National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)

Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo return, while the rest of the cast gets a shakeup (a running gag that continues throughout the series). The Griswolds win an all-expense-paid trip to Europe and we're off to the races. This film is noticeably rougher compared to its predecessor, and the jokes are broader, but it's still fun to see the Griswolds causing carnage across the world, from Chicago to London, Paris, West Germany and Rome. I don't know why this stuff tickles me so. To see someone trying so hard and failing is relatable, I guess.

3½ unlucky bike riders out of 5

Mona Lisa (1986)

A noir-esque drama in which Londoner George (Bob Hoskins) gets out of prison after a seven year stretch and finds employment as a driver for a high-class call girl, bringing her to classy restaurants and stylish hotels to meet with rich clients. Initially at each other's throats, the duo's bickering succeeds in cutting through their exteriors, exposing the vulnerable realities underneath.
Like in most noirs an involvement with the female lead's wants and/or needs gets the male protagonist into hot water; here it involves George scouring the seedier ends of town on a personal mission for call girl Simone (Cathy Tyson), who's posh on the surface but common as shit below. The acting of both principals is first-rate, and is arguably what makes the film as good as it is.

3½ seaside stories out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 1 [2010]

Harry Potter & his wand-fondling pals reach the beginning of the end in the 7th installment of the popular film franchise, director David Yates' The Deathly Hallows: Part 1.
The gang are on the search for pieces of Lord Voldemort's soul to render him mortal again and defeat him once and for all.
Wisely splitting the final book into two parts seems like a bit much but with the amount of material that needed to be covered to do the series justice, it proves to be more than just a cheap way for the studio to squeeze out every last penny it can.  The consequences are dire and we definitely feel it through the dread, dreariness and dark passages that weave through the startlingly stark but beautiful visuals.  Non-fans of the series will be completely lost but if you're not into the series already how the hell did you get here anyway?  There's a complete lack of humor which sucks out a bit of the fun and when it does try to be funny it's rather distracting.  Not the perfect Potter film but it gets the audience ready for the grand finale.

3½ Bad Seeds out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE [2009]

Director David Yates really lays down the dark & dismal in the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series, The Half-Blood Prince.
With Voldemort & his Dark-Eaters waging war on both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds, Harry learns more about the Dark Lord and how he came to be, as well as discovering disturbing evidence of how much the two are actually alike.  While the previous films were a healthy balance of style and substance, this one leans more towards the striking visuals making it  just too damned dark to be much fun.  When it does have a bit of a laugh it breaks the tone and feels ridiculously out of place.   Even the actors, apart from Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent, don't seem to be up to par with their previous performances.  Still, it is perhaps one of the most important chapters in the series, seeing as it's tragic ending leads to the explosive conclusion.
I like to consider this the calm before the storm.

3 bumpy bridges out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX [2007]

Director David Yates steps in for his first of four (and final) Harry Potter films, The Order of the Phoenix.
After Lord Voldemort (exquisitely played by Ralph Fiennes) came into full physical form in the previous installment, no one believes Harry, forcing him to band together a secret rag-tag army of Hogwart's students to help him fight in the inevitable war of magics ahead of them.  The film is a great deal different from it's source material, seeing as the book is the longest in the series but the film is the shortest of the eight cinematic outings.  No matter, Yates & co. carefully stick to it's heart, core themes and main story arcs resulting in a wonderful dissection of the British school system and a comparison of similarities & differences of adult and youth.  It's the most grimly sinister of the series so far yet and let's us know it's only going to get darker and more grave as the body count begins piling up more and more.  I'm squeamish with delight.

4 horrifying Maggie Thatcher/Queen Lizzie II hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE [2005]

Director Mike Newell brings his knack for seamlessly brisk pacing to the fourth film in the Harry Potter film series, The Goblet of Fire.
Hogwart's is host to a very dangerous international tournament amongst the Wizards & Witches world, while the gang first encounters puberty (Ron is hilariously revealed to be an ass-man), firmly graduating the series from children's films to young-adult oriented in both subject matter and tone.  The series gets darker with each installment but Newell manages to insert enough humor to keep it fun enough amidst the doom 'n gloom.  Like always the adult stars are a joy to watch as they have a grand ol' time getting into their quirky roles but it's the kids that make a vast improvement from the last film with their emotional acting chops.  At least half of the novel is left out but doesn't matter seeing as it still fits like a glove in the series without missing any important story arcs leading into the future films.

4 PULPy Radioheads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN [2004]

Director Alfonso Cuarón gets darker and weirder for the third Harry Potter film, The Prisoner of Azkaban.
It's back to Hogwart's and that means trouble is brewing, as Harry discovers a prisoner has escaped from the wizard's prison and means to put an end to the boy wizard.  The film is significantly darker and actually scarier than Chris Columbus' previous films, as it dives deeper into the heavy emotions that are beginning to weigh Harry down more and more as he grows older and more powerful.  The core characters are becoming more complex as is the storytelling, which finally begins to spiral into something more fleshed out and interesting than it ever was.   Cuarón brings a visual flair to the series which gives it a unique character all it's own, without straying too far from the tones that have already been established.  This is definitely the Potter film that finally proves the series deserves all the praise it's received.

4 snarky shrunken heads out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS [2002]

Summer's over and it's back for a second year at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardy in director Chris Columbus' second film in the colossally popular Harry Potter series, The Chamber of Secrets.
The series gets slightly more darker as Harry gets older and this is just the beginning as the boy wizard & friends are prey to a series of bizarre attacks that leaves it victims petrified.  Once again the set design, music and faith to it's source material are all top-notch,  However, as a whole, the film seems to just be a continuation of the an introduction to the world and hardly does anything to develop the tale of where the series eventually goes.  It's entertaining enough and if you loved the first one then this one will suffice.

3 unbearably annoying Jar-Jar/Gollum hybrids out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE [2001]

aka
Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone

Director Chris Columbus faithfully adapts the first novel of J.K. Rowlings' popular children's fantasy series, Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.
Pint-sized pip-pip Harry Potter, after living with years of abuse from his aunt and uncle, is whisked away on his 11th birthday to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, where he discovers he's far more important than he was priorly led to believe.  Blessed with beautiful visuals, gorgeous set designs and an astounding imagination, the film's biggest flaw is being so faithful to the book it sometimes hits some severe lulls in it's 2½ hour running time.  Fortunately it has an impressive cast that flaunts the instantly likeable chemistry of it's core child cast and it's who's who of adult actors that enjoy their tea & scones. Not a whole lot happens, apart from some beautifully fleshed-out stand alone scenes but that's fine seeing as it's merely setting up the characters and world for the adventures that lied ahead.  

3½  earwax flavored jelly beans out of 5

From Hell (2001)

A Jack the Ripper story adapted from/inspired by an Alan Moore graphic novel of the same name. It’s flawed but interesting.

The Hughes brothers wanted realism in the environment, but the end result is far from that; it’s a well-lit Whitechapel filled with clean dirt and a stage-like aura, but it works if you think of it as theatre.

There are some memorable flashes of creativity thanks in part to the stylised use of colour. The editing is good and the music is successful in creating and sustaining intrigue and drama.

Johnny Depp is a fine actor but he isn't suited to the role of a Dorset-born Police Inspector, and nor is Heather Graham suited to hers. The illusion of being in London is utterly shattered every time they speak.

2½ alleviations out of 5

Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004)

Animated prequel to the live action Van Helsing movie that I haven’t seen, nor do I have any burning desire to ever see if it’s anything like this. The vampire hunter is an action hero that can crawl along the side of speeding trains and jump inhuman distances. Is he part vamp and I didn’t know? Or is the bullshit meter at maximum? Just what the hell is going on? I know he’s on the trail of Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde but why is he acting like a Victorian era Batman? Either I'm lacking some vital info or this is just flat-out shit.

1 big thing out of 5

BRAVE [2012]

Pixar regulars Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman with some heavy help from Sam & Max mastermind, Steve Purcell, direct the fantasy adventure Brave.

It teaches the hilarious lesson of the best way to understand your mother is to turn her into a bear.  Take notes, kids, as you find out whether or not your mom shits in the woods.  Unlike Pixar's other films, where the premise and settings are usually quite different, Brave settles itself into more a traditional Disney style and never really offers anything different from what we've seen before.  It's probably the most beautiful looking film to come out of the company but also the most cut-and-dried as well.

3 will-o'-the-wisps out of 5

THE BROTHERS BLOOM [2008]

Director Rian Johnson brings us the quirky and charming caper comedy The Brothers Bloom.

All four leads are fantastic, particularly Rachel Weisz who steals your heart with her social awkwardness  & childlike innocence.  It's a brightly colored & beautifully shot film that had me in awe from start to finish.  

It's not perfect but it's harmless good fun that had me grinning the entire time.

3½ "Brick" bars out of 5