It: Chapter Two (2019)

27 years after defeating the evil the first time, the Losers come together in 2016 to fight the monster once more. This marks an improvement over the first chapter because we're introduced to the adult versions of the characters as we juxtapose back and forth in time. Unfortunately, the ambition of this film buckles under its own weight and can't sustain a nearly 3-hour runtime. Where these movies really excel are the production values and creepy visuals, but its detriment lies in the overreliance on CGI, which isn't very scary in and of itself. If we're talking about cheap practical effects vs. glossy CG, the former wins out each time. Sometimes less is more.

It doesn't quite stick the landing, but it's memorable enough for what it manages to accomplish.

3½ fortune cookies out of 5

Speak No Evil (2024)

U.S. version of the Danish psychological horror film (which itself was almost entirely in English).

This remake turned out to be exactly what I thought it would be. It follows the initial beats of the earlier film closely, but the entire third act has been completely overhauled to make it more palatable for American audiences. The original was much more brutal and uncompromising and stayed with me longer, while this one felt predictable, watered down and ephemeral. Ho-hum.

I'm still very annoyed by the marketing of this movie, which gave away one of the major twists at the end. Maybe they should have taken the advice on the poster and shut the fuck up.

2 stupid rabbit toys out of 5

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Aside from a few minor changes and a couple of newly written action scenes (because it's Hollywood and they can't help themselves), the WMG + Disney version of C.S. Lewis' 1950 children's novel is much better than I expected it to be. The first third is excellent, including each of the young actors - Lucy (Georgie Henley) in particular, who embodies the sense of wonder that a child should feel after finding another world in the back of a wardrobe.
Things only really begin to slide when the talking CGI animals appear. The lion Aslan should have a splendour that eclipses all else, but his being rendered in boring CGI (most of the time) means that he might as well not be there at all; the unnecessary use of such across the board is a stain on what I feel is otherwise the best filmed version of the novel to date.

3½ small favours out of 5

SPLIT [2017]

Director M. Night Shyamalan gives his long-time fans more than a few reasons to get giddy with his latest creepy suspense-thriller Split.
James McAvoy is an absolute joy to watch as a man with 23 different personalities that kidnaps a trio of teenage girls who all fear the threatening arrival of the 24th personality.
It's a joy to see Shyamalan finally return to making highly entertaining nail-biting b-movies filled with ominous dread and devilishly moody atmosphere.  The VVitch's Anya Taylor-Joy puts on a great performance opposite McAvoy's deliciously sadistic roles, all of which are just as strong as the last one.  Without it's two leads the absurdly campy script might not have held up as much as it does but if you're in it for the pure fun of it all then it does not disappoint.

3 frightening dance parties out of 5

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE [2016]

X-men: Apocalypse is the ninth film in the film franchise (and director Bryan Singer's fourth) and it seems like it's just starting to come full circle with the conclusion of the First Class story arc.
En Sabah Nur (aka Apocalypse), the world's oldest mutant, has risen after thousands of years of being buried underground, making him a bit testy, so he would love to wipe out mankind and rule the world as he sees fit.
As special effects summer blockbuster, the film is a wide-eyed spectacle that doesn't disappoint from a technical point of view.  However as a character piece, it hits a few marks with success and then misses many like an elephant using chopsticks.  There's some wonderful moments from most of the characters, especially the new kids (not Mystique...she's always been boring) but it constantly loses focus before a proper pay-off is given.
Not enough surprises and creativity shows the franchise is losing steam again so hopefully it gets a swift kick in the butt before it tackles the stories it's leading up to.

3 shots at last stands out of 5

VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN [2015]

Luck Number Slevin director Paul McGuigan gives the Mary Shelley classic monster story a twist by adding in Igor as the protagonist in the bafflingly sloppy Victor Frankenstein.
The good crazed doctor saves a brilliant hunchback from an abusive circus ringleader, so they can aide each other in the research of making life eternal, leading one mand down a path of self-absorbed madness and the other spiraling into a tedious love story.
I was willing to give this critically panned box office bomb a chance seeing how much I've enjoyed the two lead's previous works but left with mostly disappointment and regret.  At first it seemed like it might be an attempt to rework the energy drink makeover of Guy Richie's Sherlock Holmes into the Frankenstein story and I was prepared to accept this silliness.  The first 20 minutes or so seemed to handle this idea quite well and then it just falls apart into boredom and gets duller and more duller by the minute right up until it's uninspired climax.

2 back-braces of 5

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST [2014]

Director Bryan Singer returns to the X-men franchise for the prequel to his own series and a sequel to the excellent prequel, Days Of Future Past.
Confusing?  Yes and no.
As long as you have your nerds hats on and are fairly knowledgeable of the comics then you shouldn't have a problem.  If this isn't your case you're still in for a pretty great ride that never ceases to entertain and enthral with it's many character moments and extravagant action sequences.
Like the best of the X-films, this one carries an emotional punch that will have your heart left in a grey area as to what is right and wrong, depending on your love for humanity.
It's a story that threatens to collapse under it's own weight but never does thanks to Singer's wonderful storytelling and impressive ensemble cast.  Overall, it's easily one of the best X-films to date.

3½ cameos, cameos, cameos out of 5

FILTH [2013]

Cass director John S. Baird adapts Irvine Welsh's crime novel Filth for the screen with James McAvoy playing the lead role with a grimy, enthusiastic unpleasantness that is difficult not to enjoy.
Like Welsh's other works, the dialogue is filled with Scottish slang and a thick accent to boot, making it difficult to decipher, so if you don't have the patience for that then this isnae th' movie fur ye, ye fuckin' boot.
McAvoy carries the weight of the film on his shoulders but never once does he let it show, with a savagely suffocating and hilariously disturbing performance that barely leaves room for Eddie Marsan, Jamie Bell and Imogen Poots to shine as well.  With it's sickly dark humor and deeply unsettling subject matter, Filth sometimes has trouble finding the right balance of both without feeling a little bit forced at times.

3½ of the same rules that apply of out of 5

Wanted (2008)

Even if you’re willing to accept that skilled assassins can bend bullet trajectories, the level of bullshit in every other aspect of Wanted is off the scale. If you stacked it up, it'd rival Everest.
I tried to bend the trajectory of the DVD as I flung it out my window. I failed. I’d forgotten to be part of a training montage beforehand.

1½ threads out of 5

TRANCE [2013]

Based on a 2001 TV film of the same name, Danny Boyle's latest psychological thriller Trance is like a stylistic throwback to his days of Shallow Grave & Trainspotting with just a hint of Chris Nolan's Inception.

It's loud, abrasive, violent and filled with hypnotizing music all of which, when mixed, comes off quite smoothly with distorted beauty and allure.  At times the complicated plot is distracted by Boyle's sometimes overly stylish camera shots.  Never the less, it's a well-acted, trippy experience that will at least please fans of his work.  

3½ palettes drenched in red out of 5

GNOMEO & JULIET [2011]

Gnomeo & Juliet is Britain's failed attempt to jump on the Pixar & Dreamworks bandwagon.  

Instead of anything original, it's a blatant rip-off of Toy Story & Over The Hedge set to the classic Shakespeare play.  It's filled with bland dialogue, uninspired characters and predictable scene set-ups.  Such a disappointing waste of a near perfect cast.  There's not much here for anybody over 10 years old...and even then, there's so many better films for a 10 year old.

2 purple is the way to go out of 5

The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Forest Whitaker finally got the role he deserved in this political kick in the head. He towers over every scene he’s in with a ferocious intensity that hurt my eyes to watch. He plays a Ugandan Dictator with a fiery and temperamental personality. It’s painted very black and white even when it’s purposing not to be, but it’s so damn good that it kept me hooked regardless. It's based on real events, but I don’t know how accurate it is politically.

4 bad cases of red eye out of 5

X-men: First Class [2011]

Matthew Vaughn crafts a highly entertaining little comic book tale with the latest installment of the hit & miss X-men movie franchise.
It's a hammy spectacle edging closer to Raimi's comic book style rather than the style Bryan Singer established with the original X film. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender turn in some great performances but not good enough to make us forget Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen.
Vaughn does manage to fit in enough style from the '60's but never really enough to make it feel outdated. A lot of dialogue is forced and silly as is the music which is quite distracting when heavy Limp Bizkit style rock music kicks in, in what should be a movie taking place in the '60's.
Not a film to write home about but still a fun time out and by far my favorite since the first X film.

3 Leland Palmers? out of 5