OVER THE HEDGE [2006]

DreamWorks Animation's big-screen adaptation of the nationally syndicated comic strip Over the Hedge is a safe, pleasant surprise that makes it too easy for itself to get lost in the sea of other films of it's kind.
It's about a pack of wild animals that discover their woodland home is now a park in the middle of the suburbs, forcing them to find new means of survival.
It's a breezy, light-hearted affair that offers nothing new to the table but is enough fun for the whole family to enjoy, unless you're the type constantly seeking out deep character arcs and quick-witted dialogue in your cartoons.
It's as easy to enjoy as it is to forget.

3 crazy, rabid squirrels that wants cookies out of 5

Pulp Fiction (1994)

QT’s second film is a nonlinear collection of about half a dozen stories that overlap in interesting ways, even though none of them really go anywhere meaningful. On one hand it’s deserving of being pulped, but the performances, dialogue and love shown to established filmic techniques (rear projection car rides, long tracking shots, split-focus lens and even a McGuffin) are indulgently entertaining. It’s not unlike the tasty burger that Sam Jackson makes a big deal over in one of the stories: it’s constructed from chopped up pieces and satisfies for a brief time. However, at 154 minutes I do feel that it pushes against the limits of acceptability for that kind of thing.

4 moral tests of oneself out of 5

G.I. Joe: Retaliation: Extended Action Cut (2013)

The G.I Jokes return for a sequel that feels more like a reboot considering that hardly anyone bothered to come back from the first movie. The result is a bigger adventure with a smaller team at its core.
The Rock takes over as the main Joe; his sweaty head dominates every scene he’s in. (Does he have someone spray it for effect or is it naturally sweaty?) The remainder of the two hour running time is split between buddy comedy, action scenes with approx 60 cuts per second and night-time shootouts so the bullets can leave tracers that look dramatic.

2 thankless jobs out of 5

RED 2 [2013]

Galaxy Quest director Dean Parisot slips into the director's chair for the sequel to the 2010 action/comedy Red.
Once again Bruce Willy does what he does best and that's not take his action acting too seriously making for a pretty fun ride.  Mary Louise-Parker scene steals like no tomorrow with her adorably funny performance, while Helen Mirren & Byung Hun Lee bring an awesome Fast & Furious attitude with some wicked guns and vehicular carnage.  It's still wildly violent to the point of ridiculousness but manages to never keep a straight-face while the bullets fly and bones snap 'n crack.  As much fun as the film is, it's a bit too generic and feels like we've seen this story over and over and over again, leading me to believe if not for the fantastic cast it'd be pretty dull.

3 tingles for a Pringle out of 5

Twelve Monkeys (1995)

Gilliam’s remake/expansion of Chris Marker's La Jetée (1962) is almost as good as the original. Stylistically it’s an occasionally disorientating experience with a subtly unrealistic depth of field that feels like a more restrained version of his Orwellian Brazil (1985). The result is one of the most accomplished and polished pieces of work he’s ever made. It’s also one of the most satisfying time travel stories that I've ever seen.
Bruce Willis makes every effort not to be Bruce Willis and delivers possibly the best performance of his career. Madeleine Stowe brings beauty and stability to an ugly world beset by tragedy.

4 divergent trips out of 5

DEATH BECOMES HER [1992]

Director Robert Zemeckis' Death Becomes Her channels the same sort of black humour found in The War Of The Roses and throws a supernatural twist into it.
Action star Bruce Willis takes a back seat, while nerding it up, to allow Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn to take center stage hamming it up in some deliciously bitchy fashion.  Zemeckis manages to juggle in your face gags with sublime humour that might slip under the radar for some.  As with nearly all the director's films, it's a special effects vehicle that is fortunately held up with a solid story and script.  It's not perfect but has some great performances and belly laughs to cement it as a cult classic.

3 "dead" celebrities out of 5

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD [2013]

Like father like son.
Director John Moore resorts to the tired cliche of estranged son teams up with father only to find they have much more in common than they thought, in the fifth Die Hard film, A Good Day To Die Hard.
I counted one scene that got me giddy with brainless excitement and the rest of the film felt like a good time to nap had it not been for the excessive noise.  Moore removes any form of wit, fun or character from the previous films and replaces it with dull, vapid dialogue and flashy but soulless action sequences.

1 excellent car chase out of 5

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD [2007]

Len Wiseman drags the ageing John McClane kicking & screaming into a post 9/11 digital age in the fourth Die Hard film, Live Free Or Die Hard.
As an action film, it delivers with some hilariously ridiculous, yet effective thrills however Timothy Olyphant's villain is a bit flat and the film would have benefited a bit more had they made Maggie Q.'s kick-ass kung-fu bitch the big bad.  Unlike Indiana Jones 4, this film works in the hero's advanced age into the story rather than just using it as an excuse to make silly one-liners which is nice.  I enjoyed that the majority of the special effects didn't resort to CGI to give it a bit more of a Die Hard feel, unfortunately they went bat shit crazy with the color correction in post-production and it makes it a bit more artificial than it really is.

3½ timex watches in a digital age out of 5

DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE [1995]

Number 3 in the Die Hard series changes things up a bit by adding a With A Vengeance to the title.
John McTiernan returns to the director's chair after stepping out from the second film and with him he brings back the fun something fierce.  Sure it runs around without a point for the first half hour or so but once it decides which way it's going the action is non-stop brainless entertainment with Jeremy Irons and Samuel L. Jackson tossed in for extra "fuck yeahs".   Basically the film winds up with some great punches and leaves without so much as a bruise.  Good times.  Good times.

3½ riddles out of 5

DIE HARD 2 [1990]

Bruce Willis is back as John McClane and is ready to have another shitty Christmas in director Renny Harlin's sequel to the action classic Die Hard.
Now the original had the element of surprise, Bruce Willis' charismatic persona and Alan Rickman's cold, yet delightful performance to allow it rise above the crop of other "American" action films of it's time.  Now without Rickman and the element of surprise, Die Hard 2 falls a little bit short compared to the original but has enough ridiculously fun action sequences to enjoy.  Sure the constant jokey references to the original like "oh no, not again" get a little bit tiresome but Willis still remains thoroughly entertaining and that's all I really wanted from this film.

3 tasers out of 5

MOONRISE KINGDOM [2012]

Moonrise Kingdom is an oddball romantic-comedy of another kind from writer/director Wes Anderson.

Anderson sets out a funny little story that looks and plays sort of like a children's story, with the adults confused, unaware of their surroundings and clueless to how love works.  It's the kids who have a firm grasp on things and know exactly what they want with life, which hilariously reflects on real life without ever getting too heavy.  It floats around in soft colors, bizarre fashions senses and flighty music that only makes the experience that much more enjoyably surreal.

3½ buggy earrings out of 5

LOOPER [2012]

Writer/director Rian Johnson works with a bigger palate on his third feature film, the sci-fi thriller Looper.  Casting Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a young Bruce Willis is a little distracting at times, due to bizarre looking contact lenses & make-up but as the film progresses you forget due to the fascinating story unfolding before you.  Nerds will piss & moan about the time-travelling plotholes but that's missing the point of the film.  It's not about time-travelling...it's about choices & consequences.  It may not be a perfect film but certainly a damned fine entertaining one.

4 froggy warnings out of 5

PLANET TERROR [2007]

Robert Rodriguez sets out to make crap and has a pretty good time doing it in the Grindhouse zombie exploitation film Planet Terror.

From hokey performances to scratched film & missing reels, the film feels pretty genuine to what Rodriguez was aiming for.  Unfortunately, the films run way too long and the joke wears off long before it's over, although I get the feeling the film-makers didn't give a rat's ass.  No matter, Marley Shelton is always funny and I think I found myself drooling over Rose McGowan once or twice.

...oh I should probably mention, the DVD's actually smell like BBQ sauce. 

2½ melting penises out of 5

THE EXPENDABLES 2 [2012]

Director Simon West's sequel to the 2010 shitfest is surprisingly better than the original.

The Expendables 2 delivers the goods like a heavy dose of testosterone injected straight into the head and in the process killing most of your brain cells. The dialogue is predictably terrible, the plot is like a paint by numbers and the jokes are groan worthy, but it's so damned loud and violent you won't care.  

You'll hate yourself for loving this shit but if you're going to go with dumb then go with fun.

2½ hilariously high bodycounts out of 5

UNBREAKABLE [2000]

Strange things always seem to occur to people that never smile in mysterious thrillers written & directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  

Unbreakable is a quiet and moody ode to comic books that reunites Bruce Willis & Samuel L. Jackson for a third time.  It takes us through a murky, dreary analogy of comic books and the real world...or at least the real world that is Shyamalan's imagination.  Set up like an origin story for a super-hero it makes you wonder what other stories any potential sequels would explore.  It might not be as tightly wound or paced as The Sixth Sense but it's probably my favorite of Shyamalan's films.

4 bright colors are always Bad News Bears out of 5

THE SIXTH SENSE [1999]

Writer/director M. Night Shyamalan's knack for telling creepy bedtime stories has become somewhat of a joke as of lately but that doesn't take anything away from the power that is The Sixth Sense.

This creepy and heartbreaking ghost story (as all ghost stories should be) about the need for communication serves the scares a plenty all the while grounding it with just the right amount of heart.  Shyamalan lays on the atmosphere something fierce with his beautiful, yet dismal, photography, keen sense of space & lack of and the command of excellent performances, particularly Toni Collette.

Years later and this film still sends chills down the spine while tugging at the heartstrings.  

5 shades of red out of 5

RED [2010]

Loosely inspired by Warren Ellis' comic book mini-series, Robert Schwentke's RED isn't everything it could have been but is still takes you out for a good joyride.

With a veteran cast made up of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Brian Cox and Richard Dreyfuss, it comes as a surprise that Mary Louise-Parker and Karl Urban are the real scene-stealers here.  It's an outrageous, funny, violent action-comedy that's based more on it's cast rather than the script.  Not great, but fun enough to kill two hours.

3 gun-stuffed pigs out of 5

Die Hard (1988)

Die Hard has been my favorite Christmas movie for years. As grumpy as I may get about general Christmas festivities, I still feel the need to do something vaguely Christmas-y, and Die Hard satisfies that urge without ever descending into the things I dislike about holiday movies.

In some ways, Die Hard feels like a very violent live-action cartoon. It's so over the top and high energy, and at times devolves into full-on silliness. Rickman is exceedingly charming and wonderfully evil, and Willis' banter is a blast. It's easy to see why this movie led to him being a full-on superstar. It's a fun twist on the buddy film genre, and pretty much the perfect action movie. It's got bloody shoot outs and explosions, and makes me feel happier every time I watch it. And, when it comes down to it, that's what a Christmas movie should do.

5 machine guns out of 5. Ho-Ho-Ho.

Breakfast of Champions (1999)

Based on the Kurt Vonnegut novel (I don't know how faithful it is), this strange, off-putting "comedy" of sorts stars Bruce Willis as a used car salesman who becomes obsessed with some writer or another...I don't know. I couldn't make heads or tails out of anything in this movie. It made about as much sense to me as Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (which I also plan to revisit soon). It simply tries too hard to be kooky for its own good, with its incomprehensible mess of a plot and collection of unhinged, neurotic characters.
At the very least, this movie introduced me to the music of Martin Denny.

0 Cross-Dressing Nick Noltes out of 5