Arco (2025)

Remember when rainbows were cool? They were used to express magic and wonder before they got appropriated for other uses. In this French animated film, rainbows indicate visitors from the future. In the year 2075, the family household unit has been replaced by robot help for the most part. A lonely little girl meets a young boy named Arco, who has become displaced from his family through time and needs to recover his flight crystal to get back home. The simple, handcrafted look feels reminiscent of anime, while the slow burn storytelling gives way to a unique experience that lands with the viewer.

3 bird calls out of 5

Note: I saw the English dub, though I expect the original French to be superior.

BLACK SWAN [2010]

Director Darren Aronofsky crafts one of his most unsettling cinematic works with the intimately terrifying psychological horror Black Swan.
Nina is a dancer fully committed to her art, so when she wins the coveted lead role in the newest New York Ballet company's production of Swan Lake, her sanity begins to unravel as her dedication strengthens.
Natalie Portman is at her absolute best here, holding the icy heart of the film with a fearsome blend of fragility and maddening obsession.  While it's up to Aronofsky to capture the claustrophobic world with a cold gray eye that ignores the background and leaves most of it's focus on Portman's self-obsessed reflections of herself.  Like a rich dialogue filled ballet all it's own, Black Swan quite often defies logic in a way that would only make sense in a theatrical production and that's where it finds it's most compelling moments.  

4 shattered mirrors out of 5

THOR: THE DARK WORLD [2013]

After Kenneth Brannagh shat the bed with the first film, I figured Game Of Thrones director Alan Taylor could only do better on Thor: The Dark World.
I was pleased to find my assumptions were slightly correct.  The first act is a dull bucket of boredom, however it's the second act where the story and conflict picks up into some enticing adventure and then it falls into an overdone grand finale of CGI effects and noise.  The only thing the first film had going for it, besides Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston was it's duck out of water humour which is sadly gone here.  It seems to take itself a bit too seriously, apart from a hilarious scene stealing Kat Dennings who fortunately gets a bit more screentime on this ride.
It's an improvement from the first film but doesn't stand up against it's Marvel counterparts.

2½ dreamy Cappy Americas out of 5

MARS ATTACKS! [1996]

As much of a hugely unfocused mess Tim Burton's sci-fi comedy Mars Attacks! is, it's still one of my top five favorite films of his.

Inspired by 1960's Topps' trading cards of the same name, the film is more of a homage than a satire of 1950's sci-fi b-movies and 1970's ensemble cast disaster films.  Beneath all the goofiness and scattered chaos is a ruthlessly funny dissection of American society and culture that ultimately hurt it's popularity in the States but was a great success in the rest of the world.  It's colorful, loud, hilarious, tremendously corny and occasionally shocking, all of which makes for one of Burton's craziest films to date.  

3 peace doves of war out of 5

STAR WARS - EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH [2005]

The third installment of George Lucas' Star Wars saga, Revenge Of The Sith, is easily the best of the "prequel" trilogy.

Sure the hokey dialogue and flatlining acting is still firmly intact but it manages to pack in quite a powerful punch with it's melodrama and dazzling action sequences.  Visually the film is a masterpiece with it's solid colors and beautifully rendered backgrounds.  The final hour sends haunted chills down my spine as it's like watching your childhood's imagination being written before your very eyes.  It's great popcorn entertainment that doesn't end with a smile on it's face.

3 uber-aging out of 5

STAR WARS - EPISODE II - ATTACK OF THE CLONES [2002]

Hayden Christiansen pouts and then pouts some more as Anakin Skywalker in the 2nd installment of the Star Wars space opera, Attack Of The Clones.

It's a slight improvement (although light years dumber) from the first film in the action but suffers greatly from Christiansen & Natalie Portman's awkward acting and terribly written love scenes that make daytime soap operas look like Shakespeare.  Horrible moments aside, Clones returns to the fun side of Star Wars that make you feel like a wide-eyed little kid again.  One just wishes that George Lucas would stand back and allow someone else in the writers & director's seat.  Still, Christopher Lee with a lightsaber is pretty fucking cool.

2 Jar-Jar's Big Adventures out of 5

STAR WARS - EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE [1999]

The Phantom Menace, the first part of the Star Wars prequel trilogy, is widely considered a major dud by dedicated fans and with good reason. 

It's 2 ½ hours of a story that could have easily been wrapped up in a minute over the famous Star Wars title scroll, instead we're treated to a poorly written film about a not so intriguing taxes on trade dispute story.  A few entertaining action sequences keep you from completely nodding off but the hope for better acting, characters and dialogue is never met.  It becomes quite clear that the original trilogy's greatest strength was the chemistry and performances of it's core cast, which this film completely lacks, with the exception of Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor doing the best with what they have to work with.

1½  folks from Brodo Asogi out of 5

V FOR VENDETTA [2005]

Director James McTeigue & The Wachowskis bring Alan Moore & David Lloyd's V For Vendetta comic books to the screen with mixed results. 

It's faulted with sloppy dialogue, uninspired lighting & framing and completely altering the political agenda originally explored in it's source material to better suit American culture with a politically juvenile message. On the other hand, the film never seems to waste scenes on pointless character moments and continues to build upon their development and the world around them, which makes it easy to become quite involved with it's intent.  

By no means a perfect film but still a entertaining ride that lost it's original objective.

3½ 1812 Overtures of Destruction out of 5

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

'Two sisters contend for the affection of King Henry VIII.'

I stole that from IMDB because I’m too uninspired to write anything new. I’m not the ideal target audience for the film, but I gave it a chance anyhow; I’m always pleased to be turned around and have expectations shattered.

The first half hour was really good with interesting camera-work that had me convinced I'd see it through to the end. Then it got repetitive, the same shots were used over and over, the awful golden colour cast offended my eyes, the atmosphere fell into the usual period drama gloom and I got bored.

1 insubstantial character study out of 5

HESHER [2010]

It's depressing. It's heartbreaking.

...and it can be wickedly funny.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as the title character in this oddball drama about an angry at the world loner who forces himself into the lives a disheartened family who had recently suffered a great loss.
Rainn Wilson impresses once again as the father, Piper Laurie is a delight as the grandmother, recent newcomer Devon Brochu is the son and Natalie Portman rounds out the brilliant cast as she tries hard to look down in the dumps but she simply can't look bad even when she tries.

Thinking it was going to be America's take on FUBAR, I was pleasantly surprised with the emotional impact this film makes. It does tend to get a little schmaltzy at the end but doesn't matter due to the incredible job each cast member has handed in.

4 middle fingers out of 5

THOR [2011]

Kenneth Branagh's Thor is is a colossal disappointment.
The conflict it about as exciting as wiping bird shit off my windows. To top it off, it seems several of the actors, apart from Chris Hemsworth's title character, are severely miscast and wander around like they have no idea who they're playing.
Some spectacular set pieces by Tim Burton regular Bo Welch, a few great FX shots and some funny moments don't save Thor from belonging in the shitpile with the rest of Marvel's crap films before this one.

1 bad Stan Lee cameo out of 5

No Strings Attached (2011)

Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman get together in the end. Oh, you say? Did I just give away the whole movie? The beautiful male and female leads get together in the end? What a novel fucking concept. Despite its attempts to be "charming" and "hip" and "raunchy," I just found the whole thing annoying and repugnant. Kevin Kline's performance is probably the stand-out of it all, and that's not saying much. The only thing that makes it watchable at all is Natalie Portman's ass, but I hate her for even being in this type of movie.

1 FML out of 5

YOUR HIGHNESS [2011]

Horribly received box office disaster not quite as bad as everybody said it was.

It’s not really good either.

A few good chuckles in this tribute to ‘80’s fantasy movies struggled to keep my attention from start to finish.

Danny McBride is one of lucky few who can punch Natalie Portman square in the face and still get a laugh.

1½ Perverted Wizards out of 5