INDEPENDENCE DAY [1996]

Director Roland Emmerich changed the anticipation of Summer blockbusters for better or worse with his sci-fi thriller joyride Independence Day.
Rather than sneak up on the puny earthlings, an alien race makes no attempt to hide the fact that they mean to invade Earth, leaving it to America and Will Smith to save the day.
By combining elements of an ensemble cast disaster pic with the alien invasion genre, Emmerich crafted what would be a benchmark for popcorn blockbusters with barely any brains.  The dialogue is absolutely abysmal that is occasionally forgivable due to some entertaining cast members.  It's bloated with pompous American patriotism that would assure big ticket sales with it's target audience.   As stupid as it is, ID4 can't help but be BIG DUMB fun.  

2½ victory cigars out of 5

SUICIDE SQUAD [2016]

Director David Ayers digs the DCEU's grave just a little more deeper with the third film in the negatively received franchise, Suicide Squad.
After Superman's death in BvS, the government decides it's time to assemble a team of disposable warriors, in the form of a group of imprisoned super-villains, should they ever face such a powerful alien-like threat again.
It's an intriguing refreshing premise to root for the villains but after some heavy duty studio meddling we get yet another superhero film with Hot Topic anti-heroes who are less intimidating than the new Supes and Batsy.  It's not nearly as nihilistic as it seems to think it is and that's mostly due to the poorly written characters that all fall flat on their faces, even if some of the performances are particularly spot-on (not you Leto. You just sucked).  The irksome attack of instantly familiar pop/rock songs every other minute felt like it wanted to be a 90's Michael Bay version of The Dirty Dozen but it doesn't have the attitude or heart to ever feel it.

2 homicidal math lessons out of 5

FOCUS [2015]

Soon to be members of The Suicide Squad, Will Smith & Margot Robbie play some professional con-artists in directors Glenn Ficarra & John Requa's delightfully breezy crime-caper Focus.
I don't really need to tell you the story, when the mere mention of con-artists in film says it all; whipper snapper crooks get in way over their heads and blah blah blah.  If you take one look of the poster art and think it looks slick, sexy and silly, you're right on the mark.  If not for the very charismatic leading stars I might have become tired of it sooner, due to some of the groan-worthy twists 'n turns and horribly uneven pacing of it's many reveals.  There's a few lengthy scenes that are actually quite well-done but when it all comes down to it, the generic feel of the whole film is it's major weakness.

2½ ridiculously lucky shots out of 5

I Am Legend (2007)

The thing that Hollywood’s third attempt finally got right was to use some of their millions of dollars to show a world reclaimed by nature; the overgrown foliage and wild animals prowling the streets add authenticity.
The first half of the film is good, or maybe not as shit as I remembered it being, but once the infected CGI Resident Evil rejects make an appearance it begins a slow and steady decline into colourless tedium.
Two different endings were shot. They used the shit one. If you can, check out the superior one directly after to undo a little of the damage.

2½ human trials out of 5

I, Robot (2004)

A movie that's ‘suggested by Isaac Asimov’s book’. What that awkward wording actually means is we get the 3 Laws and a tiny bit of the Little Lost Robot story. The rest is new. If you can accept that prior to viewing then there’s a slick sci-fi actioner for your eyes to enjoy. It assaults you with real world advertising and the action scenes get OTT silly but the future world in which it takes place is very believable; Proyas and his team did a fine job with that aspect of it.

3 robot dreams out of 5

AFTER EARTH [2013]

One of the greatest mysteries of the world is why do we keep giving director M. Night Shyamalan copious amounts of cash to make these shitty, shitty films?
After Earth is a duller than dull sci-fi starring Will & Jaden Smith as a father & son that crash land on a Earth, years after it's been abandoned by human beings due to an deadly alien race inhabiting the planet.  The acting goes from decent to abysmal, the dialogue & direction flatline and the Scientology elements buried in the context couldn't be more obvious.  
...and those accents?  What the feck was up with those accents?  Feck.

1 warm spots out of 5

Hitch (2005)

Will Smith has achieved the impossible. He's gone from being an engaging and charismatic leading man in his early career to churning out watery shit that even Eddie Murphy would be embarrassed to appear in. I hear Murphy is preparing to pass over his crown of shit to the young Prince.

0 Fuck right off out of 5

MEN IN BLACK 3 [2012]

After a 10 year absence, Agent J & K are back in the third installment of the Men In Black series.

It's nice to see Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones back in black but it's Josh Brolin who steals the show as a younger version of Jones' Agent K character.  The film starts off pretty slow but once Smith jumps back in time things pick up and never slow down.   Rick Baker's alien designs are particularly disgusting this time around causing extreme delight in this gorehound.  

It's not as great as the first film but lightyears better than the second.  

3 pug mugs out of 5

Hancock (2008)

An interesting premise about a thoughtless, tactless superhero down on his luck is turned into a film less interesting than watching turd dry. Both Will Smith and Charlize Theron can do much better than this.

1 head wedged in ass out of 5

MEN IN BLACK II [2002]

Tommy Lee Jones & Will Smith reprise their roles as Agents J & K in this dismal 2002 sequel to the sci-fi comedy Men In Black.  

All the same elements of the first film are here only this time it simply just doesn't work.  What was a perfect blend of silly, bizarre and creative, is all pulverized into an uneven pile of mush in the second film.  Set in New York,  MIB II fell victim to heavy edits because of 9/11 and the Two Towers originally being featured quite heavily in the original cut, so that might have a lot to do with the sloppy mess that it is. 

...and Lara Flynn Boyle just plain sucks.

2 Rick Fuck Yeah Baker is the STAR out of 5

MEN IN BLACK [1997]

Based on the premise of the Malibu comics, Barry Sonnenfeld's Men In Black adaptation is considerably lighter in tone and just right for popcorn munching & shit-eating grins aplenty.

Tommy Lee Jones & Will Smith seem to be having a lot of fun hamming it up and looking good doing it, while Vincent D'Onofrio steals the show as the "bug man".  The humor and sci-fi elements are spread evenly throughout this smoothly paced story which make for good mindless fun.

Rick Baker's hilariously bizarre creature effects are the main star here.

4 galaxy sporting cats out of 5