The Bible ...In the Beginning (1966)

An adaptation of the Book of Genesis, beginning with the void (prior the creation of the Earth) and ending with the story of Abraham. After well-groomed Adam and Eve discover shame things take a major dive. The utterly ridiculous Noah section is extra embarrassing for the film's director because he stars as the beardy boat-builder; it's John Huston, who provides the voice of God, too. The majority of the first half is wretched stuff. Things get a little better thereafter, and there's even a few scenes that have some merit (the Tower of Babel, Sodom, etc) but overall it's a disaster of... er... epic proportions. Further adaptations were planned but, mercifully, none were made.

2 renamings out of 5

The Wild Geese (1978)

When it comes to movies about war/soldiers/mercenaries, etc, I prefer the traditional British model more than the typically boisterous American one. TWG is the former. In it Richard Burton is hired to perform an under the radar deed for a sizeable wage. He can't do it alone, however, so he enlists the help of his pals, Roger Moore and Richard Harris, thereby increasing the old-guy charisma level threefold. (Kudos also to the great supporting cast.)
The standard recruit and training phases have a nice balance of serious and comical moments, reminding us that it's just a movie despite the sensitive political nature surrounding its production and release. The actual politics in the script aren't as well-integrated as they could've been, but they serve a purpose and have a powerful, lingering quality.

3½ persuaders out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS [2002]

Summer's over and it's back for a second year at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardy in director Chris Columbus' second film in the colossally popular Harry Potter series, The Chamber of Secrets.
The series gets slightly more darker as Harry gets older and this is just the beginning as the boy wizard & friends are prey to a series of bizarre attacks that leaves it victims petrified.  Once again the set design, music and faith to it's source material are all top-notch,  However, as a whole, the film seems to just be a continuation of the an introduction to the world and hardly does anything to develop the tale of where the series eventually goes.  It's entertaining enough and if you loved the first one then this one will suffice.

3 unbearably annoying Jar-Jar/Gollum hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE [2001]

aka
Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone

Director Chris Columbus faithfully adapts the first novel of J.K. Rowlings' popular children's fantasy series, Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.
Pint-sized pip-pip Harry Potter, after living with years of abuse from his aunt and uncle, is whisked away on his 11th birthday to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, where he discovers he's far more important than he was priorly led to believe.  Blessed with beautiful visuals, gorgeous set designs and an astounding imagination, the film's biggest flaw is being so faithful to the book it sometimes hits some severe lulls in it's 2½ hour running time.  Fortunately it has an impressive cast that flaunts the instantly likeable chemistry of it's core child cast and it's who's who of adult actors that enjoy their tea & scones. Not a whole lot happens, apart from some beautifully fleshed-out stand alone scenes but that's fine seeing as it's merely setting up the characters and world for the adventures that lied ahead.  

3½  earwax flavored jelly beans out of 5

Unforgiven (1992)

Clint revived his tough as nails cowboy persona for one last time, and simultaneously managed to breathe life back into the Western genre which had been on its last legs for many years. With help from three of the finest old guy actors working at the time, he delivered a film about what it means to be a man with a gun and what it takes to kill. Another Eastwood classic.

5 visible scars out of 5

GLADIATOR [2000]

Director Ridley Scott brings the historical epic drama back to the big screen in the hugely successful Gladiator.  

Russell Crowe does a fantastic job at portraying the larger-than-life lead role of Maximus while still scaling the character down to give him an every man feel.  With some extravagant sets & costumes, beautiful photography and hypnotizing score courtesy of Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard, Gladiator sets out to entertain and it does so with jaw-dropping flair that will leave an impression for many years to come. 

4 wheat fields out of 5