Mutiny (2026)

Whoa... TWO Stats in one year? Slow it down, Stath-Man. What is this, 2008?

And yet, looking at that poster, all I can think is Die Hard and "You sunk my battleship!" Luckily, the entire plot is spelled out for you, but even with an homage as cheeky as that, the film itself seems to lack any fun or sense of humor. This one is dull, slow and plodding, even by Stat standards. It's almost as if A.I. processed all of his filmography and spat out a convincing facsimile missing all of the heart. A Working Man is no longer the worst Statham joint.

½ a knife through the face out of 5

Redux Redux (2025)

A grieving woman travels through parallel universes searching for one where her daughter is still alive, all the while hunting down her killer in each one. It's sci-fi on a budget, which suggests a lot while leaving much to the imagination. While I was never bored by it, I did expect more from this intriguing premise.

2½ fuel cores out of 5

Carolina Caroline (2025)

"I always wonder why birds choose to stay in one place when they can fly anywhere in the world. And then I ask myself the same question."

A young woman falls for a charming grifter who teaches her his ways, as they get off on the adrenaline rush of petty crime, eventually upgrading to armed robbery, on their way to South Carolina to meet the mother she never knew. It's a crime romance that starts out fairly run of the mill and ramps up quickly. I wasn't sure where it was going in the first half, but it won me over by the end.

3 short change scams out of 5

Motor City (2025)

Alan Ritchson, hulking star of television's Reacher, stars in this '70s era bloody action flick almost entirely devoid of dialogue. Like Silent Night, it's carried through by its soundtrack, except this time it's a lot more upbeat and rockin'.

I was very fond of the strong first half, but not quite happy with the direction it takes, whereby it becomes a generic revenge thriller with brooding music and lots of slow-motion shots in the rain. But it earns definite style points.

2½ wedding bullets out of 5

Power Ballad (2026)

Paul Rudd plays an affable musician whose dreams of being a rock star are relegated to performing in a wedding band. By chance encounter, he meets a struggling former boy band member (Nick Jonas), whose impromptu jam sesh leads them to clashing over the ownership of a song. Like the rest of John Carney's music-driven filmography, it's a charmingly Irish comedy-drama with original songs and raw, honest performances that are enjoyable to the end.

3½ hit singles out of 5

Nimrods (2025)

AKA: New Year's Rev

Three high school kids take a road trip to Los Angeles in hopes of opening up for Green Day in time for their New Year's Eve concert. Featuring wall-to-wall GD songs, it's a journey paved with many predictable turns, but the characters are likeable enough to follow them on. Fred Armisen as a creepy motel owner was one such highlight, but should have been the subject of his own movie. 

Depending on how big a Green Day fan you are, your mileage may vary.

3 pink bunny suits out of 5

Idiots (2026)

AKA: The Shitheads

A pair of irresponsible underachievers are tasked with escorting a miscreant teen to rehab, but he proves to be more than a handful as the stakes increase. It's better than most films of this nature, and I found it to be an enjoyable ride.

3 werewolves out of 5

Dicks: The Musical (2023)

What a weird fucking movie. But after giving it some thought, I think I kinda loved it? It's nice to have crudity for crudeness's sake sometimes. This one aims to offend every single member of your family and I think it hits the mark.

Craig and Trevor are two straight, womanizing, misogynistic identical twins separated at birth by their parents, who in turn try to reacquaint their parents by disguising themselves as each other. Believe me, it gets more twisted from there, but you're just going to have to experience it for yourself. I was lucky enough to see it in theaters, and at the end, some guy in the back just said, "What the fuck was that?" That's a glowing endorsement if I've heard one.

3½ sewer boys out of 5

Little Brother (2026)

John Cena plays the reluctant "Big Brother" to a troubled former foster youth (Eric André), who tracks him down after 25 years and turns his picture perfect world upside down. It's formulaic but funny, in that type of What About Bob? plot where everyone else but the main character (and the audience) finds his antics charming. It's a dumb comedy that owns its dumbness, and both actors commit to the bit. I resisted it a lot, but it's delightfully crude and did make me laugh hard on a number of occasions, even though I hated it at its very core.

2 rimjobs out of 5

The Dink (2026)

A former tennis pro reluctantly takes up pickleball while recovering from an injury, where he struggles to fit in with those he sees as beneath him. I didn't care as much about the tired sports plot as I did about the plausible romance, which hinges entirely on Mary Steenburgen still being unbelievably hot in her 70s. Despite the predictability of it all, I enjoyed it much more than expected.

3 grunters out of 5

72 Hours (2026)

After mistakenly being added to a Gen Z group chat, a struggling marketing executive decides to take them up on their offer to go on a bachelor party to Miami while agreeing to bankroll their holiday, in hopes of better connecting with the youth demographic. What this means for the viewer is a lot of ageist jokes that go both ways. I'm ashamed to admit it made me laugh on more than one occasion, particularly in the second half when it starts to pick up the pace. But don't get me wrong, this is a very dumb comedy of the Kevin Hart variety.

1½ whale dicks out of 5

All Night Wrong (2026)

A late night hook-up gets derailed by a series of incidents involving mistaken identity, murder and other felonies in this misguided dark comedy. A terribly plotted movie full of unlikable characters and stupid situations that pissed me off. It's just as awful as it sounds, although the soundtrack was pretty good.

1 "only game in town" out of 5

One Night Only (2026)

The Purge, but for fucking. In an increasingly repressive society where pre-martial relations are punishable by law, a chastity mandate has been put into place, with an exemption that for one night of the year, singles get to have at it. Now introduce the two sweetest characters with hearts of gold and have them "meet ugly" during a series of fun and charming misadventures across the city. Yes, I hated this rom-com premise entirely on principle, but it quickly won me over. Of course, it's easy to get fucked when everyone has a six-pack.

3 condom shortages out of 5

The People Upstairs (2020)

AKA: Sentimental

A couple who can barely mask their contempt for one another invite their amorous upstairs neighbors for dinner, stirring a host of rising resentments buried just beneath the surface. It's a comedy of manners revealed through a contentious meeting of wits as they gradually grow to know each other and speak their piece. It's fascinating in a slow burn kind of way because it's so relatable, and you're merely waiting for the other shoe to drop. There's some masterful acting on display; both the subtleties and the words left unspoken.

3 curtains out of 5

The Invite (2026)

A married couple hosts a tense dinner party for their disruptive upstairs neighbors while navigating their own tumultuous relationship. Essentially a four-person play taking place entirely within an apartment setting, featuring three very attractive leads, plus Seth Rogen is also there for some reason. It explores all the frustrations and insecurities that come rising to the surface in a fractured marriage fraught with anger and anxiety, as well as the intriguing proposition that could possibly bring them back together. This is actually the 7th international remake of the original Spanish film, The People Upstairs.

3 shoes off out of 5