Wicked: For Good (2025)

Paying off Act II of the wildly successful stage show was always going to be a gamble, but it's performed with enough aplomb to impress even the skeptics. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo create real magic on the screen together as they repave the rest of the path to the Yellow Brick Road. The way this film gradually introduces the elements that would become The Wizard of Oz is satisfying, even when it feels shoehorned in. The first part is definitely the stronger one, with the better song numbers, and this one leaves certain plot elements up in the air, but at least it provides a definish close to the chapter.

3½ clock ticks out of 5

Note: I give both Wicked + For Good a combined score of 4 cyclones out of 5.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

How did this movie ever get made? I have no idea, but I'm so glad it did.

The Daniels follow up their breakout film, the wildly inventive Swiss Army Man, with a movie that is not bound to a single place and time, and simply exists on its own terms. A laundromat owner gets caught up in the multiverse while attempting to do her taxes. What follows is a mind-bending journey into the unknown, which borrows liberally from martial arts movies, slapstick comedies, Marvel superheroes, Pixar, anime, Wong Kar-wai, Fight Club and The Matrix. One of the most fiercely original, beautiful, contemplative, wacky, irreverent, soul-purifying and consciousness-expanding movies I've ever seen. Not only the best to come out of 2022, but also of the past five years. 

Have I managed to do this film justice? Not even close.

6 googily eyes out of 6 (in the universe where 6-nutters exist)

Last Christmas (2019)

Emilia Clarke stars as a disillusioned "elf" who works at a year-round Christmas shop, and falls for the perfect man, who rides his bike everywhere and volunteers at a homeless shelter. This is a very predictable movie, but only if you know the song inside and out. That doesn't mean it isn't effective. Emotionally manipulative, sure, but it still managed to stir those long dormant feelings within me. This is one of those movies I wouldn't accept any other time of year, but since it's Christmas, I'm feeling charitable.

3 Wham!s out of 5

Wicked (2024)

No one is more annoyed than me that Wicked is a good movie. This retelling, reimagining and retconning of the Wizard of Oz story is a prequel involving the two would-be witches at the center of it. Elphaba is a bastard child with a penchant for magic who is ostracized her whole life for being green. She meets Galinda, a spoiled prissy brat, while at university, and immediately form a rivalry and unlikely alliance. The songs are well integrated, but I found myself underwhelmed by a lot of it, even as I was enthralled by the set design and moments of raw emotion and quiet reflection. Unfortunately, it turns out that this is only Part I and it's all set-up for what I assume will be a much better film releasing in another year. It's just hard to get excited about half a story.

3½ Grimmeries out of 5

Reign of Assassins (2010)

An impressive Wuxia movie that borrows heavily from Ang Lee's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) but pleasingly tips its hat even more to the successful genre stylings of the 1980-90s. Likewise, alas, that same era's uneven pacing and hurried scripting also feature. The result is a work that's both graceful and frantic, although not always at the same time.
At the centre of the conflict is the mummified corpse of a Buddhist monk, an unusual treasure that a small group of assassins desperately seek. The aggressors' martial arts skills are given a thorough workout. The combat scenes are of a high standard, but the emotional side is no slouch either, with a deep soulful love and an earthy, tender love each playing a part.

3½ secret skills out of 5

Morgan (2016)

Luke Scott (son of producer Ridley Scott) directs his first feature, the taut sci-fi thriller Morgan. On a secluded estate a synthetic humanoid (Anya Taylor-Joy) is grown. After an unfortunate incident a risk management specialist (Kate Mara) is sent in to survey the project's progress. As soon as you see the titular Morgan you already know the shit will hit the fan hard. It's this anticipation that keeps your attention till the action-packed climax. The impressive cast is handled moderately well, though an extra 15-20 minutes could have done wonders for the supporting characters' development. Certain pivotal characters only last one scene. Even though the twist wasn't awfully difficult to decipher, I believe this was intentional. Clues are abound in this overly succinct yet satisfying film.

3½ awkward first kisses out of 5

The Touch (2002)

You can try to spin it differently but the truth is that The Touch is a Tomb Raider movie. The only real difference is that Michelle doesn't raid a tomb, she protects it. If you watch the two Jolie efforts and then watch Touch you’ll see what I mean. But if you do that you'll probably regret it.

1½ very sturdy scarves out of 5

The Lady (2011)

The story of Aung San Suu Kyi, a woman torn between loyalty to her country and loyalty to her family. Aung represents one half of a struggle between democracy and a violent, corrupt military regime.
It's split between Rangoon (Burma) and Oxford (England) so it can focus on more than one event at any one time. It's not a happy film; the few and far between moments of joy are short lived but it never drags its heels.
Michelle gives a good performance; she's capable of projecting both great strength and concerned vulnerability.
It's based on true events that you can google if you want more information. The film picks an opportune moment to finish its telling, but parts of the story are still ongoing today.

4 steel orchids out of 5

Executioners: The Heroic Trio 2 (1993)

The world has changed since the Heroic Trio last fought together. It’s now post-apocalyptic. (I'm so damn tired of post-apoc settings. If we do ever blow the world up, let’s do it right and leave no one alive to make a film about.) Two of the women are being heroic in other ways. Wonder Woman has a daughter. Invisible Girl works to repay her debt to society. Only Thief Catcher is unchanged; she stills hunts for bounties.
The editing is still a little clumsy but it seems as if Ching Siu-tung has taken a more active role, meaning the fight scenes are better staged; although there’s still too much slow-mo. The story is less bat-shit crazy this time.

3 pieces of oath cloth out of 5

Babylon A.D. (Unrated) (2008)

Vin plays his usual kind of suspicious tough guy role. He’s a mercenary hired to protect a girl as she moves from point A to point B.
The film works best when it isn't being an action movie, but the music likes to pretend otherwise. There’s a potentially interesting film lurking somewhere within the mess, but it’s too deeply buried.
Some research into the reason for the different running times showed that the shorter theatrical version had some major studio interference, including changing important dialogue, adding an unnecessary car chase and gluing on a happy ending. If you live in Europe you're spared that version. If you live in the States you've got both to choose from.

2½ bumper stickers out of 5

Wonder Seven (1994)

Aka: 7 jin gong

A fun but very confusing mix of martial arts action and gun-play from Dir. Ching Siu-tung. There are too many characters doing too many things to really get to grips with any of them, which is a shame because there’s some really interesting set pieces on display throughout.
Fans of Michelle Yeoh should be pleased as she gives a fine performance and looks radiant while doing so, although I have no idea why she’s on the cover dressed like a Chinese hooker, because that doesn't happen.

2½ wonka elevators out of 5

Edit:  The cover isn't even...  0_o

Jackie Chan: My Story (1998)

Jackie’s remarkable life revealed through candid interviews with the man himself and archive footage dating back as far as his film début at age seven. It delves into his problematic relationship with Shaw Brothers and sheds light on his time with Golden Harvest. Fans of the Chan will receive extra jollies because there are also some rare fight scenes from various films that were cut from all regions except the Asian market.

3 Engrish lessons out of 5

Tai Chi Master (1993)

Aka: Twin Warriors

It saddens me that when most people hear the name Yuen Woo-ping the first thing they think of is The Matrix (1999). I love The Matrix, but what he achieved with actors only partially trained in combat is a mere shadow of his ability; for the real Woo-ping you need to go to his Chinese films.

Every bone-crunching and ankle-busting flight of fancy in Tai Chi Master was achieved in-camera with no CGI. If that wasn't enough you also have Jet Li, the greatest movie martial artist of his generation, and Michelle Yeoh who is arguably the most graceful. Jet is on top form, using his innate ability to be both effortlessly bad-ass and endearingly naïve simultaneously.

4 pole dances out of 5

The Heroic Trio (1992)

Three of Asia’s most bankable actresses star in this kung fu action adventure. Wonder Woman (Anita Mui), Thief Catcher (Maggie Cheung) and Invisible Woman (Michelle Yeoh) each kick some ass but for different reasons, on different sides of the fence. Can a fence have three sides? No matter. Knowing that much is enough to let you know what you’re in for.
Unfortunately, Johnny To cocked it up. His action scenes are too clunky and his framing exposes all the sins. Tsui Hark or Corey Yuen could’ve brought this to a much higher level, although it still wouldn't have made much sense in the story dept. The finale is bonkers good fun, though.

2½ stolen babies out of 5

KUNG FU PANDA 2 [2011]

The original Kung Fu Panda was an entertaining run-of-the-mill animated film, filled with famous actors doing subpar voice work.  The sequel is just a uninspiring run-of-the-mill snoozefest that offers nothing new to the story or characters.  Apart from some cool character designs and animation, Kung Fu Panda 2 reeks of an assembly line cashcow.  With the exception of Jack Black, Gary Oldman and Dustin Hoffman, every other actor is pointless, boring and could be done better by a professional voice actor.  For the kiddies only.

2 Van Damme Crocodile moves out of 5

SUNSHINE [2007]

Director Danny Boyle directs the slow-burning sci-fi thriller Sunshine from a script by Alex Garland.

Taking obvious inspirations 2001: A Space Odyssey & Solaris, Boyle crafts an effective mood more interested in creating fear with cabin fever rather than asteroids & aliens.  Perhaps the most interesting character is the sun itself, which seems to live and breathe every time it's on screen. As great as the build up is, things nearly fall apart when it decides to revert to slasher flick silliness near the end.  None the less, it's a interesting thoughtful film that takes an outrageous idea of man against God and makes it personal.

4 victims of Pompeii out of 5

For an alternate expanded review see The Cuckoo Clock

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Brendan Fraser returns. Rachel Weisz decided she wanted to go off and be a proper actress in proper films, judge for yourself if she succeeded or not, so the Evelyn character is played by someone new. Alex, the irritating kid, is grown up and is now an irritating young adult.
Just because you can make a trilogy doesn't mean you should.

1 are we done yet? out of 5

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat together! I'm in heaven. The chemistry between them is electric, despite being purposefully subdued. The film is the most balletic and beautiful wuxia  (martial arts) film I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. It has a sword that wobbles, bamboo groves that sway in the wind, people running vertically up walls and people quietly sipping tea. It’s a merger of the fantastical and the mundane. I could go on at length about the duality, the family, the history, the music, the art direction, etc, but I'll curtail that. Go watch the film instead of reading this.

5 scientific principles broken out of 5

Wing Chun (1994)

Michelle Yeoh kicks some bad guy butt and makes it look effortless.
Along the way there are some moments of slapstick comedy and innuendo for shits and giggles. The film is a kinetic blast of masterful action set pieces produced and directed by Yuen Woo-ping. Action choreography by Woo-ping and Donnie Yen. That’s really all you need to know to want to watch it.

4 belly busters out of 5

Butterfly and Sword (1993)

Aka: San Lau Sing Woo Dip Gim

Take some flying assassins, arms, legs and heads severed frequently, beautiful women and an awkward love triangle, add to giant pot and stir. The resulting mix has action galore but some very clumsy storytelling interspersed. It's an adaptation of a martial arts novel by Gu Long, but I've no idea how faithful it is. Best bit: a sword technique where the hero literally rips through the torso of an antagonist and comes out his back! Jebus wept! It’s brutal and hilarious all at the same time.

3 bamboo and bendy swords out of 5