Anemone (2025)

Daniel Day-Lewis briefly comes out of retirement for his first film role since 2017's Phantom Thread. It's a gloomy drama about a hermit living in the woods that is visited by his estranged brother who tries to get him to make amends. What this mostly amounts to are a lot of slooow monologues set against the backdrop of gorgeous natural landscapes accompanied by ambient music. It's brooding and insistent, and there are some interesting visual sequences, but it doesn't really go anywhere worthwhile throughout the entirety of its 2-hour journey. The performances are standout, but that's not nearly my issue with it.

2 hailstorms out of 5

The Island (2005)

Even though it steals almost all of its ideas from some classic, well-known and much-loved sci-fi movies of yesteryear, the early part of Michael Bay's movie feels like it could've did something worthwhile with the pickings. But the potential is destroyed by his woefully inappropriate direction, cack-handed editing, a leading duo with zero chemistry, and a music score that aspires to little more than blandness. When the director lets loose with his trademark action scenes, including helicopters (naturally), cars tipping on busy highways, flashing lights, etc, it becomes Bay-by-numbers, indistinguishable from every other movie of his that I've managed to sit through. His talent for making excitement be terminally dull is almost unsurpassed.

1 identifier out of 5

Ronin (1998)

The tense opening is arguably the best part of Ronin, with the remainder of the film attempting to match it, but overall it's an enjoyable crime drama with some solid acting from its primary cast members. It's the not very original 'group of men who don't know each other hired to commit a robbery' scenario with the usual stock types (i.e. anonymous employer; loose cannon; overly-cautious planner; the quiet and amiable teammate, etc) but the sense of foreboding is well-implemented and likely strong enough to keep fans of this kind of thing intrigued. But I suspect what a lot of people will remember most is the bitchin' car chases through the tight and narrow roads of Nice.

3 boost multipliers out of 5

MIRROR MIRROR [2012]

Director Tarsem Singh delivers yet another visually stunning feast for the eyes with his strange adaptation of the Snow White story, Mirror Mirror.
Here we have Snow enlisting the aid of seven tiny rebels to fight against the power-hungry queen and a savage beast that dwells deep within the forest that surrounds the poverty-stricken kingdom.
Singh is no stranger to astonishingly beautiful set-pieces and intricate costume designs but sadly he never seems to shy away from wafer-thin scripts and laughable melodrama.  Fortunately, as a first for Singh, he's inserted some humor into his storytelling and, although, funny, it almost always feels out of place from the rest of the film.  Nothing seems to comfortably fall into place with each other and ends up making for a very uneven mess.  As imaginative and original as it all is, you can't help but feel that everyone involved were all working on a different film.

2½ stilts out of 5

THE MARTIAN [2015]

After a string of badly received films, director Ridley Scott returns to form with his adaptation of Andy Weir's online serial novel, The Martian.
Like his most recent film before this, Matt Damon plays an astronaut, thought to be dead, who is left alone in space and must use his few supplies to find a way to contact Earth in order to get back home.  Aiming to be as scientifically realistic as possible the film is a fascinating watch, as Damon's character figures out to use his scarce resources as a means to survive.  Fortunately Damon is America's good ol' boy, who you could take out for drinks with the boys or home to have a slice of apple pie with Grandma, so it makes a lot of the solo screentime all the more likable.  I was delightfully surprised to see how funny the film turned out to be, considering how overly serious Scott has been in the past decade or so.  Unfortunately all the characters who aren't Damon are about as interesting as lint-balls and take up more time than I would have liked.  It's not a perfect film, like it's being made out to be, but it's pretty darned entertaining.

3½ horrible music selections to be stranded with out of 5

PIXELS [2015]

With lowered expectations Chris Columbus' Adam Sandler sci-fi/comedy, Pixels, is actually pretty watchable as something mildly entertaining.
It is indeed a fantasy universe when it's folks like Sandler, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage & U.S. President Kevin James saving the world from aliens who have taken the form of classic '80's arcade characters.
It'd be too easy to dismiss Pixels as simply dumb but it really is just that.   Sandler steps back, yawning, and allows Gad & Dinklage to steal every scene they're in which makes for the best bits in the movie (which still isn't much).  There was a lot of potential to get something as hilariously imaginative as Ghostbusters but instead we get another Evolution.
Funny how all three films mentioned in this review feature Danny Aykroyd.  Coincidence?

2 Paperboys out of 5

JUPITER ASCENDING [2015]

The Wachowski's latest beautiful mess comes in the form of the ambitious space opera Jupiter Ascending.
Mila Kunis stars as the chosen one who learns the Earth is not what it seems and she's fallen smack in the middle of an intergalactic battle for the control of the industrial harvesting of the human race.  It's interesting to see Kunis take the role of what is usually male but unfortunately she still needs to love and be saved by Channing Tatum in his hilarious 60's Star Trek make-up.  It's jam-packed with beyond gorgeous visuals, imaginative easy-to-follow action sequences, a wonderful musical score from Michael Giacchino and great dedication to the genre.  However it's bogged down by flat-lining characters with tired performances, a muddy script, jokes that make George Lucas & Peter Jackson look like comedy geniuses and terribly wonky pacing which includes an overly long tribute to Terry Gilliam's Brazil that would have made one of the best deleted scenes ever due to it's punchline.

3 wings out of 5

Don't Say a Word (2001)

An average thriller that occasionally thrills but mostly errs. It’s about a resourceful psychiatrist, a troubled girl in his care and a team of bad guys who want something and will go to stupid lengths to get it.
The elaborate set-ups make no sense whatsoever when you apply them to what’s actually going on. There are plot holes all over. How someone in the creative process didn't spot them is a mystery. Perhaps while looking they fell into a sizeable one and were never heard from again?
Brittany Murphy does well with what she's given. It co-stars Sean Bean, so you get to add value by playing the Does Sean Die? game.

2½ needles out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (extended edition) [2001]

They said it couldn't be with much doubt but Peter Jackson & co. brought J.R.R. Tolkien's classic epic fantasy novel The Lord Of The Rings to the screen with smashing success both financially and creatively.
The expanded edition of the first instalment The Fellowship Of Ring is easily the definitive version as it smooths out some of the rough skips and bumps in the original edit.  Fleshing out the vivid characters just a bit more added so much to the rich details Jackson gave the world of Middle Earth and it's inhabitants.   With a perfectly rounded out cast, dazzling special effects, beautifully intricate set design, dizzying photography and a powerful score from Howard Shore the film is a milestone in modern film-making.  At the heart of the razzle dazzle lays a wonderfully woven tale about love, friendship and hope in increasingly dark times set within a world of adventure, fantasy and horror.

5 2nd breakfasts out of 5 

SILENT HILL: REVELATION [2012]

The original Silent Hill film was surprisingly good compared to the standards set for video game film adaptations before it.

Sadly, the sequel completely shits the bed with it's horrible performances, excruciating dialogue that falls onto hokey monologues way too many times, amateurish direction and CGI that jumps between pretty good to downright sloppy.   Sometimes some clever editing can occasionally save shitfests like this but all parties involved in Silent Hill: Revelations don't seem to know or care what they're doing.   

Silent Hill fans who have been waiting for six years for this deserve much better than this insult to the senses. 

1 Carnival from Hell out of 5

SILENT HILL [2006]

Normally film adaptations of video games are best avoided like the plague but somehow Brotherhood Of The Wolf director Christophe Gans and Pulp Fiction writer Roger Avary make Silent Hill work.

Sure, it's got some awkward performances, questionable character actions and bad script rewrites but it's all made up for in it's haunting atmosphere, gorgeous visuals and twisted philosophies that are genuinely faithful to it's source material.  

It's not an instant classic but will certainly please fans and anyone tired of terrible video game "adaptations" starring Milla Jovovich.  

3 reflections of Centralia out of 5

BLACK DEATH [2010]

Severance director Christopher Smith paints a grim look across his face for the medieval mystery thriller Black Death.

Going into this film I was expecting something historically inaccurate in unforgiving ways and large setpieces that offer nothing more than an explosive CGI death.  Instead, I was pleasantly surprised with a rather intimate film that never resorts to large choral battle scenes or tragic hero melodrama.  It allows you to explore your own morals and questions that leave neither the Christians or the pagans looking the "good guys".

3½ infected armpits out of 5

Flightplan (2005)

A woman and her daughter board a plane. There's some drama. It all gets a bit silly at times, but I stuck it out mostly because it has Jodie Foster. I like Jodie. She can act. The director manages to elicit a great freedom of movement from the camera in what is traditionally a very tight space. He deserves credit for that. If you're lucky it'll be the in-flight movie the next time you fly.

2½ kids in the seat in front should be seen and not heard out of 5

Equilibrium (2002)

Equilibrium steals its entire plot from George Orwell's 1984 and Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. It has nothing original to say whatsoever.
Emotion is punishable by death. The people are policed by law enforcing warrior-priests who use drugs to suppress their own emotions, so Christian Bale’s wooden acting and inability to emote is probably what got him the job. Besides the environment, the only thing it does well is killed off in the first ten minutes.
Emily Watson brings the beautiful to an empty shell of a film.

1 the architecture is the real star out of 5