I Play Rocky (2026)

Sylvester Stallone struggled for a long time to make his mark as an actor. He realized he had to write the part he wanted for himself, then insisted he be cast at the lead, much to the chagrin of everyone in Hollywood at the time. 

It's an underdog story that mirrors Rocky itself, about believing in yourself because nobody else is going to do it for you. Although it's also about those behind the scenes who support you, too. It's a dream that survived in spite of everything and proves that the studio execs in charge know nothing. And it all worked out in the end, otherwise a movie never would have been made about it. Because we only celebrate the winners, never the losers, ironically enough.

It's a good movie about a great movie, which works for all the same reasons.

3½ glasses half-full out of 5

Street Fighter (2026)

The latest cinematic adaptation of Street Fighter learns many lessons from its failed 1994 counterpart and delivers on upbeat, high-octane energy that is way more fun than it has any right to be. Through fan service and screen-accurate portrayals, it is at least faithful in its character representation and it's a joy to see certain team-ups come to life on screen. However, some of it just flat-out doesn't work. The movie revolves around Ryu, Ken and Chun-Li, who share little chemistry between them. It centers around an international tournament, although we don't see most of it play out. It's set in 1993, but you wouldn't know it from the anachronistic needle drops. And it all leads up to an inevitable sequel that predictably looks better than this one. All that is to say that it's much better than expected, but still leaves something to be desired.

3 Hadōkens out of 5

Clayface (2026)

A Hollywood pretty boy actor hooks up with a mobster's wife and suffers a retaliatory attack. He undergoes an experimental procedure using nanocells to reconstruct the tissue, which proves to be highly unstable and malleable.

The third film in the slowly gestating DCU doesn't connect to any of the other films (so far) and is a modestly budgeted superhuman film that can be enjoyed without any prior knowledge of Batman. In fact, don't think of it as a DC movie at all. This is pure body horror. Think Darkman and you're on the right track.

3 kill switches out of 5

Ghostwatch (1992)

Broadcast live on Halloween night in 1992, this controversial BBC program(me) caused quite a stir at the time. Presented by Sir Michael Parkinson, the special investigates supposed poltergeist activity, captured through cameras set up in a suburban house in real time. This is the very definition of a slow burn, with a creeping sense of dread that builds throughout. Whether or not you buy into the premise, this landmark telecast influenced so much of what came after it.

4 caterwauls out of 5

Out There Halloween Mega Tape (2022)

Only available through mail-order from Trader Tony's Tape Dungeon, this rare videocassette recording features a pair of 1990s specials that were only ever broadcast once. The first involves a trashy daytime talk show, while the other investigates alien encounters. Maybe it's just an era I look back more fondly on, but I found this a lot more colorful and fun than WNUF Halloween Special, although it also suffers from an abundance of manufactured ad breaks, which instinctually cause me to space out. It's something that holds up better in your memory than the reality of the experience. Was it worth the $19.99? Not really.

2½ dramatizations out of 5

WNUF Halloween Special (2013)

Framed as a lost videotape recording of a local access television broadcast from 1987, complete with news segments and period-accurate commercials, this is a faithful recreation of American television of that era. What this means is that it's hampered with an excess of commercials, which are presented as authentic, but take away from the main thrust of the film, involving a journalist investigating strange occurrences at a haunted house. If this immediately brings to mind Ghostwatch, you're not far off. You might not look back as fondly on it, but it's a nice break from the traditional found footage genre.

2½ missing cats out of 5

Night of the Demons (2009)

The posters tells you everything you need to know. It's creatively bankrupt and void of any new ideas. Also, how does this film look so much worse than any of the others? This low-budget rehash is a disgrace to the Demons name. Shannon Elizabeth plays Angela this time and that's all I have to say about that.

1 lipstick gag repeated out of 5

Night of the Demons 3 (1997)

After a botched robbery, the delinquents take refuge at Hull House, where Angela is up to her old tricks. Like the glut of candy on Halloween night, too much of a good thing can be bad for your health. The third film doesn't quite have the charm of its predecessors, and some of the great practical effects are replaced by that shitty '90s CGI, which dates this era immediately. There are still a few fun gags to be had, but it was right to cap this as a trilogy.

2 bullets sucked through the barrel of a gun out of 5

Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

While the first movie felt distinctly 1980s, this one embraces the spirit of the 1990s. Amelia Kinkade reprises her role as Angela and she's a Freddy Krueger character with one-liners and quips and a fun demonic voice to try and imitate. I'd equate this movie to something like Hello Mary Lou, and the demon effects are some the best I've seen this side of Evil Dead II. Personally, I enjoy this one even more than the original because it ramps up the cheesiness and practical effects. You've got your tits, you've got your gore, what else do you need?

3 holy water balloons out of 5

Night of the Demons (1988)

A bunch of punk kids are invited to a Halloween party at the abandoned Hull House, where they get up to debauchery and demonic possession. This classic horror comedy is so acutely '80s, it's almost a parody of itself, but the beauty is in its simplicity. It's the kind of cult movie you can nestle between Return of the Living Dead and House, and you have yourself a perfect Halloween night.

3½ lipstick nipples out of 5

Fright Night Part 2 (1988)

The first Fright Night isn't perfect, but just like Monster Squad, it's a film I still enjoy revisiting from time to time. From that perspective, the sequel is a real letdown. It begins with a helpful recap, which all sequels should be required to do. Charley lives in denial from the events of that film, only this time, the beguiling object of his suspicions is Julie Carmen. Much like the original, most of the visual effect splendor that makes it worth it is saved for the final act.

2 hypnotizing eyes out of 5

Note: If you're wondering what other poster that reminds you of, it's Return of the Living Dead Part II. Do these two franchises exist in a shared universe?

Phantasm (1979)

The local mortician is going around and creating new business for himself. 

Don Coscarelli's independently produced horror contains a lot of unsettling and nightmarish symbolism that lend to its continued endurance. A lot of this iconic imagery has to do with the character of the Tall Man himself, played by Angus Scrimm, and his silver sphere, which always reminds me of the puzzle box from Hellraiser, just to demonstrate how deeply this film penetrates your subconscious mind. I can't say this for certain, but I feel like this film may have influenced A Nightmare on Elm Street and Twin Peaks in some small way, too.

It's a true cult classic that was unfortunately diluted by some subpar sequels. Generally, if you stick to the first two films in the franchise, you'll be all right.

4 BOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYs out of 5

Note: The sequels will have to remain for another year. I ran out of time again.

V/H/S/Mixtape (2026)

This year's offering of found footage horror shorts is hosted by GWAR and features killer puppets (courtesy of the Jim Henson's Creature Shop), a stop-motion short, and an '80s-era music video, which is totally in my wheelhouse. Then the wheels completely fall off. True to its name, it's an incoherent and chaotic set list that is lacking compared to previous offerings. It's like digging through a trick-or-treat bag filled with shit, looking for the lone Tootsie Roll.

1½ violin tendons out of 5

U.V.F. Underground Video Films (2026)

This blatant rip-off of the V/H/S franchise is exactly what you think it is. An even lower budgeted and less talented attempt to cash in. Presented as an underground broadcast, it's a series of found footage or public access-style shorts (about 3-10 minutes in length) that look like they could have been shot by your gran. There's no point to any of it. Just random people dying, The End. 

I had to fit one last piece of shit in. This month has been one for the books.

0 genuine A/V glitches out of 5

Note: I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "best" of these shorts, molded from clay, which was tonally inconsistent with the rest of this film's quality.

Buffet Infinity (2025)

Presented as a series of public access infomercials and local TV ads, this analog horror-comedy is akin to watching Adult Swim's 4am programming block. After awhile, you begin to notice a narrative emerge throughout the disparate 30-second spots. Can it sustain this energy and creativity for 90 minutes? Hell no. But commercials can be creepy and unnerving, especially when they go on for too long or it feels like something sinister lies beneath the surface. It's a movie I can admire for its original vision and experimental style, yet can't outright recommend because of how abstract it is at its core.

2½ secret sauces out of 5