JOY RIDE [2001]

Director John Dahl and screenwriter/producer J.J. Abrams show their love for Steven Spielberg's Duel in the road movie thriller, Joy Ride.
While traveling the long empty desert roads of Middle America, three college students are hunted down by a mysterious trucker who contacts them on a CB radio and vows to kill them.  There's a lot of fun to be had here should you ignore the glaring plot-holes, obvious re-shoots and bizarre stalls in the pacing.  There's a 29-minute long alternate ending that fixes a lot of the mistakes in the film but not enough to make Leelee Sobieski's character nothing more than a prop.  It should have stayed focused on the two brothers to avoid a lot of the misdirected bumps in the road.
Joy Ride knows it's popcorn but when it wants to push you to the edge of your seat it does a great job at it.

3 bottles of pink champagne out of 5

FURIOUS 7 [2015]

Horror movie director James Wan makes his first step into jaw-dropping actions films with the latest instalment of The Fast & The Furious franchise,  the tritely-titled Furious 7.
Dom, O'Connor & the rest of the family are back for, yet again, one last job, this time hilariously saving the world from Owen Shaw's nastier older brother.  Like it's predecessors, it lacks in brains, depth or a whole lot of thought-provoking substance but excels in ridiculous, but cheer-worthy action sequences, a sincere heart and an entertaining multicultural cast.  With Paul Walker's death looming over the film, it doesn't let up on the fun as the absurd action kicks into high-gear within seconds of the opening titles.  It's a surprisingly tasteful way to bid farewell to Walker's character, but, as of writing this, the film has passed the $1 billion mark at the box office which guarantees future rides from Diesel and the gang.

3½ Tokyo drifts out of 5

HOURS [2013]

Paul Walker carries about 90% of writer/director Eric Heisserer's dramatic thriller Hours completely on his own.
...and he nearly succeeds.
Unfortunately he's dragged down by dull as doornails dialogue, a complete lack of tension or suspense and a flatlining plotline that ignores it's potential of an interesting premise and setting.  Walker might deliver his performance with the wooden finesse of a blond Keanu Reeves but there's a certain amount of likeability about him that I can't quite pinpoint so that's about all this film really had going for it.  Beyond that, this film felt like it went on for hours and hours and hours....

2 rescue dogs doing a bad job out of 5

PAWN SHOP CHRONICLES [2013]

Director Wayne Kramer's violent comedy Pawn Shop Chronicles is pretty much trash but really really entertaining trash.
You get white supremacist wannabes, freaked out meth-heads, low-life Elvis impersonators, sadistic perverts and more, all of which are largely despicable yet oddly alluring and humorous when put in a film like this.  Each actor plays their parts with over the top enthusiasm which helps bring the misdirected script together a bit more.  It's disturbing, vulgar, creepy, disgusting and most of all really funny.

3 black Santas out of 5

FAST & FURIOUS 6 [2013]

Director Justin Lin's 6th and final film in The Fast & The Furious franchise takes the family out of the exotic locations of before and lands them in the gritty land of England and tea & scones.
Sure, it's short on brains, character development and much of a storyline but that's not really what fans are here for.  It delivers by the meat-headed truckloads with vehicular carnage, bloody hand-to-hand combat, silly but good natured humor, insanely choreographed action sequences that go way over the top and...well...a tank.
With Lin stepping down and Insidious director James Wan stepping in for the next film, I can't wait, seeing as the post credits scene made me wet my pants with fanboy anticipation.

3 F&F family doppelgangers out of 5

Into the Blue (2005)

Into The Blue gives viewers an insight into the life of the bronzed half-human fish-people. Originally native to the shallow waters of Hollywood, they now spend their free time frolicking in the crystal waters of the Bahamas.
You’ll perhaps wonder about the validity of their motivations as the greedy, selfish creatures scour the ocean floor for trinkets; shiny artefacts they believe will make their life better. You’ll certainly shudder as they flaunt their assets in what appears to be a bizarre mating ritual. Pay close attention to how long you can endure the spectacle before you have to slit your own wrists.

0 I'd rather drink shark piss out of 5

FAST FIVE [2011]

Playing like a who's who of the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Five brings nearly all the past characters together for a royal rumble, like a grungy Ocean's 11.
Sure, it's filled with cliches and predictable plot points but it's just so damned rough and loud you don't care. Hell, Vin Diesel and The Rock trade punches like it's nobody's business.  They really toned down on the bad hip-hop music and the pointless 'tits & ass' shots to focus more on the outrageous action.
If this is this was the grand finale, then I'd be happy. It's not though....watch for an extra scene after the credits, for an insanely SILLY "jaw-dropper" setting up for another sequel.

3½ Mobile Bank Vaults out of 5

FAST & FURIOUS [2009]

Michelle Rodriguez does what she does in all her roles.

Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are back together which is pretty fun. Jordana Brewster doesn't know what to do and sort of floats around the story aimlessly.

In fact the story and character drive loses it self quite often. The CGI race scenes take you right out of the action and feels too much like a video game.

Apart from a great opening scene, this installment offers nothing much to further develop the franchise but is a vast improvement from 2 & 3.

2 CGI cars out of 5

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS [2003]

First of many sequels in the mind-numbing "Fast & Furious" franchise.

Paul Walker returns, this time with Tyrese Gibson who putters along with absolutely none of the charisma Vin Diesel brought to the first film.

Eve Mendes, Common, Devon Aoki and an achingly boring villain played by Cole Hauser round out the rest of the lifeless cast.

There's bad movies that are still fun to watch for the entertaining performances, humor or extravagant action sequences (Bad Boys is a perfect example). This has none of those.

Skip this one.

1 Nap Time out of 5

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS [2001]

B-listers Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez go "vroom-vroom" all over this vibrantly stylish and brainless action flick.

The dialogue, acting and plot points come off as an insanely horrible 90's video game, taking elements of Top Gun and Point Break. Aimed at the MTV douchebag & ADD generation, it was sure to make millions and spawn off several sequels...as the mini-scene after the end credits proves.

...and the worst part? The last 30 minutes were so fucking cool.

2½ 1995 Honda Civics out of 5

Fast & Furious (2009)

Vin goes vroom, again.

Action man in the accessories sold separately sports car.

Absolutely no surprises.

Like painting by numbers with an 85 million dollar brush.

Barely watchable.

Plot is tertiary.

1 busted rim out of 5