Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022)

"Oh, the pain. Life is such hideous pain."

Guillermo del Toro brings us his longstanding vision of Pinocchio as a lovingly crafted stop-motion production with all the stops. It's a masterpiece of design and one of the best looking films I've seen all year. I like how it goes beyond the original story to show us how Geppetto was inspired to build the puppet. It has that classic story tale feeling, like the original 1940 Disney animation, but it adds a certain pathos and darkness that was missing from that film. I wasn't expecting to be quite so moved by the end of it. I think it's just wonderful.

4½ hourglasses out of 5

Sweeney Todd: The Director's Cut (2006)

With a screenplay by Joshua St Johnston, Dir. David Moore's telling is by far the best filmed Sweeney Todd story that I've personally seen, to date.
Ray Winstone plays the titular barber, resident in a London that's rife with poverty and squalor. A well-liked man, Todd's skills are regarded highly by a regular clientele. When not shaving chins he's a kind of backstreet surgeon saving lives. But when the urge to kill arises it's almost like an affliction taking hold, guiding his steadied, practised hand. By succumbing to it, he can fix the world and ease his philosophically troubled mind, albeit temporarily.
His complicated but sympathetic nature is further explored by his vying for the affections of Mrs Lovett (Essie Davis). Both Winstone and Davis bring something wonderfully rich and compelling to their respective roles.

4 pie fillings out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE [2009]

Director David Yates really lays down the dark & dismal in the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series, The Half-Blood Prince.
With Voldemort & his Dark-Eaters waging war on both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds, Harry learns more about the Dark Lord and how he came to be, as well as discovering disturbing evidence of how much the two are actually alike.  While the previous films were a healthy balance of style and substance, this one leans more towards the striking visuals making it  just too damned dark to be much fun.  When it does have a bit of a laugh it breaks the tone and feels ridiculously out of place.   Even the actors, apart from Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent, don't seem to be up to par with their previous performances.  Still, it is perhaps one of the most important chapters in the series, seeing as it's tragic ending leads to the explosive conclusion.
I like to consider this the calm before the storm.

3 bumpy bridges out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX [2007]

Director David Yates steps in for his first of four (and final) Harry Potter films, The Order of the Phoenix.
After Lord Voldemort (exquisitely played by Ralph Fiennes) came into full physical form in the previous installment, no one believes Harry, forcing him to band together a secret rag-tag army of Hogwart's students to help him fight in the inevitable war of magics ahead of them.  The film is a great deal different from it's source material, seeing as the book is the longest in the series but the film is the shortest of the eight cinematic outings.  No matter, Yates & co. carefully stick to it's heart, core themes and main story arcs resulting in a wonderful dissection of the British school system and a comparison of similarities & differences of adult and youth.  It's the most grimly sinister of the series so far yet and let's us know it's only going to get darker and more grave as the body count begins piling up more and more.  I'm squeamish with delight.

4 horrifying Maggie Thatcher/Queen Lizzie II hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE [2005]

Director Mike Newell brings his knack for seamlessly brisk pacing to the fourth film in the Harry Potter film series, The Goblet of Fire.
Hogwart's is host to a very dangerous international tournament amongst the Wizards & Witches world, while the gang first encounters puberty (Ron is hilariously revealed to be an ass-man), firmly graduating the series from children's films to young-adult oriented in both subject matter and tone.  The series gets darker with each installment but Newell manages to insert enough humor to keep it fun enough amidst the doom 'n gloom.  Like always the adult stars are a joy to watch as they have a grand ol' time getting into their quirky roles but it's the kids that make a vast improvement from the last film with their emotional acting chops.  At least half of the novel is left out but doesn't matter seeing as it still fits like a glove in the series without missing any important story arcs leading into the future films.

4 PULPy Radioheads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN [2004]

Director Alfonso Cuarón gets darker and weirder for the third Harry Potter film, The Prisoner of Azkaban.
It's back to Hogwart's and that means trouble is brewing, as Harry discovers a prisoner has escaped from the wizard's prison and means to put an end to the boy wizard.  The film is significantly darker and actually scarier than Chris Columbus' previous films, as it dives deeper into the heavy emotions that are beginning to weigh Harry down more and more as he grows older and more powerful.  The core characters are becoming more complex as is the storytelling, which finally begins to spiral into something more fleshed out and interesting than it ever was.   Cuarón brings a visual flair to the series which gives it a unique character all it's own, without straying too far from the tones that have already been established.  This is definitely the Potter film that finally proves the series deserves all the praise it's received.

4 snarky shrunken heads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS [2002]

Summer's over and it's back for a second year at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardy in director Chris Columbus' second film in the colossally popular Harry Potter series, The Chamber of Secrets.
The series gets slightly more darker as Harry gets older and this is just the beginning as the boy wizard & friends are prey to a series of bizarre attacks that leaves it victims petrified.  Once again the set design, music and faith to it's source material are all top-notch,  However, as a whole, the film seems to just be a continuation of the an introduction to the world and hardly does anything to develop the tale of where the series eventually goes.  It's entertaining enough and if you loved the first one then this one will suffice.

3 unbearably annoying Jar-Jar/Gollum hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE [2001]

aka
Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone

Director Chris Columbus faithfully adapts the first novel of J.K. Rowlings' popular children's fantasy series, Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.
Pint-sized pip-pip Harry Potter, after living with years of abuse from his aunt and uncle, is whisked away on his 11th birthday to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, where he discovers he's far more important than he was priorly led to believe.  Blessed with beautiful visuals, gorgeous set designs and an astounding imagination, the film's biggest flaw is being so faithful to the book it sometimes hits some severe lulls in it's 2½ hour running time.  Fortunately it has an impressive cast that flaunts the instantly likeable chemistry of it's core child cast and it's who's who of adult actors that enjoy their tea & scones. Not a whole lot happens, apart from some beautifully fleshed-out stand alone scenes but that's fine seeing as it's merely setting up the characters and world for the adventures that lied ahead.  

3½  earwax flavored jelly beans out of 5

An Adventure in Space and Time (2013)

A film that's both a kind of biopic of the late William Hartnell's later years and a docudrama about the events surrounding the birth of the Dr Who series at the BBC in 1963. Don’t be put off by the ‘docudrama’ tag, it does both things exceptionally well.
While it'll obviously appeal to fans of the sci-fi show the most, David Bradley, who plays the crotchety old Hartnell, does such an astonishing job that people who don't care for the series will still find something to latch onto, especially his truly heartbreaking performance in the second half.

3½ cups of piss and vinegar out of 5

THE WORLD'S END [2013]

The final instalment of Edgar Wright's Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy comes as an apocalyptic alien invasion pub crawl in the coming of age sci-fi comedy The World's End.
Reuniting Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman and Paddy Considine as well as adding the scene-stealing Eddie Marsan to the mix makes for a fantastic character piece that's witty, heartfelt and hilarious.  At first glance, it's just as goofy as the first two films but under the surface it's actually quite emotional and thoughtful.  It's not as good as the Shaun Of The Dead or Hot Fuzz but it is by no means a disappointment.  It's a zany sci-fi comedy as well as a celebration of accepting the rather flawed humanity we're all a part of whether we like it or not.

3½ burly bathroom brawls out of 5

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

The second attempt at an Exorcist prequel, confusingly released first, fails to excite. It’s a shame because the cast, particularly Skarsgård, are excellent. It paints a very believable back-story for Father Merrin, which is handled well and enriches the character. Vittorio Storaro's cinematography is great, as always, although the post-prod team went a little crazy with the colour correction. Hollywood really need to stop doing that. Alas, the last third plummets into a mess of lazy CGI action and audience-pleasing predictability.

2½ fake hyenas and a genuine Zippo lighter out of 5

Hot Fuzz (2007)

All coppers are basta- not quite all. From the Shaun of the Dead (2004) team comes a parody/homage to the Hollywood buddy cop movie. It has the same kind of wry in-jokes and references to other films and their own past projects, so watch Shaun first. It’ll be even funnier if you've watched Point Break, Bad Boys II, the Dirty Harry films and even The Wicker Man!
Pegg plays it (mostly) straight while Frost is once more the comedy gold.
The swear-box gets a good filling.

4 the greater good out of 5