Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)

AKA: National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson team up in this spoof of the buddy cop genre that takes aim at Lethal Weapon and 48 Hrs, as well as Basic Instinct, Silence of the Lambs, Die Hard, Wayne's World and other hit films of the day.

I always found it amusing that Emilio did this while his brother Charlie was dicking around with Hot Shots!, but he capably takes up the comedy mantle. As always, you have to be in the right mood for this kind of silly humor, but if you're in particular playful spirits, this stuff hits hard. Conversely, if you're in ill spirits, this could just as easily be described as exhausting and boorish.

Chock-full of so many B-list cameos, I couldn't even fit them all in the tags.

3 gratuitous beaver shots out of 5

Note: Despite the number in the title, they never made a sequel.

Star Trek: TNG: The Best of Both Worlds (1990)

Responding to a distress signal on a populated planet, the Enterprise crew suspect the Borg have been present. They confer with Starfleet who send aid in the form of Borg specialist Lt. Cmdr Shelby (Elizabeth Hannah Dennehy), an officer who's never actually met a Borg. Shelby promptly makes herself a pain-in-the-ass of everyone, especially Cmdr Riker (Jonathan Frakes), in an attempt to create tension before the shit hits the fan for real.
It's essentially a war on three fronts: large scale (ship to ship); smaller scale (inside the Enterprise); and deeply personal (to retain a sense of self).
The Borg's cube ship is iconic, simple but imposing in its lack of aesthetic concerns, built solely for efficiency and functionally; and with a cube being a shape alien in the natural world it seems to scream defiance in every way.

4 magnetic resonance traces out of 5

Monkeybone (2001)

An adult comedy about a soon to be super-successful cartoonist (Brendan Fraser) who has to contend with his animated creation for control of his own future. By 'adult' I mean that it's generally inappropriate for kids, not that it's mature or hard to follow. The titular Monkeybone is the 'zany' type of character that makes me twitch violently.
There's a lot of creativity on display in the designs and in how they're brought to life, including many different animation techniques that someone clearly put a lot of work into, but the actual film was probably more fun to make for all involved than it is for any discerning person to watch.

1½ nightmare tailwinds out of 5

THE LION KING [1994]

Disney's take on William Shakespeare's Hamlet comes in the form of singing jungle animals in the beautifully animated The Lion King.
It's about a young lion cub who must reclaim his throne as the King, after his father is murdered by his manipulative uncle and a pack of ravaging hyenas.
Dig a little deeper and you find a tale of love, hope and the search for one's identity.  The expressively lush animation shines bright and keeps one's eyes glued to the screen from beginning to end.  Most of the voicework is pretty dull, with the exception of Jeremy Irons and Nathan Lane who both steal each scene they're in.  While the songs might be a bit much here and there, they're not overly offensive.  I couldn't help but pick apart Disney's idea of social hierarchy and how it treats brawn over brains, rich over poor and how we should just accept what we're born into.
Still, as an piece of animation, I couldn't help but be in awe of the dedication put into crafting it into what it is.

4 circles of life out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES [2014]

Some people have a fetish for having folks toss shit in their faces.  They laugh, scream and squeal with glee.
I think I have that sort of fetish only the type of shit I like tossed in my direction comes in the form of bad films.
Director Jonathan Liebesman's live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick falls directly into that category.  Megan Fox & four CGI mutant turtles fight William Fichtner and some sort of ridiculously souped-up Shredder that's a cross between Darth Vader and Bayformer's Megatron.  That's about all you need to know to get the idea.  It's not the "raped my childhood" travesty internerds thougth it would be nor is it even that good, it's just a briskly paced action film that offers no real surprises and murders a few of your precious brain-cells.

2 hidden stashes of Orange Crush out of 5

Star Trek: The Captains' Summit (2009)

William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Patrick Stewart and Jonathan Frakes gather in the same room to discuss Star Trek. It’s hosted by Whoopi Goldberg, who draws out the anecdotes with occasional questions. It’s very friendly with no clash of egos but also mostly pointless. I guess people that get a kick out of this kind of thing at conventions may like it.
The Shat steals the show with his charm and wit. He’s a bona fide legend.

2 tenures out of 5

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

Stuart Baird decided he didn’t need to watch a single episode of TNG, so instead of making what could have been a ST:TNG version of Khan he made a shitty Star Wars film with characters he didn't understand. It’s saved by the regular cast members who imbue their roles with their usual professionalism.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Baird hasn't directed a single thing since.
Best moment: Wesley Crusher gets 99% of his scenes cut. Priceless.

2½ because of the cast, mostly Data out of 5

Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Captains Kirk and Picard in the same film? Oh my!
Don’t analyse the plot too much or you’ll be screaming at the screen. It involves a man with a singular objective who must be stopped and, of course, it falls to the Enterprise crew to stop him. The emotional side, exploring family and duty, is handled clumsily and irritatingly twee. That part of it should've been rewritten prior to shooting. It never feels like a feature film, more like an extended episode with some moody lighting, so non-Trek fans need not apply.

3 arguments with history out of 5

RAT RACE [2001]

Jerry Zucker of Airplane! & The Naked Gun fame, steps away from his usual sight gag comedies and attempts to nestle his humor into a character based comedy in 2001's Rat Race.
Starring a huge ensemble cast of entertaining actors, who will do any film that comes along for a paycheck (where's Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman?), Rat Race manages to get quite a few good laughs in but also has it's fair share of jokes that fall flat on their face.
It's not essential viewing but is worth a look at at least once for the good laughs it does provide.

3 Squirrel Ladies out of 5