Hoppers (2026)

Pixar's latest opus is a conservation sci-fi comedy about an activist attempting to rescue her childhood forest glade from being torn down and renovated into a freeway. To accomplish this, she utilizes an advanced technology to "hop" her consciousness into that of a robotic beaver and round up the woodland creatures in an effort to save their sanctuary. Like most movies of this nature, it's cute and cuddly and ultimately harmless, but its charm is irresistible.

3 paws of the king out of 5

Now You See Me, Now You Don't (2025)

The Horsemen are back and they're just as showy, obnoxious and improbable as ever. It's your basic diamond heist movie, except with magicians, illusionists and mentalists (oh my!) somehow always pulling one over on each other. It's exactly the same type of shit as the first two films, and this time you can add three more arrogant pricks to the roster. The only thing this film succeeds in doing is creating the title that they should have done for the second movie. 

1½ ace of diamonds out of 5

Note: No, I don't see the Magic Eye image above, either...

Regretting You (2025)

The type of unrealistic tween romance fodder where everyone does the right thing and everything seemingly works out for the best. It involves young love, affairs, betrayal, and of course a tragedy at the center of it. All of it feels so telegraphed and everyone says exactly how they feel, so you know it's only a matter of time before it's all resolved. But people love this light romantic fluff because it makes them feel better about their own thoughtless existence.

1 watermelon jolly rancher out of 5

Together (2025)

A couple on the rocks (played by real life husband and wife team Dave Franco and Alison Brie) find that they can't seem to stay apart from one another. Like with Companion, it's hard to talk about this film without giving anything away, so I've chosen the most generic poster I could find and I recommend you stay away from all the promotional material because it's a lot more fun that way. Suffice to say, it's a two-hander that will have you crawling out of your skin.

3½ muscle relaxants out of 5

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

Kristen Stewart plays a gym manager who falls in love with a female bodybuilder in this self-described lesbian neo-noir crime thriller (not unlike Bound). I dug this one, though I can't really nail down the reason why. Maybe it's the recreation of that gritty 1980s bodybuilding era. I like that the women are real antiheroes, straight up shooting steroids and taking names. Even though they don't earn our sympathies, we support them because they're going up against the evil tyranny. There's a lot of wild shit going on, but it has a certain magical realism attached to it that makes it feel memorable to me, logic be damned.

3 syringes between the toes out of 5

NERVE [2016]

Directors Ariel Schulman & Henry Joost's second film of 2016 is the techno teen-thriller Nerve, based upon Jeanne Ryan's novel of the same name.
Emma Roberts plays a shy high-schooler who decides to outdo her more outgoing friend and joins an online game social media game of truth or dare that gets progressively more dangerous the better she gets at it.
With it's warning of social media pressure and fear of technology, it pretty much plays out like a rich teeny-bopper version of a Black Mirror episode only with a happy Hollywood ending with no lasting consequences.  These kids are spoiled and pretty flat, so the stakes feel low and you never really feel the potential danger it could have dived into.  Fortunately the pacing is brisk enough to never really give you time to figure out all the pointless plot-points it introduces for whatever reason.  An admirable effort but in the end it isn't the sharp-witted film it could have been.  

2½ lighthouses out of 5

NOW YOU SEE ME 2 [2016]

Crap director Jon M. Chu takes over directing duties for the sequel to the 2013 surprise hit Now You See Me.  Fortunately screenwriter Ed Solomon (Men in Black, Bill & Ted's)  is still on board to guarantee dumb mindless fun.
This time around The Four Horsemen step back into the spotlight only to find themselves forced by a wannabe James Bond-esque villain to pull off a near impossible heist.
It doesn't do much to improve upon any of the glaring problems of the first film but nor does it really take a step down in quality either.  It more or less just sits exactly in the same position and hopes for the best.  Based on whether or not you enjoyed the first film will depend on how much you get out of the this retread joyride.

3 hats out of a bunny out of 5

NEIGHBORS 2: SORORITY RISING [2016]

Director Nicholas Stoller and the rest of the cast & crew of 2014's Neighbors return for another frat-pack smackdown in Sorority Rising.
This time, instead of a dope-headed fraternity, Seth Rogen & Rose Byrne are going head-to-head with a more menacing sorority with the help of a bitter Zac Efron as their prank-master mentor.
With the first film not being very good at all, I was a bit surprised to find this one a bit more enjoyable and packed with more frat-boy belly laughs.  It smartens up a bit with some tired social issues that don't weigh down the laughs but instead make for some of the funnier moments in the film.
It's still a huge waste of time but nevertheless a humorous waste of time.

2½ princess dildos out of 5

NEIGHBORS [2014]

Director Nicholas Stoller sticks to his frat-pack roots for the raunchy comedy Neighbors (obviously not based on the Aussie soap opera).  

Normally I quite enjoy these types of films for cheap laughs and obnoxious guffaws and for some reason this one didn't quite deliver.  Sure, there were a handful of moments that made me laugh out loud but for the most part it really fell short of the good belly chuckles or anything memorable.  It was nice to see Seth Rogen and Zac Efron have a great comedic chemistry together, so it was dissapointing to see the script they had to work with didn't quite hit the over-the-top crazy it could have been. 

A real misfire for what could have been immature, tasteless fun.

2 not balloons out of 5

NOW YOU SEE ME [2013]

Now You See Me is a flawed yet highly entertaining crime caper thriller from Danny The Dog director Louis Leterrier.
Being a film about magic, I was hoping it'd focus more on using camera trickery and slight of hand rather than distractingly bad CGI to create the illusions.  The wrap-up at the end leaves you feeling a bit cheated and makes you wish that the magicians didn't reveal their secrets.  However the rest of the film is so much damned fun I'm willing to forgive the problems and enjoy it for what it is.  Popcorn munching entertainment that isn't a reboot, remake, sequel or comic book adaptation.

3 savage detectives out of 5

21 JUMP STREET [2012]

Clone High creators Phil Lord & Chris Miller bring the 80's TV melodrama 21 Jump Street to the big screen and warp it into a raunchy comedy starring Jonah Hill & Channing Tatum. 

The film manages to satire both the original TV series and '80's nostalgia, while packing in a Lethal Weapon-esque punch.  Hill & Tatum are surprisingly quite good but something doesn't quite sit right as a whole.   The laughs are a little short for extended periods of time and some of the more interesting & potentially comedic character conflicts are never fully developed.  

It's not as bad as it sounds on paper but never reaches the heights it could have.  

2½ Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers out of 5