Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

The third in the Knives Out series surrounds a murder in the ranks of a parish when a young priest butts heads with the thorny Monsignor. It's a locked-room ("impossible crime") mystery where Benoit Blanc attempts to prove innocence and clear their name. Daniel Craig settles into the role like an old comfortable shoe, while the film itself feels tonally different from the rest, but it's very much worth a spin in all of its complexity and density. I hope Rian Johnson keeps making these films forever because he has a real knack for the genre.

3½ roads to Damascus out of 5

Hellboy (2019)

Guillermo del Toro wasn't allowed to complete the final entry of his trilogy, and Ron Perlman refused to return without his involvement, so a decade later we were treated to a hard reboot of the comic book franchise. This time they opt for an R-rating with lots of blood and guts, but it's the overreliance on CGI which hurts the most. David Harbour turns in a decent characterization as Big Red, though he can't match up to the wry heights that Perlman brought to the series. Its main flaw is being directly compared to del Toro's previous adaptation, of which it pales in comparison. It's technically competent, but mostly forgettable, due to the fact that there is too much going on and they tried to cram it all into a bloated 2-hour runtime. However, it's a big-budget action-horror extravaganza, so depending on your appetite for the genre, you might get your money's worth.

2 Excaliburs out of 5

OVER THE HEDGE [2006]

DreamWorks Animation's big-screen adaptation of the nationally syndicated comic strip Over the Hedge is a safe, pleasant surprise that makes it too easy for itself to get lost in the sea of other films of it's kind.
It's about a pack of wild animals that discover their woodland home is now a park in the middle of the suburbs, forcing them to find new means of survival.
It's a breezy, light-hearted affair that offers nothing new to the table but is enough fun for the whole family to enjoy, unless you're the type constantly seeking out deep character arcs and quick-witted dialogue in your cartoons.
It's as easy to enjoy as it is to forget.

3 crazy, rabid squirrels that wants cookies out of 5

KILLER JOE [2011]

Killer Joe is a brutally sadistic over-the-top black comedy from William Friedkin based on Tracy Letts' play of the same name.

It's gifted with some brilliant performances, particularly Matthew McConnaughey, who as outrageous as they all are, never seem to fall into cartoony type of characters.  Like a David Lynch film, you're never sure if you're supposed to be laughing or looking away at the graphic violence unfolding before your eyes.  Sadly, the film can be so repulsive it's completely unlikable, especially when you consider how nothing ever really serves a bigger purpose.

2 fried chicken blowjobs out of 5

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

The promise of the Venom symbiote entering the Spidey world got fans in a fap-tizzy prior to the release of film number three, myself included, but it's a huge disappointment. It appears from nowhere and has no motivation. Elsewhere some new characters are similarly devoid of back-story to leave more time for lengthy action scenes that'll please the action junkie or your twelve-year-old niece. Peter has some excellent scenes in a film that almost got the square button half-way through.

2 pills for Jameson out of 5

EASY A [2010]

The silly and predictable cinematic ode to John Hughes, Easy A is carried by Emma Stone's dryly comedic performance along with a host of great supporting characters to back her up. In fact the whole time I was thinking "this reminds me of Friends With Benefits with it's awesome supporting characters and really trivial plot".  Turns out it was the same director, Will Gluck.
It's not a complete waste of time due to some great laughs but in the end it never adds up to much and makes you wish you'd revisited the John Hughes classics instead.

2½ Homosexual comparisons to Huck Finn out of 5

JOHN CARTER [2012]

Andrew Stanton, the director of Pixar classics Wall-E & Finding Nemo, jumps right into his first live-action feature with John Carter, a blockbuster adaptation of Edgar Rice Burrough's classic Barsoom series.

With series like Star Wars, Conan and many more stealing more than it's fair share from Barsoom, the film comes off as nothing original or new.  The pacing is heavily uneven, there's too many characters to focus on and you just get the feeling it's missing something huge from the story set-up.

Bad points aside, John Carter is corny, pulpy fun that sets out to purely entertain..

2½ men named Virginia out of 5