No One Lives (2012)

A gang of highway robbers find out what it's like to fuck around with the wrong person. I hesitate to say any more, but this movie is basically pure carnage, which isn't surprising coming from WWE Studios, and turns the tables on the bad guys. It has some good ideas, but I mostly found it repetitive.

2 unlikely hiding places out of 5

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST [2017]

Twilight: Breaking Dawn director Bill Condon faithfully adapts Disney's animated classic Beauty and the Beast into a live-action musical.
The story of a young woman who falls in love with a monstrous fella that lives within a magical castle keeps Alan Menken & Howard Ashman's iconic songs firmly intact much to the pleasure of fans of the original film.  However heavily auto-tuned Emma Watson's flat-lining performance is far too dull to equal the strength of her character's beliefs.  Dan Stevens does his best as the Beast underneath a heavy layer of poorly rendered CGI fur but it's simply never enough to ignore it's artificial look.  Thankfully Luke Evans & Josh Gad are entertaining bad-boy scene-stealers, while Ewan McGregor & Emma Thompson's voice-work an absolute delight.  For an extravagant musical the camerawork is an absolute bore that never quite elevates the film to majesty it should have been.  Close but no cigar.

2½ really annoying singing wardrobes out of 5

HIGH-RISE [2015]

To date director Ben Wheatley hasn't made a film that is easily digestible for the average viewer and he's not about to start with his adaptation of novelist J.G. Ballard's satirical pre-Thatcher warning High-Rise.
Set in the 70's, a doctor moves into a chic Mega City-esque apartment building (looking as if it were frozen on the brink of collapse) built to provide it's residents with everything they need in order to never leave, which eventually leads to a clash of the classes.
A not-so subtle paranoid dissection of human stratification, High-Rise is wickedly funny, darkly surreal and generates the same sort of intimate coldness David Cronenberg mastered.  There's some pacing issues and it isn't quite as fascinating as it wants to be but Tom Hiddleston's performance and Wheatley's eye for stark beauty is more than enough to keep your eyes glued to the screen.

3 unhappy bunnies bouncing about out of 5

DRACULA UNTOLD [2014]

Director Gary Shore's Dracula Untold is Universal's first step to get on Marvel Comics Universe bandwagon and make up a huge film franchise by gathering up all the classic Universal monsters into one cinematic world.
Twisting around the classic story of Dracula, this film starts with Prince Vlad as a mere human who trades his soul to protect his kingdom from those nasty Turks.  It's by no means a horror film and relishes in being a hokey action flick riddled with plotholes galore.  It has flashes of being quite entertaining but seems to fall flat all too often to make it a worthwhile guilty pleasure.  Visually the film is quite pleasing and Charles Dance is an absolute delight as he chews up any scene he's in.  If you're open to the character of Count Dracula being neutered than you might find it more forgiving than I did.

2 one man armies out of 5

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [2013]

With the 2nd part of Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy, the wonky pacing of the first is smoothed out making for a more enjoyable experience.
The Desolation Of Smaug still might be longer than it really should be but the pay-off is well worth the wait with the introduction of the mighty dragon, voiced with exquisite intimidation by Benedict Cumberbatch.  Sure, there's a lot of padding to flesh the story out into three films but Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro & crew are obviously so committed to staying true to Tolkien's world, characters and themes that it all blends together quite organically.  The problems with the 48 fps of the original are completely diminished and makes for an even more incredible experience.
The final razzle dazzle film of the year is quite literally the way to end 2013 with a bang.

4 barrel rides out of 5

FAST & FURIOUS 6 [2013]

Director Justin Lin's 6th and final film in The Fast & The Furious franchise takes the family out of the exotic locations of before and lands them in the gritty land of England and tea & scones.
Sure, it's short on brains, character development and much of a storyline but that's not really what fans are here for.  It delivers by the meat-headed truckloads with vehicular carnage, bloody hand-to-hand combat, silly but good natured humor, insanely choreographed action sequences that go way over the top and...well...a tank.
With Lin stepping down and Insidious director James Wan stepping in for the next film, I can't wait, seeing as the post credits scene made me wet my pants with fanboy anticipation.

3 F&F family doppelgangers out of 5

THE RAVEN [2012]

John Cusack does his usual self-absorbed "tortured" smartass routine, only this time he's Edgar Allan Poe in James McTeigue's fictional mystery about the final days of the author's life, The Raven.

It's a beautiful looking grisly film that tells a tightly wound little tale that unfortunately has no character to it.  We're introduced to Poe's personal problems but they are never utilized in any sort of interesting character conflict, which makes me wonder why the character had to be Poe in the first place.  It's got a few moments of intrigue but in the end it adds up to nothing but frustrated disappointment.  

2 raccoons out of 5