The Lovely Bones (2009)

I've no knowledge of the book that TLB is based on, but the resultant film is not good. Told from the perspective of a murdered fourteen-year-old girl (Saoirse Ronan), with a v/o from the same, it follows the lives of the people left behind, observed by the dead girl from a place beyond the living world.
Colourful and detailed, but tonally a complete mess, Dir. Peter Jackson used some of his $65 million budget on FX shots that add little of anything other than spectacle to the work. The feeling of acute boredom that settled upon me lifted only when Stanley Tucci was onscreen, and at one other time (for the intruder in his house near the end). And why Mark Wahlberg is ever considered for a role that requires emotion is something I don't understand.

2 skeevies out of 5

THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES [2014]

The final part of Peter Jackson's over-bloated Hobbit trilogy brings us to a mildy under-whelming farewell to the cinematic world of Middle Earth.
The Battle Of The Five Armies will satisfy hardcore fans of Jackson's vision but will more than likely bore anyone uninterested with it's constant attack of CGI battles and creepy crawlies.  It might be billed as "the defining chapter" but one can't help but feel it's not much more than a generous helping of fan service.  With all that out of the way, as a fan, it's a pretty jaw-dropping spectacle with many an applause worthy sequence and giddy-inducing moments leading into the Lord Of The Rings.  

3 bears falling out of the sky out of 5

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG [2013]

With the 2nd part of Peter Jackson's Hobbit trilogy, the wonky pacing of the first is smoothed out making for a more enjoyable experience.
The Desolation Of Smaug still might be longer than it really should be but the pay-off is well worth the wait with the introduction of the mighty dragon, voiced with exquisite intimidation by Benedict Cumberbatch.  Sure, there's a lot of padding to flesh the story out into three films but Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro & crew are obviously so committed to staying true to Tolkien's world, characters and themes that it all blends together quite organically.  The problems with the 48 fps of the original are completely diminished and makes for an even more incredible experience.
The final razzle dazzle film of the year is quite literally the way to end 2013 with a bang.

4 barrel rides out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (extended edition) [2003]

Peter Jackson & co. deliver an emotionally powerful, visually breath-taking grand finale to The Lord Of The Rings film trilogy with The Return Of The King.
Clocking in at over 4 hours it feels like no time is put to waste with it's satisfying character moments, terrifying battle scenes and beautiful backdrops courtesy of New Zealand.  So much care and love was put into every single element of the film you know it's a film for the fans made by fans.  Many might complain about the overly long conclusion but I find it more than suiting to wrap up everything while never wanting to let the characters go.  This trilogy as a whole is a fine achievement in film-making that has already found it's place in cinema history and with good reason.

4½ drinking games out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (extended edition) [2002]

With The Fellowship Of The Ring being a huge success, Peter Jackson & co. would have a lot to live up to with the second Lord Of The Rings film, The Two Towers.
Unfortunately it doesn't quite live up to the adventure of the first film.  It actually tends to drag in several moments with drawn out scenes of character interaction that does nothing to move the story forward or further develop any personality.  There's still several moments that are quite engaging, including the Helms Deep battle and anything involving Andy Serkis' fantastic performance as the demented Gollum.  In the end it's a mess of a film even Jackson & co. admitted to having great difficulty trying to assemble but still worth the time if you're a fan of the series.

3½ fat hobbits out of 5

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (extended edition) [2001]

They said it couldn't be with much doubt but Peter Jackson & co. brought J.R.R. Tolkien's classic epic fantasy novel The Lord Of The Rings to the screen with smashing success both financially and creatively.
The expanded edition of the first instalment The Fellowship Of Ring is easily the definitive version as it smooths out some of the rough skips and bumps in the original edit.  Fleshing out the vivid characters just a bit more added so much to the rich details Jackson gave the world of Middle Earth and it's inhabitants.   With a perfectly rounded out cast, dazzling special effects, beautifully intricate set design, dizzying photography and a powerful score from Howard Shore the film is a milestone in modern film-making.  At the heart of the razzle dazzle lays a wonderfully woven tale about love, friendship and hope in increasingly dark times set within a world of adventure, fantasy and horror.

5 2nd breakfasts out of 5 

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY [2012]

The first part of director Peter Jackson's questionably drawn out 2nd Middle Earth Trilogy, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a welcome return to the world by fans.

There's a familiar air about the film that is both comforting and tense but Jackson fills it up with more than enough background info to destroy some of the mystery of the world.  Martin Freeman & Ian McKellen are absolutely wonderful in the lead roles, as are the ensemble dwarf cast but there's only so much little people partying one would care to see in one film.  As for the controversial 48fps deal?  It's quite effective in some scenes and is in dire need to iron out the kinks in other scenes.  

Being a fan of Jackson and his work, I can't help but anticipate the next two instalments, no matter what little qualms I have with this first part.

3½ dwarf burglars out of 5

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN [2011]

Based on Herge's Belgian classic comic book series, The Adventures of Tintin unites director Steven Spielberg, producer Peter Jackson, Shaun Of The Dead writer Edgar Wright and Doctor Who writer/showrunner Steven Moffat. With this many creative minds stirring the pot it's bound to be a bumpy ride.
It might not be smooth sailing all the way through but Tintin is certainly an entertaining computer animated adventure that has some great action pieces and colorful characters. Starring Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig and some very entertaining performances from Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, Tintin is nothing but a good-spirited, wild ride with an enthusiastic imagination spilling over the sides.

4 comic book likeness cameos out of 5

THE FRIGHTENERS [1996]

Lord Of The Rings director Peter Jackson's first dip into mainstream film-making is an odd one that makes me wonder how he ever got the job of directing the Middle Earth films.
1996's The Frighteners is a horror-comedy that is disturbing as it is funny. It's entertaining and well-paced in it's theatrical cut but the director's cut slows the pace down and throws in some face-palming gags that dumbs it down.
If you're looking for a fun big budget Jackson film but still in the same vein as his earlier independent works than this would be it.

3½ heavenly creatures out of 5

Dead Alive (1992)

AKA: Braindead

A shy young man’s jealous and overbearing mother is bitten by a ravenous demon monkey and turns into a flesh-eating, festering, rotting corpse. Peter Jackson's splatter masterpiece ranks among the best I've ever seen. Rivals Evil Dead II and Re-Animator in terms of the goriest, sickest and most joyfully disgusting movies ever made. Hilarious and horrible all at the same time. Kung fu priests, mowed down zombies, inexplicable giant mama and creepy baby. I love it dearly. After this, Jackson felt he contributed about all he could to the horror-gore genre and moved on to more serious films (Heavenly Creatures).

5 syringes in the eye out of 5

Meet The Feebles (1989)

This bizarre, thinly-veiled "The Muppet Show" parody exists in a world populated by perverse puppets that behave just as humans; they have sex, do drugs, deal with jealousy, prima donnas and tabloid reporters. Peter Jackson's second feature is not great by any means, but it is unique and off-the-wall and I respect him not going in the usual direction with this. In fact, I can't think of any other movie like it. Vulgar, offensive, sick and twisted…and (of course) ends in a puppet gorefest.

2.5 AIDS infested bunnies out of 5

Bad Taste (1987)

Once upon a time, Peter Jackson used to make these completely over-the-top horror-gore fests, such as this, his first film effort, about aliens who inhabit human bodies and use them as food. While loaded up with disgusting and repulsive make-up effects, it simply isn't very good. Watch it to be grossed out, not for anything more substantial.

Then he made Lord of the Rings. The End.

2.5 brains held in by a belt out of 5