Wayne's World 2 (1993)

After being shut out backstage at Aerosmith, Wayne resolves to create his own music festival called Waynestock, inspired by a vision of Jim Morrison and Field of Dreams ("If you book them, they will come"). Meanwhile, his girlfriend Cassandra's (Tia Carrere) new sleazebag producer (Christopher Walken) is looking to steal her from under Wayne's nose, while Garth gets involved with a mysterious woman named Honey Hornée (Kim Basinger).

Less well regarded than the original, it's neither as funny nor memorable, but if you love these characters, there's little to dislike. Other than that, it's more of the same with Wayne and Garth, and that's good enough for me. Party on.

3½ weird naked Indians out of 5

Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987)

All the fraternities are invited to a conference in Florida, where the Lambda Lambda Lambdas are promptly kicked out of the high scale accommodations and sent off with their tails between their legs by those mean ol' Alpha Betas.

It's ironic that these movies about nerds are so fucking stupid, but hey, it's all gravy anyway. How much you enjoy it will depend entirely on how much you can stomach certain bodily humor. No longer interested in sex, the nerds are getting kind of boring at this point. Honestly, the best thing going for it is the title. It conjures to mind a better version of what this movie could have been.

2 loogies from the soul out of 5

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

How did this movie ever get made? I have no idea, but I'm so glad it did.

The Daniels follow up their breakout film, the wildly inventive Swiss Army Man, with a movie that is not bound to a single place and time, and simply exists on its own terms. A laundromat owner gets caught up in the multiverse while attempting to do her taxes. What follows is a mind-bending journey into the unknown, which borrows liberally from martial arts movies, slapstick comedies, Marvel superheroes, Pixar, anime, Wong Kar-wai, Fight Club and The Matrix. One of the most fiercely original, beautiful, contemplative, wacky, irreverent, soul-purifying and consciousness-expanding movies I've ever seen. Not only the best to come out of 2022, but also of the past five years. 

Have I managed to do this film justice? Not even close.

6 googily eyes out of 6 (in the universe where 6-nutters exist)

Black Widow (1987)

Theresa Russell is the Black Widow, named because of her proclivity for finding a mate and killing him shortly after his usefulness expires. Unlike the spider, however, the 'usefulness' isn't post-copulation but post-marriage, once the will has been amended to leave everything to her. It's unclear what she actually does with the wads of cash she acquires, though.
Federal investigator Debra Winger tracks the killer in a manner not dissimilar to how the killer tracks her prey, each woman succumbing to an obsession that's only really different in its focus.
The journey contains within it a number of things that are implied but not clarified, so it's up to a viewer to decide if the subtexts they thought they read were actually there or if they were accidental, surfacing in the edit.

3 green windows out of 5

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

A remake of TDtESS (1951) wasn't needed, but the underlying message is still pertinent, so there’s some justification for it.
Many of the same elements are in place, but most are approached from a different perspective; some are even inverted. The changes in the first hour were good, taking into account the progressions in technology and giving the film more urgency than its predecessor.
I was expecting scenes of a CGI Gort laying waste to over-familiar parts of America, but, mercifully, Gort was used only when needed. The focus is on Klaatu and his relationship with his surroundings, as it ought to be.

2½ obstacles out of 5

Tank Girl (1995)

I give points to everyone involved in the production for even attempting to turn Martin and Hewlett's bat-shit crazy Tank Girl comic into anything other than an animation. And I'd like to say that it's a success, but that'd be lying.
If Lori Petty brings you out in a rash, you’ll want to avoid it like a dose of the plague. It's her film from troubled beginning to weary end. Everyone else is just along for the ride, or more likely the paycheque. Malcolm McDowell is on autopilot. Naomi Watts looks embarrassed. A cameo from James Hong was good times because he eats this kind of shit up.

2 rockets out of 5

SAFE [2012]

The Stath delivers an auto-pilot performance in Boaz Yakin's uninspired formulaic dud Safe.

Sooner or later action stars have to do the "save the annoying, smart-assed little kid" film.  It seems it was The Stath's turn to bite the bullet.  Feck.  My heart sank just reading the premise.

Quick, Stath!  Shoot the little bint in the head before she insults your intelligence again.

2 Staths On A Train out of 5

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) has a wardrobe full of action jeans and hero vests; with jeans tightly buttoned he drives his truck into Chinatown and ends up helping a friend rescue a girl from a trio of Mortal Kombat-esque outcasts and a two-thousand-year-old evil sorcerer. Cue lightning, green flame, mythical beasts and an old man that stands seven-foot tall.
Oddly, Russell plays it mostly straight while all around him is a smorgasbord of awesome, and it works. Big Trouble in Little China is without a doubt the most successful and entertaining Chinese style action comedy made in the West that I've ever seen. (If you're interested, Carpenter was inspired by Tsui Harks Zu Warriors from the Magic Mountain (1983)).

5 problems with your face out of 5