HANNIBAL RISING [2007]

Director Peter Webber tackles the Hannibal Lecter film series with the painfully dull origin film Hannibal Rising.
It casts French actor Gaspard Ulliel as an annoyingly smug Lecter who seems to try to hard to balance creepy with what I suspect is supposed to be intelligence.  He's terrible.  Just terrible.  It's got an impressive supporting cast who are all put to complete waste with this snail-paced script that doesn't even attempt to do anything remotely interesting.
It picked up some well-deserved Golden Razzie nominations but ultimately lost to the much more entertaining I Know Who Killed Me and Daddy Day Camp.

1 peck on the cheek out of 5

TRAINSPOTTING [1996]

Director Danny Boyle takes on the difficult task of adapting author Irvine Welsh's non-linear first novel Trainspotting and turns it into one of the best and more accurate films about hard drug addiction.  

It's a raw, grungy tale about betrayal, youth subculture and being imprisoned with too much freedom.  Boyle allows the film to seep into your nerves with a flashy soundtrack, captivating wide angles & colors, a cast of charismatic, yet seedy, characters and a narrative that gleefully threatens to derail itself with each corner it takes.   One of the defining time capsules of the mid '90's, Trainspotting is fun, nasty and not afraid to spit in your face.

4½ shitty beds out of 5

BRAVE [2012]

Pixar regulars Mark Andrews & Brenda Chapman with some heavy help from Sam & Max mastermind, Steve Purcell, direct the fantasy adventure Brave.

It teaches the hilarious lesson of the best way to understand your mother is to turn her into a bear.  Take notes, kids, as you find out whether or not your mom shits in the woods.  Unlike Pixar's other films, where the premise and settings are usually quite different, Brave settles itself into more a traditional Disney style and never really offers anything different from what we've seen before.  It's probably the most beautiful looking film to come out of the company but also the most cut-and-dried as well.

3 will-o'-the-wisps out of 5

DOG SOLDIERS [2002]

Splat-pack British director Neil Marshall has all sorts of fun with his low-budget feature-length debut. Tackling the werewolf lore with a violent, loud and quite often funny film that's more action than horror.
It's like a cross between Predator, The Evil Dead, Aliens and Night Of The Living Dead with several laughable references to The Matrix, The Wrath Of Khan and Zulu.
As much of a wild romp that this film is, it never really breaks any new barriers or gives the viewer much to think about. In fact it seems, the cast and crew were having more fun making the film than it is to watch it in a few spotty areas.
Still, it's a lot of fun and receives extra brownie points for being one of the few films that gets werewolves right.

3 Kick-ass boxing matches out of 5