Jimmy & Stiggs (2024)

Jimmy is a paranoid filmmaker who has just survived an alien encounter. He contacts his estranged buddy Stiggs and drags him into the supposed extra-terrestrial showdown. Most of this film is shot on handheld and carries a very chaotic, frenetic nature. The whole thing takes place within an apartment setting, with handmade DIY practical effects, so it's indie as fuck. Even though it basically boils down to two dudes screaming at each other while fucking shit up, there's something about this that makes it more memorable than your average piece of shit. You can tell it's a labor of love that the filmmaker spent four years working on. I'm being very generous with my rating here, but I can see myself revisiting this in about a year's time and giving it a ½ edge bump.

2 cigarette drags out of 5

Evil Head: Dead by Dong (2022)

I finally managed to track this shitty short film down on Troma Now. 

During a random Tinder hookup, a guy struggles to get it up and spills his boner re-animator fluid all over his date's two-headed dildo, which goes straight to its head. It's so much worse a concept than you'd think. Mercifully, it's under 10 minutes long. This is what I save my zero-star ratings for.

0 Mephicockeles out of 5

Rose and Viktor: No Mercy (2017)

Fetish model Mercedes the Muse "stars" as a teenage runaway who teams up with the world's greatest bassist to exact revenge on their enemies, or some bullshit like that. What this amounts to is nonexistent acting with lots of skin and violence behind a shitty grindhouse filter. It's rare that this shit bores me, but it's beyond amateur filmmaking from Troma. A waste of time all around.

0 swastika pasties out of 5

Note: I had a couple of other Mercedes films on my list which I noped out of and just ended up forwarding through for the nudity. (It wasn't worth it.)

Gruesome Twosome (2021)

A "found footage" film about a couple fooling around and killing random people. It features some gonzo footage and sex acts, but falls into the usual Troma trappings of bad acting and cheesy gore. If not for Mercedes the Muse's assets on display, it would have no value whatsoever. It's like a combination porno and snuff film, except neither is authentic enough to be convincing.

½ an act of charity out of 5

Milk & Serial (2024)

The Prank Bros are a couple of pranksters recording content for their YouTube channel, constantly one-upping each other until things spiral out of control.

Curry Barker's first film was made independently for about $800 and released on YouTube for free, but it paid off in spades by giving him the visibility and freedom to create his own content. As found footage, it succeeds in blurring the lines between fact and fiction, but we've seen this type of thing before.

2½ shovels out of 5

The Yellow Wallpaper (2021)

Set in the 19th century, a married woman is tortured by voices in the night and haunted by the sickly yellow tinted wallpaper that surrounds her. As she wiles away the days doing nothing, the walls gradually close in on her. This amateur production is mostly uneventful horror with unconvincing period acting that could have benefitted from a more beguiling lead. It's based on the short story of the same name, which honestly would have worked better as a short film.

1 baby's cries out of 5

The Yeti (2026)

In 1947, at an Alaskan outpost, two explorers go missing. A rescue expedition is mounted, people get killed, blah, blah, blah. It's a straightforward and very dull monster movie. The arctic setting reminded of The Thing, but that's where any comparisons end. The most interesting thing is the font on the poster. 

0 facial prostheses out of 5

The Willies (1990)

Anthology horror about three kids trying to spook each other with scary urban legends. It's really not very good at all, yet there's an enjoyable low-budget quality about it that reminds me of Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark?

1½ poodles in the microwave out of 5

Ghoulies IV (1994)

What was next for Ghoulies but to introduce an occult-loving dominatrix? You'll get no pushback from me. Sadly, the nail in the coffin for this franchise was replacing the puppets with little people. Did they think they were making Leprechaun? Also, we're now down from three to two. With archival footage from the first movie to pad the runtime, and nothing to push the boundaries of its R-rating, this is ghoulishly an even lower rated pile of shit than the original.

½ a limit stretched out of 5

Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1990)

The first two Ghoulies movies were PG-13, but with ownership changing hands, it's switched to a hard-R franchise, and finally fulfills its potential as naughty Gremlins, after films like Critters and Munchies merely toyed the line. Oh yeah, and now they're bigger and inexplicably speaking, so they have distinct Three Stooges personalities. True to the title, the Ghouls are introduced to a college setting where Kevin McCarthy brings some class to the proceedings, but still can't raise a grade above its juvenile origins and underdeveloped plot. This is the best of the Ghoulies series, mostly because tits make everything better.

2½ prank crowns out of 5

Ghoulies II (1987)

The first Ghoulies movie, which is a GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD WORK OF ART, was a Charles Band production initially discarded as a Gremlins knock-off, even though both were actually in production at the same time and only got delayed until after its release, thereby leading to a lifetime of comparison.

However, Ghoulies II is 100% a Gremlins knock-off, which works to this film's advantage. Thankfully, this one has a greater emphasis on creature effects and actual humor than its predecessor. It involves the little demons working as part of a carnival sideshow attraction, and naturally, attacking all the patrons. Yeah, that's really all there is to it. It's good for a few yuks, but nothing special.

2 shooting galleries out of 5

Munchies (1987)

Whoever designed that poster to go along with that title has a great sense of humor and I'd like to shake his or her hand...possibly after some hand sanitizer.

This is the Roger Corman-sanctioned knock-off of Gremlins, with the variation that when you dispatch them, they multiply. With an addiction to junk food and girlie mags, these wisecracking little pervs are after my own heart. As campy as this movie is, it would be so much more fun if it wasn't capped at a PG rating. Then again, Ghoulies already serves that purpose. Come for the wisecracking alien hijinks, stay for Harvey Korman sneering at the camera (in a dual role!).

2 sneeze shots out of 5

Note: This was followed up by two unrelated fantasy comedy sequels, Munchie and Munchie Strikes Back, which I'll save for another occasion.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

Cabbage Patch Kids were for girls, Garbage Pail Kids were for boys. At least that's how it was marketed at the time. The appeal was that they were gross and offensive and featured grotesque illustrations with clever word play. 

Sadly, this film displays none of that charm. Based on the Topps sticker trading cards, it desperately wants to be Gremlins and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but the best idea they can muster involves them running a sweatshop. I'd say the biggest sin this film commits is being boring, which is unforgiveable when you've got people running around in rubber suits, but in its defense, at least it doesn't involve CGI. Staring at this artwork is a lot more fun than watching the movie, that's for sure. Viewing this as an adult feels like I've come full circle.

1 trenchcoat always fools the normies out of 5

Little Monsters (1989)

A boy befriends the monster under his bed, who shows him a whole new world of nightmares that await him. Yes, this was a precursor to Monsters, Inc. that doesn't get half the credit it deserves. Howie Mandell does his best (worst?) Michael Keaton impression as the monster Maurice. It's puerile and churlish, but I'm rating this purely from the perspective of wish fulfillment as a child.

2½ piles of clothes out of 5

Drop Dead Fred (1991)

A woman's repressed imaginary friend comes back to wreak havoc on her life and help her let loose in the wake of an impending divorce. It's a movie about processing childhood trauma, but done in such a bizarre cartoonish Beetlejuice way, you almost can't take the subject matter seriously. It was declared one of the worst films ever made back in the day, but it's aged a hell of a lot better in my mind. Rik Mayall as Fred is zany and off the wall, but it's Phoebe Cates who manages to ground the film into something that stays with you far longer.

3 jack-in-the-boxes out of 5