You, Me & Tuscany (2026)

After a meet-cute with an Italian at a bar, a woman makes the spontaneous decision to visit Tuscany to honor her late mother's wishes, and somehow ends up passing herself off as his fiancée with his rich family, while also falling for his brother, who also happens to be the only black guy in Italy.

Sometimes I choose to go to the movies in order to escape the heat and for some scenic eye candy. That's all this is. A light bit of escapism from reality.

1½ vineyard sprinklers out of 5

Reminders of Him (2026)

A family drama about a woman returning home after serving 7 years in prison for the death of her boyfriend. She wishes to meet the daughter she never knew, though the guardians are protective of ever letting that happen. Like Colleen Hoover's other adapted works (It Ends with Us, Regretting You), it has a very specific feeling attached to it; almost a bit too gentle, given the gravity of the situation. There are predictable family dynamics and relationships at play, where everything is framed and lit beautifully and everyone is a 10. This is what I like to call a "normal" movie. It's very normie-coded, but that's okay.

2½ pigeons out of 5

The Pout-Pout Fish (2026)

An ocean pout, cursed with a hard glower and greeted every day by other creatures telling him to "cheer up," learns to avoid oceankind, until one day his home is destroyed and he teams up with a hyperactive young seadragon to search for a mythical shimmering fish that will help grant their wishes. I wasn't expecting much from this, though I appreciated the concept of someone being judged for the way they look, but it devolves into the same, usual, mindless, colorful fare for kiddies, lacking in any charm or identity of its own. When did children's movies start feeling so condescending? Or was it always like this?

1 Bull Shark out of 5

GOAT (2026)

In an anthropomorphic world of animals, a goat wants to be the 'greatest of all time' at basketball. And that's the end of any originality this film has to offer. Stylistically, the animation is bright, colorful and very appealing to the eyes, but the subject matter is trite and uninspired. Another dull and forgettable sports underdog comedy. Easily impressionable kids will dig it, I suppose.

½ a cloaca out of 5

Hoppers (2026)

Pixar's latest opus is a conservation sci-fi comedy about an activist attempting to rescue her childhood forest glade from being torn down and renovated into a freeway. To accomplish this, she utilizes an advanced technology to "hop" her consciousness into that of a robotic beaver and round up the woodland creatures in an effort to save their sanctuary. Like most movies of this nature, it's cute and cuddly and ultimately harmless, but its charm is irresistible.

3 paws of the king out of 5

Mars (2024)

The Whitest Kids U' Know was a sketch comedy troupe formed in 2001 until the death of founding member Trevor Moore in 2021. Prior to his untimely passing, he had completed work on what would become their final project together, an animated film reuniting the entire WKUK crew about a man with a seemingly ideal life who signs up for a voyage to Mars in order to escape his increasingly mundane existence. It's full of highly irreverent humor that probably won't appeal much to non-fans, but it is nice to get a bit of a bookend to their career.

2½ doll lickers out of 5

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026)

What is it about Nintendo and Mario that continues to capture the imagination? Is it the colors, the character models, the music, or the simplistic but polished game design that keeps reinventing itself across every new generation?

Having recently revisited the first movie, I realized it didn't hold up as well as my initial viewing. It's a lot of bright colors and nostalgic music that feeds on memories of childhood. Similarly, this sequel crams in as much fan service as possible to the point where it feels like ADHD personified. It's the movie equivalent of a theme park ride that is as good as whatever happy memory you bring to it. Nothing compares to your own personal video game journeys.

2½ Star Fox crossovers out of 5

Project Hail Mary (2026)

A man wakes up all alone on a spacecraft with no memory of who he is or how he got there. All the onboard crew is dead, he's floating adrift in space, and the stars are apparently dying. The trailers spoil what's to come, but I won't do that here. This is a voyage of wonder and discovery you must take alone.

Powerhouse directing duo Lord and Miller spin a yarn as old as time, Ryan Gosling remains effortlessly effusive, and while most of the science flies over my head, it's emotionally intelligent to boot. A safe bet for best of the year.

4½ fist bumps out of 5

Undertone (2026)

Touted as "the scariest movie you'll ever hear," this atmospheric horror film about a podcaster investigating a series of mysterious audio recordings is incredibly effective at getting under your skin. Not unlike Paranormal Activity, it gets a lot of mileage out of its lo-fi and claustrophobic setup, just at that level of eeriness where you don't trust what's filling out the empty edges of the frame. Sounds scare me, and as someone who experiences the auditory hallucinatory hell of tinnitus, hyperacusis and misophonia (the unholy trinity) on a daily basis, the sound design had me dialed up, locked in and my paranoia run rampant. It's a simplistic concept that taps into a primal fear response, and I mean this in the best possible way, but I don't wish to experience it again.

3½ backwards messages out of 5

Hunting Matthew Nichols (2024)

It's pretty bold not to show the money shot in a mockumentary found footage film. Following in the footsteps of Blair Witch (and more recently, Shelby Oaks), it follows a character in investigation of a missing persons. In this case, Tara is tracking down her baby brother, who disappeared over 20 years ago. As always, characters are doing things that are highly unadvisable and all you can do is witness the train wreck. There will be unanswered questions and many similarities to other films of this kind. We've seen all these tricks before.

1½ totem skull thingies out of 5

Forbidden Fruits (2026)

A trio of Gen Z witches—Apple, Cherry and Fig—work at a mall and recruit new girl Pumpkin to their coven, who must prove herself as she challenges their strict dynamics. This is an extraordinarily ill-conceived and badly executed "horror" comedy, if you can even call it that. Confusing and difficult to follow, though I'm still not sure if that was the intent, it seems to cater to modern pop culture and teen slang, so I'm sure it'll appeal to some little corner of fandom.

½ a pickle out of 5

Cold Storage (2026)

A highly infectious parasitic fungus comes down from space and is contained in an underground cold storage facility where it slowly continues to spread and wreak more havoc. It looks like a generic horror comedy on the outside, though it contains slightly more substance than your usual fodder. While it starts out fully engrossing, it quickly goes downhill from there. I didn't find the chemistry between the leads very believable, and Liam Neeson is mostly wasted here. It does go full Troma at a certain point, but I was over it by then.

2 treads out of 5

Heel (2025)

AKA: Good Boy

A family takes in a wayward youth and attempts to subjugate and reform him against his will, keeping him chained up in their cellar to break him of his rude habits. What's fun is how casually the concept is introduced and how quickly they all become acclimated to their situation. It's one of those films where you think you know what you're going to get, but it still manages to surprise you.

3 chloroforms out of 5

Why Don't You Just Die! (2018)

AKA: Папа, сдохни

Matvei is a young man sent to kill his girlfriend's father, but the father gains the upper hand. That's just the first 10 minutes. There's lots of stylistic devices being employed in this black splatter comedy. It does get a bit repetitive at a certain point in its singular purpose, but it doesn't outstay its welcome either.

3 handcuffs out of 5

They Will Kill You (2026)

An ex-convict poses as a maid to infiltrate a lavish hotel, searching for her sister who has gone missing, but finding much more than she bargained for. The trailers play it coy and don't reveal its hand, but it's a bonkers, ultra gory, hyper-stylistic cross between Tarantino and Raimi. It plays out a little like Ready or Not: The Lost Levels, and Zazie Beetz's barefoot warrior is highly formidable. Russian director Kirill Sokolov is someone to keep an eye out for.

3 fuck floors out of 5

Ready or Not 2: Here I Come (2026)

Picking up immediately after the events of the first film (a bold move after 7 years, but Samara Weaving remains ageless), a new syndicate is after Grace, looking to settle the score with a fresh game of H&S. Poor timing for Grace to meet up with her estranged kid sister/emergency contact Faith. It's more of the same mindless blood and guts, but it's fun if you're in a playful mood.

3 washing machines out of 5

Ready or Not (2019)

As part of her initiation into the family, a new bride is unwittingly forced to participate in a ritualistic game of "hide and seek" in a bloody free-for-all brawl to the death at her in-law's palatial estate. There's not much more to it. It's a fun action-horror comedy; just a 'turn-your-brains-off' kind of venture.

3 dumbwaiters out of 5

Slanted (2025)

"It's good to be white."

A social satire about a Chinese girl who immigrates to America where she's confronted with the feeling of being an "other" while entrenched in a culture that celebrates the typical blonde, blue-eyed "ideal." As she struggles to fit in at her high school among her heritage, she undergoes an "ethnic modification" procedure to help achieve her dream of being voted prom queen and finally accepted among the popular clique. The title takes on a two-part meaning as everyone's viewpoint also appears to be slanted. Like other socially conscious body horror (e.g. The Substance and The Beauty), the obsession with beauty and perfection is constantly in our faces since the day we're born. I realize it's an obvious satire of conformity, but it's a sad state of affairs when everyone wants to be the same, especially when she was so beautiful to begin with. 

3 dyed roots out of 5

The Bride! (2026)

A feminist, post-modernist reading on The Bride of Frankenstein, starring Jessie Buckley as the title character and Christian Bale as the monster. Hot off the heels of Jacob Elordi as Frankenstein, I can't stand this recent trend to "beautify" the monster, although I suppose Edward Scissorhands already cornered that market years ago. This feels more like a monster gangster movie like Bonnie & Clyde. It's a bizarre characterization, touched by madness, and Buckley once again demonstrates that she's one of the most dynamic young actresses of her generation. Stylistically, there's much to love in its 1930s aesthetic, but it's a mess of disparate parts, much like its characters.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is the mad scientist behind this experimental creation.

3 short legs out of 5

The Dreadful (2026)

Set in 15th-century Britain, Anne is a devout young woman awaiting the return of her husband during the Wars of the Roses while living under the watchful eye of her greedy, ruthless mother-in-law, who pumps her full of stories that keep her living in fear. With imagery that reminded me of great folk horror like Gretel & Hansel and The Green Knight, but not as gnarly as either of those two, it's a slow burn parable loosely inspired by the legend of the Onibaba.

2½ knights of hell out of 5

Whistle (2025)

"If you blow, you die" should have been the tagline.

An ancient Aztec death whistle accelerates your time to however you were destined to die; or to put it in the film's parlance, "You will become what you would have been at your last breath." It sounds a lot better than it is, but it's just more teens dying. The kills are kind of clever, but it's nothing special.

1 chrysanthemum out of 5

Iron Lung (2026)

The first rule of making movies is never be boring. This is over two hours of a man trapped alone in a vessel. You could have cut this down to 75 minutes and not lost much. YouTuber Markiplier's debut feature made it into theaters, but ironically, this amateur production seems better suited to YouTube viewing.

Based on the indie horror submarine simulator of the same name (riveting!).

½ an X-ray out of 5

Psycho Killer (2026)

Reeling after the death of her husband at the hands of a serial killer known as the "Satanic Slasher," a highway patrol officer becomes obsessed with trying to stop him. It's a straightforward slasher flick that's about as basic as it gets. No finesse. Like a direct-to-video movie from 2009. I can only blame myself.

½ a bloody orgy out of 5

The Strangers: Chapter 3 (2026)

Continuing off the last chapter, one of the strangers is down and the survivor has become a replacement. Is that a spoiler? I'm not really sure what else to say about it. Equal parts slow and boring, stupid and nonsensical, there's really no reason for any of these movies to exist. It's all just a massive waste of time.

On the bright side, it's nice to get the worst movie of the year out of the way right off the bat, that way I can focus on wasting my time on other things.

0 Tamaras out of 5

Scream 7 (2026)

Holy shit, there's 7 of them now? These movies have come a long way. After a number of fits and starts, including losing most of the new, younger cast they hired for the reboot several years back, the franchise falls back on nostalgia for its next legacy sequel, putting Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) back front and center, as well as familiar faces from the past. Does any of it make sense? We're long past that now. Series creator Kevin Williamson is in the director's seat this time, paying homage to Wes Craven in a back to basics format that's straight to the point, while basically providing fan service in spades. It's so self-aware, it almost feels like a parody of itself at this point. However, it's head and shoulders above the previous entry, so it's all right in my book.

2½ beer taps out of 5

The Secret Agent (2025)

AKA: O Agente Secreto

Brazil, 1977. The country still lives under a military dictatorship. A refugee returns to his hometown where he butts up against the corrupt authoritarian regime. It's a historical crime thriller full of cover-ups and political intrigue, but maybe I just didn't get it. It depends a lot on knowledge of local events during that time period, and the film is constructed in such a convoluted way that it's hard to discern what it's really supposed to be about until it's over. The fact that it's nearly 3 hours in length honestly doesn't work in its favor, especially given the fact that it omits so many details central to the plot.

Wagner Moura (aka, Brazil's answer to Pedro Pascal) delivers a worthwhile performance, while this features the last appearance of film icon Udo Kier.

3 hairy legs out of 5

A House of Dynamite (2025)

The White House Situation Room has just been informed of an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) from an unknown origin set to target the city of Chicago within the next twenty minutes. Kathryn Bigelow's political drama plays it as close to the bone as possible, almost like a dry run for the actual event, as it unfolds from three different perspectives. I personally find movies like this quite boring; there's a lot of technical jargon and it's not very interesting to watch. And the movie ends without any sense of resolution, which just pisses me off. I guess the point of it is to show how unprepared the government is for unforeseen emergencies and how we're always minutes away from uncertain disaster. Just more fearmongering porn to add to the burning pile of humanity.

2 DEFCONs out of 5

Dead Man's Wire (2025)

Based on a true story, a man falling behind on his payments decides to take his mortgage broker hostage until his demands are met, placing him in a makeshift "dead man's line" by attaching the trigger of a shotgun to the hostage's neck by a wire to prevent means of escape. It's designed to feel much like a 1970s throwback thriller (where the events are set), similar to Dog Day Afternoon, complete with Al Pacino. While the premise is very straightforward, and Bill Skarsgård inhabits the role, the half-baked plot is unfocused, meandering and less than exciting. Feels like they're running out of true events to adapt.

2 cubes of ice in milk out of 5

Shelter (2026)

Oh, a new Stat is out? That must inevitably mean another year has elapsed.

This time, the bald avenger is in hiding as a lighthouse keeper (seriously, he's running out of cool jobs), where he comes to the rescue of a little girl and becomes her keeper (get it?). It's a minimalist paint-by-numbers plot with the usual generic action elements, and somehow MI6 always gets involved, but this time you actually care about the characters. Makes up for last year's POS.

Recommended for The Stath stans. Everyone else can take it or leave it.

2½ chess pieces out of 5

Crime 101 (2026)

An ensemble crime drama about a series of diamond heists committed along the 101 highway in Los Angeles, the plot involves a jewel thief, a detective, an insurance broker and a goon for hire, pinning them against each other's moral grey areas. There's a lot going on here, and little of it engaging to the viewer, despite the enormous star power behind it. It's a slow-moving thriller that only gets interesting when all the pieces fall into place, well over an hour into the film. Despite its attempt to recreate a '90s Michael Mann feel, it's a painfully average flick full of plot holes that is about as generic as the title suggests.

2 encrypted porn links out of 5

How to Make a Killing (2026)

Born out of wedlock and cheated out of a multibillion dollar inheritance, a man schemes to reclaim his birthright by currying favor and systematically getting rid of those ahead of him in the family line, while also avoiding some meddling FBI agents and an ex who is onto him. It's a fun, dark crime comedy that is easy to see where it's going for the most part, but pleasant enough in its execution.

3 funerals out of 5

Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (2025)

Nirvanna the Band the Show is a Canadian mockumentary series about a duo called 'Nirvana the Band' who put the cart before the horse and try to book a gig before putting together an actual act. Mostly revolving around hatching half-baked schemes to play the Rivoli, and jam-packed with '90s pop culture references, it's a blend of scripted elements and completely improvisational moments, which I can only describe as Flight of the Conchords meets Nathan for You. A lot of it involves chance encounters and random reactions captured from unsuspecting people on the street, a la Da Ali G Show, Borat, and Bad Grandpa, which often takes the action in new and unexpected directions.

Without revealing too much, their latest adventure takes on the shape of Back to the Future and uses a lot of clever trickery (and borderline illegal activity) to pull it off its grand illusion. Half the fun is in trying to figure out how they did it and got away with it all. This time it feels much more scripted and lacking in the more intimate improvisational elements, but it's still a hoot if you've grown to love the charming antics of these two lunatics. There is the germ of genius behind the utter stupidity of it all, which is my favorite combination.

3½ Orbitz drinks out of 5

Note: All prior episodes are available for viewing on archive.org. I recommend it if you're of a certain age and looking for something nerdy to obsess over.

Web series (2007-2009, Extras): 4 Rivoli plans out of 5

Season 1 & 2 (2017-2018): 4 fair use laws out of 5

BlackBerry (2023)

1996: Waterloo, Ontario. Mike and Doug are two tech geniuses with an idea who hire the shrewd, aggressive Jim as salesman to whip their business into shape and start churning out results, in what would eventually become the prototype for the smartphone. Normally I find movies about start-ups boring, and I'm not sure how many liberties were taken, but it's a lot more interesting than it has any right to be, mostly due to the charisma of its two main leads. Innovation is the name of the game, and the BlackBerry was advanced for its time, but the world moves quickly and nothing ever stays the same for long.

3½ satisfying clicks out of 5

Operation Avalanche (2016)

A mockumentary set during the space race of the late 1960s, it explores the idea of the U.S. faking the moon landing to get ahead of the Russians, a famous conspiracy theory explored in popular media (including in 2024). A pair of CIA agents infiltrate NASA to expose a possible mole and wind up participating in the subterfuge. What's really impressive about this film is how it recreates the era and blends the footage to look authentic. Matt Johnson already had some experience with this shooting style in The Dirties and Nirvanna the Band the Show, but this is a much more mature interpolation and the effect is seamless.

3 Kubrick techniques out of 5

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die (2026)

A man comes ranting and raving into a diner, attempting to recruit a group of saviors to help prevent an upcoming apocalypse. Turns out he's done this 117 times before, but has yet to select the right combination of patrons. It's a plan enshrouded in mystery and flashbacks, so just go with it. Sam Rockwell heads this loopy high concept sci-fi comedy by Gore Verbinski, which blends a Terry Gilliam aesthetic with Black Mirror dystopian vibes. This film is unhinged in the best way possible and I loved it. Go into it blind for the best possible results.

4 countdown clocks out of 5

Wuthering Heights (2026)

Adapted for the screen many times, this "fresh" take on Emily Brontë's Victorian era romance borrows the basic concept and takes great liberties.

Catherine and Heathcliff are foster siblings who grow up penniless but infatuated with one another. The intensity of their relationship endures the turbulence of jealousy, avarice and betrayal. Anyone who knows the source material knows this is not a happy story, but it's a dreary rendition. Visually, it pleases the senses, but it's substantially more style than substance. This is a dreadfully depressing and protracted melodrama about doomed love, though not as "horny" as originally advertised. It's more of a sick tease than anything.

2 broken eggs out of 5

Wuthering Heights (1970)

Growing up together in the desolate moorlands of Yorkshire during the early 19th century, Catherine and Heathcliff swear an oath to one another that is destined to be broken. Their love is an intense kind of madness with cruelty that knows no bounds, oscillating between a tumultuous storm of passion and obsession, jealousy and betrayal. The scenic vistas and quiet score by Michel Legrand elevate this tragic Gothic romance, and even though it strays from its source material, it's the final moments of this film that stay with me the most.

3 cold sweats out of 5

Love Story (1970)

"Love means shutting the fuck up" [paraphrased]

Oliver and Jenny are young attractive people who, despite being complete opposites (he's a Harvard preppie jock, she's a blue collar musician), fall madly in love. Although you wouldn't know it, since they never stop bickering. Due to their different backgrounds, they have to make concessions with each other, including going against the wishes of those around them. Unfortunately, their idyllic romance doesn't last for long before tragedy strikes. It's a corny movie (even at the time of its release), but I admire it because it's sincere and I'm a sentimentalist at heart. It may be weepy and saccharine, but there's a reason why it's endured for over 50 years. Being cynical all the time is exhausting.

The theme by Francis Lai is a classic. It's on the pantheon of great romantic scores next to Romeo & Juliet (1968), Summer of '42 and Somewhere in Time.

4 undisclosed conditions out of 5

Harold & Maude (1971)

Harold is obsessed with death, which might explain why he's attracted to someone so close to it. He stages suicide attempts, drives a hearse and goes to funerals for fun, which is where he meets the fun loving, freewheelin' octogenarian Maude, who shows him how to have a good time in life by not giving any fucks. It's the ultimate May-December romance, but it's actually the classic Cat Stevens soundtrack that first made me fall in love with this film.

R.I.P. Bud Cort (for real), 1948-2026.

4 sunflowers out of 5

Solo Mio (2026)

Stood up at the altar by the love of his life, a heartbroken man is left to enjoy the extravagant non-refundable honeymoon package in Italy all on his own. Yes, it has all the trappings of your typical Hallmark slop against the backdrop of gorgeous scenery, and even though it goes down the predictable avenues of plot convenience, I still enjoyed it quite a bit. There aren't enough romcoms from the perspective of lonely guys. Kevin James sets aside his 'fat man fall down' act in a more mature role. It's a gentle film, and I'm being particularly charitable given the holiday, even as I find myself completely 'only mine.'

3 Nessun dorma high notes out of 5

Arco (2025)

Remember when rainbows were cool? They were used to express magic and wonder before they got appropriated for other uses. In this French animated film, rainbows indicate visitors from the future. In the year 2075, the family household unit has been replaced by robot help for the most part. A lonely little girl meets a young boy named Arco, who has become displaced from his family through time and needs to recover his flight crystal to get back home. The simple, handcrafted look feels reminiscent of anime, while the slow burn storytelling gives way to a unique experience that lands with the viewer.

3 bird calls out of 5

Note: I saw the English dub, though I expect the original French to be superior.

K-Pop Demon Hunters (2025)

It's easy to feel cynical when watching a movie boosted by current trends and bandwagon jumping. A trio of K-pop idols called HUNTR/X moonlight as demon hunters (it's there in the title). A blend of genres, including anime and Korean drama, and animated in the style of Sony's Spider-Verse movies, visually, it's aces. I guess it makes sense since K-pop singers are treated like superhumans in our modern culture. What helps this film succeed in its own right is that the songs are catchy, so it mostly resembles an extended music video with a loose plot. It's flashy and poppy, which will appease the young ones. A novel concept that was unfortunately popular enough to launch its own franchise.

2½ Golden Honmoons out of 5

Note: The OST on its own gets 3 out of 5 for doing most of the heavy lifting.

The Moment (2026)

British pop singer Charli xcx pokes fun at her own image in this mockumentary satirizing the 'Brat Summer' phenomenon that took over the airwaves in 2024. Focusing on the planning and clashes behind the scenes in the run up to the concert tour, and how the label exploits the artist for its own financial gain, the whole thing feels obnoxious, stressful, anxiety-driven and unpleasant to sit through, but I guess it accurately captures a moment in time. I'm clearly not the target audience for this, but I struggle to see how fans would embrace this either. It's a bit like Spinal Tap or Popstar, except more depressing than funny.

1½ brat cards out of 5

Is This Thing On? (2025)

After a trial separation with his wife, a depressed man tries his hand at stand-up comedy. He's not so much funny as he is honest and raw as he expresses his feelings in a candid, therapeutic way. It's an often uncomfortable comedy-drama about breaking down a marriage in order to try and save it. Will Arnett and Laura Dern shine. Loosely inspired by the story of comedian John Bishop.

3½ weed cookies out of 5

Groundhog Day (1993)

"It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

It's always intimidating nutting one of my favorite movies because my paltry words can never come close to summating the impact it's had on my life. This classic time-loop rom-com pits Bill Murray against an eternally repeating day as he perpetually tries to get it right (a fantasy we can all relate with, if there were no consequences). This is one of those movies that grows on you as you revisit it over and over throughout the years until it can finally do no wrong. The perfect blend of darkness and despair, with lightheartedness and hope.

5 doozies out of 5

Send Help (2026)

Sam Raimi finds new victims to torture in Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'Brien. 

A mousy woman looked over for promotion by her douchebag boss discovers that the tables have turned after surviving a plane wreck on a desert island, where she puts her practical know-how to great use. It's a survival adventure thriller with Raimi's signature flourishes of dark humor, which I found to be an absolute delight, at least until it falls into the familiar trappings of genre.

3 Survivor skills out of 5

Return to Silent Hill (2026)

Director Christophe Gans returns to the franchise he adapted 20 years ago. Yeah, you're old. The good news is that you can safely skip Revelation on your rewatch of the series, as this one is a straight adaptation of Silent Hill 2. And by "straight," I mean it plays fast and loose with the plot. This definitely won't please the purists. But if you're like me and haven't played it in about 25 years, it nails the atmosphere and mood of the piece just fine. With its low budget and no-name cast, it feels simple and faithful to the tone of the original, and doesn't take away from the horror by overexplaining its mythology. It has a dreamlike quality that pulls you in and almost puts you to sleep. Take that as you will. Bottom line is, if you liked the first Silent Hill film, you'll probably like this one. If you hated that one, then there'll be no new converts here.

2½ air raid sirens out of 5

Mercy (2026)

Taking a page from the Minority Report pre-crime handbook, and set in the scary near-future (2029), the A.I. Justice System has charged a man of killing his wife, and he has only 90 minutes to prove his innocence or be executed in this sci-fi techno-thriller that plays out in real time. The catch is that it mostly takes place in a virtual courtroom, where he has to beat a 97.5% probability by gathering evidence from all the data uploaded to the internet at his disposal.

This could have easily turned into another screenlife War of the Worlds-type situation, but mercifully, it's handled a lot more competently. It's easy to get swept up in the logistics and breakneck pacing. It falters in the final third, but it's interesting enough to grab your attention and hold it there for its duration.

2½ gut instincts out of 5

Greenland 2: Migration (2026)

Some films don't really necessitate a sequel, yet here we are, 5 years later. Survivors are now living underground where a calamity forces them to find a new safe haven. Conveniently, it comes down to these three characters again as they go traipsing through the ravages of post-apocalyptic Europe, which now resembles something closer to The Walking Dead. It's less about natural disaster and more about the assholes left behind. Even though the plot feels convenient and it's easy to predict, the performances elevate an otherwise average spectacle to something that leaves slightly more of an impact.

2 craters out of 5

Greenland (2020)

Clarke is a comet heading inbound for Earth. One family has been selected for emergency shelter relocation, but gets separated and must navigate their way to safety through the ensuing chaos and destruction, while the rest of the world is doomed to an extinction level event in less than 48 hours. This epic survival flick feels very straightforward; it's a stressful film that's more about the preparation for the disaster than the actual apocalypse soon to occur.

3 shock waves out of 5