Now You See Me, Now You Don't (2025)

The Horsemen are back and they're just as showy, obnoxious and improbable as ever. It's your basic diamond heist movie, except with magicians, illusionists and mentalists (oh my!) somehow always pulling one over on each other. It's exactly the same type of shit as the first two films, and this time you can add three more arrogant pricks to the roster. The only thing this film succeeds in doing is creating the title that they should have done for the second movie. 

1½ ace of diamonds out of 5

Note: No, I don't see the Magic Eye image above, either...

NOW YOU SEE ME 2 [2016]

Crap director Jon M. Chu takes over directing duties for the sequel to the 2013 surprise hit Now You See Me.  Fortunately screenwriter Ed Solomon (Men in Black, Bill & Ted's)  is still on board to guarantee dumb mindless fun.
This time around The Four Horsemen step back into the spotlight only to find themselves forced by a wannabe James Bond-esque villain to pull off a near impossible heist.
It doesn't do much to improve upon any of the glaring problems of the first film but nor does it really take a step down in quality either.  It more or less just sits exactly in the same position and hopes for the best.  Based on whether or not you enjoyed the first film will depend on how much you get out of the this retread joyride.

3 hats out of a bunny out of 5

SE7EN [1995]

Director David Fincher's moody psycho-thriller, Se7en, is still one of the only worthy rivals to The Silence of the Lambs as one of the most disturbingly traumatizing of it's kind.
In a rainy unnamed city, two detectives, one on the brink of retirement and one brand new to the decaying city, investigate a series of grisly murders, all inspired by the seven deadly sins.
With it's simple premise, it easily could have been yet another gritty crime film but it rises above that with Fincher's ability to build the tension & atmosphere with dreary neo-noir photography and two fantastic performances from it's two leads.  It hypnotizes the viewer with a thick air of unsettling horror that starts with the Nine Inch Nails-scored main titles sequences and doesn't let up until the jaw-dropping finale that will haunt you for long after it's done.

4 soothing, relaxing, vibrating homes out of 5

TED 2 [2015]

Let's face it, when it comes to Seth MacFarlane films it's important that the viewer's expectations are lowered in order to enjoy them.
The sequel to 2012's Ted does everything in it's power to prove this point.
Whether this is a good thing or not depends on your tolerance for unapologetically offensive humor but you will already know that if you've graduated from the first film and came back for seconds.  It's a thinly veiled knock on the controversy of gay marriage, as Ted, the talking teddy bear, can't marry his sweetheart when the law doesn't think he's part of their "warm-hearted Just as God Made Us" elite.  MacFarlane's love for the Golden Age of Cinema is cleverly proven in a song & dance main title sequence that had me grinning from ear-to-ear, while he manages to wiggle that love in the rest of the film beneath the loads of crude body fluid humor and haze of pot smoke.

3 black cocks out of 5

LUCY [2014]

Writer/director Luc Besson sets out to have great fun with the ludicrous sci-fi/thriller Lucy.  Whether or not the audience has as much fun depends on their ability to suspend their disbelief.
Scarlett Johansson plays a drug mule who gains amazingly cool psychokinetic abilities when the drug accidentally leaks into her bloodstream and opens up previously unused parts of her brain.  It's an interesting role that plays like a hybrid of her Avengers' Black Widow role and the alien from Under The Skin, while Besson seems to channel Inception, Limitless and 2001: A Space Odyssey.   What's frustrating is it tries appear smarter than it really is by getting into the science of things, which is more distracting than interesting.  It's nothing but good ol' fashion SFX action with a great cast the elevates it just a bit more than it might deserve.

3 Dinkineshs out of 5

TRANSCENDENCE [2014]

Cinematographer Wally Pfister steps out from under Christopher Nolan's shadow to make his directorial debut with the sci-fi/thriller Transendence.
Rebecca Hall plays the wife of a man (Johnny Depp) that turns himself into a frightening form of artificial intelligence.  It's visually beautiful and breathing with a comfortable atmosphere but beyond that the film aims for more ambition than it can actually juggle.  By asking big questions and giving silly answers you get the feeling Pfister wasn't entirely sure what the script was attempting to say and instead focused on flash 'n flair.  Another jarring problem is I felt Hall (and Depp's voice) could have easily carried the entire film on her own with a bit of script re-working and deleting the rest of the useless supporting characters.  

2 digital dreamcatchers out of 5

THE LEGO MOVIE [2014]

From director/writers Phil Lord & Christopher Miller (the guys behind Clone High, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and the 21 Jumpstreet films), The Lego Movie seems like it would be one big commercial to sell more toys.
However with Lord & Miller's background one can expect a high-energy, colorfully told story with plenty of tongue-in-cheek moments of snappy dialogue and sight gags all wrapped in a big well-placed heart.
At times it's just a bit too schmalzty and simplistic to really be as smart as some of it's CGI animated counterparts but it's got enough flair to never lose it's enjoyability.
...and let's face it, folks, didn't we all want to see Batman for the douchey ass that he really is?

3 weird cat things out of 5

Wanted (2008)

Even if you’re willing to accept that skilled assassins can bend bullet trajectories, the level of bullshit in every other aspect of Wanted is off the scale. If you stacked it up, it'd rival Everest.
I tried to bend the trajectory of the DVD as I flung it out my window. I failed. I’d forgotten to be part of a training montage beforehand.

1½ threads out of 5

NOW YOU SEE ME [2013]

Now You See Me is a flawed yet highly entertaining crime caper thriller from Danny The Dog director Louis Leterrier.
Being a film about magic, I was hoping it'd focus more on using camera trickery and slight of hand rather than distractingly bad CGI to create the illusions.  The wrap-up at the end leaves you feeling a bit cheated and makes you wish that the magicians didn't reveal their secrets.  However the rest of the film is so much damned fun I'm willing to forgive the problems and enjoy it for what it is.  Popcorn munching entertainment that isn't a reboot, remake, sequel or comic book adaptation.

3 savage detectives out of 5

OBLIVION [2013]

Tron: Legacy director Joseph Kosinski continues his love for kitschy 70's sci-fi films with the Tom Cruise driven post-apocalyptic Oblivion.
I loved the whole look of the film and it's atmosphere but it fell short with any sort of an engaging story however it thankfully picks up after 45 minutes of yawning.  It does nothing original to add to the genre and teeters between watered down rip-off and a genuine love letter to the films it's inspired by.  When all is said and done, it's simply just "okay".

2½ Kong plushies out of 5

Unforgiven (1992)

Clint revived his tough as nails cowboy persona for one last time, and simultaneously managed to breathe life back into the Western genre which had been on its last legs for many years. With help from three of the finest old guy actors working at the time, he delivered a film about what it means to be a man with a gun and what it takes to kill. Another Eastwood classic.

5 visible scars out of 5

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION [1994]

Director Frank Darabont's film adaptation of the Stephen King novella Rita Hayworth & The Shawshank Redemption is one of those perfect films that doesn't come around that often.

It's a beautiful story of hope, patience and friendship in a world where prison frees your soul while the outside traps it.  All of it complimented by spot-on performances, a large cast of intriguing characters, gorgeous photography, iconic imagery, fascinating camerawork and a heart-wrenching score from Thomas Newman.  It's simply a timeless masterpiece that's touches my soul in the best of ways.

5 rock hammers out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES [2012]

The final installment of director Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises is a fitting grand finale to arguably one of the best superhero film series ever made.

It mucks around a bit at the beginning but comes all together pretty quickly and wastes no time charging forward into the darkness.  As gloomy as the film may be, it explores themes of hope for humanity, the will to  keep fighting and some questionable political views.  While it might not have the same impact, well choreographed fight scenes or the smarts of the previous film, The Dark Knight Rises is a huge messy spectacle that is sure to please the fans of the series and leave them wanting more.

3 Moroccoan chants out of 5

March of the Penguins (2005)

I don’t have the Nat Geo channel or the Discovery channel, so this kind of natural history documentary is something magical to me. It follows the Emperor penguins of Antarctica as they make their annual journey to their breeding ground, approx 70 miles from where they start out. And that’s only the beginning of the hardships. There are moments where I laughed with joy, and as many moments where I cried in sympathy. It’s narrated by Morgan Freeman who did a commendable job. The next time you think your life is tough, watch this, you pussy.

4 months without food out of 5

RED [2010]

Loosely inspired by Warren Ellis' comic book mini-series, Robert Schwentke's RED isn't everything it could have been but is still takes you out for a good joyride.

With a veteran cast made up of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Brian Cox and Richard Dreyfuss, it comes as a surprise that Mary Louise-Parker and Karl Urban are the real scene-stealers here.  It's an outrageous, funny, violent action-comedy that's based more on it's cast rather than the script.  Not great, but fun enough to kill two hours.

3 gun-stuffed pigs out of 5

GONE BABY GONE [2007]

After the success of Good Will Hunting, Ben Affleck made a name for himself for making really shitty movies. Thankfully, Shutter Island novelist Dennis Lehane's Gone Baby Gone came along and inspired Affleck to direct the film for the big screen.
This neo-noir Boston crime drama is a compelling, sad and disturbing story about moral stature and where your heart truly feels is home. Casey Affleck is once again amazing in his performance, as is Ed Harris and Michelle Monaghan. Both Affleck brothers bring a certain type of authenticity and emotional impact to film that you know they're making it straight from their hearts.

4 "Mirabelle"'s out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT [2008]

Chris Nolan's Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, joins that small league of film sequels that are just as good or even better than the original.
It's essentially a fast-paced study of the psyche of good and evil and the blurry lines between them and then masked as a vastly large action film with some wonderful performances to boot.
It does lack in heart and emotional impact in quite a few spots but makes up for it in the powerful conclusion. The story takes a few pointless turns into useless complications but quickly steer away from them and it keeps on charging full steam ahead.
Heath Ledger disappears into the role as The Joker, which sadly overshadows Aaron Eckhart's wonderful performance as District Attorney Harvey Dent.
Sit back and enjoy for this is popcorn entertainment at some of it's finest.

4 Heat montages out of 5

BATMAN BEGINS [2005]

Heavily inspired by comic books Batman: Year One and The Man Who Falls, director Christopher Nolan gives the Batman movie franchise a well-deserved makeover.
Primarily focusing on humanity, fear and identity in this film, Batman Begins attempts to bring a heavy dose of realism to the world of Gotham City and does a damn fine job at it as well.
The first hour is perfect in every sense, without relying on any special effects, the story charges forward in a beautifully executed character driven fashion. While the second hour focuses more on action, it's good but to be honest I'm far more interested in the Bruce Wayne aspect of the film rather than the hokey sounding Batman.
Like former Batman director Tim Burton praised of this film "Nolan certainly got more to the root of what the Batman comics are about." ...and that's character.

4 Blade Runner homages out of 5