Sorry to Bother You (2018)

A deeply weird film that seems like a shame to spoil in any way. It involves a broke man who becomes a telemarketer and tries to get ahead in the industry. Director Boots Riley has some pitch black sensibilities and this film is dripping in irony. Blending elements of surrealism and science fiction, you might not know where the hell it's going, but you'll certainly know when you get there.

3½ white voices out of 5

Ebony & Ivory (2024)

The story of how Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder came together to write the classic duet "Ebony and Ivory." Not really. All you need to know about this movie is that it was made by the same whackjob who did The Greasy Strangler. For normal ass bitches, this would make it an automatic zero, but it's got some fringe appeal if you're into this alternative absurdist/surrealist anti-humor. You can actually save yourself a lot of time by just checking out the trailer. It's just more of that. It's fucking weird as shit, and intentionally abrasive and grating. It was an endurance test even for me. I'm not really sure who this is for; probably people who are really high, like Paul and Stevie apparently were when they hallucinated sheep excreting out the lyrics. It's simply too bizarre to discard entirely. It will always linger at some part of my subconscious.

1 Scottish cottage out of 5

Symbol (2009)

AKA: しんぼる (Shinboru)

A man wakes up in a bright white room with no memory of how he got there and no escape. He's surrounded by buttons. Each one has a different function. That's all you need. It plays out a little like an absurdist version of Cube. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. Hitoshi Matsumoto is a madman.

4 baby dicks out of 5

The Short Films of David Lynch (2002)

An anthology of six shorts from early in Lynch's career (1966-1996), including student films and other commissioned projects, accompanied by introductions from the director. While I can't say I liked any of these personally, there's no denying the singular vision present in these works. There is no way David Lynch was not going to become who he was. Some of these are so dense and inscrutable, all you can do is sit back and watch in stunned silence. The "best" of these, The Cowboy and the Frenchman (1988), is a slapstick film featuring veterans Harry Dean Stanton and Jack Nance. All of them defy convention.

3 "what the hell?" out of 5

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

How did this movie ever get made? I have no idea, but I'm so glad it did.

The Daniels follow up their breakout film, the wildly inventive Swiss Army Man, with a movie that is not bound to a single place and time, and simply exists on its own terms. A laundromat owner gets caught up in the multiverse while attempting to do her taxes. What follows is a mind-bending journey into the unknown, which borrows liberally from martial arts movies, slapstick comedies, Marvel superheroes, Pixar, anime, Wong Kar-wai, Fight Club and The Matrix. One of the most fiercely original, beautiful, contemplative, wacky, irreverent, soul-purifying and consciousness-expanding movies I've ever seen. Not only the best to come out of 2022, but also of the past five years. 

Have I managed to do this film justice? Not even close.

6 googily eyes out of 6 (in the universe where 6-nutters exist)

Beau is Afraid (2023)

Beau lives in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety. (Same, Beau, same.)

Without going into specifics, he is drawn into anxious-driven journey inspired by the likes of Kaufman and Lynch. If you're paranoid, this movie will fuck with you deeply. It's three hours of a neverending hellscape, but the humor is so sharp and the directions so unpredictable, it manages to ensure your safe journey home. There is a looming darkness hovering over it that encapsulates that feeling of dread so well. I found myself holding my breath during certain scenes for no reason at all, while other scenes are cemented in my brain for life. Joaquin's performance contains so many subtle moments of brilliance which for some reason were not recognized by the awards committee. This film is palpable for no other reason than he is such a compelling actor. The whole thing feels like a fever dream and I'm just delighted there are still filmmakers willing to go there, knowing it will alienate 90% of its audience.

My pick for the best film of 2023, and I'm fairly confident I won't see anything this arresting again anytime soon. It's really fucking sad how much I identify with this character.

5 I'm sorry, thank you, sorry out of 5

Poor Things (2023)

How to condense this film into a concise summary without giving away key plot points? It's the type of film that needs to be seen to be believed, without any prior expectations set. Bella (Emma Stone, at the tip-top of her game) is a Frankenstein-like creation who wants to experience the world for herself and sets out on an epic journey of self-discovery. Yorgos is the perfect filmmaker to handle this weird, sometimes off-putting material, which is both hilarious and tragic. It's a brilliant movie and I hope I haven't said too much or too little.

5 furious jumping out of 5

Daaaaaalí! (2023)

An ambitious young journalist attempts to collaborate with surrealist artist Salvador Dalí on a documentary project that never quite comes to fruition. 

Quentin Dupeiux is a love-it or hate-it filmmaker, but you have to admit, he’s making movies that other people aren't. This one doesn't quite add up in any meaningful way, but it earns points for originality and what-the-fuckery.

3 repeating hallways out of 5

Rumours (2024)

AKA: Rumors (god damn it)

Seven political leaders meet up at the annual G7 summit to discuss the world's affairs amid an undefined crisis. A lot of weird stuff happens, leading to them running amuck around the dark woods at night, but given the film's forthright unwillingness to provide any answers, I found myself not giving a shit after awhile. I suppose it's an allegory or something. It's the type of absurdism that is bound to piss people off, just like it did to me. It's either bullshit pretentious garbage or brilliant pretentious art. No fucking idea; take your pick.

Also, what do we have to do to deserve Charles Dance as U.S. President? I didn't even think that was possible.

2 fap monsters out of 5

Adult Swim Yule Log (2022)

AKA: The Fireplace

The Yule log. A standard winter tradition. Designed to be a bit of background noise, it sets the stage for the season with a crackling fire overlaid with some heartwarming holiday tunes for ambience. That lasts for all of two minutes...

Like Casper Kelly's (Too Many Cooks) other ventures, it's not just about what it seems on the surface. Throughout the 90-minute running period, it finds new ways to reinvent itself and get mileage out of its clever premise. It turns into a Lynchian mindfuck before long, elevating it to something truly nightmarish.

If you're a fan of Adult Swim's 4am programming block, move this to the top of your Christmas list.

4 hanging trees out of 5

Kinds of Kindness (2024)

A deeply twisted absurdist tragi-horror-comedy that required two separate viewings for me to finally process my feelings about it. Essentially three separate stories, starring the same group of actors playing different roles each time, you have to search to find a common thread. The theme here being the fucked up ways people show appreciation and gratitude. At times, it might feel like weird for weirdness' sake, but sometimes that's just what you crave. If you enjoy Yorgos's previous work, this may strike the right chord within you.

4 tennis racquets out of 5

Sasquatch Sunset (2024)

What can I say about this movie? It's fantastically original and strange. Basically a nature documentary about four Sasquatch out in the wild, doing what Bigfeet do. There is no dialogue or subtitles, so the story is essentially told in grunts and a light musical score, as we follow their adventures into the wilderness and great unknown. It's hard to recommend this unless you really know what you're getting into, but it's delightfully memorable if you're strange in the head, like me. From the director of Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter, so you know you're in capable hands.

If you want more tall, hairy creatures walking around wailing at each other (although accomplished to lesser effect), check out the The Star Wars Holiday Special. If you enjoy the scenery and adventurous element of this film, I highly recommend Swiss Army Man.

3½ furious lactations out of 5

The Substance (2024)

Good Lord. 😂

Demi Moore gives the performance of her career as Elisabeth Sparkle, an aging starlet who is tipped off to a method to extend her beauty and youth indefinitely. The marketing materials did such a good job of keeping this under wraps, I won't be the one to ruin it for you. All I'll say is that this is body horror the likes of which would make Cronenberg himself nut in his pantaloons. I felt like I had to watch The Fly afterwards just for a bit of 'lighter' fare. There is no subtlety in this movie at all and it is glorious. It commanded my complete and undivided attention the whole time (and not just because of the flagrant nudity). I still have no idea how this made it into theaters, but I'm so grateful it did. It's rare these days that horror actually horrifies me.

I'll be honest, this one restored my faith in modern cinema.

4½ discreetly marked packages out of 5

Zardoz (1974)

Dir. John Boorman's futuristic fantasy is a cinematic marvel; that doesn't mean it's good, just that it's a damned pretty film and as bonkers as it is daring.

It stars Sean Connery as an exterminator named Zed, whose job is to cull the human breeding population so that his god, the titular Zardoz, will be appeased. But when Zed crosses a dividing line and mingles with a closed society of aimless immortals, his presence disrupts their colourful dark age.

The phrase 'dazzle with brilliance or baffle with bullshit' has rarely seemed so apt. Its playful philosophy and eccentricities are entertaining for a while, but what's most perplexing is how something so concerned with creativity and colour can be so obtusely boring and routine for long periods of time. Even so, I'm glad it exists because such diversity enriches the cinematic landscape.

2½ memory images out of 5

The Visitor (1979)

It started life as a planned rip-off of The Exorcist (1973), but along the way it crashed into a WTF train and derailed everything in its path. The end result is closer to The Omen (1976) with added aliens (maybe?), bald disciples and a single blonde Jesus. It throws you in at the deep end from the very beginning so you don't have to wait to be bewildered. The story is confused, as are some of the cast. Characters disappear for long periods of time or disappear completely for no discernible reason. The camerawork and editing are either intentionally unconventional or the product of a deranged mind. The use and timing of music is reminiscent of Dario Argento, as are some of the spiralling narrative threads. Overall, it's a mostly incoherent mess of a film that somehow managed to hold my attention throughout.

3 angry birds out of 5

THE GREASY STRANGLER [2016]

"How is this happening?" I found myself constantly wondering throughout writer/director Jim Hosking's vile demented comedy The Greasy Strangler.
A loathsome father & son go head to head for the love of a new woman in their life, while one of them develops a peculiar taste for smothering their naked body in layers of fatty grease and murdering people with his bare hands.
It's probably best described as Robert Crumb's Napoleon Dynamite in an Eraserhead-esque world.  Imagine that weird guy on the bus who reeks of sour milk and maple syrup that disturbingly stares at girls with a twisted grin on his face and you get an idea of how this film plays out.  It's about a half-hour too long which is a shame, because with a bit of tightening up and less repetition it might have made the perfect short film.
Not everybody is going to like this film, and with good reason, it's really fucking weird and unconditionally revolting.

3½ Salty Fun Blobs out of 5

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)

While there are some chortles to be mined from it, the Aqua Teens’ silver-screen soirée is sincerely sub-par. I’m pretty convinced this is the exact reason the episodes are only around ten minutes apiece. The best things on display are by far the music and, appropriately, MC Pee Pants. MC Chris is a legend, now and forever. Just grab the soundtrack and call it a day, as this rivals the video game as the most disappointing thing related to the franchise. Robots Everywhere is actually the bonus video included on the latter. At least they wrapped their shame into two neat little packages.

2 Cool For School(ly D) out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)

The dinosaurs didn't really die out. Instead, they hid underground, growing more intelligent, biding their time for a return. They've now surfaced to shoot fire from their mouths and take over the world. The Gemini Force Defence Squad, a team of four brave heroes who can do some pretty amazing things, fight the good fight against the evil Emperor Tyrannus (a talking T-Rex).
AotSM is the first four episodes of a thirty-nine episode Japanese TV show titled Dinosaur War Izenborg (1978-79) joined together, dubbed into English and released as a feature. Even in its bastardised form it's as mad as a hatter. It's a tokusatsu/kaijū/superhero show that mixes various kinds of live action footage with cel animation, sometimes in the same scene; think Gamera + Thunderbirds + Gatchaman and you'll be on the right track.

3 bionic transfers out of 5

eXistenZ (1999)

I hope it isn't but it’s possible that the film is Cronenberg’s last full-on venture into the ‘body-horror’ genre that he excelled in. It contains within it many elements that fans of his earlier works will be familiar with, including the weird character names and sharp angled Canadian architecture, as if to say this is where the past ends, I'm moving onto genres new afterwards.
It has a lot in common with Videodrome (1983), not just thematically but in other ways, and as such I’d definitely recommend viewing Videodrome first.
If you expect to find something intriguing but sickening you’ll not be disappointed. How does a rubbery, foetus-like VR game pod with umbilical cords that plug into a bizarre anus in your lower back sound?

4 signs of the times out of 5

Mechanical Violator Hakaider (1995)

Hakaider (from Kikaider) is part wasteland hero, anti-hero and villain all at once. He even manages to be perceived as a chivalrous knight vanquishing a very odd but awesome looking personification of an evil parliament.
It’s Japanese to the core. It’s aware that it’s a glorious mess, and it knows that we know, so it revels in the madness from beginning to end. Wings, chains, dream sequences, henshins, etc; all that good stuff.
Your viewing pleasure will either be 51 mins (theatrical) or 77 mins (director's cut). They’re both mind-blowing with minimal characterisation and maximum style, but the longer one has the end credits scene moved to a more fitting position within the bonkers and broken narrative.

3 burnt flowers out of 5