The 5th Wave (2016)

The YA genre has some wonderful qualities, and Miss Moretz is good at what she does, usually, but 5th Wave is a showcase for neither of those things. It's post-apocalyptic YA sci-fi nonsense that caused in me some kind of movie-response brain-freeze. The part of me that registers and rejects utter bullshit was firing like a fourth of July parade, but like a fool I stuck it out.
The film does eventually answer the burning question that discerning viewers will want answered, but the pay-off isn't worth the time it takes to get there. Then, just five minutes afterwards it drops a second surprise 'plot-twist' that almost ended me. To add insult to injury, it seems to be part one of a longer story. If I'd known that prior to watching, I'd not have wasted my time on it.

1½ switches flicked out of 5

MOVIE 43 [2013]

Producer Charlie Wessler gathers together a band of embarrassed directors, including Peter Farrelly, James Gunn, Griffin Dunne, Brett Ratner and many more for his sketch comedy anthology Movie 43.  Depending on what country you're in will depend on what plot you'll get threading all the sketches together...for once, the U.S. cut is the best one.
It's basically a gaggle of juvenile humored sketches that constantly try to outdo each other in jokes about bodily fluids, sex, periods, incest and various forms of racism and sexism.  It's amazingly disgusting, vile and void of any sort of class.  With that being said, it's quite often just as funny as it is ridiculously stupid.  It's notoriously known as one of the worst films of all time but I wouldn't go that far.  I figure more was expected of it considering the huge cast of well-known actors involved, many of whom tried to unsuccessfully back out.

2 shitty car accidents out of 5

SPOTLIGHT [2015]

Tom McCarthy was well on his way to becoming one of my favorite film directors but then The Cobbler dropped out of his ass and all that blew to hell.
Fortunately he redeems himself with the biographical drama Spotlight.
Based on the 2001 true story of a group of Boston Globe investigative reporters who struggle to expose a massively buried series of child sex abuse scandals, spanning across decades, within the local Catholic priest community.
It's impressive ensemble cast are fully committed to allowing the story speak for itself making it all the more engrossing with unglamorous believability.  Quite often films like this seem to bury themselves in holier-than-thou self-gratification but Spotlight is just as interested in honest journalism as it is solid story-telling.  It's an engrossing testament to why we can't forget about the blood, sweat & tears put into disappearing newsprint journalism in the digital age of social media.

3½ missing documents out of 5

Repo Men: Unrated Version (2010)

I expected crap from all but Forest Whitaker, but I was pleasantly surprised by the rest of it. It's like Logan's Run (1976) for a new era, with the colourful hedonism replaced by moody lighting and corporate ugliness.
What kept me entertained the most was the black humour and, more specifically, the many small ironies woven into the situations and social contexts. The hero's change of heart, for example, is pure irony, as is allowing people to extend their life by signing it away.

The future as presented isn't completely unrealistic. It's the American health service taken to its extreme next level. If they could get away with that kind of thing today, then they'd probably do it.

3½ pink sheets out of 5

STILL SCREAMING: THE ULTIMATE SCARY MOVIE RETROSPECTIVE [2011]

Celebrated horror journalist Ryan Turek's documentary, Still Screaming, pays tribute to the first three films in Wes Craven's popular Scream franchise.
It opens with a pointless and sloppily "first kill" scene that makes Scream 3's opening kill look inventive and then, gets into the juicy stuff that's filled with trivia and behind-the-scenes looks with interviews from cast & crew members and other popular folks in the genre.  As a dedicated fan to the series there was plenty I was already aware of but it gave just enough new tasty tidbits to keep me interested till the end.  Unlike most film documentaries of this type, it wisely doesn't just praise it's subjects but also is quite honest about a lot of the franchise's mistakes it made.  It's not going to win over any fans with this execution but will certainly make the nostalgic fan eager for a revisit to Woodsboro.

3 Scary Movies out of 5

Sphere (1998)

Something alien is found one hundred and sixty fathoms below the ocean’s surface, so a group of specialists are called in to examine it.
An uninspired opening gave way to what seemed to be a structured Hollywood attempt at creating a thinking man’s sci-fi, but the bad drama music that bludgeoned its way into proceedings kept me suspicious. It turned out to be an indication that the cerebral was just a lure, or perhaps too challenging to maintain, and that a descent into tedious semi-horror was just around the corner.

2 deductive logic bombs out of 5

THE BUTLER [2013]

With it's huge cast of big names, politically historical subject material and more calculated dramatic moments you can shake your fist at, it seems Lee Daniels made The Butler to be scream "give me an Oscar".
Forest Whitaker turns in a well-rounded thoughtful performance as do all his co-stars but unfortunately the film itself seems to make all it's points with neon signs never really going for subtly or grace.  Uneven storytelling and predictability prevent it from becoming the timeless classic it wants to be.
It's not a bad film but after awhile you tire of it trying to be too good.

3 JFK neckties out of 5

THE LAST DAYS ON MARS [2013]

If you've seen any horror/thriller films placed in outerspace in the past 40 years or so then you really don't have to see Ruairi Robinson's ho-hum space zombie flick The Last Days On Mars.
The word "generic" is a nice way of describing this snoozefest.  It's a colossal waste of the talents of Liev Schreiber, Olivia Williams & Elias Koteas that I couldn't---...yawn.
I think I hear a bunny calling.

1 dust storm of death out of 5

The Omen (2006)

A remake of the 1976 Richard Donner film of the same name. Did they use the same script? There are some minor differences, but ninety-nine percent of it is identical. Why bother? It’s not like the original was a turd. I don’t blame the director. He got offered a job and he took it. I blame the producers.
Exploitation isn't just a genre in Hollywood; it’s a way of life.
Liev Schreiber is fine, but he’s no Gregory Peck. Mia Farrow and Pete Postlethwaite put everyone else to shame, except the wonderful Michael Gambon who unfortunately only got about two minutes of screen time.

1½ revelations out of 5

GOON [2012]

Michael Dowse, writer/director of the hilariously disturbing Fubar films, hits the ice with the Jay Baruchel & Evan Goldberg scripted Goon.

It's pure Canadian hockey humour that will probably fly over most folks' heads and possibly shock some along the way.  It's brutally violent and filled with some overly filthy Canadian language but somehow manages to ground itself with a lot of heart.  It's a little unfocused, flat on character development and rushed at times but packs in just enough laughs to be forgiveable.  

3 Trailer Park Boys out of 5

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

A series of prequels telling one character’s story prior to the first X-Men film was an idea that had potential; it’s certainly more logical than a reboot. I’d have liked a Magneto one, but it would need to be bleak and touch on some heavy political matters that would scare producers.
A Wolverine origin would’ve been my next choice. What we got doesn’t live up to expectations. It’s a mess of badly choreographed action and hurried pacing that presents little opportunity to become emotionally attached to anyone. Hugh Jackman gives it his best, but he can’t save it from itself. It has one emotional scene, but it’s not enough to recommend the film.

1 Ryan Reynolds is a dick out of 5

Salt (2010)

Jolie was Russian or maybe she wasn't. I didn't care to find out. It took about two minutes to realise Salt was a piece of shit. If you like shallow Bond movies you might like it; they’re as bad as each other.

0 sleepers out of 5

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED [2005]

Actor Liev Schreiber makes an impressive directorial debut with this 'roadtrip in the Ukraine' film, Everything Is Illuminated, based off of Jonathan Safran Foer's novel of the same name.
Elijah Wood suits the role of the American-Jewish man who travels to the Urkaine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather's life during the Nazi invasion. However, it's Gypsy punk-band, Gogol Bordello's frontman, Eugene Hütz that steals the show as a flamboyant tour guide who almost has a grasp on the English language.
There's nothing amazing or mind-blowing in this film but it's the emotional journey that counts here. It's laugh out loud funny in several moments, completely heartbreaking in others and very thoughtful throughout. It's a film I've throughly enjoyed with each revisit and probably will many more times.

4 "Seeing Eye Bitches" out of 5

SCREAM 3 [1999]

When the scriptwriter of your trilogy doesn't have the time to do the final instalment, you wait till he does have the time. Don't get some schmuck to pen it instead...and that's exactly what happened here.
Scream 3 has some promising elements but in the end it's just plain bad. It loses that perfect balance of horror and satire and comes off as an episode of Scooby-Doo or Abbot & Costello (mansion filled with secret passageways and trapdoors included). Even the new characters are boring and snotty. You just can't wait for them to bite the biscuit.
Such a shame. It left such a bitter taste in my mouth for 12 years.

2 Jay & Silent Bob's? out of 5

SCREAM 2 [1997]

Who'd want to make a sequel? Sequels suck.
Unless you know how to avoid all the obligatory rules and take it step above all that. Scream 2 manages to pull out some brutal punches and makes sure it doesn't fall under the curse of sequel suckage.
With all the survivors from the original returning plus a slew of brand new faces to slice n' dice, (Liev Schreiber and Timothy Olyphant being the new highlights), Scream 2 is just as much fun as the first one.
It does run about 5 minutes too long and has a few slow moments, but the gorier and more vicious murders make up for it. A worthy follow-up.

3 ½ Robert Rodriguez & Danny Elfman cameos out of 5