Mortal Kombat II (2026)

This installment adds series staples like Kitana, Jade and Baraka to its roster, but it's the secret weapon of Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, a washed out movie star from the '90s, that proves to be the right move. He's the least convincing fighter of all of them and has more of an Ash/Bruce Campbell presence, but it changes the tone considerably. They lean even further into the nostalgia and ridiculousness, aiming more for game accuracy than realism. This one is better than the last one but not by much. It's extremely dumb but enjoyable in a way.

Throw on the MK techno theme song and you can have yourself a little party.

2½ split nut punches out of 5

THE LOFT [2014]

Belgian director Erik Van Looy remakes his 2008 mystery The Loft for American audiences with very mixed results.
5 married men share a downtown loft to discreetly bring their mistresses to but things fall apart when they discover an unknown dead women there and begin suspecting each other.
At it's core, the film could have been a seedy thriller filled with over-the-top twists 'n turns that capture the audience no matter how unbelievable it gets.  Instead it's filled with terrible acting, clunky pacing, lack of suspense and characters so unlikable you're hard up for anything to grasp onto.  In the end we get a despicable albeit beautifully shot Hitchcockian wannabe that's better left forgotten.

2 keys out of 5

STAR TREK BEYOND [2016]

Director Justin Lin gives Captain Kirk & Friends a fast & furious makeover for the third installment of the Kelvin timeline, Star Trek Beyond.
This time around we follow the restless Enterprise crew into uncharted space where they meet a Big Bad who's bent on destroying the federation.
It's a pretty straight forward story that feels more like an old episode of TOS, especially by dropping the heavy cynicism of the first two films and diving deeper into the search for hope in humanity.  More a character piece than story driven film, we get plenty of great moments with the cast that all share an easily watchable on-screen chemistry.  There's some unforgivable face-palmy moments but Trek's always had it's fair share of bits that easily out-dates itself best taken with a grain of salt.
It's not going to win over any folks already hissing at the series but for those already invested in this series than it's as pleasurable as Insurrection or The Search for Spock.  A welcome stand alone film treading water in a world of sequels that require knowledge of every film in the franchise.

3 big green hands out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (extended edition) [2003]

Peter Jackson & co. deliver an emotionally powerful, visually breath-taking grand finale to The Lord Of The Rings film trilogy with The Return Of The King.
Clocking in at over 4 hours it feels like no time is put to waste with it's satisfying character moments, terrifying battle scenes and beautiful backdrops courtesy of New Zealand.  So much care and love was put into every single element of the film you know it's a film for the fans made by fans.  Many might complain about the overly long conclusion but I find it more than suiting to wrap up everything while never wanting to let the characters go.  This trilogy as a whole is a fine achievement in film-making that has already found it's place in cinema history and with good reason.

4½ drinking games out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (extended edition) [2002]

With The Fellowship Of The Ring being a huge success, Peter Jackson & co. would have a lot to live up to with the second Lord Of The Rings film, The Two Towers.
Unfortunately it doesn't quite live up to the adventure of the first film.  It actually tends to drag in several moments with drawn out scenes of character interaction that does nothing to move the story forward or further develop any personality.  There's still several moments that are quite engaging, including the Helms Deep battle and anything involving Andy Serkis' fantastic performance as the demented Gollum.  In the end it's a mess of a film even Jackson & co. admitted to having great difficulty trying to assemble but still worth the time if you're a fan of the series.

3½ fat hobbits out of 5

Doom (2005)

Doom delivered pretty much what I’d expected it would; it’s a movie based on a First Person Shooter, it was never going to be high art.
It threw in a few welcome surprises to stop it being just marines in dark tunnels shooting at uglies. It had The Rock delivering some fun but corny lines that paid homage to its origins, and in one stand out scene it turned those origins into something daring that was as laughable as it was awesome. Also, to its credit, the creatures weren't all CGI.
I guess saying it’s better than the Resident Evil films isn't much of a recommendation, but it's the best one I've got.

2½ killcams out of 5

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS [2013]

A little bigger, darker and bolder than director J.J. Abrams & his Fringe team's first film in the franchise, Star Trek Into Darkness continues the "more balls than brains" version of Trek.
It stirs the excitement with adventure and intrigue, while taking us to brand new worlds that seem more in place in the Star Wars universe than Rodenberry's vision.  Nevertheless, with a simply deliciously cold and menacing performance from Benedict Cumberbatch and Chris Pine & Karl Urban stealing lens-flared scenes left right and center, the film is nothing more than good summer fun to butt heads with Iron Man 3.

3½ models of Zefram Cochran's ship out of 5

DREDD [2012]

Director Pete Travis & screenwriter Alex Garland bring John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra's Judge Dredd character from 2000 AD to the big screen in the aptly titled Dredd.

Garland intelligently scales down the size of the usual comic book movie and opts for a day in the life of Dredd instead of a overblown epic tale that's become all too common and tiresome. While it is gritty, violent and loud as one would expect, the biting satire of it's source material is buried a bit too far in the background to make an impact.  However it's Karl Urban and Lena Headey's straight-faced campy performances that make it all the worthwhile.  

3 face meets concrete out of 5

RED [2010]

Loosely inspired by Warren Ellis' comic book mini-series, Robert Schwentke's RED isn't everything it could have been but is still takes you out for a good joyride.

With a veteran cast made up of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Brian Cox and Richard Dreyfuss, it comes as a surprise that Mary Louise-Parker and Karl Urban are the real scene-stealers here.  It's an outrageous, funny, violent action-comedy that's based more on it's cast rather than the script.  Not great, but fun enough to kill two hours.

3 gun-stuffed pigs out of 5

STAR TREK [2009]

When the mastermind behind TV's LOST, Alias & Fringe, J.J. Abrams was announced as the director of the 2009 reboot of the Star Trek franchise it created quite a stir with Trek fans and Abrams fans alike.
Apart from some unforgivable flaws and changes to the universe, Abrams take on the Trek is nothing short of an entertaining ride. Highlighted with a solid story, action, humor and wonderful spot on performances (particularly from Chris Pine, Zackary Quinto and Karl Urban) the new Trek is more balls than brains.
In a time with ridiculously dark comic book movies and brainless comedy after brainless comedy, Abrams optimism and humor in Star Trek is a refreshing breath of fresh air.

4 Wil Wheaton's voice is everywhere out of 5

Priest (2011)

Took me two separate viewings to get through it all, but I was vigilant. Super Priests vs. Vampires. What the hell was I expecting? Boring, shallow, two-dimensional (what is...this movie, Alex?) Not worth the 15 minutes it took me to download it for free.

0 crucifix throwing stars out of 5