Jay Kelly (2025)

Clooney plays a successful actor (wink wink) going through an existential crisis, who takes an impromptu trip to Europe, while his entourage follows him wherever he goes. It's a very "inside baseball" look at the entertainment industry, occasionally meandering and self-indulgent, but performances are strong and it's easy to get caught up in the glitz. It didn't quite work its magic on me, but it's a solid effort and an examination of a life lived good enough.

3 slices of cheesecake out of 5

Now You See Me, Now You Don't (2025)

The Horsemen are back and they're just as showy, obnoxious and improbable as ever. It's your basic diamond heist movie, except with magicians, illusionists and mentalists (oh my!) somehow always pulling one over on each other. It's exactly the same type of shit as the first two films, and this time you can add three more arrogant pricks to the roster. The only thing this film succeeds in doing is creating the title that they should have done for the second movie. 

1½ ace of diamonds out of 5

Note: No, I don't see the Magic Eye image above, either...

Dog Man (2025)

This is the darkest premise for a kid's movie yet. After surviving an explosion, a man's body is stitched to his dog's head and that somehow makes him a superhero. It sidesteps all the uncomfortable questions: How do all the motor functions work? Who is actually in control, the man or the dog? Why does he sometimes seem intelligent, and other times he's just a dog? Does the man's soul exist trapped within the mind of a dog? He appears to exist in some kind of Orwellian nightmare where he's less than human. But the film never lingers on the horrifying details. I kept getting caught up in the logistics of this world, such as, why do all the cats talk, but the dog can't (not even as a "dog man")?

It's a highly ambitious attempt to establish a new IP, if not frankly exhausting. 

1½ Flippy ki-yay flippy-flippers out of 5

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS [2016]

If one had to come with one word to describe Tom Ford's noir-ish psychological thriller Nocturnal Animals it'd be 'devastating'.
It tells a story within a story, firstly being that of a wealthy but disheartened women receives a copy of a novel from her ex-husband, whom she hadn't talked to in nearly 20 years, which he wrote and dedicated to her.  The other half of the film tells the story within the novel, about a husband who is the only surviving member of his family after a violent attack.
With strong performances all around, particularly Michael Shannon & Aaron-Taylor Johnson, stunningly beautiful Herrmann-esque music from Abel Korzeniowski and gorgeous intoxicating photography it's hard not to become entranced with this cold-hearted, cunningly crafted tale of broken souls, revenge and violent desperation.

4 shocking pieces of art out of 5

KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES [2016]

Director Greg Mottola's action/comedy Keeping Up with the Jonseses joins a long list of potentially very funny dumb movies that never live up to it's potential.
When a mysteriously perfect couple move into the neighborhood, a boring husband & wife think there's more than meets the eye...and there is.
Sure there's plenty of chuckle-worthy moments but it gets you going and then constantly hits a wall of unfunny boredom.  The first half of the film is so paint-by-numbers by the time you get to the better final half the film has almost lost all hope.  The always entertaining Isla Fisher and Jon Hamm keep the film from getting too ho-hum but it's nearly not enough.

2 snake bars out of 5

LIFE OF CRIME [2013]

One knows what to expect when it comes to an Elmore Leonard film adaptation: am ensemble cast, petty criminals galore, snappy dialogue and a single crime that spirals wildly out of control.
So if you're a fan, then director Daniel Schechter's Life Of Crime should supply some decent Sunday afternoon entertainment.
A prequel of sorts to Leonard's Rum Punch, the film features many of the same characters just getting started in their lives of crime with a kidnapping plan gone terribly awry.  While it doesn't quite stand up to the precise quality of Jackie Brown or Out Of Sight, it certainly is light years better than overly slick Get Shorty.  Here it's the cast that sells the film right off the bat.  While John Hawkes and Mos Def are wonderfully entertaining, it's surprisingly Jennifer Aniston and Will Forte who steal the show with well-defined and subtle performances that let the funny slip in at all the right moments.

3 holes in the wall out of 5

SCOOBY-DOO [2002]

Director Raja Gosnell directs a live-action big screen adaptation of the popular 1960's animated Hanna Barbara series Scooby-Doo.
Sticking true to the series' plots, the Scooby Gang investigate bizarre occurrences and do a lot of running around.  Scripted by James Gunn the film originally winked at the audience with plenty of adult-oriented jokes poking fun at the original series, Velma's questionable sexuality and marijuana jokes galore.  However Warner Bros. quickly turned it into a family-oriented film in the laziest of fashion.  While it does stick fairly true to the series in conventions, it simply isn't very good at all...but let's face it, kids, the series wasn't all that great to begin with.  Matthew Lillard is left to carry the weight of the entire film as Shaggy and he does an absolutely wonderful job channelling the character's lovableness, expressions and heart.

1½  meddling kids out of 5

HOT ROD [2007]

Inane comedies like director Akiva Schaffer's Andy Samberg vehicle Hot Rod are meant to be watched with your brain checked at the door.
Because it's written, directed & starring all three members of comedic musical act The Lonely Island it should give you an idea as to what sort of film you're getting yourself into.  It's not particularly smart, memorable or well-done but it supplies enough chuckles and guffaws to make it enjoyable enough.

2 Queens Of The Stone Age out of 5

NOW YOU SEE ME [2013]

Now You See Me is a flawed yet highly entertaining crime caper thriller from Danny The Dog director Louis Leterrier.
Being a film about magic, I was hoping it'd focus more on using camera trickery and slight of hand rather than distractingly bad CGI to create the illusions.  The wrap-up at the end leaves you feeling a bit cheated and makes you wish that the magicians didn't reveal their secrets.  However the rest of the film is so much damned fun I'm willing to forgive the problems and enjoy it for what it is.  Popcorn munching entertainment that isn't a reboot, remake, sequel or comic book adaptation.

3 savage detectives out of 5

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS [2012]

Based on William Joyce's series of children's books, The Guardians Of Childhood & The Man On The Moon short film, the CGI animated adventure, Rise Of The Guardians collects all the childhood imaginary heroes in one film to create an Avengers sort of extravaganza.

With the help of producer Guillermo Del Toro, the film raises the bar in imagination and beautifully designed characters & backgrounds, all told with an even enough pace to never get too boring.  Unfortunately the characters are pretty plain and the dialogue constantly flatlines into insignificance which shamefully puts Jude Law's deliciously villainous performance to waste.

3 beliefs out of 5

Bachelorette (2012)

I frequently get curious about movies I don't think will be any good. Usually, I'm content to read plot spoilers on Wikipedia. There was something about Bachelorette that made me want to watch it. I blame the cast - it's full of actors I like, such as Adam Scott, Lizzy Caplan, and Kirsten Dunst.

Bachelorette is one of those movies that gets worse the more you think about it. The cast sells the hell out of the lousy script, but they can't save it, nor can they do anything to fix the shockingly inconsistent characterization. The movie flirts with being both dark and realistic and a standard rom-com, but never commits to either and winds up a mess. There were hints of something interesting here, especially with Isla Fisher's character, but the film discards this in favor of a forced happy ending. Boo.

1 My So Called Life reference out of 5

Burke & Hare (2010)

Equal parts ridiculous and dumb, this black comedy by John Landis follows struggling peddlers Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis (the first time I've actually seen his face in a movie) as they turn to a life of crime, murdering and subsequently selling the bodies for medical dissection. Based on a true story, the source material is all there, it just isn't very funny or all that entertaining to watch.

2 fleshy arse wounds out of 5