Juror #2 (2024)

Clint Eastwood directed this film at 93. How useless do you feel right now?

A highly fascinating legal drama about a juror who realizes he may have been complicit in the case at hand. To say any more would be a disservice to the mystery that's masterfully crafted and the moral quandaries it raises. "Beast" star Nicholas Hoult reunites with Toni Collette 20 years after About a Boy.

A clever twist on the 12 Angry Men formula.

3 miscarriages of justice out of 5

MOVIE 43 [2013]

Producer Charlie Wessler gathers together a band of embarrassed directors, including Peter Farrelly, James Gunn, Griffin Dunne, Brett Ratner and many more for his sketch comedy anthology Movie 43.  Depending on what country you're in will depend on what plot you'll get threading all the sketches together...for once, the U.S. cut is the best one.
It's basically a gaggle of juvenile humored sketches that constantly try to outdo each other in jokes about bodily fluids, sex, periods, incest and various forms of racism and sexism.  It's amazingly disgusting, vile and void of any sort of class.  With that being said, it's quite often just as funny as it is ridiculously stupid.  It's notoriously known as one of the worst films of all time but I wouldn't go that far.  I figure more was expected of it considering the huge cast of well-known actors involved, many of whom tried to unsuccessfully back out.

2 shitty car accidents out of 5

7500 [2014]

Director Takashi Shimizu takes another stab at bringing his spooky supernatural horror-chops to American audiences with 7500.
Instead of wasting your time with a brief plot synopsis, I'll just say it's Snakes On A Plane with ghosts.  Depending on how seriously you want to take this film will have a great effect on what sort of enjoyment you get out of it.  It's silly, predictable and packed with more than enough groan-worthy lines of dialogue but with a few decent creepy moments and mildly surprising twists I couldn't help but find myself giddy with this cheap thriller.  It has a helluva time finding a cohesive plot or purpose but due to it's strong genre cast and wonderful use of space, it rises a bit higher than the shit-fest it was destined to be.

2 shinigamis out of 5

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY [2006]

Wristcutters: A Love Story is a romantic black comedy road trip flick from Croatian short film director Goran Dukić.

It takes place in a miserable afterlife world inhabited only by people who have committed suicide.  As dark & twisted as the unique idea is, it somehow comes off as charming and cute as well with an underlining melancholy thoughtfulness to give it brains.  It's filled with interesting characters both leading and bit parts, strange fantasy elements and stark photography.  It's greatest weakness is the third act which gets a bit messy but ties it up nicely by the final moments.

3½ black holes out of 5

MISS NOBODY [2010]

D-movie director Tim Cox brings us twisted & bubbly comedy in Miss Nobody.  Leslie Bibb is wonderful as a Amelie-esque character who gets a taste for murder, when trying to climb the corporate ladder.  There's a couple of good chuckles here and there but after about 30 minutes the joke wears thin and never really goes anywhere.  

The poster promised blood and not a single drop is ever seen.  *grumbles*  Oh well.  At least Bibb was ridiculously cute.

2 unlucky umbrellas out of 5

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN [2008]

Japanese director Ryuhei Kitamura makes his American debut by bringing Clive Barker's Books Of Blood short story The Midnight Meat Train to the screen. 

A gruesomely bizarre tale about a photographer who becomes obsessed with hunting down a serial killer who fancies meat hooks on the New York subway.   It's stylish, moody and heavy on the atmosphere but sadly very light on character development, story pacing and riddled with terrible CGI blood.  

2 Barker paintings out of 5

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy (2011)

A group of 30-something physically attractive friends (and one fat dude) decide to throw one last hurrah before they go off their separate ways and relive something that was missing from our generation: orgies. Kind of reminds me of the more Hollywood-ized version of Humpday (or an updated version of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice). It's that kind of movie that gets you halfway there, but isn't kind enough to let you finish. I think that's really all that needs to be said.

2.5 uncomfortable moments in the bathroom out of 5

TRICK 'R TREAT [2007]

Inspired by his animated short, Seasons Greetings, screenwriter Michael Dougherty makes his feature length debut with the sick and twisted anthology Trick R' Treat.
It's not necessarily scary but it's one helluva a good ride. Like a Halloween party in film form, it goes by quicker than you want it to and leaves no bitter aftertaste. Merciless killing, all sorts of twists and spooky masks make for one of the most tastiest bloody rides you'll go on in a while.
It's nice and short so it could easily become an annual tradition to have a few drinks with it before heading out to the party. Sadly the film never saw theatrical release but has managed to hold it's own with an instant cult following.
Trick R' Treat captures the essence of the Halloween spirit perfectly and deserves to be seen.

3½ candy covered razorblades out of 5

Zookeeper (2011)

Dr. Dolittle meets Night at the Museum. Not exactly a happy marriage. Kevin James does his manic energy routine as the zookeeper trying to win back his ex, as the zoo animals attempt to show him their ways of getting a mate. This involves a scene taking a gorilla to TGI Friday's. It sounds stupid, but I actually laughed out loud more than I expected I would. Still more enjoyable than Mr. Popper's Penguins.

(Sidenote: Makes me wonder if kids will start jumping into bear and lion exhibits, thinking the animals will talk to them and be friendly.)

2.5 "fat man fall down, ha ha" shtick moments out of 5