Eden (2024)

Based on actual events, a group of settlers (including a doctor writing his manifesto, a couple trying to start a family, and a Baroness with her harem) arrive at a remote locale in the Galápagos Islands circa 1929, where they are at once at each other's throats as they're forced to contend with harsh living conditions, scarcity of resources and lack of medical care. This is a harrowing survival drama at times, though it's filled with enough black humor to ensure your safe harbor. It's a movie that plumbs the depths of "love thy neighbor," but I hated it on principle. It's kind of a mess, though I guess that's the point.

3 wild boars out of 5

The Order (2024)

Based on true events, we follow a crime spree across the Pacific Northwest in the 1980s tied to a string of armed robberies committed by an apparent white supremacist terrorist group gathering funds for their nefarious deeds. Jude Law plays the FBI agent hot on their trail, with Tye Sheridan as his rookie and Nicholas Hoult as the head Aryan. Blah blah blah. A pretty standard procedural crime drama that more or less plays out exactly the way you expect it to, although its material is handled capably by all involved.

2 porno bombings out of 5

Road to Perdition (2002)

RtP is adapted from a graphic novel of the same name by Max Allan Collins, itself inspired by Kazuo Koike's Lone Wolf and Cub manga. The importance of the father and son relationship in both books is maintained throughout.
It's set in 1931, Illinois. The father is Michael Sullivan Sr. (Hanks), a man who goes to great lengths to keep his sons from becoming aware that his boss, John Rooney (Newman), is the head of the mob and that their father is his best enforcer. But Sullivan's methods create a gulf between him and the boys.
With that established early on, the remainder of the film addresses it, but not in the way you might think. Through moments of tragedy, circumstance and sincerity, carefully distilled with shadows and light, we're drawn into their story, into the era and, if you're sympathetically equipped, into the understanding of why the swallowing of emotions that's sometimes necessary to get the job done isn't always the best course of action for either party.

4½ accounts settled out of 5

SPY [2015]

Director Paul Feig's thriller/comedy, Spy, is as funny as it is violent, quite often simultaneously.
Melissa McCarthy plays a desk-bound CIA analyst who's thrust into the field to recover a nuclear device, much to the dismay of a far more experienced field agent, played by Jason Statham.
Whoever's idea it was to team-up McCarthy & The Stath knew it would work wonderfully, especially when both are sticking to what they do best, being the typical lost-in-luck American middle-aged white woman or the grunting hard-assed Pip-pip with a temper.
Instead of parodying the Bond/Bourne films, Spy simply inserts the fish-out-of-water character into the fold and runs with that, quite often letting the jokes create themselves along the way.  The number of characters gets to be a bit of a mess by the end of the film but it's a wildly entertaining and hilarious ride along the way.

4 Cranks out of 5

eXistenZ (1999)

I hope it isn't but it’s possible that the film is Cronenberg’s last full-on venture into the ‘body-horror’ genre that he excelled in. It contains within it many elements that fans of his earlier works will be familiar with, including the weird character names and sharp angled Canadian architecture, as if to say this is where the past ends, I'm moving onto genres new afterwards.
It has a lot in common with Videodrome (1983), not just thematically but in other ways, and as such I’d definitely recommend viewing Videodrome first.
If you expect to find something intriguing but sickening you’ll not be disappointed. How does a rubbery, foetus-like VR game pod with umbilical cords that plug into a bizarre anus in your lower back sound?

4 signs of the times out of 5

Black Sea (2014)

Jude Law heads a group of surly veterans into the briny depths for a chance at gold in this maritime thriller. The booty being equally split between crew members creates an intriguing dynamic. Included in the rough bunch of sailors is an impressive cast of foreign actors such as Scoot McNairy and Michael Smiley. It's too bad their talents are wasted on such a dull affair. The trailer promises constant thrills and tension, and while there are plenty of hail-mary situations, they are all packed into the final moments. Scenes leading up to the exciting conclusion consist mainly of bickering crew members and long drawn out planning sequences. Jude Law does a decent job, but his star power can hardly save this one from sinking fast.

2 unlucky virgins out of 5

Repo Men: Unrated Version (2010)

I expected crap from all but Forest Whitaker, but I was pleasantly surprised by the rest of it. It's like Logan's Run (1976) for a new era, with the colourful hedonism replaced by moody lighting and corporate ugliness.
What kept me entertained the most was the black humour and, more specifically, the many small ironies woven into the situations and social contexts. The hero's change of heart, for example, is pure irony, as is allowing people to extend their life by signing it away.

The future as presented isn't completely unrealistic. It's the American health service taken to its extreme next level. If they could get away with that kind of thing today, then they'd probably do it.

3½ pink sheets out of 5

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

It's unmistakably Gilliam in its use of 2D environments on a 3D plane, and the physical sets and miniatures are spectacular, but the deplorable reliance on blue/green screen means the handmade quality and beautiful rough edges are eliminated. At those times it’s about as visually interesting as the next TV commercial trying to sell you insurance or a new car.
The story itself has a similar contrast, but it's used to better effect. The fantastical and the real exist side by side, with only one of the two states being oblivious to the other. Connecting them is the titular Doctor Parnassus, who does so for reasons that become clear as you watch.
Seeing the inside of Terry’s mind externalised and captured on film is hugely entertaining, but the CGI does an ugly job of presenting it to us.

3 sustaining stories out of 5

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL [2014]

When speaking of a Wes Anderson film it becomes redundant to gush over the beautifully colored and framed visuals, but I'm going to anyway because The Grand Budapest Hotel is all that and more.
With it's delightful miniature sets, hilarious camerawork and dollhouse-esque set decoration a film-lover is sure to be in hog heaven.  Not only that but the off-kilter but humorously precise editing, character quirks & movements and all around zaniness had me giggling and chuckling from beginning to end.  Heavily inspired by Austrian writer Stefan Zweig, Hotel never takes itself too seriously but has enough substance to make you love it's characters and where the story will eventually end up.
Juggling silly and sophisticated at the same time, Anderson's latest is simply a delight that's ever so sweet.

4 bisexual, fucking faggots out of 5

SIDE EFFECTS [2013]

Director Steven Soderbergh crafts a very Hitchcock-ian psychological thriller with the twisty 'n turny Side Effects.
Rooney Mara towers over the rest of the cast with a stunning performances as a mentally ill young woman that is both sympathetically frightening and disturbingly mournful.  Soderbergh paces each reveal and scene with compelling and intense delicacy that proves when given the right script he can do much more than just style over substance.  It starts to lose it's balance a bit with all the weight it's carrying in the final act but makes up for it with intrigue and mystery.

4 sleepwalkers out of 5

Wilde (1997)

The 19th Century's quintessential bender, Oscar Wilde, deserved no one less than the 20th Century's most fabulously intelligent bender to play him onscreen. It's a good thing Stephen Fry can act, because it's the role he was born to play. Wilde enjoyed showing the world how abhorrent their ignorance was, and he was proved right by their reaction to his 'private' life. The film documents that side of him, including his fame and his fall, and doesn't shy away from the naked truth.
If you're not familiar with Oscar's work, then you may want to proceed with caution because there are some spoilers - it gives away the ending of both The Picture of Dorian Grey and The Importance of Being Earnest.

3½ frivolously serious wild flowers out of 5

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS [2012]

Based on William Joyce's series of children's books, The Guardians Of Childhood & The Man On The Moon short film, the CGI animated adventure, Rise Of The Guardians collects all the childhood imaginary heroes in one film to create an Avengers sort of extravaganza.

With the help of producer Guillermo Del Toro, the film raises the bar in imagination and beautifully designed characters & backgrounds, all told with an even enough pace to never get too boring.  Unfortunately the characters are pretty plain and the dialogue constantly flatlines into insignificance which shamefully puts Jude Law's deliciously villainous performance to waste.

3 beliefs out of 5

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS [2011]

Guy Ritchie reunites Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law in Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows for more eccentric fun.

Jared Harris and Stephen Fry make delightful additions to the cast while Noomi Rapace is sadly underused.  It's not as clever as the first and resorts to silly unnecessary CSI-esque slo-mo a bit too often but still keeps up the frantic and entertaining pace.  It might be a slight misfire, however if they maintain this quality I'd still be up for a third helping.

3 little horsey rides out of 5

SHERLOCK HOLMES [2009]

Director Guy Ritchie set out to give Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes character the Batman Begins makeover with Robert Downey Jr. channeling Jack Sparrow as the title character.

What could have been a silly mess turns out to be thoroughly entertaining.  Right off the bat it's made apparent this isn't the Jeremy Bratt pip-pip Holmes, by inserting choreographed fights scenes and slo-mo CGI.  Unfortunately, Mark Strong and Rachel McAdams are painfully boring compared to the bromantic chemistry between Downey and Jude Law's Dr. Watson. 

Bad points aside, it can't be ignored that this is just good fun.

3½ ravens of death out of 5

Contagion (2011)

A new strain of flu virus breaks out (similar to H1N1) killing victims within days causing global pandemic. The movie mostly involves A-list actors walking around with really serious faces trying to figure out the cause and a way to stop it. Focuses primarily on the bureaucratic end of the spectrum and doesn't get too wrapped up in emotions. The frightening thing about this plot is that it's entirely plausible and we are all susceptible, pretty much helpless against the elements. The moral of the movie: Wash your hands!

3 germophobes out of 5

Hugo (2011)

"We could get into trouble."
"That's how you know it's an adventure..."

This movie is not at all what I imagined it would be. Taking place largely in a 1930s Parisian train station, it follows a boy who winds clocks, a reserved toy shop owner, a charming young girl, and an inept inspector as they try to piece together the mystery of a broken automaton (I can't help but recall Edward Scissorhands). But that's only a small part of the story. I figured it would involve a lot of gears and clockwork and steampunk values, but it actually ties into early cinema...I won't spoil it any further than that. This charming fable for adults (and advanced children) is a delight to watch, and the score by Howard Shore is marvelous.

4.5 heart-shaped keys out of 5

THE AVIATOR [2004]

Martin Scorsese delivers yet another film of delicately crafted shots, extravagant set pieces and noteworthy costumes. The Aviator tells the story of the eccentric film director and aviator Howard Hughes.
Leonardo DiCaprio hands in a wonderful performance as Hughes, as does Cate Blanchett who does a hauntingly believable and spot on performance as Katherine Hepburn. Filled with an entire army of beautiful performances, I'd be hard off to list them all.
Scorsese takes us back to the Golden Age of Hollywood in both the era itself and even in his own filming techniques. It's a beautiful and fascinating film that I was surprised to find I was so enthralled with. My initial reaction to a film about Hughes was "this will be boring" and found that I couldn't be any more wrong.

4 ½ Errol Fuckin Flynn's out of 5