Merry Little Batman (2023)

While Batman is off Batman-ing, his son Damian Wayne plays dress-up at home where he tortures the long-suffering Alfred (when will the poor guy get to retire?) and guards Wayne Manor from some unexpected intruders.

The first part feels like an excuse for a Home Alone homage, followed by some blatant A Christmas Story references. At least the villain representation was pretty good. David Hornsby as Joker was an inspired choice. And I like that Mr. Freeze was Arnie-fied. Although Poison Ivy looked more like a crack whore here. I also like that they named the family cat Selina, but that's about it.

Unfortunately, it was mostly underwhelming. It might have worked better as a tighter 30-45 minute Christmas special. At least it would have lent itself more to rewatchability every year, because I don't plan on sitting through it again.

2 Jingle Bells, Batman Smells out of 5

The Batman (2022)

Does a Batman movie need to be 3 hours? No. No, it doesn't. This film takes the "throw everything at the wall and see what sticks" approach. It brings the series to an even darker and grim direction than Nolan did, managing to make it feel dreary and depressing. And, it's simply not enjoyable. The recent trend of reboots seems to be to suck all the fun out of these movies and make it as miserable for the audience as possible. My biggest gripe is that it takes itself way too seriously. Everyone talks and moves slowly, as if they're underwater. Robert Pattinson does a serviceable enough job as Emo Batman, but he's even duller as Bruce Wayne. Zoë Kravitz feels like she's going through the motions as Catwoman, Colin Farrell is buried beneath pounds of make-up and a fat suit as Penguin, while Paul Dano's trash bag makes Jim Carrey's Riddler seem absolutely inspired. It all feels like a pale imitation of what's come before. At this point, it's just a rehash upon a rehash. Everything we've seen here has already been done better.

Anyway, barring all that, if you're a ride or die fan, you'll probably enjoy it. I didn't, but I can see why others might. This is basically Batman meets Zodiac. There is a decent movie to be found within this mess, but unfortunately you have to sort through a lot of fluff to get there.

2½ thumb drives out of 5

BATMAN: ASSAULT ON ARKHAM [2014]

Batsy plays second fiddle to the Suicide Squad in director Jay Olivia & Ethan Spaulding's animated film Assault on Arkham.
Ol' Amanda Waller sends the Squad out on a mission to hunt down The Riddler, imprisoned in Arkham Asylum, who is holding onto a flash drive that contains some very important secret information.
I normally like me a heist film but somehow this one comes off as predictable, boring and easily forgettable.  It misses the opportunity to explore some interesting character conflicts and instead it blindly rushes into the action and mayhem without any reason to give a shit.  Is it better than the recent live-action Squad film?  No.  Not really.  It's about the same with even less flare.

2 bullet-proof prison cells out of 5

THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE [2017]

Robot Chicken director Chris McKay delivers the animated fun in spades with his LEGO Movie spin-off, The LEGO Batman Movie.
After accidentally adopting an overly eager orphan named Dick, Batsy must defeat The Joker and his usual band of lawless cronies from overthrowing Gotham City.
It's a very busy film that attacks the senses a bit but thankfully it's pretty damned funny with plenty of moments and gags that will please long-time fans of The Caped Crusader.  It references all sorts of cinematic forms of Batsy, including Adam West, Bruce Timm's animated series, Batfleck and yes, even the one with the nipples.   There's so much going on I'm willing to bet even a third or fourth viewing won't reveal all the jokes and sight gags to the exhausted viewer.  It's clearly the work of greedy Hollywood executives but it's enough batshit crazy fun to let it slide.

3½ family portraits out of 5

BATMAN: RETURN OF THE CAPED CRUSADERS [2016]

Adam West & Burt Ward reprise their olde tyme dynamic duo roles for the hilariously disjointed animated Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders.
Taking us back to the '60's, Batsy & The Boy Wonder must travel to outer-space (and back) to thwart the diabolical plans of the fiendish foursome: The Joker, Penguin, The Riddler & Catwoman.
With it's silliness perfectly intact it's really hard to resist it's bad humor, silly one-liners and outrageous situations.  Fully aware of how ludicrous the series was, this new film bathes in it and makes it all the more fun to jump in to the tub with it (cheeky Aunt Harriet jokes included).  There's nothing here that's going to leave a lasting impression (except maybe that creepy granny voice coming out of the "sexy" Catwoman cartoon) but it's a helluva lot better than the lifeless adaptation of The Killing Joke from earlier this year.

3 Bat-Brass-Knuckles out of 5

BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE [2016]

After years of pleas from bothersome fanboys, Alan Moore & Brian Bolland's 1988 graphic novel Batman: The Killing Joke is finally given the animated feature-length treatment.
The Joker does a nasty number on the Gordon family forcing Batsy to hunt him down and inflicting a punishment upon him he sees fit.
I'm probably in the minority here but I never found The Killing Joke book particularly interesting and that follows quite faithfully into the film as well.  Sure there's plenty of disturbingly wicked Joker moments but it's more shock value than anything...especially when you take into consideration the brand new horrid first act tagged on for whatever reason.  It's great to hear Kevin Conroy & Mark Hamill return to their respective roles but even they don't seem all that enthusiastic with what they're given.

2 red hoods out of 5

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE [2016]

DC Comics, Warner Bros. & director Zack Snyder clumsily rush into an attempt to create a comic book movie universe as large as MCU's with the overly zealous Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
Broody Batsy dukes it out with frowny Supes while shadowy Wonder Woman makes her big-screen debut and in the process steals any scene she's in.
By borrowing mostly from Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, the film promises a load of unintentional silliness amongst it's seriousness and hilariously clunky dialogue that a 14-year old could write.   Then toss Snyder into the mix and you're guaranteed to go big but left wondering where all the substance got lost in something this huge.
On the plus side, there's the odd exciting moment, plenty of pretty looking visuals and in all honesty, I look forward to seeing Affleck & Irons continue as Batsy & Alfred in their inevitable stand-alone film.

2 really terrible dream sequences out of 5

Scooby-Doo Meets Batman (2002)

Oh, dear. The Bat barrel has a bottom and it has been Scooby scraped.
It's a pair of The New Scooby-Doo Movies released on one disc, both featuring the Caped Crusader. Admittedly, they have something in common, both parties solve crimes in their own respective titles, but it's still an odd pairing.
Batman enlists the help of the Scooby gang in apprehending The Joker and Penguin because he's too incompetent to do it himself. While the dog and his human get up to their usual antics on the ground, Batman's bum-crack chin and disappearing pants flaff around in the Batplane with his Boy Wonder.

1 cat bookie bat cookie out of 5

Son of Batman (2014)

Batman’s paternal instincts have been explored before with the various Robins. You can debate the usefulness of a Robin, but at least they weren't snot-nosed little shits like the youth in SoB. He puts himself in dangerous situations to prove his mastery and ends up ruining everyone’s day.
Does the continuity shake up of JL: War (2014) excuse the uncharacteristic way Batman behaves? It’s one thing to allow an outsider access to the Bat Cave, but to bring him into the world of other people who value their secrecy as much as Batsy is supposed to value his own is ridiculous.
And since when was letting someone who could be saved go ahead and die any different than killing him, in Bruce’s mind at least?

2½ threatening moves out of 5

Justice League: War (2014)

The first JL animation based on the New 52 reboot is also a reboot. It wastes no time with set-up for most of the heroes. Instead, it starts in the middle of a story and goes downhill from there.
Being called WAR there’ll be no surprise to find that there’s a lot of combat; so very, very much combat. My brain almost atrophied.
It earned my respect for addressing certain criticisms of failings that are almost inherent in superhero stories and turning them into strengths, but the characters are mostly awful. Batman is analytical; he’s okay. Superman is a two dimensional prick. They've ruined Capt. Marvel and changed his name. And what have they done to Wonder Woman? She’s a moron.

2½ boom tubes out of 5

Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)

An alternative universe tale of sorts that may have lasting repercussions for future releases should DC decide to go down that route.
It’s a gritty and violent adventure packed with DCU heroes and villains; some of them have very little impact on the story but it’s fun to see them included. It may even change your view of the often mocked Aquaman.
The Flash seeks help from the one man who really understands his plight and has just as much to gain as he has to lose from the outcome.
It starts strong and keeps getting better and better with a pace befitting its main character. The ending doesn't take the easy way out.

4 trigger points out of 5

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns - Part 2 (2013)

The second half of the story was the one that I thought would be the hardest to get right because it has some complex social commentary and cold war politics that weigh heavy on the action, but for the most part it was actually more enjoyable than Part One. There was more tension and a hell of a lot more to lose should Batman fail in his mission. But when it came to giving what should have been a rousing speech and meaningful exchanges with [spoiler], Weller's delivery once more failed to do it justice.
If memory serves, the story stayed very close to the source material, which was a good and bad thing. The character designs were respectful, too, although they lacked the grittiness.

2½ cover stories out of 5

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns - Part 1 (2012)

TDKR is adapted from the book of the same name by Frank Miller. I'm a fan of Miller's comics work but I think his dialogue is unsuitable for film. That meant I wasn't overly concerned that Batman's inner monologue was removed. I thought it would be compensated for, but it wasn't.
What remained was Miller's slow pacing and his deconstruction of the typical superhero genre through news broadcasts that offer up conflicting views of the action and motivations of the very different kinds of sociopaths.
Peter Weller was piss-poor as Bruce/Batman. His delivery was lifeless and flat. It sounded like he'd just wakened and was reading his lines from the back of a cereal packet. Andrea Romano wasn't on casting duties for this one and it shows. Everyone was ill-suited to their character.

2½ heat waves out of 5

Justice League: Doom (2012)

Batman is a part of the Justice League but he's never really been a team player. He'd much rather be alone, but it's while alone that each member is most vulnerable. If a megalomaniac with the proper resources was to target each of them while they were divided…
JL:D is a top class animation loosely based on the Tower of Babel story that ran in the comics in 2000. The pace never lets up from the outset. Voice acting is superb. The reactions of the cast are true to their usual personality types. GL is a tough character to translate to film, but he's handled well this time. Everything is awesome. DC know how to make something exciting.

4 contingency plans out of 5

LEGO Batman: The Movie - DC Superheroes Unite (2013)

My interest in the shovel-load of English language CGI animations released every year is almost zero, but I’ll make an exception for Batman.
I once bought a LEGO: Batman game. It was fun for five minutes. The film is like the game, with more action. What held my attention after those five minutes was the comedy gold of the friendly rivalry between Bats and Supes. Yes, they’re League buddies, but Supes can fly and that really irks Bruce. The story uses every opportunity to play around with that thorn in the Bat’s side.
There's a real sense of love for the material by the makers; they did their homework, as evidenced by the fan-pleasing nods to the comics and the preceding live action films.

3 bus tickets out of 5

Batman: Under The Red Hood (2010)

Someone calling himself The Red Hood attempts to take control of Gotham's criminal underworld, an act that doubles as a kind of challenge to Batman. The Dark Knight tries to prevent further casualties, but something about The Red Hood bothers him on a deeply personal level.

The character designs are mostly great, and there's some timely black humour, more often than not courtesy of Black Mask (Wade Williams).

It's rated PG 13, but the violence is more extreme than any of the previous films, with multiple murders, explosions, and even a bag of severed heads being thrown around. It's perhaps a case of making it more grim in the hopes that it'll appear more mature, but the result arguably lessens the dramatic power of the storytelling and at worst sullies the purity of the series.

3 flashbacks to a better time out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES [2012]

The final installment of director Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises is a fitting grand finale to arguably one of the best superhero film series ever made.

It mucks around a bit at the beginning but comes all together pretty quickly and wastes no time charging forward into the darkness.  As gloomy as the film may be, it explores themes of hope for humanity, the will to  keep fighting and some questionable political views.  While it might not have the same impact, well choreographed fight scenes or the smarts of the previous film, The Dark Knight Rises is a huge messy spectacle that is sure to please the fans of the series and leave them wanting more.

3 Moroccoan chants out of 5

Batman: Year One (2011)

The Batman origin story yet again, this time based on Frank Miller's comic of the same name. It closely resembles David Mazzucchelli's character designs, which I was very pleased about. It's a surprisingly faithful adaptation, with instances of dialogue and scene setting lifted directly from the source text.

Ben McKenzie is okay as Batman, but Bryan Cranston steals the show as Jim Gordon, a man who has to work hard to win his battles and fix his mistakes. When Gordon's centre stage Year One is an accomplished and engaging drama, but elsewhere it was less convincing; e.g. Bruce kicking a tree in half.

As successful as the adaptation is overall, I feel that an alternate version focussing solely on an expanded Gordon narrative — including Batman only when he crossed over into the lieutenant's world — could've been fantastic.

3½ working relationships out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT [2008]

Chris Nolan's Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, joins that small league of film sequels that are just as good or even better than the original.
It's essentially a fast-paced study of the psyche of good and evil and the blurry lines between them and then masked as a vastly large action film with some wonderful performances to boot.
It does lack in heart and emotional impact in quite a few spots but makes up for it in the powerful conclusion. The story takes a few pointless turns into useless complications but quickly steer away from them and it keeps on charging full steam ahead.
Heath Ledger disappears into the role as The Joker, which sadly overshadows Aaron Eckhart's wonderful performance as District Attorney Harvey Dent.
Sit back and enjoy for this is popcorn entertainment at some of it's finest.

4 Heat montages out of 5

BATMAN BEGINS [2005]

Heavily inspired by comic books Batman: Year One and The Man Who Falls, director Christopher Nolan gives the Batman movie franchise a well-deserved makeover.
Primarily focusing on humanity, fear and identity in this film, Batman Begins attempts to bring a heavy dose of realism to the world of Gotham City and does a damn fine job at it as well.
The first hour is perfect in every sense, without relying on any special effects, the story charges forward in a beautifully executed character driven fashion. While the second hour focuses more on action, it's good but to be honest I'm far more interested in the Bruce Wayne aspect of the film rather than the hokey sounding Batman.
Like former Batman director Tim Burton praised of this film "Nolan certainly got more to the root of what the Batman comics are about." ...and that's character.

4 Blade Runner homages out of 5