Zootopia 2 (2025)

Sequel to the popular Disney film about anthropomorphic animals, featuring the unlikely partnership of Judy Hopps (sexy bunny) and Nick Wilde (sly fox) on a slithery mystery adventure that threatens to expose the origins of their storied utopia. Not quite as enchanting as its predecessor, in some ways, this feels like The Bad Guys all over again, except these are clearly the good guys. It's cute, it's cuddly, it's colorful, it's innocuous. No one is changed for it.

And I'm just going to come right out and say it. I want to fuck that rabbit. 

2 gateways to furryism out of 5

Zombie Town (2023)

A kid's zombie movie, where nothing scary ever happens. After watching a cursed film, the town's inhabitants are turned into the walking undead. Based on R.L. Stine's novel, it has all the professionalism of a high school production. All the characters are insufferable, two-dimensional tropes. Full of harmless monsters that aren't even a threat, and predictably boring tripe that amounts to less than nothing. The shitty Zoom cameo from R.L. Stine was probably the scariest part and I'm pretty sure he wasn't wearing any zombie makeup.

It was such a crime to have Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase together again after 32 years and only have them share one small scene in the end credits that was obviously intended for the blooper reel. What a waste all around.

½ a film reel out of 5

Zomblogalypse (2022)

An adaptation of the 2008 British web-series about survivors of the zombie apocalypse who film a video blog to pass the time and ease their doldrums. The joke being, why would anyone want to view a film about the apocalypse during said apocalypse? I have no way of knowing whether this was directly inspired by George Romero's Diary of the Dead, but I'm pretty fucking sure.

This is completely guerilla-style filmmaking that only remains watchable due to the chemistry of these idiots. The whole thing is very amateur and funny in small doses, which is probably why it succeeded better as a web series.

1½ subscribers out of 5

The Zone of Interest (2023)

This is not an easy watch. A more mundane view of what life must have been life back in 1940s Germany, when it was much easier to stand in line and not question the atrocities that were occurring all around, for fear of one's own livelihood. We see the domestic life of a commandant and his family, whose backyard features a view of a furnace that is constantly burning. There are scenes in this film that are downright chilling to the bone. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.

4 moments of quiet horror out of 5

ZZ Top: That Little Ol' Band from Texas (2019)

A documentary about the Texan trio that begins the story in the pre-ZZ days, delving into each band member's musical history before moving onto ZZ Top's actual formation and their slow rise to stardom. At time of writing, the band are still touring and recording, but the film's focus comes to an end around the hugely successful Eliminator (1983) era, with its stylised music videos.
In addition to the interviews and archive footage there's live recording studio stuff that in all likelihood was as easy as pie for the artists but nevertheless sounds like ZZ on top form. Directed by Sam Dunn, it's an interesting account in all respects, but the studio sessions are worth the price of admission alone.

3½ shuffles in C out of 5

Zardoz (1974)

Dir. John Boorman's futuristic fantasy is a cinematic marvel; that doesn't mean it's good, just that it's a damned pretty film and as bonkers as it is daring.

It stars Sean Connery as an exterminator named Zed, whose job is to cull the human breeding population so that his god, the titular Zardoz, will be appeased. But when Zed crosses a dividing line and mingles with a closed society of aimless immortals, his presence disrupts their colourful dark age.

The phrase 'dazzle with brilliance or baffle with bullshit' has rarely seemed so apt. Its playful philosophy and eccentricities are entertaining for a while, but what's most perplexing is how something so concerned with creativity and colour can be so obtusely boring and routine for long periods of time. Even so, I'm glad it exists because such diversity enriches the cinematic landscape.

2½ memory images out of 5

ZIR-E SAYEH [2016]

aka Under the Shadow

Iranian director Babak Anvari tackles much more than a scary movie with the eerie Iraq-Iran war-torn horror film Under the Shadow.
Set in Tehran, Iraq during the War of the Cities of the '80's, a young mother trying to deal with the war the that surrounds her home is given even more stress when her daughter begins talking about evil spirits.
Important themes of rebellion, feminism and oppression are tossed around, all the while Anvari is keen on keeping the viewer frightened as well.  I don't know if it was the unfamiliarity of the setting that kept me on edge or the threat of missile coming through the window any second but not once did I feel comfort within the film.  The supernatural evil of the film never really does a whole lot to frighten because it feels so familiar to the hundreds of "young woman & kid haunted" films that have come before it.  Nevertheless, it's an intriguing brisk watch for ghostly horror fans tired of the North American/Japanese settings.  

3 missing dollies out of 5

Zid (2014)

A jilted newspaper crime reporter named Ronnie (Karanvir Sharma) attempts to escape his daily brooding by moving from his home in the city to a rural area. Whilst there his feelings for his ex-lover are eased when he spies and pervs Maya (Mannara), the landlord's daughter, but it's okay because she gets jollies from it, too. Even so, it doesn't prevent him from getting into quite a pickle.
It was the first proper acting gig for both leads; they did okay, all things considered, but the film is clumsy in many other ways as it attempt to explore themes of guilt, obsession and complicity.
One thing that did stand out was the rain scene; far from being the usual carefree, sensual, romantic aside, it's backdrop to a more sinister situation.

2 repurposed bird cages out of 5

ZABRISKIE POINT [1970]

Italian director Michelangelo Antonioni's second American film, Zabriskie Point, felt like one the most colossal waste of times of my life.
In an attempt to attract the counterculture youth of it's time, the film tells the story of two young adults who attempt to go against authority and succeed, but in reality if you heard these self-absorbed characters speak you'd wonder how they tied their own shoelaces.
There's some interesting ideas of frustration brought up that pose an even greater problem in America today but the film is so terribly written it comes of as nothing but dull, dull and dull.  If not for some of the wonderfully shot photography and music by Pink Floyd & Jerry Garcia I never would have gotten past the 20 minute mark.

1 sexy roll around in the sand out of 5

Zameen (2003)

It can be difficult to judge an actor's performance accurately when it's in a language you don't speak. Zameem makes it easy: the majority of the performances are patently awful. The remainder of the film appears to have taken a sympathetic approach and is equally bad. Even the songs feel like they're there solely out of obligation with nothing meaningful to add.
I appreciate that events were based on a real life incident and needed to be treated with some care, but a patriotic punch in the face has the opposite effect of what was intended if it ends up being just as much of a negative, nationalist commentary on the makers of the work as on the terrorists.

1½ background explosions out of 5

ZOOTOPIA [2016]

aka Zootropolis

Directors Rich Moore & Byron Howard put together a colorfully thoughtful feast for the eyes (and brain) with their gorgeously animated Zootopia.
Like Disney's 1973 animated Robin Hood adaptation, the viewer is brought into a world of anthropomorphic animals, seemingly living side-by-side in peace and harmony.  That is until their differences are put to the test, forcing the society to question whether they are as enlightened as they think they are.
With your usual garden-variety talking animal films (usually featuring martial arts panda bears) it's refreshing to see this one add in some intelligence and a number of important themes to ponder upon, like racism, sexism, unfair hierarchys and a heavy dose of xenophobia in a time of terrorism.  As Animal Farm-ish as it sounds there's no shortage of gags, excitement and all around good fun to be had for all ages.    

4 law-enforcing bunnies out of 5

Zatoichi: The Last (2010)

Once again I find myself liking something that I later find out is almost unanimously hated, and wondering if we even watched the same film.
I agree that being blind and holding his sword in a reverse grip doesn't mean pop star Shingo Katori is anything like the Zatoichi we know and love, but that doesn't make ZTL a bad film. Remove the expectation and it’s possible to see director Junji Sakamoto’s work as the beautiful jidaigeki it really is. He's attentive to change, enabling his camera-work to adapt to its target (compare the scenes with and without Tatsuya Nakadai to see what I mean). The lighting, the sets and locations are all exquisite. The story is slow but I was never bored. If it had been marketed as being inspired by the Zatoichi series of films, instead of as a part of it, then I think it would be more openly accepted.

3½ right paths out of 5

Zatoichi (2003)

aka The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (in the US)

Stepping into Shintarô Katsu’s well-worn sandals is a very tall order. I can think of no one more deserving of the honour than Takeshi Kitano.
Katsu’s Ichi shone even when acting nonchalant. Kitano chooses not to. He fades into the background often. Consequently, the secondary characters come across as being better written, making Ichi seem like less of a focal point and more of a supporting player in his own story. I'm sure it was intentional, but, even though the swordsman’s persona has been well-established previously, I feel the two halves ought to have been at least on equal footing, because for many folks it'll be their first ever Zatoichi film.
I’ve vented hatred for CGI blood in previous posts; pairing it with CGI blades elicits and qualifies for an even greater level of disgust.

3 dancing farmers out of 5

Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman (1989)

Shintarô starred, directed and co-wrote a welcome second sayonara for his most famous character. Among other things, it’s centred around the passing of time. The first half is for people who took the full journey, all twenty-five previous films, showing how the swordsman’s life is when aged: he’s greying but still wandering. It also acknowledges the era in which it was released, being more violent than ever to please a new generation of viewers.
Some of what it attempted emotionally had been done better previously. Conversely, exploring the feelings that a son holds for a mother, opening a window into Zatoichi’s past, was handled beautifully.
Even though the extra running time allows for the character to be re-established, I don’t think it’ll have the desired effect on people who aren't long-time fans. A full appreciation requires knowledge of what came before.

3½ colourful lives out of 5

Zatoichi's Conspiracy (1973)

Film number 25 was the end of the original, unbroken run of Zatoichi films. Shintarô Katsu stayed with the character for a subsequent 100 episode TV Series (1974-79), and he came back for one last blind farewell many years later (1989), but it's here that a line can be drawn and an emotional marker laid.
The swordsman returns to his home town, a place he's not been in over twenty years, with mixed feelings in his heart. Sadness shares space with remembered joy, and old faces with new.
All happenings point towards an inevitable and familiar ending, but it's how he gets there that's important. Being who he is means it's bloody and with the best of intentions. Other than the setting, there's no real indication that all concerned knew it was to be the last. Nevertheless, as a farewell it's decent and thankfully less bleak than the few films that preceded it.

3 trust penalties out of 5

Suffocation (2005)

aka Zhixi

Suffering from visions of his dead wife, Shen Xiao (Ge You) consults a therapist. The film analyzes his guilt from infidelity and feelings of resentment. While many of the scenes are portrayed as truth, it's pretty obvious they're delusions within Shen's mind. Edited in a very non-linear path as a number of concise yet repetitive chapters, the uninteresting plot quickly degenerates. The minimal score and lack of humor leaves the events completely devoid of joy. Despite being marketed as horror, very little suspense is distilled from the few moments that endeavor to frighten. Apparently this was director Zhang Bingjian's attempt to serve both the artistic and commercial but he fails miserably on both ends.

1½ cello cases out of 5

Zatoichi in Desperation (1972)

Of the Zatoichi films I’ve watched so far, Desperation, the 24th in the series, was perhaps the least enjoyable. I’d like to be able to say otherwise because it’s directed by Shintarô Katsu himself, but too many shots had the image obscured by scenery and there were too many unnecessary close-ups, which made it hard to follow the action. If you have a full 2.35:1 frame then you should strive to make the best use of it at all times.
He did his best to emphasise the difficult decision making the character has to face up to, but his methodology rubbed me the wrong way. It’s also very bleak with little room for laughter.

2½ wayward winds out of 5

Zatoichi at Large (1972)

Ichi’s been left holding the baby more than once in the series, but never quite as literally as he is in the 23rd film. It’s a simple, reliable device to get him placed. Unfortunately, once he's there the film begins to lose focus. Certain characters get introduced and then all but disappear from the story. Others play a larger role but are too obviously underdeveloped.
What’s perhaps stranger is Dir. Mori’s technique; his occasional close quarters handling of events give it the feel of a B-Movie/exploitation flick. I like both of those things, but it didn't win me over in this instance. It's definitely not a case of over-indulgence on my part; I could watch a hundred Ichi movies with Katsu in the lead role and still want more.

2½ stones to the head out of 5

Zatoichi Meets the One-Armed Swordsman (1971)

The blind swordsman's 22nd film was a crossover event that added the Chinese hero/anti-hero Fang Kang to the cast. You’d expect that to result in a Chanbara/Wuxia hybrid, but in my version the ratio is about 90:10 in favour of the Japanese technical style. The Chinese cut reportedly had more Fang Kang screen time, but I can’t find it for sale anywhere.
It’s a violent film with a cultural message that’s clear to read and an ending that leaves you with plenty to think about.

3 language barriers out of 5

Zatoichi at the Fire Festival (1970)

The blind swordsman's 21st film isn't an overly bloody affair, but there’s a fine balance of action and characterisation and even some very funny comedy during a frenetic bath house fight.
It was celebrated director Kenji Misumi’s sixth Zatoichi; he was the man that started the series eight years previously. He’s better known in the West as director of four of the Lone Wolf and Cub films.
For a series to still be this good after so many entries isn't unique to Japan but they are surely the masters at it. Most struggle after a trilogy.

3½ expensive wind chimes out of 5