxic masculinity. But it's simply not fun. In every other way, it blows the 1987 film out of the water. Yet it could have been so much better. Its sole purpose for existing seems primarily intended to bait Doc and Neg back out of hiding.

2 fistings out of 5

The Mandalorian and Grogu (2026)

It's been 7 years since the last theatrical Star Wars release. Since then, there have been 7 different live-action Star Wars TV shows released on Disney+, including The Mandalorian. Set several years after Return of the Jedi, the series follows bounty hunter Din Djarin and his apprentice Grogu (colloquially known as "Baby Yoda") in their adventures across the galaxy. The first two seasons were great, and felt like a return to the raw and gritty side of Star Wars seen in the original 1977 release. Their further adventures were stitched between The Book of Boba Fett (technically season 2.5) and season 3, at which point it burned through its goodwill and felt like there was no real direction for the future. After taking a few years off, creator Jon Favreau brings us this self-contained standalone story, which could easily be dubbed season 4.

Grogu (50 years of age) still hasn't grown up and suffers from a distinct lack of character development, which mostly hinges on being cute. And cute he is. The puppetry and practical effects are to be commended because it feels like it could have been crafted in the '80s. Meanwhile, Mando is a man of few words and even fewer facetime. The duo are sent on a mission to retrieve Jabba the Hutt's son and feature in largely generic set pieces. Grogu is by far the more interesting character and he shines whenever he's on screen. The best part is easily a wordless sequence that takes place late in the film. In the end, we still know nothing about these characters and we are no better for it. Still, I enjoy this stuff more than the self-seriousness of Andor. This is the way.

3 plot armors out of 5

Backrooms (2026)

Kane Parsons was only 16 years old when he created his found footage web series The Backrooms, based on the popular creepypasta. Now at 20, he adapts his own material for his first feature film, which retains its grassroots design.

It's interesting how internet-based folklore (such as Slender Man) has steadily creeped its way into our collective subconscious, but it tends to keep building on itself. Taking its origins in the 1990s and early 2000s, the idea of glitching through reality into a space "in between" that stretches out infinitely is pure nightmare fuel. It has that uneasy feeling of being lost in the outer boundaries of a video game, and the ensuing claustrophobia and panic that sets in when you realize there's no escape. This is spooky stuff that hits at a primal level. This type of labyrinthine fever dream was also recently explored in Exit 8.

This movie is quite the experience. It's almost as if someone mainlined Twin Peaks season 3 directly into their veins. A lot of bizarre, nonsensical stuff that can't be explained and held together by dream logic, haunting imagery and loose strands of plot. It is truly eerie and unpredictable. I can't get enough of this shit. It leaves so much to the imagination. A simple, back to basics horror concept that can be explored ad nauseam, yet it merely scratches the surface. Just don't wander in too deep or you might get trapped in some rabbit holes.

4 l̶̛̛͖̮̞͉̽͋̈́̀͊͛̐̅͂͘̚͝i̸̡͖̗͉̽̇͒̏̈́̒̐ͅm̶̛̩̖̗͇̺͕̹͙̜̜̺̳̎͑̌̀͛͂̀̈́̇ͅi̶̛̙̳̙̘̭̭͇̻̲͎̒̀̊͑̎̿̿͒̋̑̄n̵̯̳̺̲̔̋͂̈̊̆̇̍͗̿ą̶̨̰̹͚̖̈́̑̐̉̀̂̄͑͗̕͠ͅͅl̵̡͙͇̯̤͇͔̮͍̪̦͒͌̔̈́͗̾ ̵͚̭̈́̌̏̓̿̽͊͌̾͑̓̚͝s̸͔̳̱̖̖̜̓͒̂͊̉͜͝͝͝ͅp̵̨̨̡̜̟̹͔͆͋̅̅̽̾͗̇̽̈́̋̚͘a̷̯̟̩̹̦̥̥̯̍̈́̄̒͛̈́̓͌̑͗̂̒͝c̷̨̧͕̝͓̬̠̫͎̟̖̼̪̐ͅę̶̨͔͉̯̰̬̲̹̰͍̫̦̆͒s̴̢̨͇͇̙͓̞͇͖̞͖̰͍͝ out of 5

Passenger (2026)

A haunted figure who roams the side of the highway stalks a young couple who have recently dedicated themselves to life on the road. It's pretty rote, straightforward horror which held my interest but is easily forgotten by day.

1½ St. Christopher pendants out of 5

Obsession (2025)

Bear loves Nikki more than anything in the world and makes a wish upon a cheap novelty trinket for her to love him more than anything in the world, despite not having any romantic feelings towards him. Similar to a monkey's paw or a Zoltar machine, it's a magical totem where your greatest dream can quickly spiral into a nightmare. It explores the sinister side of relationships, becoming a question of agency, where one party has no say in the matter. Inde Navarrette plays the inverted object of affection and it's her creepy physical presence and subtle facial expressions bathed in shadows which make for a highly effective horror premise. The sound design is solid, while the movie itself is lit very sparsely, leaving much of the finer detail to the imagination.

4 wish willows out of 5