The Prophecy (1995)

Stories about war in heaven and angels using Earth as a battleground were less common when The Prophecy was released than they are now, so it's useful to view it with that in mind. Directed by the writer of Highlander (1986), i.e. Gregory Widen, it attempts a similar balance of fantastical and human story. As such, it's less action-packed than some of the other works I alluded to above. It's slowly paced in the first half, but more rewarding in the second.
On one side there's a cop with a religious background who's hunting for answers, and on the other is an angel played by Walken who's hunting for something entirely different, but the two things are connected.
The black comedy misfires about 99% of the time, but there's enough conflict and drama to keep the core subject matter interesting to the end.

3 perched arguments out of 5

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE [2005]

Director David Cronenberg adapts Judge Dredd co-creator John Wagner's graphic novel A History of Violence for the screen.
After saving his diner from a pair of robbers, a man must face what comes afterwards when he's considered a local hero.
Loosely adapting someone else's material makes for a fairly normal film for Cronenberg but it doesn't mean it's tame by any means.  With more character than plot leaves more for the actors to chew on and Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello and Ed Harris do it well.  It's violent, funny and intense sometimes simultaneously.  A fine piece of Cronenberg fare.   

4 little punk-ass, chicken-shit, faggot bitches out of 5

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC [2016]

Silicon Valley's Matt Ross' second directorial feature-length Captain Fantastic proves if actor Viggo Mortensen wants Oscar recognition he needs to do full-frontal nudity.
Mortensen plays a recently widowed father, who believes his secluded family's lifestyle should go against the grain of the modern world and it's political, religious and decadent beliefs.  However all that is put to the test when they're forced to interact with the world, where they find sometimes the best lessons are learned with first-hand experience and not just books.
There's some interesting themes and plot-points thrown around but when it all comes down to it, it's really all about Mortensen's fantastic acting chops.  In fact the entire cast raises the film past it's so-so script and predictable quirkiness.

3 missions out of 5

Hidalgo (2004)

Hidalgo appeared a year before Viggo changed from being a handsome but dull leading man into the real emotion-button pushing actor that he is now (his time with Cronenberg was the turning point). It tells the tale of a washed-up cowboy who undertakes a treacherous 3000 miles cross-desert horse race in Arabia, an area that he and his mustang have no prior experience of.
At heart it's the story of a despondent underdog who through hardship finds his own self-worth, but the overproduced, predictable, almost comic book manner in which it all unfolds is much too bland and safe to make an impact; so too is most of the music. There's a worthy challenge within the tale, but there's none for Viggo the actor to get a hold of and it shows.
The attempt to mix old Hollywood values with that of new Hollywood is something that I applaud, but the two things didn't sit well together this time.

2½ distant waterholes out of 5

Carlito's Way (1993)

In one of Pacino’s best roles he attempts to go straight after being released early from a lengthy prison sentence. His efforts aren't entirely successful, in part because the old story of needing capital in order to build a better life and wanting it sooner rather than later attracts him. The quickest way to get the cash is to return to the streets on which he made his name.
His struggle is compounded by his lingering reputation and the people around him spiralling into dangerous waters, threatening to drag him down with them. One of whom is Sean Penn, acting his socks off as a lawyer on the edge.
I don’t completely agree with people who say it’s just another Scarface (1983), but it’s certainly similar in many ways and if you enjoy one then you’ll more than likely enjoy the other.

4½ walks on the wild side of memory lane out of 5

PSYCHO [1998]

Director Gus Van Sant collects together an impressive cast for the near shot-for-shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock's suspense classic Psycho.
Being a huge fan of the original film I wanted to hate this film more than I did (and I did for many years) but rewatching it, I found there's a few elements I admire but can't really back up the idea of the whole project.  Van Sant updates a few minor bits to make the story feel a little more modern but the shots, pacing and dialogue all still feel completely outdated feeling like an awkward dream you've had before.  It really is as pointless as you might think but interesting in the sort of way like listening to a faithful yet lesser cover version of your favorite song for nearly 2 hours.

2 newly renovated motels out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (extended edition) [2003]

Peter Jackson & co. deliver an emotionally powerful, visually breath-taking grand finale to The Lord Of The Rings film trilogy with The Return Of The King.
Clocking in at over 4 hours it feels like no time is put to waste with it's satisfying character moments, terrifying battle scenes and beautiful backdrops courtesy of New Zealand.  So much care and love was put into every single element of the film you know it's a film for the fans made by fans.  Many might complain about the overly long conclusion but I find it more than suiting to wrap up everything while never wanting to let the characters go.  This trilogy as a whole is a fine achievement in film-making that has already found it's place in cinema history and with good reason.

4½ drinking games out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (extended edition) [2002]

With The Fellowship Of The Ring being a huge success, Peter Jackson & co. would have a lot to live up to with the second Lord Of The Rings film, The Two Towers.
Unfortunately it doesn't quite live up to the adventure of the first film.  It actually tends to drag in several moments with drawn out scenes of character interaction that does nothing to move the story forward or further develop any personality.  There's still several moments that are quite engaging, including the Helms Deep battle and anything involving Andy Serkis' fantastic performance as the demented Gollum.  In the end it's a mess of a film even Jackson & co. admitted to having great difficulty trying to assemble but still worth the time if you're a fan of the series.

3½ fat hobbits out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (extended edition) [2001]

They said it couldn't be with much doubt but Peter Jackson & co. brought J.R.R. Tolkien's classic epic fantasy novel The Lord Of The Rings to the screen with smashing success both financially and creatively.
The expanded edition of the first instalment The Fellowship Of Ring is easily the definitive version as it smooths out some of the rough skips and bumps in the original edit.  Fleshing out the vivid characters just a bit more added so much to the rich details Jackson gave the world of Middle Earth and it's inhabitants.   With a perfectly rounded out cast, dazzling special effects, beautifully intricate set design, dizzying photography and a powerful score from Howard Shore the film is a milestone in modern film-making.  At the heart of the razzle dazzle lays a wonderfully woven tale about love, friendship and hope in increasingly dark times set within a world of adventure, fantasy and horror.

5 2nd breakfasts out of 5 

ON THE ROAD [2012]

Director Walter Salles takes up the near impossible task of adapting Jack Kerouac's novel On The Road for the screen. 

The results are somewhat hit & miss but still incredibly impressive mostly due to the strong presences and nuanced performances from Sam Riley & Garret Hedlund as Sal & Dean. The cinematography is quite breathtaking and thoughtful as is the jazz music constantly dropping in and out of the background.  Unfortunately the recklessness and danger of it's source material is watered down by Salles' inability to take any real risks.  Still, as a fan of the book, it was a joy to see Sal & Dean come to life.

3 frightened hitchhikers out of 5

Appaloosa (2008)

I love a good western. Appaloosa delivers. It’s not particularly innovative in the story department, two men are hired to protect a town from a violent antagonist, but the main characters are so wonderfully rich that you won’t mind. The friendship between Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris is a beautiful thing. The bond between them is constantly reinforced as they share screen space much of the time. The cinematography is subtle but flawless. It’s piss-inducing funny at times, too.
Ed Harris adapted the story, directed, starred and even did a song for the end credits. It's his baby.

4 what's the word I'm looking for? out of 5

A DANGEROUS METHOD [2011]

Director David Cronenberg returns to the screen after a 5 year absence with the period drama A Dangerous Method.
Cronenberg's made a name for himself cinematically studying the dark passages of the human mind, so a film about psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein seemed like it would be the perfect fit.
Cronenberg approaches these characters with hardly any enthusiasm and never really goes anywhere interesting or intense with their relationships. It's more or less straight up melodramatic schmaltz. Viggo Mortenson and Keira Knightley hold it together with some wonderful performances but Michael Fassbender, being the lead, has such a weak screen presence it allows the whole film to fall apart.
It's not a bad film but it's no Cronenberg film.

3 Cliche Statue Of Liberty shots out of 5

Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

Ignoring the events of the last movie, this is probably the truer sequel to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). It also sucks. Leatherface is the sole focus of this insipid tripe (although we're introduced to the extended family) and it's almost as if they intended to go the Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer route, but instead failed miserably. He's shorter, less imposing, and both his hair and mask looks stupid. Also...wait a minute, Viggo's in this?! Ahem. When you start clockwatching during a movie, you know you're in trouble.
The series was briefly rebooted in 1994's Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation with pre-stars Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, but even they couldn't save that turd. It was also remade into two films (a third's on the way), but I'd rather diarrhea all over my own face than watch that shit again.
For those keeping count...1 and 2, yea. The rest? Stick a finger up your ass instead.

0 hours of my life reclaimed out of 5

The Road (2009)

Within every frame of the film lies an immense affecting power that overwhelmed me. Not one second of footage was wasted.
Without the accompanying visual element words alone seem incapable of expressing my feelings toward it, all I can do is use unworthy adjectives: Subtle. Understated. Heartfelt. Haunting. Beautiful.

It's the rarest of things: a perfect score.

5 Viggo beards out of 5