Josie and the Pussycats (2001)

This is the celluloid embodiment of half of my soul. It's ebullient—manic even—but it's also 100% heartfelt and introspective. It rivals the Neg Era of Super Sentai in being effortlessly inspirational and empowering without ever being schmaltzy. It provides social commentary, flips the usual gender-script on its head, and even manages to make Tara Reid look like a competent actress. Alternatively, you could say she didn't have to act at all~ The soundtrack is nothing short of a miracle and of course informs everything on display. The girls, the boys, the villains…everyone and everything is simply rapturous.

For the changes made to the PG cut of the film, please click here.

5 Reality-Checked Snuggle-Bunnies out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE [2017]

Robot Chicken director Chris McKay delivers the animated fun in spades with his LEGO Movie spin-off, The LEGO Batman Movie.
After accidentally adopting an overly eager orphan named Dick, Batsy must defeat The Joker and his usual band of lawless cronies from overthrowing Gotham City.
It's a very busy film that attacks the senses a bit but thankfully it's pretty damned funny with plenty of moments and gags that will please long-time fans of The Caped Crusader.  It references all sorts of cinematic forms of Batsy, including Adam West, Bruce Timm's animated series, Batfleck and yes, even the one with the nipples.   There's so much going on I'm willing to bet even a third or fourth viewing won't reveal all the jokes and sight gags to the exhausted viewer.  It's clearly the work of greedy Hollywood executives but it's enough batshit crazy fun to let it slide.

3½ family portraits out of 5

Welcome to the Jungle (2003)

aka The Rundown

A run-of-the-mill action movie with nauseating fight scenes and a buddy dynamic in need of a lethal injection. The Rock (when he was still called The Rock) is a 'retrieval expert' who goes to the Amazon jungle to manhandle someone who doesn't want to be retrieved.
I'm aware that he was basically doing what he did as Mathayus in The Scorpion King (2002), albeit in a more modern setting, but SK had heart and a sense of fun that wasn't forced. Welcome... has little of either of those things.

1½ hostile monkeys out of 5

He Got Game (1998)

A talented Coney Island basketball player by the name of Jesus (Ray Allen) struggles with fame, raising his sister alone, choosing a college and the unexpected return of his estranged father. It's not a typical sports movie, thankfully, but nor is it free of their usual dross.
Interestingly, Dir. Spike Lee doesn't lay the film's message on as thick as he could have; he lets the subtleties do the work instead, but they aren't quite up to the task and it runs out of steam in the last third.
Denzel is decent as a shouty father but less interesting elsewhere. The subplot with his character and Milla's is ineffectual.
The musical score also occasionally lets the drama down, contrasted by a number of Public Enemy songs that actually work well.

3 slow-mo hoop shots out of 5

TOP FIVE [2014]

Comedian Chris Rock pushes himself forward by writing, directing and starring in his own film (with the help of music heavyweights Jay-Z and Kanye West producing).
The romantic/comedy with a sneer Top Five proves itself to be quite witty, entertaining and subtly funny.
It follows the story of a slapstick comedic actor, on his way out of the popularity door, that's attempting to be taken seriously with a less than stellar historic drama.  A character study of stardom, being true to oneself, and racial issues are all supported by extended scenes of cleverly observational dialogue that aren't always laugh out loud funny but constantly gets the brain working.  Rock displays a side of vulnerability and sensitivity that I never really knew he had in him and that makes for a breezy but very likeable film.

3 bear-cops out of 5

RAZE [2013]

Josh C. Waller's vicious exploitation flick, Raze, is guaranteed to make even the strongest of stomachs wince at least once.
50 women are abducted by bored rich folk and forced to beat each other to death in one-on-one matches to save their own loved ones from being murdered.  Sound familiar?  Probably.  It's nothing new with the exception of it being women this time around and it wisely avoids all the gratuitous nudity, lesbianism and rape scenes one would expect from such a film.  However it doesn't skimp on the stomach-turning bloodshed.  The level of graphic brutality earns the film a comfy spot in the horror genre based on the violence alone.  At first the film doesn't offer much but mind-numbing cruelty but as we become more familiar with the characters and they with each other, the choices, consequences and sacrifices make it both interesting and distressing to watch.  It's decent performances and clever writing raise the film above it's spotty premise and that's a disturbing yet pleasant surprise.

3 Death Proof girls out of 5

DEATH PROOF [2007]

Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof is the 2nd half of the Robert Rodriguez/Tarantino Grindhouse double feature.
Tarantino's low budget ode to 70's exploitation slasher flicks should have been more fun than it actually turns out to be.  Instead it's filled with long scenes of senseless babble which he usually writes quite well, which is a shame because here he had a chance to do it with a nearly all female cast rather than his usual all male cast.  There's two wonderfully entertaining vehicular carnage chase scenes that are well worth checking out but the rest is boring garbage that doesn't rise to the potentially campy fun it could have been.

2 twisted nerves out of 5

TRANCE [2013]

Based on a 2001 TV film of the same name, Danny Boyle's latest psychological thriller Trance is like a stylistic throwback to his days of Shallow Grave & Trainspotting with just a hint of Chris Nolan's Inception.

It's loud, abrasive, violent and filled with hypnotizing music all of which, when mixed, comes off quite smoothly with distorted beauty and allure.  At times the complicated plot is distracted by Boyle's sometimes overly stylish camera shots.  Never the less, it's a well-acted, trippy experience that will at least please fans of his work.  

3½ palettes drenched in red out of 5

UNSTOPPABLE [2010]

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting much at all going into the late Tony Scott's final film, Unstoppable.  

I was a fool.  What I got was a highly entertaining, tightly wound, heart-stopping action film that's difficult not to get wrapped up into.  The premise and characters are pretty thin but we're here for the action and that's where the film excels relentlessly.  Only Scott can make a crowd of onlookers in industrial smalltown USA look just as exciting as a high speed car chase in New York City. 

Popcorn fun at some of it's finest.

3½ breakfast cereal storms out of 5

MEN IN BLACK II [2002]

Tommy Lee Jones & Will Smith reprise their roles as Agents J & K in this dismal 2002 sequel to the sci-fi comedy Men In Black.  

All the same elements of the first film are here only this time it simply just doesn't work.  What was a perfect blend of silly, bizarre and creative, is all pulverized into an uneven pile of mush in the second film.  Set in New York,  MIB II fell victim to heavy edits because of 9/11 and the Two Towers originally being featured quite heavily in the original cut, so that might have a lot to do with the sloppy mess that it is. 

...and Lara Flynn Boyle just plain sucks.

2 Rick Fuck Yeah Baker is the STAR out of 5

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

Pluto Nash. Yup. It’s real. Someone (you know who you are) better laugh it up as much as they can because he’s going to be eating moist kitty litter for giving me this eye-bleeder. Out of respect for his reasons, and to raise my anger to a suitable level whereby I can punish his testicles with nettles without any pangs of remorse, I watched all of it. All. Every bastard bit. My Friday night, ruined. There will be blood and swollen, stinging man parts. It lost the studio over $100 million. Good. That means there won’t be a sequel.

0½ because, amazingly, I've been forced to watch worse out of 5

Girl Walks Into A Bar (2011)

Something about downloading a freely distributed movie feels wrong to me. I don't get that same satisfaction of illegal piracy. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

This low-budget/big-name feature starts out like a David Mamet play with some good writing and snappy dialogue, then falls into dull routine like a cheap knock-off of a Robert Altman ensemble comedy. The subject matter involves random conversations in 10 bars with a common thread running throughout...which is all but abandoned by the halfway point. The main problem is that this movie never really goes anywhere, and I didn't find the individual scenes enjoyable in and of themselves.

If you want to see it for yourself, it's here (only available in the U.S.).

2 black censored bars out of 5...fuck you

Zookeeper (2011)

Dr. Dolittle meets Night at the Museum. Not exactly a happy marriage. Kevin James does his manic energy routine as the zookeeper trying to win back his ex, as the zoo animals attempt to show him their ways of getting a mate. This involves a scene taking a gorilla to TGI Friday's. It sounds stupid, but I actually laughed out loud more than I expected I would. Still more enjoyable than Mr. Popper's Penguins.

(Sidenote: Makes me wonder if kids will start jumping into bear and lion exhibits, thinking the animals will talk to them and be friendly.)

2.5 "fat man fall down, ha ha" shtick moments out of 5