Clash of the Titans (1981)

A heroic fantasy based upon the legend of Perseus and his beloved Andromeda. It's an impressive collection of Greek mythology set pieces stitched into a standard quest structure, directed by Desmond Davis but perhaps remembered most as the swansong of FX man Ray Harryhausen.
The opening is horrifying in its implication. It leads to Perseus (Harry Hamlin) being controlled like some kind of living action figure by the Gods, favoured by Zeus (Laurence Olivier) due to his being an extra-marital offspring of the wild-oats sowing beardy, but jealously despised by some of the others.
In essence, coming out as it did early in the decade, the film also feels as if it's being pushed and pulled from opposing sides: not as alluring as an actual 70s work but not yet full 80s in tone, it's personified best in Perseus' character. For me, Burgess Meredith and the stop-motion FX are the highlight.

3½ head-snakes out of 5

THE LADY IN THE VAN [2015]

The Madness of King George director Nicholas Hytner brings screenwriter Alan Bennett's 1999 stageplay The Lady in the Van to the screen.
It's a quaint little British story about a homeless woman, living in her van, that just happens to be stationed outside a playwright's driveway for 15 years.
There's plenty of harmless laughs to be had but when it needs to get get poignant there simply isn't enough to carry the emotional weight it calls for.  If not for Maggie Smith's incredible performance, as the eccentric van dweller, the film wouldn't be nearly as watchable as it is.  In fact, she's so damned good she largely overshadows Alex Jennings' somewhat flat character, who the viewer is supposed to be focusing on the most as it's his personality that sort of grows throughout the film.

3 cans of Catholic paint out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE [2009]

Director David Yates really lays down the dark & dismal in the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series, The Half-Blood Prince.
With Voldemort & his Dark-Eaters waging war on both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds, Harry learns more about the Dark Lord and how he came to be, as well as discovering disturbing evidence of how much the two are actually alike.  While the previous films were a healthy balance of style and substance, this one leans more towards the striking visuals making it  just too damned dark to be much fun.  When it does have a bit of a laugh it breaks the tone and feels ridiculously out of place.   Even the actors, apart from Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent, don't seem to be up to par with their previous performances.  Still, it is perhaps one of the most important chapters in the series, seeing as it's tragic ending leads to the explosive conclusion.
I like to consider this the calm before the storm.

3 bumpy bridges out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX [2007]

Director David Yates steps in for his first of four (and final) Harry Potter films, The Order of the Phoenix.
After Lord Voldemort (exquisitely played by Ralph Fiennes) came into full physical form in the previous installment, no one believes Harry, forcing him to band together a secret rag-tag army of Hogwart's students to help him fight in the inevitable war of magics ahead of them.  The film is a great deal different from it's source material, seeing as the book is the longest in the series but the film is the shortest of the eight cinematic outings.  No matter, Yates & co. carefully stick to it's heart, core themes and main story arcs resulting in a wonderful dissection of the British school system and a comparison of similarities & differences of adult and youth.  It's the most grimly sinister of the series so far yet and let's us know it's only going to get darker and more grave as the body count begins piling up more and more.  I'm squeamish with delight.

4 horrifying Maggie Thatcher/Queen Lizzie II hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE [2005]

Director Mike Newell brings his knack for seamlessly brisk pacing to the fourth film in the Harry Potter film series, The Goblet of Fire.
Hogwart's is host to a very dangerous international tournament amongst the Wizards & Witches world, while the gang first encounters puberty (Ron is hilariously revealed to be an ass-man), firmly graduating the series from children's films to young-adult oriented in both subject matter and tone.  The series gets darker with each installment but Newell manages to insert enough humor to keep it fun enough amidst the doom 'n gloom.  Like always the adult stars are a joy to watch as they have a grand ol' time getting into their quirky roles but it's the kids that make a vast improvement from the last film with their emotional acting chops.  At least half of the novel is left out but doesn't matter seeing as it still fits like a glove in the series without missing any important story arcs leading into the future films.

4 PULPy Radioheads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN [2004]

Director Alfonso Cuarón gets darker and weirder for the third Harry Potter film, The Prisoner of Azkaban.
It's back to Hogwart's and that means trouble is brewing, as Harry discovers a prisoner has escaped from the wizard's prison and means to put an end to the boy wizard.  The film is significantly darker and actually scarier than Chris Columbus' previous films, as it dives deeper into the heavy emotions that are beginning to weigh Harry down more and more as he grows older and more powerful.  The core characters are becoming more complex as is the storytelling, which finally begins to spiral into something more fleshed out and interesting than it ever was.   Cuarón brings a visual flair to the series which gives it a unique character all it's own, without straying too far from the tones that have already been established.  This is definitely the Potter film that finally proves the series deserves all the praise it's received.

4 snarky shrunken heads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS [2002]

Summer's over and it's back for a second year at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardy in director Chris Columbus' second film in the colossally popular Harry Potter series, The Chamber of Secrets.
The series gets slightly more darker as Harry gets older and this is just the beginning as the boy wizard & friends are prey to a series of bizarre attacks that leaves it victims petrified.  Once again the set design, music and faith to it's source material are all top-notch,  However, as a whole, the film seems to just be a continuation of the an introduction to the world and hardly does anything to develop the tale of where the series eventually goes.  It's entertaining enough and if you loved the first one then this one will suffice.

3 unbearably annoying Jar-Jar/Gollum hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE [2001]

aka
Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone

Director Chris Columbus faithfully adapts the first novel of J.K. Rowlings' popular children's fantasy series, Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.
Pint-sized pip-pip Harry Potter, after living with years of abuse from his aunt and uncle, is whisked away on his 11th birthday to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, where he discovers he's far more important than he was priorly led to believe.  Blessed with beautiful visuals, gorgeous set designs and an astounding imagination, the film's biggest flaw is being so faithful to the book it sometimes hits some severe lulls in it's 2½ hour running time.  Fortunately it has an impressive cast that flaunts the instantly likeable chemistry of it's core child cast and it's who's who of adult actors that enjoy their tea & scones. Not a whole lot happens, apart from some beautifully fleshed-out stand alone scenes but that's fine seeing as it's merely setting up the characters and world for the adventures that lied ahead.  

3½  earwax flavored jelly beans out of 5

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

Maggie Smith is a National Treasure. As Jean Brodie she takes the bar of excellence and raises it until it’s no longer even visible.
It’s adapted from a stage play that was itself adapted from a book, meaning it’s been trimmed and honed to absolute perfection. Events unfold in an Edinburgh girls’ school during the 1930s, an institution that follows the status quo like an obedient dog with tail firmly between legs. The well-spoken, progressive Miss Brodie is the antithesis of that. Her teaching methods aren't found on the curriculum, but her girls go on to be exceptional, although perhaps not in the eyes of a conservative society.
My weak synopsis doesn't do it justice; it's an extraordinary film.

5 vigorous vocations out of 5

QUARTET [2012]

Actor Dustin Hoffman makes his directorial debut with Quartet, a good-natured drama about an old age home for retired musicians.
It's fairly predictable, probably a mite bit too quiet for a lot of folks and it's filled with a gaggle of fussy old English farts that will most definitely drive off the average movie-goer.  However if you've got an open mind, you'll be rewarded with a sharp and funny script, packed with wonderful performances, particularly Billy Connolly and Pauline Collins.  I expected it to be sappy and emotionally manipulative but it's far from it, as Hoffman keeps it level-headed and nothing more than a genuine lazy afternoon delight.

3½ Bettie Davis quotes out of 5

The Missionary (1982)

Michael Palin is the Reverend Fortescue, a simple, bashful dog collar chap who, when sent to bring ‘fallen ladies’ of the night back to God, gets into a game of licentious give and take for which he was ill-prepared.
Palin was also the writer, but it’s far removed from the kind of surrealism he’s known for with the Monty Python team. Its strength is in playing on the conventions of the traditional British period drama, but it succumbs to the same failings, too, and it never dares to go to the places it should’ve gone; it’s much too tame.

2 new positions out of 5

The V.I.P.s (1963)

Spend time at an airport terminal and you'll catch glimpses of other people's lives; mini-dramas, all slightly connected due to the shared location.
Elizabeth Taylor looks gorgeous doing her thing; Richard Burton steals the show, like he often does, doing his; Orson Welles pops up and does something different. The sense of attachment and emotion is absent, except for one fabulous scene. If you must, watch it for the cast and not the script.

2½ toy ducks from Woolworths out of 5