The Death of Robin Hood (2026)

Did we really need a dark and gritty version of Robin Hood? This is basically Logan without the mutant healing factor. Once known for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, now the legendary outlaw slaughters everyone for their goods, rich and poor, old and young. Although the bulk of this film takes place on an island as he recovers from an attack, which was exceeding dull and monotonous to slog through. The problem was I just didn't care. The biggest struggle was trying to stay awake. I couldn't wait until it was over.

1 bloodletting out of 5

The Sheep Detectives (2026)

I love a good mystery. A kindly old shepherd is found murdered, and his flock, who he used to read detective novels to every night, take it upon themselves to solve the crime by nudging the unwitting humans in the right direction. It's a lot better than it sounds. Emotionally resonant and heavier than expected for a family film, it's surprisingly moving and likely to bring a tear to your ewe.

3½ clouds out of 5

Song Sung Blue (2025)

Two dreamers find themselves late in life (lucky them!) and form a Neil Diamond tribute band known as Lightning & Thunder, while weathering the storm of love, life and tragedy along the way. It's hard to describe how this movie sinks its hooks in you, but it's a very moving account of a true to life couple who forged their bonds through the power of music. If you're a Neil Diamond fan, it's even better. It's heavily saccharine, but you know what? That's okay sometimes, especially when the performances are this strong.

4 "so good"s out of 5

Note: Based on the 2008 documentary of the same name, available here.

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

In 2019, Disney acquired Fox, and with it, their entire catalogue of Marvel/X-Men characters from 1998-2017. This movie is a love letter to that era. Ryan Reynolds somehow convinced Marvel to create a dirty, uber-violent, hard-R rated movie under the Disney banner (the first of its kind), while introducing Deadpool to the MCU. And it's as delightfully irreverent as you can possibly imagine. Part of the enjoyment comes from the knowledge that the Mouse House is letting them get away with this filth at their expense, simultaneously poking fun and biting the hand that feeds them. It finally reunites Reynolds with Hugh Jackman in a plot that doesn't really matter as much as the relationship that is forged between the characters (#FriendshipGoals), as well as enough clever in-jokes and cameos to keep a shit-eating grin on your face throughout. It pays off even more if you've been investing in these movies as long as I have. Bravo to all involved for pulling off this feat. And it paid off in spades at the box office. There's a lesson to be learned here...take chances and throw caution to the wind!

Good lord, it's been far too long since I've seen a movie this gleefully profane. Above all, these movies are just plain fun. Shut off your brain and enjoy the weird places it takes you. It'll be impossible to separate Wolverine and Madonna from here on out.

4½ buttery nuts all up in my mama out of 5

LOGAN [2017]

Director James Mangold returns for a second helping of mutie goodness with the third and final solo Wolverine film, Logan.
Set 6 years after Days of Future Past, while in hiding from a world that's wiped out most of the mutant population, Old Man Logan & an ailing Professor X's struggle to survive is tested when a young mutant enters their lives.
While previous cinematic Wolvie outings have been pretty tame, Mangold & co. finally go for the extreme bloody violence, which seems like it's the way it oughta be considering the guy has razor blades tearing out of his hands.  Through all the grit and grime, Logan is a thoughtfully subdued swan song for the popular X-men characters that sheds both blood and tears by the gallons.

3½ X-men comics for bed-wetters out of 5

EDDIE THE EAGLE [2016]

For some odd reason director Dexter Fletcher & co. find it necessary to exaggerate an already unbelievable true story with Eddie the Eagle.
Inspired by British ski-jumper Eddie Edwards, the film follows his rise to fame as the most lovable personality to emerge from the 1988 Winter Olympics.
If they went so much to change the story, why couldn't they have avoided the endless amounts of underdog '80's sports movie clichés?  Maybe that's the point, if it is trying to emulate the films of it's time.  Thankfully Taron Egerton turns in a irresistible performance as the title subject, while Hugh Jackman is a ruggedly charming as ever as a drunken curmudgeon made up only for the film.  It's sweet enough to not leave a bitter aftertaste but leaves much to be desired.

3 dreams come true out of 5

MOVIE 43 [2013]

Producer Charlie Wessler gathers together a band of embarrassed directors, including Peter Farrelly, James Gunn, Griffin Dunne, Brett Ratner and many more for his sketch comedy anthology Movie 43.  Depending on what country you're in will depend on what plot you'll get threading all the sketches together...for once, the U.S. cut is the best one.
It's basically a gaggle of juvenile humored sketches that constantly try to outdo each other in jokes about bodily fluids, sex, periods, incest and various forms of racism and sexism.  It's amazingly disgusting, vile and void of any sort of class.  With that being said, it's quite often just as funny as it is ridiculously stupid.  It's notoriously known as one of the worst films of all time but I wouldn't go that far.  I figure more was expected of it considering the huge cast of well-known actors involved, many of whom tried to unsuccessfully back out.

2 shitty car accidents out of 5

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE [2016]

X-men: Apocalypse is the ninth film in the film franchise (and director Bryan Singer's fourth) and it seems like it's just starting to come full circle with the conclusion of the First Class story arc.
En Sabah Nur (aka Apocalypse), the world's oldest mutant, has risen after thousands of years of being buried underground, making him a bit testy, so he would love to wipe out mankind and rule the world as he sees fit.
As special effects summer blockbuster, the film is a wide-eyed spectacle that doesn't disappoint from a technical point of view.  However as a character piece, it hits a few marks with success and then misses many like an elephant using chopsticks.  There's some wonderful moments from most of the characters, especially the new kids (not Mystique...she's always been boring) but it constantly loses focus before a proper pay-off is given.
Not enough surprises and creativity shows the franchise is losing steam again so hopefully it gets a swift kick in the butt before it tackles the stories it's leading up to.

3 shots at last stands out of 5

Paperback Hero (1999)

Hugh Jackman plays an Aussie truck driver who writes trashy romance novels while on the road, but he keeps it a guilty secret so that his manly beer-drinking friends don’t ridicule him in that unique, cutting Down Under way.
It’s a comedy/drama that’s part road trip but mostly inoffensive Sunday afternoon viewing that’ll warm a little corner of your insides.
The landscapes are beautiful and the characters written as straightforward, likeable types. Claudia Karvan lends female support and provides an occasional kick up the manly ass as Hugh’s best friend Ruby.

3 cosy feelings out of 5

CHAPPIE [2015]

District 9 director Neill Blomkamp's latest gritty sci-fi thriller, Chappie, leads me to believe the film-maker has the shitty M. Night Shyamalan virus, only his is working at an accelerated rate.
Set in the not-so distant future of South Africa, it follows a robot police officer that breaks free from the herd, with the ability to learn, feel and reason.  Blomkamp's more than obvious tribute to Robocop aims high with it's ideas but shits the bed with it's cringe-worthy dialogue, horridly uneven tones and annoying performances.  I mean, who the feck thought casting counter-culture hip-hop act Die Antwoord to attempt to act out some emotionally heavy scenes?  Jesus.  Visually the film is quite compelling and every now & then it raises some interesting question but it manages to fail miserably on every other account.

1½ ED-209's out of 5

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST [2014]

Director Bryan Singer returns to the X-men franchise for the prequel to his own series and a sequel to the excellent prequel, Days Of Future Past.
Confusing?  Yes and no.
As long as you have your nerds hats on and are fairly knowledgeable of the comics then you shouldn't have a problem.  If this isn't your case you're still in for a pretty great ride that never ceases to entertain and enthral with it's many character moments and extravagant action sequences.
Like the best of the X-films, this one carries an emotional punch that will have your heart left in a grey area as to what is right and wrong, depending on your love for humanity.
It's a story that threatens to collapse under it's own weight but never does thanks to Singer's wonderful storytelling and impressive ensemble cast.  Overall, it's easily one of the best X-films to date.

3½ cameos, cameos, cameos out of 5

THE WOLVERINE [2013]

Director James Mangold likes to make Western films even when they aren't Western films.
The Wolverine is a perfect example of that, as Hugh Jackman assumes the role of Logan for a sixth time and headlines a second film that could only be better than the last shitfest.
Mangold loves a good character piece so it's a breath of fresh air when the film hardly relies on any extravagant CGI action scenes (with the exception of the clumsily executed climax) and instead opts for some beautifully choreographed fight sequences.  Some characters are delicately written while others seem like they were slapped together at the last second, as are some of the "exposition" scenes, which many are hardly needed if you have half a brain.
It's not perfect but certainly a welcome addition to the ever-growing X-men franchise.

3 bullet trains out of 5

PRISONERS [2013]

Canadian director Denis Villeneuve has a knack for leading the viewer down some dark, disturbing and truly haunting passageways.
Prisoners is no exception.
A beautifully lit thriller that's dreadfully cold, tightly calculated and more emotions and reactions within each scene you can't help but want to follow each character as they go their separate ways.  This is easily Hugh Jackman's absolute  best work to date as he layers his troubled character with so many demons, emotional complexities and vulnerabilities that your heart wrenches with each thought he makes.
Quite easily one of the best films of the year that won't be for everybody due to it's cold, unsettling atmosphere.

4½ bunny socks out of 5

Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004)

Animated prequel to the live action Van Helsing movie that I haven’t seen, nor do I have any burning desire to ever see if it’s anything like this. The vampire hunter is an action hero that can crawl along the side of speeding trains and jump inhuman distances. Is he part vamp and I didn’t know? Or is the bullshit meter at maximum? Just what the hell is going on? I know he’s on the trail of Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde but why is he acting like a Victorian era Batman? Either I'm lacking some vital info or this is just flat-out shit.

1 big thing out of 5

THE FOUNTAIN [2006]

The Fountain is a deeply personal film from director Darren Aronofsky that I wasn't too sure about at first but several years later have found it's aged quite nicely, amidst all its problems.
It explores themes of love, life and death meshed in with religion, science, theologies and philosophies which makes for a bit of an abnormal experience for someone not expecting it.  Still, Aronofsky never quite finds an even flow for the narrative or a heart to anchor the human aspects of this overly ambitious story, so when we are supposed to feel our hearts are manipulated by Clint Mansell's wonderful music.  When it all comes down to it The Fountain is a daring celebration of human mortality and an admirable effort in doing so.

3 Trees Of Life out of 5

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS [2012]

Based on William Joyce's series of children's books, The Guardians Of Childhood & The Man On The Moon short film, the CGI animated adventure, Rise Of The Guardians collects all the childhood imaginary heroes in one film to create an Avengers sort of extravaganza.

With the help of producer Guillermo Del Toro, the film raises the bar in imagination and beautifully designed characters & backgrounds, all told with an even enough pace to never get too boring.  Unfortunately the characters are pretty plain and the dialogue constantly flatlines into insignificance which shamefully puts Jude Law's deliciously villainous performance to waste.

3 beliefs out of 5

LES MISERABLES [2012]

The King's Speech director Tom Hooper succeeds in adapting a spectacular film version of  Claude-Michel Schönberg & Alain Boublil's musical butchering of Victor Hugo's epic novel, Les Misérables.

It's filled with beautiful set-pieces, colorful photography and strong performances, particularly Hugh Jackman and the all too brief appearances of Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter & Sacha Baron Cohen.  Sadly, the stage musical itself is a poor adaptation of Hugo's novel, being as it only covers about 1/3 of the actual story, therefore loses most of it's purpose and complete emotional punch.  Still, the film itself is quite the spectacle that's filled with passion and dedication.  

3½ empty chairs at empty tables out of 5

Swordfish (2001)

Travolta embarrasses himself with a silly line of hair on his chin. Everyone else has to work a little harder at it, but still manage to embarrass themselves one way or another. Hugh Jackman uses a keyboard like the rest of us play air guitar. Don’t be fooled, there are no fish in the film. It's a Joel Silver production, so there are some boring explosions and dumb plot threads flaffing in the wind. Don't watch sober.

2 ball-bearing jackets out of 5

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

A series of prequels telling one character’s story prior to the first X-Men film was an idea that had potential; it’s certainly more logical than a reboot. I’d have liked a Magneto one, but it would need to be bleak and touch on some heavy political matters that would scare producers.
A Wolverine origin would’ve been my next choice. What we got doesn’t live up to expectations. It’s a mess of badly choreographed action and hurried pacing that presents little opportunity to become emotionally attached to anyone. Hugh Jackman gives it his best, but he can’t save it from itself. It has one emotional scene, but it’s not enough to recommend the film.

1 Ryan Reynolds is a dick out of 5

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Brett Ratner turned this chapter in Jean Grey's evolution into a mostly soulless summer action movie. The first hour is good, but it shits the bed in the second half. If you accept that prior to viewing, then it's possible to enjoy parts of it, but if you're expecting the semi-sophisticated aesthetic of the two previous films then you're going to be butt-hurt. On the plus side, Magneto's Brotherhood begins to feel more like an organisation and less like a gathering of friends over tea and cake. It's a good thing that the main series ended here.

2½ characters with little to do out of 5