STAR TREK BEYOND [2016]

Director Justin Lin gives Captain Kirk & Friends a fast & furious makeover for the third installment of the Kelvin timeline, Star Trek Beyond.
This time around we follow the restless Enterprise crew into uncharted space where they meet a Big Bad who's bent on destroying the federation.
It's a pretty straight forward story that feels more like an old episode of TOS, especially by dropping the heavy cynicism of the first two films and diving deeper into the search for hope in humanity.  More a character piece than story driven film, we get plenty of great moments with the cast that all share an easily watchable on-screen chemistry.  There's some unforgivable face-palmy moments but Trek's always had it's fair share of bits that easily out-dates itself best taken with a grain of salt.
It's not going to win over any folks already hissing at the series but for those already invested in this series than it's as pleasurable as Insurrection or The Search for Spock.  A welcome stand alone film treading water in a world of sequels that require knowledge of every film in the franchise.

3 big green hands out of 5

HITMAN: AGENT 47 [2015]

After the Xavier Gens' shitfest 2007 adaptation of the long-running video game franchise, first time director Aleksander Bach gives the world Hitman: Agent 47, a film reboot of the series that no one asked for.
A great deal more faithful to it's source material than the first film, Agent 47 runs around Eastern Europe diving head-first into adolescent video-game violence for straight-faced shits 'n giggles.  It's a pretty dumb film but quite often it seems to know it and fly that flag with pride and honor, amidst all the jarring product placements in the fancy action sequences.
It's not a very good film but in a weird unexpected way,  it's really not an insanely horrible film either.

2 jet engines out of 5

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS [2013]

A little bigger, darker and bolder than director J.J. Abrams & his Fringe team's first film in the franchise, Star Trek Into Darkness continues the "more balls than brains" version of Trek.
It stirs the excitement with adventure and intrigue, while taking us to brand new worlds that seem more in place in the Star Wars universe than Rodenberry's vision.  Nevertheless, with a simply deliciously cold and menacing performance from Benedict Cumberbatch and Chris Pine & Karl Urban stealing lens-flared scenes left right and center, the film is nothing more than good summer fun to butt heads with Iron Man 3.

3½ models of Zefram Cochran's ship out of 5

STAR TREK [2009]

When the mastermind behind TV's LOST, Alias & Fringe, J.J. Abrams was announced as the director of the 2009 reboot of the Star Trek franchise it created quite a stir with Trek fans and Abrams fans alike.
Apart from some unforgivable flaws and changes to the universe, Abrams take on the Trek is nothing short of an entertaining ride. Highlighted with a solid story, action, humor and wonderful spot on performances (particularly from Chris Pine, Zackary Quinto and Karl Urban) the new Trek is more balls than brains.
In a time with ridiculously dark comic book movies and brainless comedy after brainless comedy, Abrams optimism and humor in Star Trek is a refreshing breath of fresh air.

4 Wil Wheaton's voice is everywhere out of 5

Girl Walks Into A Bar (2011)

Something about downloading a freely distributed movie feels wrong to me. I don't get that same satisfaction of illegal piracy. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

This low-budget/big-name feature starts out like a David Mamet play with some good writing and snappy dialogue, then falls into dull routine like a cheap knock-off of a Robert Altman ensemble comedy. The subject matter involves random conversations in 10 bars with a common thread running throughout...which is all but abandoned by the halfway point. The main problem is that this movie never really goes anywhere, and I didn't find the individual scenes enjoyable in and of themselves.

If you want to see it for yourself, it's here (only available in the U.S.).

2 black censored bars out of 5...fuck you