Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

The third in the Knives Out series surrounds a murder in the ranks of a parish when a young priest butts heads with the thorny Monsignor. It's a locked-room ("impossible crime") mystery where Benoit Blanc attempts to prove innocence and clear their name. Daniel Craig settles into the role like an old comfortable shoe, while the film itself feels tonally different from the rest, but it's very much worth a spin in all of its complexity and density. I hope Rian Johnson keeps making these films forever because he has a real knack for the genre.

3½ roads to Damascus out of 5

The Running Man (2025)

A totalitarian, dystopian game show seemed oddly prescient back in 1982 when King's novel was first published. In 2025, it's depressingly accurate. 

This new adaptation by Edgar Wright attempts to be more faithful to the source material about an everyman who competes on a reality show for a large cash prize by surviving for 30 days in a city full of hunters. This is an extraordinarily stupid movie full of bad decisions that somehow succeeds in making the 1987 film seem more competent by comparison. It's quite a feat.

1½ lucky socks out of 5

Weapons (2025)

At 2:17am, 17 children disappear. Told in snippets from different points of view, it's best to know nothing else going in. It's a creepy little film, full of tension and frequently hilarious. It had my whole theater laughing and screaming.

3½ cans of soup out of 5

Brothers (2024)

Peter Dinklage and Josh Brolin play Twins brothers who grow up together committing petty crime after their mom ditches them. When one of them ends up in the clink, the other goes straight, and they reunite after he makes a deal with one of the guards to be let out early, and must convince his brother to go on one last heist. Pretty conventional comedy that probably sounded a lot funnier on the page, but required more skill behind the camera to pull it off. There's far too much talent in the cast for this type of garbage. Features the final performance of M. Emmet Walsh, who deserved better than this.

1½ monkey handjobs out of 5

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Picking up more or less where the first entry left off, we're treated to...more fucking sand. Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya make great decorative scenery against the bleak, unforgiving landscape, but the real highlight of this episode is the epic sandworm taming scene. I honestly found the majority of this film boring, and—surprise, surprise—we're left with yet another cliffhanger at the end of a three-hour snooze fest. Will they even make a Dune Messiah at this point? Who knows...it takes so long for them to come out with these movies, I doubt I'll even care by then. Sorry, it just wasn't for me. 

2½ sandworm goatses out of 5

Dune (2021)

People love these movies, but I can't stand them. I find them pretentious as fuck. Still, the VFX are nice and the direction is accomplished beautifully by Denis Villeneuve. Maybe what annoys me the most is how long they are. Do we really need to devote 2½ hours to approximately one half of a novel? It travels at a leisurely snail's pace, but maybe that's the point. And there's sand, sand everywhere. It's like Tatooine: The Movie. Personally, I thought the 1984 version was superior, because at least it told a "complete" story. I'm being generous here with my rating because I don't want the fanboys to come after me.

3 stillsuits circulating your own urine out of 5

Deadpool 2 (2018)

The Merc with the Mouth returns in this demented step-brother to the X-Men franchise. What happens when someone who can't die loses the will to live? This installment introduces the time-traveling Cable who arrives from the future in order to murder a kid who will eventually grow up to be a villain. Can he be redeemed? Also in tow is the entire X-Force team, including Domino (whose superpower is "luck") and Peter. Yep. Just Peter.

This sequel is not quite as iconic as the original, but still above-average comic book fare that is better than it has any right to be. I like to think of these movies more as parodies of the genre because they're chock full of hilarious sight-gags and subversive meta humor. It also manages to pull off that rare balancing act of being side-splittingly funny while tugging at the heartstrings in unexpected ways. Watch it all the way through for some very satisfying credit scenes that are essential to the plot (and the future of the franchise).

3½ grotesque baby legs out of 5

Note: A (bleeped) PG-13 version of this movie was released called Once Upon a Deadpool, which features a brand new wraparound story with Fred Savage, spoofing his role in The Princess Bride, that's well worth your time. An extended unrated cut was also released, with 15 additional minutes, which is the preferred edition to seek out—although all three versions contain alternate takes/jokes, so you can roll the dice.

HAIL, CAESAR! [2016]

The Coen Brothers dazzle with their impressive cast in thee Classical Hollywood Era comedy Hail, Caesar!
Using real-life Hollywood fixer Eddie Mannix as the leading character, the story tells of the disappearance of a renown actor off the set of their latest big budget epic, all the while dissecting the behind-the-scenes buffoonery that went on to divert audience's attention from the Red Scare.
It's an incredibly authentic recreation of the Post War Hollywood era, thankfully littered with light, silly performances from all folks involved and a breezy air about it that is just off-beat enough to keep film-lovers intrigued.  However, anybody not familiar with how film studios work behind-the-scenes or of the paranoid times the story is set in, will probably find themselves bored and wondering what's with all the weird silliness afoot.
Think of it as The Coen Brothers' own thematic prequel to David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.

3½ noodle lassos out of 5

SICARIO [2015]

It's funny to think that a film as brutally violent as Sicario is, it's still Canadian director Denis Villeneuve's most widely accessible and lightest to date.
Emily Blunt does a tremendous job as a rule-abiding FBI agent who is enlisted by a shady American government task force to help take down a vicious leader of a Mexican drug cartel.
The plot is quite simple but it's the characters that complicate it with white-knuckle tension and unsettling unpredictability with each new riveting reveal.
It's visually stunning with a grisly realism and nerve-wracking intimacy that is beautifully merged with a ominous and pulse-pounding score from Jóhann Jóhannsson.  I enjoyed it quite a bit while watching it but it kept coming back and haunting me for days afterwards, only heightening the anticipation of viewing it again.

4½ hitmen out of 5

EVEREST [2015]

With an ensemble cast of this many well-known names, it's pretty obvious that director Baltasar Kormákur's true story survival thriller, Everest, was aiming for some serious attention come awards season.
A harrowing screen adaptation of the tragic 1996 expedition up Mount Everest that left eight dead, the film's greatest strength is the powerfully dizzying photography that begs to be seen on a proper IMAX screen for maximum effect.  It's biggest weakness is the large number of characters thinly spread throughout the narrative not leaving a whole lot of time for in depth introductions.  However the acting (particularly Clarke & Knightley) and key scenes are strong enough to let you bypass that and get back to the frightening battle of man against planet.
After the vertigos worn off, I can honestly say I have no interest in enduring such a task as experiencing this sort of torture to my mind, body and soul.

3½ flags out of 5

INHERENT VICE [2014]

Director Paul Thomas gets on high on the weird-o-meter with Inherent Vice, a comedic crime-drama based on Thomas Pynchon's novel of the same name.
Narrated by musician Joanna Newsom, a stoner P.I. named Doc finds he's taken a case that completely spirals out of his control amidst a cast of characters even stranger than he is.  Planted deep into 1970's California, the film has a psychedelic noir-ish feel to it as if it were The Big Lebowski's evil twin with it's back-drop heavily influenced by the paranoia of the Manson Family murders.  There's not a whole lot of sense to be made out of this incredibly confusing psychedelic noir but it's unsettling humor, fantastic music, wildly bizarre performances and hypnotizing character interactions make it so damned engaging I didn't want it to end.

4 Pussy Menus out of 5

THE GOONIES [1985]

The collaborative efforts of storytellers Chris Columbus & Steven Spielberg with director Richard Donner resulted in one of the defining films of many folk's childhood, The Goonies.
With it's spirited and nostalgic sense of adventure it remains a timeless classic for anybody as a child dreamed of something bigger and better hidden within their everyday life.  Shining with a particularly entertaining child cast (take note of Jeff Cohen as Chunk), The Goonies blends Indiana Jones and The Hardy Boys for one exciting trap after another.   It's a little loud and sloppily put together when it comes to a clean storyline but it really doesn't matter when you're in it for the memories or showing it to the kids for the first time.  Good times.

3½ hilarious sounds of vomit out of 5

TRUE GRIT [2010]

Joel & Ethan Coen make a faithful adaptation of True Grit, the American classic serial Western by Charles Portis.
Unlike the John Wayne film and it's shittier sequels, this version stays true to it's source material by telling it from Mattie Ross' point of view (meticulously played by Hailee Steinfeld).  For a Coen Brothers film it scales down the peculiarities of their previous films but still manages to flow with bizarre dialogue structures, exaggerated costumes and beautiful music.  There's nothing particularly flashy or special about this film but it's simply just good ol' fashioned American storytelling.

4 introductions on the shitter out of 5

GANGSTER SQUAD [2013]

Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer brings journalist Paul Lieberman's pulp novel Gangster Squad: Covert Cops, the Mob, and the Battle for Los Angeles to the screen.
With it's impressive ensemble cast and hard-boiled Hollywoodland noir story you suspect Fleischer was attempting to replicate the success of L.A. Confidential but somehow misses the mark.  The characters are atrociously underdeveloped, the editing is terrible, the dialogue it both boring & forced and you'll predict the entire film only 5 minutes in.  As cliched as this uneven mess of a laughable film is, I can't really deny that it was entertaining as feck.  Check your brain at the door and you might find some light entertainment in it.

2½ toasty elevator rides down out of 5

PLANET TERROR [2007]

Robert Rodriguez sets out to make crap and has a pretty good time doing it in the Grindhouse zombie exploitation film Planet Terror.

From hokey performances to scratched film & missing reels, the film feels pretty genuine to what Rodriguez was aiming for.  Unfortunately, the films run way too long and the joke wears off long before it's over, although I get the feeling the film-makers didn't give a rat's ass.  No matter, Marley Shelton is always funny and I think I found myself drooling over Rose McGowan once or twice.

...oh I should probably mention, the DVD's actually smell like BBQ sauce. 

2½ melting penises out of 5

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN [2007]

The Coen Brothers take us through another nihilistic and violent world in the western noir film No Country For Old Men faithfully based off of Cormac McCarthy's novel of the same name.

Feeling like a throwback to Blood Simple, The Coens masterfully create tension, broodiness and an underlying killer sense of humor in this tale about fate and circumstance.  It's ruthless, disturbing, hypnotizing and all around great filmmaking at it's finest.

5 #114 out of 5

Into the Blue (2005)

Into The Blue gives viewers an insight into the life of the bronzed half-human fish-people. Originally native to the shallow waters of Hollywood, they now spend their free time frolicking in the crystal waters of the Bahamas.
You’ll perhaps wonder about the validity of their motivations as the greedy, selfish creatures scour the ocean floor for trinkets; shiny artefacts they believe will make their life better. You’ll certainly shudder as they flaunt their assets in what appears to be a bizarre mating ritual. Pay close attention to how long you can endure the spectacle before you have to slit your own wrists.

0 I'd rather drink shark piss out of 5

MEN IN BLACK 3 [2012]

After a 10 year absence, Agent J & K are back in the third installment of the Men In Black series.

It's nice to see Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones back in black but it's Josh Brolin who steals the show as a younger version of Jones' Agent K character.  The film starts off pretty slow but once Smith jumps back in time things pick up and never slow down.   Rick Baker's alien designs are particularly disgusting this time around causing extreme delight in this gorehound.  

It's not as great as the first film but lightyears better than the second.  

3 pug mugs out of 5

MIMIC - The Director's Cut [2011]

Visionary director Guillermo Del Toro disowned his 1997 creature feature Mimic after too much studio meddling ruined the final product. Nearly 15 years later, Del Toro was given the chance to recut his film into something closer as to what he had originally envisioned.
Unfortunately most of Del Toro's original ideas were never filmed so he was left to work with what he had. The first hour of the film is a vast improvement with just a couple minutes of extra character and atmosphere development making a world of difference. However it's the second hour that falls apart and exposes the film's weaknesses.

3 Daryl Dixons out of 5