Wicked: For Good (2025)

Paying off Act II of the wildly successful stage show was always going to be a gamble, but it's performed with enough aplomb to impress even the skeptics. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo create real magic on the screen together as they repave the rest of the path to the Yellow Brick Road. The way this film gradually introduces the elements that would become The Wizard of Oz is satisfying, even when it feels shoehorned in. The first part is definitely the stronger one, with the better song numbers, and this one leaves certain plot elements up in the air, but at least it provides a definish close to the chapter.

3½ clock ticks out of 5

Note: I give both Wicked + For Good a combined score of 4 cyclones out of 5.

Jurassic World: Dominion (2022)

"Jurassic World? Not a fan." -Dr. Ian Malcolm

Four years after the last catastrophe, dinosaurs and humans now co-exist. Sadly, all the wonder of this world seems to be missing now. Dinosaurs have become commonplace. Poaching is a thing, as well as black market dealings. The dinosaurs no longer seem as threatening as before, and conveniently always target the baddies. This is one of those movies that gradually wears out its welcome and becomes less enjoyable as it goes on. Ironically, it's the overexposure that saps its novelty. It no longer feels special anymore.

Then again, they got Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum to reunite for the first time since 1993, so what more could you ask? They have a diminished role in this—the last of the Chris Pratt trilogy of Jurassic World films—yet remain the only bright spot that bring any humanity to the proceedings.

This was originally billed as the "epic conclusion of the Jurassic era." But fear not...the dinosaurs will continue to roam the earth. Life, uh, finds a way.

2½ flaming locusts out of 5

Note: Having seen both the theatrical and extended editions, the extended is the superior option, although it adds 14 more minutes to this lumbering entry.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Time has passed since the park was rebooted and the dinosaurs have made it their home. A volcano is set to erupt on Isla Nubar and the animal activists (and shareholders) want to save the dinos, despite scientists like Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) warning for nature to take its course and get rid of the unholy abominations once and for all. And so back we go, into the belly of the beast...

These movies aren't rocket science. What you're going to get is nature turning on man, once more. It does enough right that it's passable, popcorn-munching entertainment, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to like it.

2½ clones out of 5

Robbie the Reindeer in Legend of the Lost Tribe (2002)

The first one wasn't great, but the limitations of the story begin to show in this follow-up to Hooves of Fire. I admire it more for its creativity and visual style, but I found myself bored and my attention span wavering. This special again involves the villainous Blitzen seeking to sabotage the other reindeer, while Robbie discovers an underground tribe of Vikings named Magnus and rows with his girlfriend Donner. It all just feels a bit pointless.

2½ rabbit masks out of 5

Wicked (2024)

No one is more annoyed than me that Wicked is a good movie. This retelling, reimagining and retconning of the Wizard of Oz story is a prequel involving the two would-be witches at the center of it. Elphaba is a bastard child with a penchant for magic who is ostracized her whole life for being green. She meets Galinda, a spoiled prissy brat, while at university, and immediately form a rivalry and unlikely alliance. The songs are well integrated, but I found myself underwhelmed by a lot of it, even as I was enthralled by the set design and moments of raw emotion and quiet reflection. Unfortunately, it turns out that this is only Part I and it's all set-up for what I assume will be a much better film releasing in another year. It's just hard to get excited about half a story.

3½ Grimmeries out of 5

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

The opening scene of Dir. Philip Kaufman's version of author Jack Finney's 1954 body snatchers story sets a weird tone. The subsequent move to San Francisco, to focus on the part of the world around us that many city folk take for granted and/or see but barely acknowledge is less trippy but it keeps the feeling of unease. One might expect the Noir-esque visuals, the disorientating camerawork and the eerie sound effects and music to clash, but they too function as one, supporting the feeling that things are working on a number of thematic levels, with the personal and political being the most obvious.
Kaufman captures well the foreboding notion that the central characters are being watched from off-screen by unknown eyes. There's an astonishingly creepy FX scene near the end, but the film loses momentum thereafter.

3½ cross pollinations out of 5

INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE [2016]

20 years later, FX-driven director Roland Emmerich returns to his popcorn sci-fi blockbuster ID4-verse with Resurgence.
After developing their own technology based off the weapons found within the alien wreckage from the first invasion, Earth must defend itself again from an extraterrestrial invasion only this time without Will Smith.
While it might be a welcome breath of fresh air compared to all the gloomy cynicism of today's sci-fi films, the brainlessness leaves way too much to be desired.  This time around the multiple mini-plots revolving around it's ensemble cast doesn't quite flow as smoothly as the first and instead is a jumble of mismatched moments of "sentimental" mush.  It delivers quite nicely when the destruction begins but after 45 minutes or so you begin wondering "is this it?" and it keeps your mind hostage from wandering away with it's offensively loud noise.

2 doomed landmarks out of 5

INDEPENDENCE DAY [1996]

Director Roland Emmerich changed the anticipation of Summer blockbusters for better or worse with his sci-fi thriller joyride Independence Day.
Rather than sneak up on the puny earthlings, an alien race makes no attempt to hide the fact that they mean to invade Earth, leaving it to America and Will Smith to save the day.
By combining elements of an ensemble cast disaster pic with the alien invasion genre, Emmerich crafted what would be a benchmark for popcorn blockbusters with barely any brains.  The dialogue is absolutely abysmal that is occasionally forgivable due to some entertaining cast members.  It's bloated with pompous American patriotism that would assure big ticket sales with it's target audience.   As stupid as it is, ID4 can't help but be BIG DUMB fun.  

2½ victory cigars out of 5

The Sentinel (1977)

Michael Winner’s technique can be as subtle as a sledgehammer meeting a grapefruit, but I find a lot of his stuff watchable, nevertheless. Sentinel is technically a horror film, but it’s the kind of sinister horror that builds slowly from a foundation of regular drama, not unlike Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and The Exorcist (1973), two films from which it borrows heavily.
It’s the story of a female model that moves into a NY apartment complex and quickly discovers that her neighbours are an oddball bunch. Shortly after that strange things begin to happen in the night.
A lot of it failed to catch hold of me, but there are two scenes that I’ll never forget: an uninhibited Beverly D'Angelo and a very chilling finale.

3½ abandoned hopes out of 5

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL [2014]

When speaking of a Wes Anderson film it becomes redundant to gush over the beautifully colored and framed visuals, but I'm going to anyway because The Grand Budapest Hotel is all that and more.
With it's delightful miniature sets, hilarious camerawork and dollhouse-esque set decoration a film-lover is sure to be in hog heaven.  Not only that but the off-kilter but humorously precise editing, character quirks & movements and all around zaniness had me giggling and chuckling from beginning to end.  Heavily inspired by Austrian writer Stefan Zweig, Hotel never takes itself too seriously but has enough substance to make you love it's characters and where the story will eventually end up.
Juggling silly and sophisticated at the same time, Anderson's latest is simply a delight that's ever so sweet.

4 bisexual, fucking faggots out of 5

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK [1997]

Steven Spielberg's adaptation of Michael Crichton's novel The Lost World, the Jurassic Park sequel, is a film that grew on me over time. 

Originally, it was a huge disappointment because of it's messily stitched together plot, horrible stench of 'sequel-ness to it and the huge cast of disposable stock characters.  Spielberg never attempts to hide any of those and makes the dazzling FX, adrenaline charged movie he wants to see because he damn well can.  Hell, the director even sneaks in a cameo of himself eating popcorn.

3 little dino, big cities out of 5

JURASSIC PARK [1993]

Steven Spielberg's action/adventure Jurassic Park is a rare example where the movie is better than the book.  

It's popcorn cinema at some of it's best, with eye-popping effects, iconic imagery, unforgettable scenes and a memorable score from John Williams.  What begins as a awe-inspiring children's film quickly spirals into an incredibly effective and terrifying thriller.  Bad character development and some hokey heart-felt scenes can be forgiven because that's not really what we want to see.  It's the dinosaurs and all their wall-shaking, floor-rumbling glory.  

4 dino-frog penises out of 5

THE SWITCH [2010]

Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston star in The Switch, a light-hearted romantic film from the goofs that wrote and directed Blades Of Glory.

You know exactly how it's all going to play out the instant you hear what the premise is but for some reason it's still passable for the performances, particularly Jeff Goldblum.   Not really a great film but at least it's not fucking Julia Roberts.

2 cum in a cups out of 5

The Fly (1986)

This is such a defining movie for me. Jeff Goldblum is perfectly cast as Seth Brundle (aka, Brundlefly), the scientist that toys around with teleportation pods, with expectedly horrifying results. With gory make-up effects that would make Beetlejuice and The Terminator proud. You relate so well with the character that it becomes much more than a horror movie as you’re taken through the wringer with him on that tremulous physical and pathological breakdown. It’s like watching a train wreck and there’s nothing you can do about it. That just makes it all the more tragic and unbearable to watch, and that ending never fails to make me cry, every time. Cronenberg’s masterpiece, as far as I’m concerned.

5 "relics" in Brundlefly's medicine cabinet out of 5