Obsession (2025)

Bear loves Nikki more than anything in the world and makes a wish upon a cheap novelty trinket for her to love him more than anything in the world, despite not having any romantic feelings towards him. Similar to a monkey's paw or a Zoltar machine, it's a magical totem where your greatest dream can quickly spiral into a nightmare. It explores the sinister side of relationships, becoming a question of agency, where one party has no say in the matter. Inde Navarrette plays the inverted object of affection and it's her creepy physical presence and subtle facial expressions bathed in shadows which make for a highly effective horror premise. The sound design is solid, while the movie itself is lit very sparsely, leaving much of the finer detail to the imagination.

4 wish willows out of 5

Mother Mary (2026)

Mother Mary is a pop artist at a point of crisis, who goes to her seamstress for a new look. The way this movie unfolds is exasperating and a test of divine patience as the two speak cryptically with one another while the audience struggles to keep up. There's a bit of a Lynchy thread running through it, but don't get your hopes up. It's a mystery and a ghost story of sorts, but it's the imagery that sticks in my head even though it defies logical narrative sense. Anne Hathaway sings all of the songs and performs her own choreography, which is the one bright spot in all this mess, but it belongs to a better movie.

2 halos out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada 2 (2026)

It's weird to think how 20 years has passed by in a blink. Feels like the first movie barely came out, now suddenly it's cemented as a 'classic.' Everyone returning from the original has aged two decades but still looks great. Then you realize you've aged the same and you look like shit. It's a sobering fact.

Lots of things have changed in the past 20 years. Print media is obsolete, other roles have been made redundant. You get a few good character moments strewn here and there, but for the most part it's wearisome and lacks bite.

2 HR complaints out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

A journalist applies to be a personal assistant to the domineering editor at a fashion magazine, where she's confronted with impossible standards and forced to change herself to fit the ideal and try to beat her at her own game.

What annoys about this movie is that it hinges on Anne Hathaway playing a "fat" girl with no style who is treated like shit until she decides to wear the right clothes and then suddenly she's "beautiful." It's fucking stupid. I've never understood fashion and I've never cared about it. A bunch of pretentious gits. But Meryl Streep is so good in the role, you can't help but enjoy it for what it is.

2½ clackers out of 5

Is God Is (2026)

Twin sisters, each disfigured in their own way, are quested by their dying mother to seek out the man who made them this way. It's an old fashioned revenge story paved with quirky characters and oddball sensibilities on their journey to self-discovery. It's so much better than I expected going into it.

3 socks filled with rocks out of 5

I Love Boosters (2026)

"Boosters" are shoplifters who steal designer clothes and sell them at a discount price. However, whatever you think this movie is about, it isn't. 

Filmmaker Boots Riley (Sorry to Bother You) crafts another surreal, absurdist high concept comedy with shades of slapstick, satire, sci-fi and horror, which defies any easy classification. It's bizarre and demented and unpredictable in all the right ways, but it also earns fashion points for being original and bold.

3½ skewed floors out of 5

Sorry to Bother You (2018)

A deeply weird film that seems like a shame to spoil in any way. It involves a broke man who becomes a telemarketer and tries to get ahead in the industry. Director Boots Riley has some pitch black sensibilities and this film is dripping in irony. Blending elements of surrealism and science fiction, you might not know where the hell it's going, but you'll certainly know when you get there.

3½ white voices out of 5

Animal Farm (1999)

Of all the various filmed versions of Orwell's dystopian novella, this one might be the most disturbing because of how uncanny valley it is to see this material adapted to live action. Through a combination of real livestock, puppetry and animatronics (courtesy of Jim Henson's Creature Shop), the effect is creepy as fuck, which is appropriate for the allegorical themes contained within. It tones down the political language, but despite the attractive way it's packaged, this is clearly not intended for young audiences. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my psyche, I always tend to conflate this film with The Island of Dr. Moreau.

2½ legs bad out of 5

Animal Farm (2025)

"All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others."

George Orwell adapted for family audiences. Except I would feel bad for any little kid who was dragged to see this. Not because it's bad, but because it's bleak and depressing as hell. Barnyard animals run away and form their own society founded on freedom and equality for all, which lasts for about a day before the pigs become corrupt with power while the rest of the animals are used as slave labor. It's an ambitious take on the authoritarian allegory of the novel, transposed to the modern era with overt political ties to corporate consumerism. I give it major props for what it attempts to do, at any rate.

I can't wait until they do a children's version of Nineteen Eighty-Four next.

2½ laughter houses out of 5

The Sheep Detectives (2026)

I love a good mystery. A kindly old shepherd is found murdered, and his flock, who he used to read detective novels to every night, take it upon themselves to solve the crime by nudging the unwitting humans in the right direction. It's a lot better than it sounds. Emotionally resonant and heavier than expected for a family film, it's surprisingly moving and likely to bring a tear to your ewe.

3½ clouds out of 5

Remarkably Bright Creatures (2026)

"Why can humans not use their millions of words to simply tell one another what they desire?"

A lonely, aging cleaning woman befriends the octopus in her aquarium's exhibit tank while training her impetuous young replacement. It's a light dramedy with some heavy themes, not likely to ruffle many feathers (or tangle any tentacles), but it's pleasant enough in its familiar execution.

3 camouflage patterns out of 5

Deep Water (2026)

Aw man, this movie had such potential to be great. After a fire breaks out in the plane's cargo hold, passengers brace for impact as they land in the open ocean. What's worse than surviving a plane crash? Fucking sharks. That's right, we have our requisite Jaws knockoff to meet our shitty shark quota this year.

Razzie favorite Renny Harlin brings us one of the most horrific depictions of a plane accident I've ever seen, and this movie actually had me weeping with emotion before the CGI sharks showed up and ruined it. Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Damn this stupid shark movie for making me care.

2½ cigarettes out of 5

Apex (2026)

An adrenaline seeker finds herself being hunted in the Australian wilderness. We've seen this kind of cat and mouse chase a million times before, but what this film has to offer are gorgeous scenic vistas filtered through Netflix's color degradation system. It's a decent survival adventure thriller that held my attention the entire time, mostly due to how photogenic Charlize Theron remains. I give this film credit for making everything look painful and realistic.

3 whitewater rapids out of 5

Over Your Dead Body (2026)

A murder plot goes off the rails when a few intruders unexpectedly drop in. This gory dark action-comedy is rather twisty, but contains a few good laughs and thrills. Paul Guilfoyle has a small bit part but really made the movie for me.

3 hammer times out of 5

Mother's Day (1980)

A low-budget Troma exploitation film from Lloyd Kaufman's brother Charles (not to be confused with Charlie Kaufman). It's a familiar setup; young people go traipsing through the backwoods and end up being attacked by hillbillies, only this time it's a mother and her two imbecilic sons. It plays out like a loose satire of grindhouse flicks like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes and I Spit on Your Grave, and was similarly criticized for all the same reasons. It's really not very good at all, but it has the benefit of being made in the '80s, so it just ages better somehow. It's attained cult status among horror devotees, but that's about the only thing going for it. 

A loose remake/reboot/whatever of the film was released in 2010.

2 mama's boys out of 5