Minions & Monsters (2026)

I'll admit, I haven't been keeping up with the Despicable Me series. This is the 7th overall film in the series, and the 3rd prequel spinoff to revolve around the Minions. I hate these yellow assholes with a passion. However, this one takes a slightly different tack and revolves around an alternative history of cinema, set in 1920s Hollywood. Since these pee-stained pricks only speak in nonsense gibberish anyway, it essentially takes on the feeling of a silent film. However, what had such great potential as a premise (for the first 15 minutes anyway) quickly devolves into colorful, low-hanging fruit to appease small children. It's a shame because as a tribute to early cinema and with fun film references peppered in for cinephiles (including a cameo from George Lucas), it elevates it from another trash entry but still fails to break out of the mold.

2 mini Cthulhu out of 5

Nouvelle Vague (2025)

Set in 1959 in the wake of Truffaut's The 400 Blows, which paved the way for French New Wave cinema, it follows the unconventional filming style of Jean-Luc Godard as he improvises his way through his first feature, Breathless. Intentional or not, Jean-Luc comes off as a pretentious prick, always wearing dark shades and appearing nonchalant as he clashes with lead actress, Jean Seberg. All of my praise goes towards the look of the film, which feels like it was authentically made during this era—in black and white, Academy ratio and all in French—while Zoey Deutch perfectly captures the nuances of Seberg.

3 cigarette burns out of 5

Anniversary (2025)

Would you like to spend a 25th wedding anniversary with an insufferable group of people? How about two hours? At the center is a new political movement, called "The Change" which sets to tear this family apart. An awful movie where everything is black and white, and details are kept from the audience in order to keep it as generic as possible to serve its shallow agenda.

1 fear-mongering out of 5

Juror #2 (2024)

Clint Eastwood directed this film at 93. How useless do you feel right now?

A highly fascinating legal drama about a juror who realizes he may have been complicit in the case at hand. To say any more would be a disservice to the mystery that's masterfully crafted and the moral quandaries it raises. "Beast" star Nicholas Hoult reunites with Toni Collette 20 years after About a Boy.

A clever twist on the 12 Angry Men formula.

3 miscarriages of justice out of 5