Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair (2006)

Screened exactly twice in 2006 and 2011, this year finally marks the official wide release of the complete work, restoring it back to Tarantino's original unified vision, before it was insisted on being split into two volumes at the behest of Miramax's Harvey Weinstein. The result is a four-hour martial arts/exploitation/samurai epic (plus 15 minute intermission) with pacing that flows better as one cohesive whole, with some of the fat trimmed out of it.

Watching this 20 years after the fact in a packed theater makes it clear how well the material ages. Enormously entertaining and never boring, it's an homage to all the greats of the past, blending so many disparate styles in a pastiche of Americana, which doesn't take away from the artists it so liberally borrows from. As the ultimate revenge story (summed up in the title), it favors style over substance, but the mission is clear and the emotions are real: You're with The Bride every step of the way. It's not without its flaws, but there's no denying this is Cinema; there aren't many filmmakers left making epics of this caliber. To put it even more bluntly, this is just a cool fucking film with iconic visuals and a killer soundtrack. And Uma Thurman looks damn good doing it.

5 Deadly Vipers out of 5

Note: Exclusive to this 2025 print is a new chapter entitled "Yuki's Revenge," which was animated using the Unreal Engine, with Uma performing the voice acting and motion capture. Luckily, this is tacked on at the end of the credits and doesn't interrupt the flow of the film. You can view it in its entirety here.

Note 2: The original Nutshell reviews can be found here: Volume 1, Volume 2

Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)

AKA: National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson team up in this spoof of the buddy cop genre that takes aim at Lethal Weapon and 48 Hrs, as well as Basic Instinct, Silence of the Lambs, Die Hard, Wayne's World and other hit films of the day.

I always found it amusing that Emilio did this while his brother Charlie was dicking around with Hot Shots!, but he capably takes up the comedy mantle. As always, you have to be in the right mood for this kind of silly humor, but if you're in particular playful spirits, this stuff hits hard. Conversely, if you're in ill spirits, this could just as easily be described as exhausting and boorish.

Chock-full of so many B-list cameos, I couldn't even fit them all in the tags.

3 gratuitous beaver shots out of 5

Note: Despite the number in the title, they never made a sequel.

The Garfield Movie (2024)

As a kid, I used to read Garfield comics religiously (along with Peanuts and Calvin & Hobbes), but besides the '80s cartoon and TV specials, none of the recent efforts to revive the character have ever seemed to get it right. I feel like they sanded down the edges here and made him as innocuous and dull as possible. All the cutesy-eye kitten stuff was okay, but besides the brief montage of him growing up, we don't really get to see too much of the true Garfield personality. It also really bothered me that Jon Arbuckle was so estranged from the events of this film, since he's always been a big part of why the comics worked for me. Instead, we're given this weird father-son dynamic that never existed in the comics and now appears to be a permanent staple of this reboot. I mean, I realize it's a family movie designed to appeal to kids, so I'm no longer the target audience. But that just makes me feel so fucking old and obsolete when I think back to all those countless hours I spent invested in those comics and televised adventures, only for them to reinvent the mythos and throw out the "canon."

Also, I don't know what voice Chris Pratt was trying to do here, but this wasn't it. And hiring Samuel L. Jackson to play his pop is just really weird. Even Odie's characterization seemed to be off, but whatever. I don't know why I'm investing so much of myself into this dumb shit. It's just a bummer all around.

1½ milk heists out of 5

Argylle (2024)

This movie was a hell of a lot of fun, at least up to a certain point where it all falls apart. I still enjoyed it, though. In the vein of Romancing the Stone and The Lost City, a mousy novelist who writes about spies soon finds herself embroiled in a real-life espionage mission. It has some great action set-pieces, especially that fun bullet ballet with all the colored smoke (which was oddly romantic and visually satisfying). The production also quickly scooped up the last-ever Beatles song ("Now & Then") as its musical centerpiece. I would call this movie stylish and cheesy (in the best possible way), but fuck it, I liked it. I'm even down with Matthew Vaughn's future plans to try and fold it into the larger Kingsman universe (as long as its poor box office performance doesn't get it cancelled first).

3 whirlybirds out of 5

Spiral (2021)

AKA: Spiral: From the Book of Saw

Chris Rock heads a second effort to breathe new life into the withered Saw series. The result feels slicker, with a bit of dark humor injected, although it takes on more of a straight procedural format. While it does a good job at emulating the gritty tone of the earlier films, the audience has already been down this path one too many times before, so it doesn't offer much to differentiate it from the pack. Plans for a direct sequel were quickly discarded and they went back to the drawing board.

2 familiar tattoos out of 5

Rules of Engagement (2000)

From a bloody war in Vietnam, to a bloodbath in the Yemen years later, and finally to a politically dodgy court room in America, Colonel Terry Childers (Samuel L. Jackson) stands up for what he believes in.
A retired Col Lawrence (Tommy Lee Jones) stands with him, although he has doubts about his ability to get the job done favourably.
Leaving aside the supposed flag-waving that some folks accused Dir. William Friedkin of, RoE isn't a bad film, but nor is it a particularly memorable example of the courtroom drama. The dramatic combat scenes fare better, but by the time the final verdict drops it may feel like its overstayed its welcome.

3 sitreps out of 5

Chi-Raq (2015)

An uneven blend of serious drama, comedy and musical set pieces from director Spike Lee that's based on the ancient Greek Lysistrata, in which the women of warring men withheld sex in the hope of achieving peace. In Spike's hands it's the gang violence of 'Chi-raq' (a portmanteau of Chicago and Iraq), utilising both the language and music of the era and culture.
The chastity-belted ladies (led by Teyonah Parris) carry the narrative forward, while Sam Jackson pops up occasionally to speak directly to the viewer. John Cusak gives support as a white preacher in one of the film's best scenes. But it's Angela Bassett that kept me watching; when the stylised nonsense threatened to sink the whole affair, she was on hand to save it from itself.

2½ locked gates out of 5

THE LEGEND OF TARZAN [2016]

Director David Yates take a very brief break from the wizarding world of Hogwarts to visit the Lord of the Jungle in The Legend of Tarzan.
After years of living as a domesticated gentleman, Tarzan, along with his wife Jane, head back to the jungle to investigate some shady mining camps where his savage past creeps up on him, loin cloth and all.
It might be a fresh change from the usual summer aliens, robots and superheroes but Yates' film is an uninspired bore.  The characters are dull as dirt, the CGI is laughably artificial and Samuel L. Jackson's soul-brotha enunciation is awkwardly out of place.   Without a whole lot of rousing action sequences the glaring missteps are all the more apparent and hurt the clunky pacing even more.

2 adorable cat-ear hoodies out of 5

Cell (2016)

Based on Stephen King's novel, the story marries the popular zombie genre with society's necessity for cell phones. The thrilling opening succeeds in clutching your attention despite some overacting extras and poor green screen work. The duo of John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson are one of the film's only bright spots. Their acting is genuinely engaging. Unfortunately the plot, dialogue and proceeding events are all beyond belief. Silly exposition waxing on human evolution and apocalyptic theories mar the film considerably. The zombies or phoners' (as they are referred to in the film) odd behavior inspire more laughs than scares. Obvious adaptation issues attribute to a rushed pacing and irresolute conclusion. 

1½ flocks out of 5

MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN [2016]

Without the aid of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter or Danny Elfman, director Tim Burton steps out of his comfort zone for the best with his adaptation of Ransom Riggs' Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children.
When his storytelling grandfather dies, young Jake travels to England where he discovers the tales are true, after he time travels into the 1940's to a hidden orphanage that houses a group of bizarre super-powered children.
Like the black & white photos that litter the novel itself, Burton's film can get immensely creepy and oddly disturbing, so don't take the wee ones to this one.  It's filled with beautifully frightening imagery and fantastical music, so naturally it's going to please fans of the director's earlier works.  The characters are a little thin and things are a bit rushed in moments but overall it's the perfect answer to the over-exposure of dystopian future YA stories.

3½ delightfully tasty eyeballs out of 5

THE HATEFUL EIGHT [2015]

Writer/director Quentin Tarantino packs in some good ol' fashioned snowy film-making with his off-beat Western/thriller The Hateful Eight.
A pack of thugs, all strangers to each other, are trapped in a isolated cabin during a snowy blizzard, which inevitably leads to...well...some serious cabin fever aka obligatory Tarantino bloodshed and vulgar but engrossing monologues.
With this film, it's become clear the smug director has the rights to be smug, as he's got a confident and well-developed grasp on the art of cinematic storytelling.  It's beautifully shot, well-paced, jammed to the brim with wonderful performances from it's genre cast and never ceases to keep you guessing who's who and what's what.
It's essentially Rawhide meets Reservoir Dogs but, hot damn, if it's not a fully captivating mash-up of the two films.

4 Silent Nights out of 5

Pulp Fiction (1994)

QT’s second film is a nonlinear collection of about half a dozen stories that overlap in interesting ways, even though none of them really go anywhere meaningful. On one hand it’s deserving of being pulped, but the performances, dialogue and love shown to established filmic techniques (rear projection car rides, long tracking shots, split-focus lens and even a McGuffin) are indulgently entertaining. It’s not unlike the tasty burger that Sam Jackson makes a big deal over in one of the stories: it’s constructed from chopped up pieces and satisfies for a brief time. However, at 154 minutes I do feel that it pushes against the limits of acceptability for that kind of thing.

4 moral tests of oneself out of 5

Kite (2014)

Surprisingly based on the anime of the same name by Yasuomi Umetsu, this American remake follows a young woman name Sawa (India Eisley) who with the help of a police lieutenant (Samuel L. Jackson) enacts revenge on the flesh cartel who murdered her parents. Not surprisingly, the story is neutered as it only skims the surface of some of the more disheartening aspects from the source. It does attempt to incorporate certain scenes and details from the original such as a hairy gun fight in a loo and Sawa's exploding bullets. Reminiscent of futuristic settings seen in The Fifth Element and Ultraviolet, the dialogue is not surprisingly filled with silly slang words. Jackson offers a forgettable performance and while Eisley's character is supposed to be somewhat dead inside, her wooden acting just doesn't fit.

2 memory-erasing drugs out of 5

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE [2014]

Director Matt Vaughn returns to his pip-pip roots with the highly entertaining action/comedy Kingsman: The Secret Service, loosely based on Mark Millar & Dave Gibbon's comic book series of the same name.
It's the tale of a young council estate delinquent who is recruited by his mysterious upper-class uncle for a British spy organization that goes against an American eco-terrorist.  Vaughn calls back his crude, comic book ultra-violence of Kick-Ass and meshes it with his wide-eyed coming-of-age wonder of X-men: First Class then stuffs it with a suave snarkiness that's both satirical and dedicated to the '60's British spy films it's taking the piss out of.  It's pretty uneven at times but it hardly deters from the bat-shit crazy fun that's to be had especially with Colin Firth & Michael Caine having a ball doing what they do best, while Sammy Jackson is an absolute hoot as the super villain with a lisp.

3½ James Bonds, Jason Bournes & Jack Bauers out of 5

Jackie Brown (1997)

I've seen all but one of Tarantino's films and all but one of those multiple times. From that incomplete selection, JB is the best.
It has the usual long takes heavy with dialogue, but they serve a purpose other than to show off. It’s mature thematically. The storytelling has some twists and turns but it’s not struggling to adhere to the usual gimmickry, perhaps because he didn't write it from scratch (it’s an adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel, Rum Punch (1992)). It spends a long time building up to the pay off, longer than many films run in entirety, if truth be told, but because it’s a story for adults, not just post-pub thrill-seekers with undiagnosed attention deficits, the time invested is rewarded with more than just gunfire and spectacle. Bravo, QT. Bravo.

5 levels set just right out of 5

Sphere (1998)

Something alien is found one hundred and sixty fathoms below the ocean’s surface, so a group of specialists are called in to examine it.
An uninspired opening gave way to what seemed to be a structured Hollywood attempt at creating a thinking man’s sci-fi, but the bad drama music that bludgeoned its way into proceedings kept me suspicious. It turned out to be an indication that the cerebral was just a lure, or perhaps too challenging to maintain, and that a descent into tedious semi-horror was just around the corner.

2 deductive logic bombs out of 5

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER [2014]

Like Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World, Captain America's instalment in the Phase 2 series, The Winter Soldier is noticeably darker than it's predecessor.
Replacing Joe Johnson in the director's chair, Anthony & Joe Russo do a fine job at taking the story into their own hands, crafting something like a Bourne film only with a shiny shield and colorful tights.  Rather than focusing on a CGI spectacle, The Winter Soldier is chock-full of exciting stunts and ass-kicking fight sequences that is quite frankly a breath of fresh air compared to the computer generated spectacles of the other Phase 2 films.
This is a promising addition to the MCU that shows Marvel isn't running out of steam quite yet.

4 twins out of 5

xXx (2002)

It actually happened: watching an action movie dropped my IQ into the minus numbers. Admittedly, it didn't have far to fall to get there, but that doesn't negate the sheer inanity of this shitfest.
Vin is an adrenaline junkie (which we all know is a synonym for wanker) who gets drafted by Sam Jackson (playing a poor man’s Nick Fury) to be a government secret agent. Jebus wept! It’s a James Bond movie with the ridiculous action fantasies cranked to faster and more stupid levels.
If I was Rob Cohen I’d have attributed it to Alan Smithee before release.

0½ foot to ass out of 5

DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE [1995]

Number 3 in the Die Hard series changes things up a bit by adding a With A Vengeance to the title.
John McTiernan returns to the director's chair after stepping out from the second film and with him he brings back the fun something fierce.  Sure it runs around without a point for the first half hour or so but once it decides which way it's going the action is non-stop brainless entertainment with Jeremy Irons and Samuel L. Jackson tossed in for extra "fuck yeahs".   Basically the film winds up with some great punches and leaves without so much as a bruise.  Good times.  Good times.

3½ riddles out of 5

Do the Right Thing (1989)

A drama that unfolds slowly over the course of one scorching hot summer day in Brooklyn. As the temperature rises, so too does the tension and the tempers of the inhabitants.
The film is like a play in which the stage is an entire street; it feels cut off from the larger city for the purposes of drama, which emphasises its self-sufficiency and its tight community values.
Being a Spike Lee film means it's a political sledgehammer, but it doesn't overwhelm the well-scripted character moments, of which there are many.

4 slices with something extra out of 5