BATMAN: ASSAULT ON ARKHAM [2014]

Batsy plays second fiddle to the Suicide Squad in director Jay Olivia & Ethan Spaulding's animated film Assault on Arkham.
Ol' Amanda Waller sends the Squad out on a mission to hunt down The Riddler, imprisoned in Arkham Asylum, who is holding onto a flash drive that contains some very important secret information.
I normally like me a heist film but somehow this one comes off as predictable, boring and easily forgettable.  It misses the opportunity to explore some interesting character conflicts and instead it blindly rushes into the action and mayhem without any reason to give a shit.  Is it better than the recent live-action Squad film?  No.  Not really.  It's about the same with even less flare.

2 bullet-proof prison cells out of 5

MINORITY REPORT [2002]

Minority Report is another film from Steven Spielberg's cold, cynical period that saw the director shitting the bed in the final 15 minutes of every project from those mixed days.
Loosely based upon Philip K. Dick's neo-noir short story of the same name, it follows a world where the crime of murder can be foreseen by law enforcement but is put into question when one of it's leading officers is accused of murder himself.
There's plenty of tantalizing ideas and themes thrown around but it's all wrapped around a rather soulless heart that makes it difficult to attach oneself to.  There's several moments of astonishing camera-work, imaginative action sequences and icy yet fascinating visuals that all matches Dick's Cold War paranoia story to a tee.  So maybe it might have been an even more successful adaptation if it were done for an anthology television series instead.

3 spider-bots out of 5

RED 2 [2013]

Galaxy Quest director Dean Parisot slips into the director's chair for the sequel to the 2010 action/comedy Red.
Once again Bruce Willy does what he does best and that's not take his action acting too seriously making for a pretty fun ride.  Mary Louise-Parker scene steals like no tomorrow with her adorably funny performance, while Helen Mirren & Byung Hun Lee bring an awesome Fast & Furious attitude with some wicked guns and vehicular carnage.  It's still wildly violent to the point of ridiculousness but manages to never keep a straight-face while the bullets fly and bones snap 'n crack.  As much fun as the film is, it's a bit too generic and feels like we've seen this story over and over and over again, leading me to believe if not for the fantastic cast it'd be pretty dull.

3 tingles for a Pringle out of 5

Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

The Borg, arguably the most menacing of the Next Gen villains (before Voyager turned them into clumsy halfwits), attempt to bring the Federation to its knees once and for all. Picard says, No! Not on my watch!
FC is Picard and Data's story, everyone else is just along for the ride. That suits me; those two stalwart characters are my all time favourites. It manages to be both an action movie and a Trek movie, striking a balance that previous films had failed to find. It’s a triumphant first solo outing for TNG crew.

4 pleasures of the flesh out of 5

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

I haven’t had much time to watch film the past few weeks, so when I did have a few hours to spare I chose this; I am regret. It’s a miracle I made it past the first ten minutes. To my shame I wanted to see Spinning Bird Kick in action, so I stuck it out for fifty minutes before reaching a suitable level of self-hatred that mercifully forced me hit the square button. Avoid or endure, it’s up to you.

0 Shadaloo my ass out of 5