Young Washington (2026)

Sadly, this isn't a case of a Mel Brooks-style spoof starring Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman. Which would have actually made this pile of shit watchable.

Just in time for the semiquincentennial of the United States of America, this patriotic hogwash is a dry, boring series of historical reenactments steeped in 18th century propaganda. I know it's become the vogue thing to shit on history, especially when it comes to celebrating victory steeped in violence, but this is a very sanitized PG-13 version of events, full of divine intervention, which doesn't seem especially historically accurate. It follows young Georgie as he makes his way up the ranks of warfare, stopping just short of the American Revolutionary War, with the Declaration of Independence and his Presidency merely relegated to a footnote. I don't have any issues with celebrating key historical figures, but I do have a problem with lame nationalistic messages being passed off as light entertainment. This movie feels like school.

1 quarter out of 5

Supergirl (2026)

Supergirl deserves her due. Kara isn't just some carbon copy of Superman. She's a reluctant hero with a punk rock attitude. Unfortunately, it feels like she's been sidelined for most of her own movie. As the second film in the DCU, this doesn't feel part of a cohesive whole. The stakes are curiously low. Lobo is in it for some reason, but doesn't really justify his inclusion. Milly Alcock is super as the titular heroine, but by the time she's kicking ass in the suit, it's already fallen victim to a generic capeshit plot. It does exactly what you think it's going to do. No subverted expectations here. It lacks all of the darkness and emotional depth that made Superman stand out for me, which doesn't bode well for the DCU's future. It's too bad because I was rooting for her all along.

2 bastiches out of 5

Note: Next project in the DCU will be the limited series Lanterns this summer, followed by the theatrical release of Clayface, just in time for Halloween '26.

Toy Story 5 (2026)

The reason this franchise hits so hard is because it's clearly made by people who love film and have a fond remembrance of childhood. Each one has been about embracing and leaving behind the past, and as we get older, so do our memories. The farther away we are from those experiences, the harder it hits.

This one tells the story of how electronic devices are leaving the traditional brick and mortar toys in the dust and forcing kids to grow up too quickly. It's easily the most depressing entry of the series and makes me feel older and more obsolete than ever because it hits on an inevitable truth. It seems like it's on the verge of having something significant to say, but then bails out at the last minute. It's a shame. Can't disparage our technological overlords, I guess...

2½ Lilypads out of 5

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Boy, 2019 feels like a long way behind. This film features the vocal talents of Don Rickles, Carl Reiner, Betty White, Estelle Harris and Carl Weathers, all of whom are no longer with us anymore. It also predates COVID, which feels like simpler times. Film truly is a time capsule. It's important to preserve the past.

Likewise, this franchise understands the value of legacy while continuing to take risks and reinvent itself, branching out in all new directions. This film is about those left behind who must move on from the past in order to find new purpose. It does it in traditional Pixar fashion and succeeds with flying colors.

This would have worked better as the last film in the series, but, you know...

3½ sporks out of 5

The Death of Robin Hood (2026)

Did we really need a dark and gritty version of Robin Hood? This is basically Logan without the mutant healing factor. Once known for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, now the legendary outlaw slaughters everyone for their goods, rich and poor, old and young. Although the bulk of this film takes place on an island as he recovers from an attack, which was exceeding dull and monotonous to slog through. The problem was I just didn't care. The biggest struggle was trying to stay awake. I couldn't wait until it was over.

1 bloodletting out of 5

Disclosure Day (2026)

I have to take a moment to appreciate that it's 2026 and we're getting a new original Spielberg sci-fi epic with possibly one of the last original scores by John Williams. These days feel numbered. Spielberg has been obsessed with extraterrestrials his entire career. It feels like he's completing a cycle here that began nearly 50 years ago with Close Encounters of the Third Kind. In many ways, he's been working towards this film his entire life. The scale is smaller and more intimate, but the implications are timeless. We've all grown so cynical in this day and age, yet I admire how he makes magic and wonder seem possible again in the world, even if it only exists on the silver screen.

3½ cardinals out of 5

Scary Movie (2026)

Reboots are all the rage these days. Just as Scream called out the idea of the requel (both a reboot and legacy sequel), this "rebootiquel" aims its sights at cancel culture and poking fun at Gen Z. The Wayans are back, restoring their own particular brand of R-rated humor to the franchise. It casts a wide net, but their target is far too broad. Despite the plethora of modern and niche horror references and meta, self-referential humor, it doesn't feel as though it will age as well as the first two. It's funny, but never quite as funny as it should be. It's filthy, but not quite as filthy as it could be. And yet, when the humor hits, it hits HARD. I never wanted it to end. It's comforting to see the old gang and that early naughts humor back again, even if it's just a shadow of its former glory.

2-and-a-half-gay shit out of 5

Stop! That! Train! (2026)

What if a bunch of drag queens made Airplane!? Answer: It would've sucked balls. A runaway train is headed directly towards the eye of a "Stormaganza" and the conductor is taken out of commission, so it's up to the Glamazonian stewardesses and the President of the United States (RuPaul) to get them back on track. I'm a sucker for anything that follows in the broad footsteps of ZAZ, even when it's diluted by modern day sensibilities and wokeness, but this is such lazy, ill-conceived, low-hanging fruit. To turn a spoof of disaster flicks into something this disastrous takes a special kind of talent all its own. The result is something that feels far too safe and "inclusive" rather than poking fun at everyone equally. This feels like the absolute antithesis to Scary Movie.

½ a hot flashback out of 5

I Am Not an Easy Man (2018)

AKA: Je ne suis pas un homme facile

Okay, so I saw it. 

A chauvinist man bumps his head and winds up in a parallel universe where gender roles have been reversed and women are the dominant sex. Unlike the American remake where everything is an exaggerated stereotype, here the differences are more subtle, and it has fun with the premise rather than being overtly preachy. Some of these distinctions feel cultural, such as women being topless and sporting body hair, which seems rather European in nature. 

The reason this movie doesn't work is because if you were to reverse the gender roles back, it becomes a rather trite story that doesn't hold up to scrutiny. A lot of these outdated clichés went out in the '90s. However, it's not as one-sided as the remake makes it out to be, and it at least falls back on a clever ending. What I learned here is what a big difference 8 years can make.

2 pectoral landing strips out of 5

Ladies First (2026)

A misogynist hits his head and wakes up in a misandrist's world dominated by women, effectively inverting their positions. Once you get the joke that every single gender role is reversed, the plot doesn't get any deeper than that. What doesn't make any sense is that the men are all feminized and the women are endowed with masculine qualities, which contradicts the very message it's trying to put across, so I'm not sure what this film is trying to say. The endless moralizing on screen comes off condescending, exhausting and insufferable. And without any of the male empowerment roles that are afforded to women, the men here are all portrayed as either weak or evil, with no in-between. It might be considered problematic if the whole thing wasn't so fuckin' stupid. 

Remake of the French film, I Am Not an Easy Man, which I have no plans to see.

0 testicle bras out of 5

The Breadwinner (2026)

I'm not sure where the hell Nate Bargatze came from, but the world really likes telling us he's all of a sudden somehow the highest grossing stand-up comedian in America. Marketed as a clean comic to broaden his fanbase, he comes across as a likeable everyman, in a milquetoast kind of way. This is a very old fashioned kind of family comedy (à la Mr. Mom) where the father has to step up and take on the role of house husband after his wife is offered a huge business opportunity. It's completely generic, inoffensive and full of product placement to remind you he's being sponsored by all the big brands.

1½ bubbles of consent out of 5

Tuner (2025)

A virtuoso piano tuner with sensitive hearing and pitch perfect ability utilizes his specialized skill set to crack safes after he's accidentally recruited by the wrong type of people. It's a very simple premise, but extremely charming in the way it plays out, owing in no small part to the chemistry between the two young leads. It feels like the type of caper film that could have been made in the '70s, no doubt due to Dustin Hoffman's captivating presence in the cast.

3 tuna fish out of 5

In the Grey (2026)

Guy Ritchie movies bore me silly. It's a lot of bravado and bluster wrapped up in a glossy package of pretty actors posing like models. They mainly seem to exist as an excuse to employ Henry Cavill. This one is a formulaic heist thriller that amounts to roughly an hour and a half of setup for 15 minutes of payoff. 

½ a Faraday cage out of 5

The Furious (2025)

AKA: Huo zhe yan (火遮眼)

A mute father teams up with a journalist to take on a corrupt criminal empire after his daughter gets kidnapped. The laziest way to garner sympathy from an audience is to put a young, innocent life in danger, so I can't quite explain why this movie feels fresh. Like The Raid before it, it takes enormous swings with brutal martial arts, stylish choreography and nonstop pulse-pounding action from start to finish. It's the kind of movie where you walk out sporting an erection because of how much adrenaline is coursing through your body.

3½ bloody pulps out of 5

The Punisher: One Last Kill (2026)

Frank Castle wrestles with demons of his past and forced to go on a violent spree set to some heavy metal needle drops in this one-shot, standalone, hour-long Marvel Television Special Presentation. Mostly satisfying, after sitting through the lackluster second season of Daredevil: Born Again. Jon Bernthal is compelling to watch as the PTSD-addled veteran with nothing left to lose. Funny that he also co-wrote and starred in a thematically similar one-off episode of The Bear that unfolds in much the same gritty, guerilla-style fashion (which makes it especially bizarre that they were both released within a week of each other). It's a very simple story and I appreciated that it wasn't moralistic or preachy in any way, although it does make me feel about as empty as Frank Castle. It neither moves the needle nor overstays its welcome, but mostly functions as a bridge to The Punisher's appearance in the MCU.

3 headshots out of 5

Masters of the Universe (2026)

I should preface this nut by stating that I don't have a very strong connection to the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe franchise. As with G.I. Joe and Transformers, it was a cartoon designed to sell a toy line. I never really found the premise too deep. Aside from owning a single He-Man action figure as a kid, I have no nostalgic ties to the character or the canon, which makes me the perfect guinea pig to test out the new direction of this latest reimagining.

Young Prince Adam is, by all accounts, a pussy (not unlike Cringer). When the evil Skeletor threatens Eternia, his royal parents send him to Earth (not unlike Kal-El) along with the Sword of Power, which he promptly loses. 15 years later, he tracks it down and returns to claim his birthright. So far, so good, right?

This movie is frustrating because of how much it does right. Visually, it looks amazing. The scale is epic, rich and powerful. The action scenes are dynamic and exciting. The soundtrack is fucking rocking, courtesy of Brian May from Queen (lots of nods to Highlander). However, tonally, it's weird and all over the fucking place. Everything is treated as a joke. Adam never really changes; even when harnessing the power of Grayskull, he's still the same loser except with half the wardrobe. Teela is the one to show him the ropes and assumes the position of power over him and her father, the drunken and disgraced Man-At-Arms. Skeletor looks way better than his 1987 representation yet still feels hugely underdeveloped. Evil-Lyn is hot and that's about the extent of her role.

What I can't forgive is the neutered characterization of Adam (as a modern day he-man in touch with his emotions), even as it attempts to address and criticize toxic masculinity. But it's simply not fun. In every other way, it blows the 1987 film out of the water. Yet it could have been so much better. Its sole purpose for existing seems primarily intended to bait Doc and Neg back out of hiding.

2 fistings out of 5

The Mandalorian and Grogu (2026)

It's been 7 years since the last theatrical Star Wars release. Since then, there have been 7 different live-action Star Wars TV shows released on Disney+, including The Mandalorian. Set several years after Return of the Jedi, the series follows bounty hunter Din Djarin and his apprentice Grogu (colloquially known as "Baby Yoda") in their adventures across the galaxy. The first two seasons were great, and felt like a return to the raw and gritty side of Star Wars seen in the original 1977 release. Their further adventures were stitched between The Book of Boba Fett (technically season 2.5) and season 3, at which point it burned through its goodwill and felt like there was no real direction for the future. After taking a few years off, creator Jon Favreau brings us this self-contained standalone story, which could easily be dubbed season 4.

Grogu (50 years of age) still hasn't grown up and suffers from a distinct lack of character development, which mostly hinges on being cute. And cute he is. The puppetry and practical effects are to be commended because it feels like it could have been crafted in the '80s. Meanwhile, Mando is a man of few words and even fewer facetime. The duo are sent on a mission to retrieve Jabba the Hutt's son and feature in largely generic set pieces. Grogu is by far the more interesting character and he shines whenever he's on screen. The best part is easily a wordless sequence that takes place late in the film. In the end, we still know nothing about these characters and we are no better for it. Still, I enjoy this stuff more than the self-seriousness of Andor. This is the way.

3 plot armors out of 5

Backrooms (2026)

Kane Parsons was only 16 years old when he created his found footage web series The Backrooms, based on the popular creepypasta. Now at 20, he adapts his own material for his first feature film, which retains its grassroots design.

It's interesting how internet-based folklore (such as Slender Man) has steadily creeped its way into our collective subconscious, but it tends to keep building on itself. Taking its origins in the 1990s and early 2000s, the idea of glitching through reality into a space "in between" that stretches out infinitely is pure nightmare fuel. It has that uneasy feeling of being lost in the outer boundaries of a video game, and the ensuing claustrophobia and panic that sets in when you realize there's no escape. This is spooky stuff that hits at a primal level. This type of labyrinthine fever dream was also recently explored in Exit 8.

This movie is quite the experience. It's almost as if someone mainlined Twin Peaks season 3 directly into their veins. A lot of bizarre, nonsensical stuff that can't be explained and held together by dream logic, haunting imagery and loose strands of plot. It is truly eerie and unpredictable. I can't get enough of this shit. It leaves so much to the imagination. A simple, back to basics horror concept that can be explored ad nauseam, yet it merely scratches the surface. Just don't wander in too deep or you might get trapped in some rabbit holes.

4 l̶̛̛͖̮̞͉̽͋̈́̀͊͛̐̅͂͘̚͝i̸̡͖̗͉̽̇͒̏̈́̒̐ͅm̶̛̩̖̗͇̺͕̹͙̜̜̺̳̎͑̌̀͛͂̀̈́̇ͅi̶̛̙̳̙̘̭̭͇̻̲͎̒̀̊͑̎̿̿͒̋̑̄n̵̯̳̺̲̔̋͂̈̊̆̇̍͗̿ą̶̨̰̹͚̖̈́̑̐̉̀̂̄͑͗̕͠ͅͅl̵̡͙͇̯̤͇͔̮͍̪̦͒͌̔̈́͗̾ ̵͚̭̈́̌̏̓̿̽͊͌̾͑̓̚͝s̸͔̳̱̖̖̜̓͒̂͊̉͜͝͝͝ͅp̵̨̨̡̜̟̹͔͆͋̅̅̽̾͗̇̽̈́̋̚͘a̷̯̟̩̹̦̥̥̯̍̈́̄̒͛̈́̓͌̑͗̂̒͝c̷̨̧͕̝͓̬̠̫͎̟̖̼̪̐ͅę̶̨͔͉̯̰̬̲̹̰͍̫̦̆͒s̴̢̨͇͇̙͓̞͇͖̞͖̰͍͝ out of 5

Passenger (2026)

A haunted figure who roams the side of the highway stalks a young couple who have recently dedicated themselves to life on the road. It's pretty rote, straightforward horror which held my interest but is easily forgotten by day.

1½ St. Christopher pendants out of 5

Obsession (2025)

Bear loves Nikki more than anything in the world and makes a wish upon a cheap novelty trinket for her to love him more than anything in the world, despite not having any romantic feelings towards him. Similar to a monkey's paw or a Zoltar machine, it's a magical totem where your greatest dream can quickly spiral into a nightmare. It explores the sinister side of relationships, becoming a question of agency, where one party has no say in the matter. Inde Navarrette plays the inverted object of affection and it's her creepy physical presence and subtle facial expressions bathed in shadows which make for a highly effective horror premise. The sound design is solid, while the movie itself is lit very sparsely, leaving much of the finer detail to the imagination.

4 wish willows out of 5

Mother Mary (2026)

Mother Mary is a pop artist at a point of crisis, who goes to her seamstress for a new look. The way this movie unfolds is exasperating and a test of divine patience as the two speak cryptically with one another while the audience struggles to keep up. There's a bit of a Lynchy thread running through it, but don't get your hopes up. It's a mystery and a ghost story of sorts, yet it's the imagery that sticks in my head even though it defies logical narrative sense. Anne Hathaway sings all of the songs and performs her own choreography, which is the one bright spot in all this mess, but it belongs to a better movie.

2 halos out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada 2 (2026)

It's weird to think how 20 years has passed by in a blink. Feels like the first movie barely came out, now suddenly it's cemented as a 'classic.' Everyone returning from the original has aged two decades but still looks great. Then you realize you've aged the same and you look like shit. It's a sobering fact.

Lots of things have changed in the past 20 years. Print media is obsolete, other roles have been made redundant. You get a few good character moments strewn here and there, but for the most part it's wearisome and lacks bite.

2 HR complaints out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

A journalist applies to be a personal assistant to the domineering editor at a fashion magazine, where she's confronted with impossible standards and forced to change herself to fit the ideal and try to beat her at her own game.

What annoys about this movie is that it hinges on Anne Hathaway playing a "fat" girl with no style who is treated like shit until she decides to wear the right clothes and then suddenly she's "beautiful." It's fucking stupid. I've never understood fashion and I've never cared about it. A bunch of pretentious gits. But Meryl Streep is so good in the role, you can't help but enjoy it for what it is.

2½ clackers out of 5

Is God Is (2026)

Twin sisters, each disfigured in their own way, are quested by their dying mother to seek out the man who made them this way. It's an old fashioned revenge story paved with quirky characters and oddball sensibilities on their journey to self-discovery. It's so much better than I expected going into it.

3 socks filled with rocks out of 5

I Love Boosters (2026)

"Boosters" are shoplifters who steal designer clothes and sell them at a discount price. However, whatever you think this movie is about, it isn't. 

Filmmaker Boots Riley (Sorry to Bother You) crafts another surreal, absurdist high concept comedy with shades of slapstick, satire, sci-fi and horror, which defies any easy classification. It's bizarre and demented and unpredictable in all the right ways, but it also earns fashion points for being original and bold.

3½ skewed floors out of 5

Sorry to Bother You (2018)

A deeply weird film that seems like a shame to spoil in any way. It involves a broke man who becomes a telemarketer and tries to get ahead in the industry. Director Boots Riley has some pitch black sensibilities and this film is dripping in irony. Blending elements of surrealism and science fiction, you might not know where the hell it's going, but you'll certainly know when you get there.

3½ white voices out of 5

Animal Farm (1999)

Of all the various filmed versions of Orwell's dystopian novella, this one might be the most disturbing because of how uncanny valley it is to see this material adapted to live action. Through a combination of real livestock, puppetry and animatronics (courtesy of Jim Henson's Creature Shop), the effect is creepy as fuck, which is appropriate for the allegorical themes contained within. It tones down the political language, but despite the attractive way it's packaged, this is clearly not intended for young audiences. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my psyche, I always tend to conflate this film with The Island of Dr. Moreau.

2½ legs bad out of 5

Animal Farm (2025)

"All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others."

George Orwell adapted for family audiences. Except I would feel bad for any little kid who was dragged to see this. Not because it's bad, but because it's bleak and depressing as hell. Barnyard animals run away and form their own society founded on freedom and equality for all, which lasts for about a day before the pigs become corrupt with power while the rest of the animals are used as slave labor. It's an ambitious take on the authoritarian allegory of the novel, transposed to the modern era with overt political ties to corporate consumerism. I give it major props for what it attempts to do, at any rate.

I can't wait until they do a children's version of Nineteen Eighty-Four next.

2½ laughter houses out of 5

The Sheep Detectives (2026)

I love a good mystery. A kindly old shepherd is found murdered, and his flock, who he used to read detective novels to every night, take it upon themselves to solve the crime by nudging the unwitting humans in the right direction. It's a lot better than it sounds. Emotionally resonant and heavier than expected for a family film, it's surprisingly moving and likely to bring a tear to your ewe.

3½ clouds out of 5

Remarkably Bright Creatures (2026)

"Why can humans not use their millions of words to simply tell one another what they desire?"

A lonely, aging cleaning woman befriends the octopus in her aquarium's exhibit tank while training her impetuous young replacement. It's a light dramedy with some heavy themes, not likely to ruffle many feathers (or tangle any tentacles), but it's pleasant enough in its familiar execution.

3 camouflage patterns out of 5

Deep Water (2026)

Aw man, this movie had such potential to be great. After a fire breaks out in the plane's cargo hold, passengers brace for impact as they land in the open ocean. What's worse than surviving a plane crash? Fucking sharks. That's right, we have our requisite Jaws knockoff to meet our shitty shark quota this year.

Razzie favorite Renny Harlin brings us one of the most horrific depictions of a plane accident I've ever seen, and this movie actually had me weeping with emotion before the CGI sharks showed up and ruined it. Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Damn this stupid shark movie for making me care.

2½ cigarettes out of 5

Apex (2026)

An adrenaline seeker finds herself being hunted in the Australian wilderness. We've seen this kind of cat and mouse chase a million times before, but what this film has to offer are gorgeous scenic vistas filtered through Netflix's color degradation system. It's a decent survival adventure thriller that held my attention the entire time, mostly due to how photogenic Charlize Theron remains. I give this film credit for making everything look painful and realistic.

3 whitewater rapids out of 5

Over Your Dead Body (2026)

A murder plot goes off the rails when a few intruders unexpectedly drop in. This gory dark action-comedy is rather twisty, but contains a few good laughs and thrills. Paul Guilfoyle has a small bit part but really made the movie for me.

3 hammer times out of 5

Mother's Day (1980)

A low-budget Troma exploitation film from Lloyd Kaufman's brother Charles (not to be confused with Charlie Kaufman). It's a familiar setup; young people go traipsing through the backwoods and end up being attacked by hillbillies, only this time it's a mother and her two imbecilic sons. It plays out like a loose satire of grindhouse flicks like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes and I Spit on Your Grave, and was similarly criticized for all the same reasons. It's really not very good at all, but it has the benefit of being made in the '80s, so it just ages better somehow. It's attained cult status among horror devotees, but that's about the only thing going for it. 

A loose remake/reboot/whatever of the film was released in 2010.

2 mama's boys out of 5

Faces of Death (2026)

A woman investigates snuff films on the internet. Turns out a serial killer is going around and recreating old kills from the original video nasty series Faces of Death, the notorious pseudo-documentary featuring fake deaths and staged reenactments. (Not to be confused with Traces of Death, a mondo film which actually depicted real footage of fatalities.) Let's cut straight to the chase: This is bottom of the barrel trash fodder with zero redeeming value.

0 Reddit threads out of 5

Mortal Kombat II (2026)

This installment adds series staples like Kitana, Jade and Baraka to its roster, but it's the secret weapon of Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, a washed out movie star from the '90s, that proves to be the right move. He's the least convincing fighter of all of them and has more of an Ash/Bruce Campbell presence, but it changes the tone considerably. They lean even further into the nostalgia and ridiculousness, aiming more for game accuracy than realism. This one is better than the last one but not by much. It's extremely dumb but enjoyable in a way.

Throw on the MK techno theme song and you can have yourself a little party.

2½ split nut punches out of 5

Mortal Kombat (2021)

After Annihilation came and went, the film franchise was dead in the water. This reboot attempts to regroup the characters and lore from the video games and it's surprisingly decent, when it's not taking itself too seriously. As usual, the plot revolves around a tournament of champions between the Earthrealm and Outworld. You've got your classic roster of characters, including Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Raiden, Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Kano and Jax, and led by Sonya Blade and a new character named Cole Young (why?). They cast a bunch of unknowns to keep the budget modest, which gives it a direct-to-video feeling, but it has enough gory fan service and tongue-in-cheek humor to make it watchable and at least surpasses the 1995 film in terms of enjoyment (although that one has its own set of quirks and charms). I found it to be fun but largely forgettable.

2½ fatalities out of 5

Lee Cronin's The Mummy (2026)

A new take on the mummy legend, this original concept feels like it has more in common with The Exorcist or Evil Dead Rise, which was Cronin's last film.

After missing for 8 years, a young girl is recovered from a sarcophagus in a catatonic state, where her family tries to rehabilitate her at home. This film is darkly funny and sick and has that strand of Evil Dead DNA running through it. It's loud and brash, and the sound design is vicious, where you can feel every crack and crunch on the soundtrack. However, all of these elements don't necessarily make it a great horror movie; just really aggressive and intense.

2½ pedicures out of 5

Hokum (2026)

An American writer visits a quaint Irish hotel, inquiring about the honeymoon suite where his parents once stayed. From the director of Caveat and Oddity, this supernatural thriller has that same isolated feeling and haunting imagery throughout (and bunnies), which reminded me a bit of The Babadook. It's not as strong as McCarthy's prior works, but still makes for some compelling viewing.

3 servant bells out of 5

Normal (2025)

An interim sheriff arrives in the snowy town of Normal, Minnesota following the death of the previous sheriff. It's a small town full of idiosyncrasies and secrets, not unlike their neighbors in Fargo, North Dakota. It goes without saying it's a charming, violent action-comedy from the creator of Nobody and the John Wick franchise, that is not at all what it appears to be at first glance.

3 squeaky leather jackets out of 5

Protector (2025)

Milla Jovovich enters her Jason Statham era. She needs a new nickname now. The Mill? Jovie? I'll work on it. After her daughter is kidnapped, an ex-Special Forces soldier infiltrates a trafficking ring, in this Taken-like scenario. It's an ultra-violent action thriller that gets bloody quick, but it's full of weird pacing, slow exposition and poor acting skills. It gets laughably bad at times, but it's the kind of movie you could have a lot of fun with under the right influence.

There is a great, dark reveal at the end that saved it from POS status for me.

2 kill boxes out of 5

Busboys (2026)

This movie is D-U-M dumb. But also funny as hell, in that blatantly politically incorrect way that most comedies don't have the brass to be anymore. David Spade specializes in these white trash Joe Dirt knock-off roles, while Theo Von (more or less playing himself) goes along for the ride as two busboys who travel to Mexico in the hopes of being promoted to waiters. Yeah, it's retarded.

2½ hot plates out of 5

Balls Up (2026)

A couple of marketers develop the Balls Up, a condom designed to cover up the balls as well, and pitch it as the official condom of Brazil in the World Cup, before inciting an international incident that has them on the run. I'm sad that this came from one half of the Farrelly Brothers because it's a poor attempt at recreating the raunchy R-rated comedies of its heyday and it lacks any heart.

Buddy comedies usually build on the chemistry of its actors, but Paul Walter Hauser does most of the heavy lifting here. There's so much talent involved in front of and behind the camera, it's appalling how disastrous this turned out.

1½ minnows swimming upstream out of 5

Outcome (2026)

A grown up child star, obsessed with his public image and increasingly out of touch with the world, embarks on an apology tour to get ahead of a possible scandal. 10 minutes into this movie, I knew it was going to be high-strung and completely exhausting. Director Jonah Hill is clearly trying too hard to stay hip and relevant. Biggest laugh was a throwaway line during the end credits.

1 Google search out of 5

I Swear (2025)

A biographical story about a Scottish lad with a promising future whose life was derailed by Tourette's syndrome, a neurological disorder involving involuntary, compulsive behavior, outbursts of verbal tics and repetitive motor functions. Of all the terrible afflictions this world has to offer, TS is easily the funniest, but it's a nightmarish existence for those trapped in a body that doesn't listen well to directions. The most moving part of this film comes from the acceptance of those around him, and "never having to apologize" for things that are out of your control, although it's obviously harder to defend in practical application with polite company. It involves selfless compassion, understanding and a preternatural amount of patience, which I wouldn't quite believe exists, were it not based on a true story. This movie serves to spread education around the harsh realities of the condition; but as someone with a compulsion to do inappropriate things all the time, it also had me howling.

4 cunts out of 5

Twinless (2025)

Two guys—one straight, one gay—meet at a support group for people who have lost their twin and become fast friends. There are a couple of extra layers to this psychological drama which make it better than your average dark buddy comedy, but to say any more would be giving the game away.

3 malapropisms out of 5

The Drama (2026)

Over drinks, two couples discuss what's the "worst thing" they've ever done, leading to a major revelation and falling out among the soon-to-be-married couple. The whole movie revolves around the severity of this hypothetical scenario, which I found overblown and unable to sustain the tension of its entire runtime. For a film predicated on a 'really bad thing' that took place in the past, it presupposes that people can't change and can never be trusted again. Honestly, I didn't even find it that big of a deal in the first place.

2 pantsings out of 5

You, Me & Tuscany (2026)

After a meet-cute with an Italian at a bar, a woman makes the spontaneous decision to visit Tuscany to honor her late mother's wishes, and somehow ends up passing herself off as his fiancée with his rich family, while also falling for his brother, who also happens to be the only black guy in Italy.

Sometimes I choose to go to the movies in order to escape the heat and for some scenic eye candy. That's all this is. A light bit of escapism from reality.

1½ vineyard sprinklers out of 5

Reminders of Him (2026)

A family drama about a woman returning home after serving 7 years in prison for the death of her boyfriend. She wishes to meet the daughter she never knew, though the guardians are protective of ever letting that happen. Like Colleen Hoover's other adapted works (It Ends with Us, Regretting You), it has a very specific feeling attached to it; almost a bit too gentle, given the gravity of the situation. There are predictable family dynamics and relationships at play, where everything is framed and lit beautifully and everyone is a 10. This is what I like to call a "normal" movie. It's very normie-coded, but that's okay.

2½ pigeons out of 5

The Pout-Pout Fish (2026)

An ocean pout, cursed with a hard glower and greeted every day by other creatures telling him to "cheer up," learns to avoid oceankind, until one day his home is destroyed and he teams up with a hyperactive young seadragon to search for a mythical shimmering fish that will help grant their wishes. I wasn't expecting much from this, though I appreciated the concept of someone being judged for the way they look, but it devolves into the same, usual, mindless, colorful fare for kiddies, lacking in any charm or identity of its own. When did children's movies start feeling so condescending? Or was it always like this?

1 Bull Shark out of 5