Wuthering Heights (2026)

Adapted for the screen many times, this "fresh" take on Emily Brontë's Victorian era romance borrows the basic concept and takes great liberties.

Catherine and Heathcliff are foster siblings who grow up penniless but infatuated with one another. The intensity of their relationship endures the turbulence of jealousy, avarice and betrayal. Anyone who knows the source material knows this is not a happy story, but it's a dreary rendition. Visually, it pleases the senses, but it's substantially more style than substance. This is a dreadfully depressing and protracted melodrama about doomed love, though not as "horny" as originally advertised. It's more of a sick tease than anything.

2 broken eggs out of 5

A Big Bold Beautiful Journey (2025)

A whimsical romantic fantasy about two beautiful people who can't find love (that old chestnut). Through the help of a car rental agency and a magical GPS, they go on an uncharted journey filled with doorways to the past where they revisit past traumas and other pivotal moments of life that prevent them from moving on. It's predictable and not all as fun as it could be given the concept, but worth watching if you want to get out of your own head for awhile. If life is this difficult for the privileged, then what chance do the rest of us have?

3 fast food cheeseburgers out of 5

Barbie (2023)

There's no way to defend this. I fucking loved it. Who knew a movie about a toy with tits could be this poignant, existential and moving, all in one? Barbie becomes self-aware and travels out of her fantasy bubble into the real world, where she's confronted with the realities of being a woman. On the flipside, Ken realizes he's been a slave to Barbie all his life and achieves a form of self-actualization without the need for external validation. Cynics may call it feminist propaganda, but it's riotously funny with tremendous heart, and tells a story that kids ought to hear while their brains are still soft and malleable.

I cried like a bitch and I'm man enough to admit it.

4½ beach-offs out of 5

Babylon (2022)

Damien Chazelle (La La Land) directs this epic historical black comedy about Hollywood's rocky transition from silent film to "talkies" in the late 1920s. And particularly, just how difficult an adjustment that was for certain performers.

I thought it was beautiful, in a frenetic, drug-addled way. I love how it tells the evolution of film history in a much darker fashion than Singin' in the Rain ever could back in 1952. It celebrates the wild excesses of a time long gone by as a very entertaining fever dream with great original music (by La La Land's Justin Hurwitz) throughout. It's not as personal a story as The Fabelmans, but it's just as relevant to understanding the ways the world has changed over the past century. It's about those who came before us and those who will be there after us. I found it existential amidst all the crazy orgies and bodily fluids.

4 "it girls" out of 5

THE LEGEND OF TARZAN [2016]

Director David Yates take a very brief break from the wizarding world of Hogwarts to visit the Lord of the Jungle in The Legend of Tarzan.
After years of living as a domesticated gentleman, Tarzan, along with his wife Jane, head back to the jungle to investigate some shady mining camps where his savage past creeps up on him, loin cloth and all.
It might be a fresh change from the usual summer aliens, robots and superheroes but Yates' film is an uninspired bore.  The characters are dull as dirt, the CGI is laughably artificial and Samuel L. Jackson's soul-brotha enunciation is awkwardly out of place.   Without a whole lot of rousing action sequences the glaring missteps are all the more apparent and hurt the clunky pacing even more.

2 adorable cat-ear hoodies out of 5

SUICIDE SQUAD [2016]

Director David Ayers digs the DCEU's grave just a little more deeper with the third film in the negatively received franchise, Suicide Squad.
After Superman's death in BvS, the government decides it's time to assemble a team of disposable warriors, in the form of a group of imprisoned super-villains, should they ever face such a powerful alien-like threat again.
It's an intriguing refreshing premise to root for the villains but after some heavy duty studio meddling we get yet another superhero film with Hot Topic anti-heroes who are less intimidating than the new Supes and Batsy.  It's not nearly as nihilistic as it seems to think it is and that's mostly due to the poorly written characters that all fall flat on their faces, even if some of the performances are particularly spot-on (not you Leto. You just sucked).  The irksome attack of instantly familiar pop/rock songs every other minute felt like it wanted to be a 90's Michael Bay version of The Dirty Dozen but it doesn't have the attitude or heart to ever feel it.

2 homicidal math lessons out of 5

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT [2016]

Funny girl Tina Fey takes a bit more of a serious tone in director Glenn Ficcara & John Requa's humorous war drama Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
Inspired by journalist Kim Baker's time she spent in Afghanistan, during the early years of the war, where she was one of the first American civilians to experience what was really going on there.
These folks are so crazily focused on their career in such a self-centered manner they're hard to like, so thankfully the great cast humanizes them enough to make us see the world from this insane point of view.  WTF brings all sorts of interesting ideas to the table but it simply does not have enough time to fully explore them to make any sort of strong emotional connection.
With another 10 or 15 minutes to flesh out it's army of themes and topics this film would have been an thoroughly engaging character study.

3 beautiful mysterious IKEA bags out of 5

FOCUS [2015]

Soon to be members of The Suicide Squad, Will Smith & Margot Robbie play some professional con-artists in directors Glenn Ficarra & John Requa's delightfully breezy crime-caper Focus.
I don't really need to tell you the story, when the mere mention of con-artists in film says it all; whipper snapper crooks get in way over their heads and blah blah blah.  If you take one look of the poster art and think it looks slick, sexy and silly, you're right on the mark.  If not for the very charismatic leading stars I might have become tired of it sooner, due to some of the groan-worthy twists 'n turns and horribly uneven pacing of it's many reveals.  There's a few lengthy scenes that are actually quite well-done but when it all comes down to it, the generic feel of the whole film is it's major weakness.

2½ ridiculously lucky shots out of 5

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET [2013]

Martin Scorsese directs Wall Street stockbroker/fraudster Jordan Belfort's memoir in the debaucherous The Wolf Of Wall Street.
It's a tongue-in-cheek view of the lifestyle of the spoiled and overly greedy culture that you'll either see as glorified or completely disgusting, depending on what sort of approach you take to the film.  Scorsese applies the exact same style he would to one of his gangster films, like time period music, voice-over narration, breaking down the fourth wall and it all works seamlessly.  The only difference is it's laced with a wicked sense of humor and there's next to no violence but made up for with 569 f-bombs dropped over the 3 hour running time.  It's got a fantastic cast playing some of the most scummiest people to grace the screen in quite awhile and if done right, it can make for a fascinating and head-shaking watch.

4 bad hairpieces out of 5

ABOUT TIME [2013]

Writer/director Richard Curtis has the habit of making irresistibly adorable movies, just as Rachel McAdams manages to find herself in more than her fair share of time travelling rom-coms.
Mash the two together and you get the harmlessly delightful pip-pip comedy About Time.
Sure it's riddled with plotholes (as most time-travel stories are) but it's the inspirational casting, wonderful soundtrack and soft-hearted laughs that make it worthwhile.  Most rom-coms are about whether or not the couple will get together in the end while this film is more about already living together and a moral message that isn't quite clear until the final frame.
It won't blow your mind or change your life but should give you the warm & fuzzies that won't insult your intelligence.

4 ping pong games out of 5