ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING [2015]

With big names like Simon Pegg, Eddie Izzard, Joanna Lumley, Robin Williams & all the living members of Monty Python involved, you would think writer/director Terry Jones' goofy fantasy Absolutely Anything would be comedy gold.
Sadly this is not the case and we're treated to a dim-witted bore about an average Joe who's given alien powers to do anything he could ever imagine which may or may not be a good thing.
With such an absurd idea and this sort of maniacal talent Jones should have let his cast improvise and let loose a little but instead everyone seems way too restrained and following the script line-to-line.  There's a few lukewarm laughs but in the end it does nothing but severely disappoint and make it feel like there really is bugger all down here on Earth.

2 Intergalactic Council of Superior Beings out of 5

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

Satanic Rites is a direct sequel to Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) set two years later. Cushing returns as scholar and hunter Lorrimer Van Helsing, with his granddaughter Jessica having morphed from Stephanie Beacham into a red-haired Joanna Lumley. Lee is back, too, playing the Studio's version of the Count for the final time; he hung up the cloak afterwards.
I’m glad the hipsters were excised from the plot this time, but adding elements of a second-rate spy novel into the mix instead was even less desirable.
There are some life lessons to be learned from it, though, such as: always put more than one bullet in your gun; for a quiet life keep your bitches chained in a basement; and previously ignored apotropaics can be used in a pinch.

2 governing circles out of 5

Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death (1999)

If it's not already apparent from the title and picture above, Fatal Death is a parody. It was a skit made for Comic Relief, but it’s filled with love for the real deal, acted by people deserving of the accolade and written by Steven Moffat, who was no stranger to Dr. Who lore even then.
There's a running gag in the first half, but the second half is where the real treasure is found. What occurs throughout certainly isn't 'canon', but if it was Joanna Lumley would get my vote.

3 Dalek bumps out of 5

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET [2013]

Martin Scorsese directs Wall Street stockbroker/fraudster Jordan Belfort's memoir in the debaucherous The Wolf Of Wall Street.
It's a tongue-in-cheek view of the lifestyle of the spoiled and overly greedy culture that you'll either see as glorified or completely disgusting, depending on what sort of approach you take to the film.  Scorsese applies the exact same style he would to one of his gangster films, like time period music, voice-over narration, breaking down the fourth wall and it all works seamlessly.  The only difference is it's laced with a wicked sense of humor and there's next to no violence but made up for with 569 f-bombs dropped over the 3 hour running time.  It's got a fantastic cast playing some of the most scummiest people to grace the screen in quite awhile and if done right, it can make for a fascinating and head-shaking watch.

4 bad hairpieces out of 5

Boogie Woogie (2009)

A collective of pretentious pricks in the London contemporary art world masturbate their egos in what I assume was supposed to be for comedic effect. Watching was like self-harming without the scars.

0½ canvas out of 5

CORPSE BRIDE [2005]

Tim Burton & Mike Johnson co-direct Corpse Bride, a lovely little stop-motion film based on an ancient Jewish folktale entitled The Finger.

It's hard not to compare this to Burton's earlier stop-motion film The Nightmare Before Christmas but once you get past that, it's actually quite a charming and impressive film on it's own.  Obviously the gorgeous animation and character designs are the stars here but it's carried by the noteworthy voicework as well. Whether or not this is a kid's film I find it difficult to tell.  It's not really the type of story that would interest children or at times is it suitable subject matter either but it's sure to please Burton fans nevertheless.  

3½ Peter Lorre maggots out of 5