Tron: Ares (2025)

The next step in the evolution of TRON. The effects look better than ever, but it still feels hollow. Tron has never been the deepest franchise; it's all about the visual style and evocation of mood and showing off the best technology of the day. In that way, I appreciate what it's doing here. That being said, this one feels even louder and emptier than the previous film. This time, the hot button issue is AI. It's an inverse of the last film where now it's the MCP that leaves the grid into our world. At times, it reminded me of The Terminator. At the center is yet another Light Cycle sequence, which is the bread and butter of this franchise. It essentially amounts to a glorified tech demo of the times.

1 '80s throwback sequence out of 5

Robbie the Reindeer in Close Encounters of the Herd Kind (2007)

What better way to liven up a stale franchise than to add aliens? Robbie and Donner are on the verge of marriage when he discovers a Nargathron crystal and a message warning him of an extraterrestrial plot that signals the end of the world (or something like that; the plot is kind of incomprehensible). I hate docking animation for lack of vision, but at this point it's diminishing returns.

2 telepathy devices out of 5

Note: Apparently this was an entirely computer-generated special, but it does a good job at mimicking the previous stop-motion designs.

Boogie Woogie (2009)

A collective of pretentious pricks in the London contemporary art world masturbate their egos in what I assume was supposed to be for comedic effect. Watching was like self-harming without the scars.

0½ canvas out of 5

The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Forest Whitaker finally got the role he deserved in this political kick in the head. He towers over every scene he’s in with a ferocious intensity that hurt my eyes to watch. He plays a Ugandan Dictator with a fiery and temperamental personality. It’s painted very black and white even when it’s purposing not to be, but it’s so damn good that it kept me hooked regardless. It's based on real events, but I don’t know how accurate it is politically.

4 bad cases of red eye out of 5

Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story (2006)

Steve Coogan plays Steve Coogan playing Tristran Shandy in this film-within-a-film adaptation of the classic "unfilmmable" novel that deals a lot with procrastination as well as the procrastination of the making of this film. I'll let you read that back over again. Think Adaptation meets This Is Spinal Tap and you'll get part of an accurate picture. Very funny and inventive way of tackling the subject matter head-on without actually being faithful to the material...well, if you've seen it, you'd understand.

4 hot chestnuts in the trousers out of 5

Johnny English Reborn (2011)

As a faithful fan of Rowan Atkinson, I seek out to watch everything the man has been in, even though I accept that the first movie was pretty horrible. Like Steve Martin's Inspector Clouseau act or Steve Carrell as Maxwell Smart, Atkinson is very funny here doing his uncomfortable comedy routine, and there are several gags that had me in stitches, but the production itself spews ass lava. Also, what the hell is Gillian Anderson doing in this?

2 should have made another Mr. Bean movie out of 5