Dashing Through the Snow (2023)

A jaded social worker meets a man claiming to be Santa Claus who is on the run from people who are after him. This was okay, just extremely generic and predictable. One of those movies where the audience knows he's Santa, every other character knows he's Santa, but the protagonist refuses to believe, despite all of the constant unexplained phenomena. And you can guess how it all ends. Once again, another movie that failed to inspire the 'Christmas spirit' in me. Oh well, I'll keep looking.

2 tablets out of 5

THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS [2017]

Director F. Gary Gray's The Fate of the Furious, the eighth film in the F&F franchise, shows no sign of the series wrapping up.
This time around Diesel's Dom has turned to the dark side forcing The Rock & The Stath to put their differences aside and work together to bring him down, while evading the walls of a prison, an army of cars and a nuclear submarine.
The film doesn't resemble anything that original films set out to do but that's alright because it's so god-damned fun.  There's plenty of laughs, both intentional and unintentional, jammed in-between the carnage-fueled action sequences.  Surpassing Jurassic Park and even Star Wars at the box office means there's no end in sight for the series but that's all right because the film's stars still seem to be having just as much as it's long-time fans are.

3½ hakas out of 5

MAX PAYNE [2008]

Director John Moore brings a lot of visual style to his cinematic adaptation of the third-person shooter video game series Max Payne.
Thinly based upon the first game, Max, a fallen New York City detective obsessed over finding the murderer of his wife and child, while stumbling into a much larger case involving a new strain of powerful narcotics.
This mess of a film is riddled with bad dialogue, illogical plot advancements & actions and terrible acting from just about everyone involved.  If it's goal was to make Frank Miller's work look mature, then it succeeded on every level with the cheeseball violence and overly stylized gruffness.

1½ watches out of 5

FURIOUS 7 [2015]

Horror movie director James Wan makes his first step into jaw-dropping actions films with the latest instalment of The Fast & The Furious franchise,  the tritely-titled Furious 7.
Dom, O'Connor & the rest of the family are back for, yet again, one last job, this time hilariously saving the world from Owen Shaw's nastier older brother.  Like it's predecessors, it lacks in brains, depth or a whole lot of thought-provoking substance but excels in ridiculous, but cheer-worthy action sequences, a sincere heart and an entertaining multicultural cast.  With Paul Walker's death looming over the film, it doesn't let up on the fun as the absurd action kicks into high-gear within seconds of the opening titles.  It's a surprisingly tasteful way to bid farewell to Walker's character, but, as of writing this, the film has passed the $1 billion mark at the box office which guarantees future rides from Diesel and the gang.

3½ Tokyo drifts out of 5

FAST & FURIOUS 6 [2013]

Director Justin Lin's 6th and final film in The Fast & The Furious franchise takes the family out of the exotic locations of before and lands them in the gritty land of England and tea & scones.
Sure, it's short on brains, character development and much of a storyline but that's not really what fans are here for.  It delivers by the meat-headed truckloads with vehicular carnage, bloody hand-to-hand combat, silly but good natured humor, insanely choreographed action sequences that go way over the top and...well...a tank.
With Lin stepping down and Insidious director James Wan stepping in for the next film, I can't wait, seeing as the post credits scene made me wet my pants with fanboy anticipation.

3 F&F family doppelgangers out of 5

No Strings Attached (2011)

Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman get together in the end. Oh, you say? Did I just give away the whole movie? The beautiful male and female leads get together in the end? What a novel fucking concept. Despite its attempts to be "charming" and "hip" and "raunchy," I just found the whole thing annoying and repugnant. Kevin Kline's performance is probably the stand-out of it all, and that's not saying much. The only thing that makes it watchable at all is Natalie Portman's ass, but I hate her for even being in this type of movie.

1 FML out of 5

FAST FIVE [2011]

Playing like a who's who of the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Five brings nearly all the past characters together for a royal rumble, like a grungy Ocean's 11.
Sure, it's filled with cliches and predictable plot points but it's just so damned rough and loud you don't care. Hell, Vin Diesel and The Rock trade punches like it's nobody's business.  They really toned down on the bad hip-hop music and the pointless 'tits & ass' shots to focus more on the outrageous action.
If this is this was the grand finale, then I'd be happy. It's not though....watch for an extra scene after the credits, for an insanely SILLY "jaw-dropper" setting up for another sequel.

3½ Mobile Bank Vaults out of 5