A Prayer for the Dying (1987)

Based on a 1973 Jack Higgins novel of the same name that I haven't read, it stars Mickey Rourke as an IRA member named Martin Fallon. When a plan to murder members of the British Army goes wrong, the bomber flees from the North of Ireland to London. He claims to have had enough of killing, but accepts a job to kill once more in order to fully escape. There's probably meant to be a tragic irony in the situation, but asking an audience to sympathise with the likes of Fallon with little justification is asking too much.
Alan Bates does well as a cultured funeral director who's also a gangster, but Bob Hoskins is miscast as a catholic priest who has a past of his own. The film strives for a remorseful moodiness, but achieves mostly unevenness.

2½ changed tunes out of 5

PASSION PLAY [2010]

Screenwriter Mitch Glazer (screenwriter of Scrooged, Rock the Kasbah, A Very Murray Christmas...you sensing a pattern here?) makes his directorial debut by shitting the bed something fierce with the romantic fantasy Passion Play.
Mickey Rourke clumsily stumbles through the film as a loser straggler that finds himself tangled up in a dangerous relationship with a beautiful circus sideshow girl with wings.
It wants to be a deep, meaningful journey into a quirky world that is both dark and romanticized but instead it's a laughable pile of cornball slop that I heard best described as "Hallmark noir".  It's one of those films I kept asking "how and why is this movie happening?"
There's so awful you have to see it, then there's this clusterfuck which is just so awful even YouTube doesn't want a "worst bits clips" video.

 ½ desert ninja savior out of 5

The Wrestler (2008)

Mickey Rourke gives the performance of his life as ageing wrestler Randy the Ram, twenty years past his prime. Randy grapples with the realities of a world that has moved on the only way he knows how.
Aronofsky’s direction is mostly vérité; it’s simplistic, but the depth of character and enormous sense of integrity he captures is astounding, even during shots that are little more than the back of Randy’s head.
Marisa Tomei burns bright as the love interest with problems of her own.
It’s a heart-wrenching journey that’s relevant to anyone who’s ever faced hardship or loneliness, regardless of your feelings about wrestling.

5 Ram Jams out of 5

Spun (2002)

A drug culture movie that squanders a large part of its potential in trying to be edgy and off-kilter. A little restraint in the editing dept and more faith in the actors, all of whom seem very at home in their role, would've helped Spun feel less like an attempt to mimic Aronofsky.
Beneath the noise the spiralling narrative and the sharp cuts are some quiet moments that feel like a respectful nod to Linklater. It's during those scenes that the film has more to say than at any other time.

3 days speeding out of 5

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Rodriguez’s third Mariachi film saw him once again write, direct, edit and score the production. That type of creative control must make him the envy of his peers. The film had a budget almost four times what the previous two had combined and was shot digitally, so editing and SFX would've been a breeze, but the story is a mess. There are too many people with not enough to do and sketchy reasons for doing it. It’s a half-baked movie with an abundance of action but not enough plotting.

2 embellishments out of 5

Iron Man 2 (2010)

While the ultimate goal is to separate you from your money, this sequel has two other reasons to exist. Firstly, it has a standalone plot, which has too much Paltrow and too much Rockwell, both of whom bring nothing to the table. Conversely, Mickey Rourke says very little and is both more appealing and more interesting than either of the other two.

The second reason Iron Man 2 exists is to further advance The Avengers, which is again designed to separate you from even more of your money.
It's ironic that the part which should feel like an intrusion, and is in reality an unfinished story, is more entertaining than the main part of the film, which descends into an obligatory explosion-heavy finale.
Once again, Robert Downey Jr proves to be the best cast Superhero in the entire Marvel universe.

3 very silly suitcases out of 5

THE EXPENDABLES [2010]

Sylvester Stallone recruits a who's who list of other 80's action stars to kick some ass along side modern action stars.  The premise sounds like a healthy shot of guilty pleasure testosterone.

Only it's not.

Instead it tests the viewer's ability to not find something else better to do.  So many frustrating moments of half-baked action that could have at least resorted to some sort of interesting cliched conflict but never pans out into anything other than grunts & snorts over CGI blood.
Feck this wasted opportunity.

1½ for 3 cool fight scenes out of 5

DOMINO [2005]

Tony Scott directs this color washed, MTV styled flick loosely based on model-turned-bounty hunter Domino Harvey's life. From a Richard Kelly script, Domino does nothing to attempt any sort of character development and hopes it's flashy cuts, overly stylized camera work, entertaining cast and cool soundtrack can hold the viewer's attention for over 2 hours...it doesn't.
Keira Knightley's slick n' sexy performance is actually quite believable and strong but it's simply not enough to make it a film worth recommending.

2 Our Saviour Tom Waits out of 5

Immortals (2011)

Empty, vapid, insipid.

0 tanned, chiseled hardbodies out of 5

13 [2010]

French director Géla Babluani's remake of his own 13 Tzameti, starring Sam Riley, Alexander Skarsgård, Michael Shannon, Jason Statham, Ray Winstone, Curtis Jackson, David Zayas and Mickey Rourke.

An underground dangerous game gets even more dangerous with each round....that's all you need to know.

Made up of subtly menacing performances, hypnotizing tension and unpredictability, 13 is sure to please on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

3 empty chambers out of 5