Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025)

These motherfuckers just can't leave well enough alone. A mere decade ago, this series was rebooted, and now Scarlett Johansson has been handed the keys to the kingdom in this new standalone reboot of the Jurassic brand, distancing itself from the other films. Set five years after Dominion, most of the dinosaurs have perished due to inhospitable conditions, but the rest have migrated to warmer climates near the equator. Cue the mercenaries who are tasked with traveling there to retrieve blood samples that will aid in life-saving medical research (they couldn't have thought of this before?).

Godzilla director Gareth Edwards fits right at home with this kind of kaiju material. The dinosaurs look realistic and weighty again, and it's even shot on film. It feels smaller and more intimate than the other sequels; you actually care about these characters and there are stakes at risk. There's even a new variant species introduced, because apparently regular dinosaurs just aren't scary enough anymore. While it doesn't reinvent the wheel, it's a real return to form for this series, and does a decent enough job for what it has to offer.

3 mutations out of 5

Fly Me to the Moon (2024)

Set against the 1960s Space Race between the United States and the Soviet Union in their rush to get to the moon first, an ambitious advertising executive (Scarlett Johansson) is teamed up with a reluctant NASA flight director (Channing Tatum) and tasked with creating a fake moon landing as a back-up plan in case the actual Apollo 11 mission fails, with the intention of running that film regardless of the outcome. This movie succeeds in blurring the lines between fact and fiction and those conspiracy theories that claim the moon landing was faked. To me, this is actually the most plausible explanation.

3 cats on the set out of 5

Transformers One (2024)

Admittedly, I'm not the target audience for this film, but I'm not entirely sure who it was made for. Kids who have no prior exposure to Transformers? Certainly not the adults who grew up on the '80s cartoon or Megan Fox's ass. This lighter PG animated fare is bright and full of color, but the CG character designs look dull and ugly. The anthropomorphized robots act goofy and incessantly argue with each other, interspersed with some inane and frantically edited action sequences that get tiresome quickly. The tone becomes slightly darker by the end, but I was already checked out by then. As a prequel to the franchise, the whole thing is just a flimsy excuse to show how Optimus Prime and Megatron came to power. There are no surprises here.

One of those movies where you contemplate your life in the margins while you're waiting for it to mercifully end. This one is strictly for the kiddies.

½ a solid REM cycle out of 5

The Island (2005)

Even though it steals almost all of its ideas from some classic, well-known and much-loved sci-fi movies of yesteryear, the early part of Michael Bay's movie feels like it could've did something worthwhile with the pickings. But the potential is destroyed by his woefully inappropriate direction, cack-handed editing, a leading duo with zero chemistry, and a music score that aspires to little more than blandness. When the director lets loose with his trademark action scenes, including helicopters (naturally), cars tipping on busy highways, flashing lights, etc, it becomes Bay-by-numbers, indistinguishable from every other movie of his that I've managed to sit through. His talent for making excitement be terminally dull is almost unsurpassed.

1 identifier out of 5

Ghost World (2001)

Based on Daniel Clowes' 1997 comic of the same name, GW explores how best friends Enid and Rebecca cope with their first summer after high-school graduation. Enid, wonderfully characterised by Thora Birch, is the more cynical of the two but also the most interesting. Feeling slightly lost and alienated from her generation, and even her best friend, who seems to be turning into the thing that they both hate, the floundering Enid finds a peculiar kind of solace in time spent with Seymour (Steve Buscemi), a 40+ year-old record collector whose life revolves around rare 78 RPM vinyls.
The pace is like that of a lazy summer, but it works in the film's favour, giving it the feeling of an indie movie that knows how best to express itself.

4 specific skins out of 5

The Black Dahlia (2006)

Like The Untouchables (1987), Black Dahlia has a few exceptionally good scenes strategically placed within a historically interesting background that nevertheless feels overwhelmingly empty and lifeless.
Josh Hartnett is okay in the lead role, but a De Palma film needs a protagonist more than just 'okay' if he or she is to hold their own and not be swallowed up by the director's self-interests. The only two characters that manage to do just that are the murdered Dahlia (Mia Kirshner – amazing!) and the actual murderer (whom I can't praise directly because it would be spoiler).
It was reportedly three hours long cut down to a more palatable two, but while the pacing may have been improved if the additional footage was put back it's unlikely the overall feeling of boredom would've changed much.

2½ veneers out of 5

THE JUNGLE BOOK [2016]

Joining Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland & Maleficent, director Jon Favreau's The Jungle Book is yet another addition to Disney's growing line of live-action remakes of their own animated classics.
This version mostly follows the plot of the animated film of an orphaned jungle boy being hunted down by a tiger, while leaning more towards the moodier and more vicious tones of Rudyard Kipling's anthology stories.  
It's an astonishingly beautiful film to look at with CGI animals that have convincing personality once you get past the fact that they don't quite look like the real thing.  There's not a whole lot of subtext or plot details to relish in, so it's best to take it with a grain of salt and accept that it's a wonderfully crafted summer adventure film.  

3½ bad ol' mama cuckoos out of 5

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR [2016]

The MCU kicks off Phase 3 with The Russo Brothers' Captain America: Civil War, which is basically the third (and best) Avengers movie yet.
Heavily inspired by Mark Millar's mini-series, the final part of the Cappy America/Bucky Barnes trilogy sees The Avengers' comradery turn sour when the United Nations wants complete control of the team of superheroes.
Kudos to the Russos for managing to keep the film a wild romp of a superhero smackdown but never sacrificing thoughtful subtext or a healthy helping of interesting character arcs.  It's also impressive at how well they manage to juggle such a large ensemble and never once leaving us feel as if we didn't get enough of one character and not the other.  A perfect example of how you can have your costumed characters duke it out something fierce, without getting ridiculously dark, while still keeping it smart and exciting.

4 Bluth stair-cars out of 5

HAIL, CAESAR! [2016]

The Coen Brothers dazzle with their impressive cast in thee Classical Hollywood Era comedy Hail, Caesar!
Using real-life Hollywood fixer Eddie Mannix as the leading character, the story tells of the disappearance of a renown actor off the set of their latest big budget epic, all the while dissecting the behind-the-scenes buffoonery that went on to divert audience's attention from the Red Scare.
It's an incredibly authentic recreation of the Post War Hollywood era, thankfully littered with light, silly performances from all folks involved and a breezy air about it that is just off-beat enough to keep film-lovers intrigued.  However, anybody not familiar with how film studios work behind-the-scenes or of the paranoid times the story is set in, will probably find themselves bored and wondering what's with all the weird silliness afoot.
Think of it as The Coen Brothers' own thematic prequel to David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.

3½ noodle lassos out of 5

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON [2015]

Director Joss Whedon returns for his final stint in the Marvel Cinematic Universe with the second full-fledged Avengers film, Age Of Ultron.
Basically it's Earth's Mightiest Heroes, still feeling the repercussions of what their solo films put them through, team up to save the world from an humanity destroying machine known as Ultron.  The concept is simple enough for first time viewers to still enjoy the film without any prior knowledge, yet, like the MCU films & TV series before it, it features just enough back-story to excite fans who know the pieces for the Infinity Gauntlet and Civil War are all falling into place.  It doesn't quite have the same impact of "hey that Whedon guy did a great job" as the first one did but it still manages to pretty damned good fun.  Whedon's at his strongest when he's featuring his ensemble team working (or fighting) together in both dialogue heavy scenes or full all-over-the-map action sequences.  It's front-to-back a modern Hollywood spectacle but it proves Transformers is not how you do popcorn films.

3 drunken excelsiors out of 5

LUCY [2014]

Writer/director Luc Besson sets out to have great fun with the ludicrous sci-fi/thriller Lucy.  Whether or not the audience has as much fun depends on their ability to suspend their disbelief.
Scarlett Johansson plays a drug mule who gains amazingly cool psychokinetic abilities when the drug accidentally leaks into her bloodstream and opens up previously unused parts of her brain.  It's an interesting role that plays like a hybrid of her Avengers' Black Widow role and the alien from Under The Skin, while Besson seems to channel Inception, Limitless and 2001: A Space Odyssey.   What's frustrating is it tries appear smarter than it really is by getting into the science of things, which is more distracting than interesting.  It's nothing but good ol' fashion SFX action with a great cast the elevates it just a bit more than it might deserve.

3 Dinkineshs out of 5

CHEF [2014]

Actor/director Jon Favreau steps away from the big budget SFX spectacles for awhile to put together a friendly little comedy called Chef.
Favreau plays a acclaimed chef who steps down from the bigtime to work in a much smaller food-truck, mirroring the director's step down from huge studio fiascos and into a quiet indie film.  It seems to have a pretty good idea what it's like dread the food critic's review and how juggling any sort of a life outside of the kitchen is next to impossible and that's part of the allure.  It isn't breaking any new ground or constantly trying to develop itself but is lucky to have some sharp dialogue, well-timed humor and enough harmless charm to make the whole family feel good (that's if Granny is hip to the number of F-bombs that are dropped).
In short, it's simply comfort food on film.  

3 shitty bosses out of 5

UNDER THE SKIN [2013]

Director Jonathan Glazer perfects the haunting sense of discomfort he excelled with in Birth in the abnormal slow-burning sci-fi Under The Skin.
Scarlett Johansson is effectively cold yet sympathetic as an alien (in disguise as a woman) that hunts down unsuspecting Scotsmen to feed their innards to her home planet.  Sparse with it's dialogue, Glazer allows the visually stunning photography and body language to tell the story that almost plays like what would happen if Stanley Kubrick directed Species.  Acting as a metaphorical tale about sexual identity, racism and class structure the film will probably repulse the average viewer with it's artistic style and finer plot-points buried beneath odd photography and music.
It truly is a thing of atmospheric beauty that doesn't shy away from getting uncomfortably under your skin.

4 mouthfuls of cake out of 5

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER [2014]

Like Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World, Captain America's instalment in the Phase 2 series, The Winter Soldier is noticeably darker than it's predecessor.
Replacing Joe Johnson in the director's chair, Anthony & Joe Russo do a fine job at taking the story into their own hands, crafting something like a Bourne film only with a shiny shield and colorful tights.  Rather than focusing on a CGI spectacle, The Winter Soldier is chock-full of exciting stunts and ass-kicking fight sequences that is quite frankly a breath of fresh air compared to the computer generated spectacles of the other Phase 2 films.
This is a promising addition to the MCU that shows Marvel isn't running out of steam quite yet.

4 twins out of 5

DON JON [2013]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt writes, directs and stars in this skewed version of a rom-com that mirrors Don Juan which is aptly titled Don Jon.
Playing a believable body-building porn addcit, JGL portrays deserving confidence in his film-making as well, with a great deal of help from his impressive cast, including a scene-stealing Tony Danza.  Some of the language does get pretty colorful and it does show more than it's fair share of porn clips, so it's obviously not your usual rom-com but if you've seen (500) Days Of Summer you'd know JGL steers clear from the usual fluff.  Unfortunately it weakens quite heavily by the end, as if he didn't know how to wrap things up but the ride there is enjoyable enough.

3 tissues out of 5

HER [2013]

Visionary film-maker Spike Jonze writers & directs her, a lonely drama aspiring for romanticism and sprinkled with just enough sci-fi to ground the concept in reality.
It studies the lack of human interaction in society today, our inability to properly socialize due to technology and at the core, just how desperate a lonely heart can get without ever realizing what's directly in front of it.  Joaquin Phoenix brings a masterful sincere performance to the table that is compelling, touching and sympathetic without ever becoming the type of creepy it could have easily been had it been in someone else's hands.  Complimented with some soft color palates, beautiful and non-distracting set & costume design and a powerfully elegant soundtrack, her deserves a round of enthusiastic applause from fans of Jonze's work.

4 sexy dead cats out of 5

HITCHCOCK [2012]

Screenwriter Sacha Gervasi sits in the director's chair for the lightfare "biopic" Hitchcock.  Telling the story of the making of Alfred Hitchcock's slasher classic Psycho, the film never seems to be concerned with the facts.  It merely touches on Hitchcock's tyrant like behaviour towards his actresses to get the best possible performance and opts for more of genuine portrayal of his mind and manners.  It's a bit frustrating to see how it's all portrayed but once you get past that, it's quite an enjoyable little film that's more a nod to the fat man's filmmaking rather than his actual life.

3 famous silhouettes out of 5

The Perfect Score (2004)

High school kids plan a heist to help them pass their SAT. It’s boring and predictable, like toast. Except, I like toast. Toast is better.

1½ standardised clichés out of 5

Iron Man 2 (2010)

While the ultimate goal is to separate you from your money, this sequel has two other reasons to exist. Firstly, it has a standalone plot, which has too much Paltrow and too much Rockwell, both of whom bring nothing to the table. Conversely, Mickey Rourke says very little and is both more appealing and more interesting than either of the other two.

The second reason Iron Man 2 exists is to further advance The Avengers, which is again designed to separate you from even more of your money.
It's ironic that the part which should feel like an intrusion, and is in reality an unfinished story, is more entertaining than the main part of the film, which descends into an obligatory explosion-heavy finale.
Once again, Robert Downey Jr proves to be the best cast Superhero in the entire Marvel universe.

3 very silly suitcases out of 5

THE AVENGERS [2012]

Joss Whedon's much anticipated comic book spectacle The Avengers (the sixth installment in the MCU series) meets all expectations and more.  The perfect blend of humor, cheesy comic book moments, humanity, character juggling and jaw-dropping action is to die for.  Summer blockbusters haven't been this much fun since Jurassic Park or Men In Black.  Whedon and Mark Ruffalo bring something to the Bruce Banner/Hulk character that's never been done properly before.  

Bravo.  More please.

4 puny gods out of 5